30-Somethings - Strange issue... Guy I like loves BIG women




Jolie4me
09-30-2008, 01:37 AM
A guy I've been seeing almost 2 years loves big women. He says he has been attracted to big women since he could remember. I'm actually too small as far as he is concerned.

Well I am motivated to lose weight. I know I need to do it for myself and my future pregnancy. It's a strange situation.

I was wondering what advice you guys would have for my situation. :?:


kaplods
09-30-2008, 02:24 AM
My advice would be to talk to him.

Some men have a preferred type, but the person is more important than the physical type. Just as a man who prefers thin women, might meet and fall in love with a larger woman, or may marry a thin woman who gains weight during the relationship.

Other men, leave a woman, or are very unhappy in a relationship with a woman who doesn't, or no longer fit his ideal.

Only he can tell you (in actions or words) what you need to know.

Lovely
09-30-2008, 06:59 AM
Have you told him that you're losing weight?

If not, do so.

As Kaplods says, he'll tell you in words or actions what he really thinks. And then you can decide what to do from there.


smallification
09-30-2008, 08:54 AM
If a guy wanted you to starve yourself and be unhealthily thin, because he only likes supermodels, we would have no problem telling you he's wrong to expect it.

If he wants you to be unhealthily overweight, I think the same rule applies.

Your health should trump cosmetic appearance no matter what.

ladybugnessa
09-30-2008, 08:57 AM
my husband married me at 300 pounds. he LOVES big women as do most of his friends....
at this point i've lost 80 pounds and it's pretty obvious.

we had a rough patch... but we finally got to the point where we talked about it and he said "i've grown to love your insides, i'll deal with your outsides since that's just the package" yes he would prefer me to stay where I am... but he loves me and accepts it as my choice and does not try to make me eat foods i don't want to eat and he supports my need to be in the gym as I wish....

you have to talk about it...

owlmonkey
09-30-2008, 09:27 AM
I had this problem. I was actively losing weight a few years ago. The guy I was seeing really liked bigger women. When I lost weight past where he felt I was attractive it became an issue for both of us. I felt torn between wanting to rach my weight goal and trying to remain attractive to my BF. I kept losing the weight b/c I wanted to be healthy, he decided to cheat on me with someone larger (and now I've met my true mate :) )
I wish I had talked to him about it b/c I could have saved some heartache by finding out earlier he was only into me physically instead of continuing a doomed relationship.
You've got to talk with your guy. If he is truly into you, he'll support your loss & learn to love you at any size.
Good luck!

Jolie4me
09-30-2008, 02:56 PM
We have talked about it and he seems ok... but we will talk about it some more. His ex (baby momma :)) is the shape he likes and she likes to throw that in my face. oh well There has been a lot of drama anyway so it's probably not going to work out... but that's probably for the best.

I'm not as big as he likes now anyway. He saw pics of me at 105 and said he would never have looked twice at me when I was that weight. I didn't set my goal for 105 now b/c I think I will be happy at 130.

Guys are funny... b/c a another guy friend of mine who likes big women... said that I should set my goal to 130 either.

Well what can i say I only like fit guys and have never dated an over weight guy at all. I love 6 pack so to each their own.... I wonder what I would do if i had a husband that got fat :) I always say i have double standards :)

KLK
09-30-2008, 03:10 PM
I think everyone to some degree or another has preferences for how they'd like their boyfriend or girlfriend to look, but I personally find it very strange that someone would need to adhere so strongly to this preference that they'd actually discard someone they really liked bc they don't (or no longer) fit their ideal.

I realize countless men do this to wives who have gained weight during the marriage everyday, but I can't understand how a person could throw someone away like that over body type.

That's not to say that if a person has gained a lot of weight or lost a lot of weight to the point that they're gaunt that the boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/partner shouldn't express their opinion on the situation, but to just throw someone away... I dunno... I can't understand it.

Jolie4me
09-30-2008, 03:19 PM
I agree it's very shallow and I wouldn't do it if I really loved someone. But it does cause some stress on the relationship. I dated a guy for 9 yrs which is when I gained all my weight. I was about 110 when I met him and I was probably 160 when I broke up with him. He used to always commit about what I was eating which hurt me and didn't really motivate me to lose weight.

GONNABE165
09-30-2008, 03:22 PM
My dh prefers a bigger/thicker woman but once I told him I wanted to loose weight to feel better about myself he asked how he could help. He had one request and that was for me not to get obsessed about it.

If it's meant to be he will like/love you for you and what you bring to the relationship not what you look like.

Good luck!

poppyseeds
09-30-2008, 07:58 PM
I think everyone to some degree or another has preferences for how they'd like their boyfriend or girlfriend to look, but I personally find it very strange that someone would need to adhere so strongly to this preference that they'd actually discard someone they really liked bc they don't (or no longer) fit their ideal.

I realize countless men do this to wives who have gained weight during the marriage everyday, but I can't understand how a person could throw someone away like that over body type.

That's not to say that if a person has gained a lot of weight or lost a lot of weight to the point that they're gaunt that the boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/partner shouldn't express their opinion on the situation, but to just throw someone away... I dunno... I can't understand it.


I don't understand it either. I think it's because first attraction is usually physical. You see someone, they are your ideal, you fall in love. After several years together, they gain weight and don't look as good. Most people will have fallen in love with the person's mind and soul as well but there are shallow people out there that use a weight gain against the person as though that is all the relationship is about.

Jolie... Do what makes you happy. Losing weight is hard enough with out someone who doesn't quite give you the suport you need. Maybe you're better off alone for a while as you make the transition to a healthier and more fit lifestyle. Do this for you! :hug:

poppyseeds
09-30-2008, 08:00 PM
btw... check out my sparkpeople page (link in my siggy)... I swear that site has been a major contributor in my weight loss success so far...

Good luck all!!

raw23
09-30-2008, 08:07 PM
I'm in the SAME situation!! Bf of 2 years likes big women! WELL... after uncovering some things by asking lots of (annoying) questions, I'm pretty sure that it's CURVES he loves, not fat. Thats what I'm hoping anyways ;
Ask questions! It's probably big boobs and hips that he REALLY loves.

Jolie4me
10-01-2008, 01:25 AM
Actually he could care less about my boobs... unfortunately he Loves big butts... REALLY big butts lol

Amanda

Schumeany
10-01-2008, 02:15 AM
When I met my husband in college, I weighed about exactly what I weigh right now -- mid 150's. Kind of a small size 10 or big size 8. He fell in love with me at that weight. Then, when I was in Law School, I shot up to almost 190 my first year. I asked him at the time if it bothered him. He laughed and said that he didn't love me because of my pant's size. He said he loved me because I made him feel complete. AND I am pretty sure that at least two of my increased attributes were DEFINITELY to his liking. Then, in my third year of Law School, we go married and I lost weight down to the 160s for the wedding. After Law School, I went hard core on the healthy lifestyle thing and got down to around 130. I was a size 2/4. I kept my weight under a Size 6 for four years. When I asked him once if he missed my boobs -- he said he loved how beautiful my shoulders looked and the muscle definition in my back (of all things), and, besides, he told me, 'you still have the same sense of humor.' Since then, I have had three boys, so I have, in essence, been a pregnant and/or nursing mother for eight years. My weight has yo-yoed up and down between the pregnancies from 185 to 150. No matter my size, throughout our relationship my husband has continued to tell me I am gorgeous and how lucky he feels that he married me.

Don't be afraid to talk to your guy about what he likes, and how your losing weight will affect your relationship. Because really, if you found out that, in fact, for him your relationship is based largely on the size of your butt, do you really want him? There are plenty of wonderful guys out there who can love you for you -- no matter what size you are. It can be scary to go it alone...but not so scary as spending a lifetime with someone who cares more about the wrapping than the wonderful gifts inside.

TenaciousB
10-01-2008, 05:44 PM
Hi there,

I couldn't resist responding to your message. I suppose its a bit hard to comment when I don't now the guy, but, I think it's important that he accepts you just the way you are regardless of your size.
I think that it is really more important what you want for yourself and what you think about yourself, and he will just have to deal!!
:)

raw23
10-02-2008, 10:28 AM
Actually he could care less about my boobs... unfortunately he Loves big butts... REALLY big butts lol

:lol: Mine is the same way! Thank goodness! I have such tiny boobies, but hips and butt... oh yeah, I'm packin! :p

luvja
10-02-2008, 10:47 AM
If a man truly loves you, he would want you to be healthy. Bottom line. And as we all know, being fat is not healthy.