20-Somethings - Should I break up with him...?




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garstar
09-28-2008, 09:30 PM
I'm having the worst day, I'm totally bawling right now.

I've been with my boyfriend 8 months give or take. I really like him, he's so fun to be with. But - as a boyfriend goes - he's really bad at it. He provides no emotional support, no affection, no drive to want to spend time with me, especially time alone with me. I am constantly getting turned down by my BOYFRIEND. I don't think it's a lack of care - I think (according to him anyway) it's just how he is. He likes his alone time, he's not an affectionate person - physically or emotionally. Also, he's been hurt before - so he's really closed up, afraid to get hurt again.

Well, I've waited - hoping that he'll open up to me, and I think he has - and what I have is what it is. And I don't think it's enough for me, and It's really hard... because I really like him. I was hoping he'd be this person who cared about me... I mean I want to spend time with him, he's so much fun (and so hot). But I deserve better.... someone who wants to spend time with me, it's like pulling teeth to plan a date with the guy.

I'm so afraid to be alone though, I'm really lacking friends right now...

what do I do :(


JamieJo
09-28-2008, 09:41 PM
Oh girlfriend.... Sorry to say, but show him the door and don't look back. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy that you are begging for attention from? Trust me, trust me, trust me....you will find someone out there who does everything the way you need it to be done. Don't waist your young and beautiful (and fun) years on one guy that isn't everything. (How old are you?)

Your last statement (so afarid to be alone, lacking in friends right now) Girl - You go out and find some kickass girlfriends and enjoy life. Don't arrange your life around a guy or depend on one guy for your happiness! There are many years in your future to be committed to one guy. Live while you are so young and don't worry about "the one!"

On flip side - how old is your boy? If he's under 25, he doesn't know what he wants and may come around.

"If you love it, let it go...if it was meant to be, it will return!"

I'm sure that the terrible feelings you are having right now seem like they won't go away...but time really does heal a broken heart if you decide to kick him to the curb!

BldBlue1966
09-28-2008, 09:50 PM
I am a man and I can tell you this ...

you said " he's so much fun (and so hot). "

I know so many women who get dumped on guys because he can...and will because another woman will jump to snap him up...if you feel sad because of what is happening between you two than you already have your answer, you just don't like it.

Sorry hun, we have all been there,

- Elliott


raw23
09-28-2008, 09:51 PM
I agree with everything JamieJo said... it's just not a match. Let him know it's not him, but you just dont work as couple. I know it's uncommon to stay friends with ex's, but my current bf is friends all his ex's and I'm on good terms and communicate with all of mine. I dont know if I recommend this, but maybe just stop thinking of him as a bf and start thinking of him as a best friend... just hang out and meet people together. The relationship will go it's course and you'll gain some confidence to make more friends. Get involved in some activities without him as well.

Good luck to you!




And hey, I wouldn't say this if I didn't really think it, but you are gorgeous!!! Honestly. Get some confidence (or fake till you do) and find a great match for yourself. With your looks you can get anyone. Truly. :)

garstar
09-28-2008, 10:14 PM
Thanks. It's tough to leave someone, the feeling you get from being with someone is nice you know?

raw23
09-28-2008, 10:23 PM
For sure. It's great having someone to depend on, cuddle with, love, take you out, etc. But you can get most of that from dating too... :dunno: Right? Not the trust and dependability stuff, but you can get that from family and friends, I guess.

shelby897
09-28-2008, 10:23 PM
I'm just going to sneak in here on you (I'm a bit old for this particular thread, though :D). Maybe it's harder to admit it's not there because there wasn't a single event that broke your heart or made you upset with him?? I know I always found it easier to leave a cheater, jerk, etc. than a nice guy that just didn't click.

That being said -- I married Mr. "nice to me, takes great care of me, everyone loves him, etc." but he shows almost nothing in the way of emotions/time spent together. It' s a VERY lonely place. It's like having a room mate forever. I honestly was rather depressed and lonely until we had our first son nine years ago. I swear the kids and I are very close because they are my companionship. :dizzy:

Make the best decision for you. It may be difficult to move on but it would be more difficult to stay forever (trust me). :hug:

Kofarq
09-28-2008, 10:28 PM
You deserve a man who goes out of his way to make you feel special, and who treats you as though you are precious. I had to deal with not great boyfriends like your current one mostly because of low self-esteem, but I finally realized what a catch I am, and started acting like I was worth chasing. I just got married last month. I have the best husband. I'm so proud to introduce him to my friends. **I am 35. Don't just take what you're dealt, go for the gold!
Please read He's just not that into you, by some guy whose name I can't remember, and The Rules by Ellen Fein. These books gave me the power to give myself self confidence.

FreeSpirit
09-28-2008, 10:31 PM
I was with a guy for 3 years, and in the beginning he was sweet and nice and showed his emotions but in the end he closed up on me, and was just "fun." It was like hanging out with a friend, and not even a close one at that. I was so attached to him because we had been together for so long that our breakup was long and drawn out and very painful. It was for the best, though. Now I'm married to the most wonderful man, I can't even explain how happy he makes me. Don't EVER be afraid to be alone. Everyone needs time alone to grow and to become their own person before they get into a serious relationship, anyways.

SwimGirl
09-28-2008, 10:37 PM
I'm relatively new to posting in this thread.. but I thought I'd drop my 2 cents in!

I'd definitely let go of him, you really do deserve so much better. I totally understand being alone - I've lived in a very unfriendly city for 8 years and haven't made ONE lasting friendship - sooo sad! But being single makes it easier to make friends, do what you love to do and those friends will come.

You need someone to support you in all the things life throws at you, and I think in the long run you'll end up more lonely with him than without him. Only you know whats right for you, just trust yourself to make the right decision!

-Aimee

walking2lose
09-28-2008, 11:15 PM
Let him go... move forward. I did and have never been happier. I've been married to an amazing man for over four years now. When I was with the ex, I didn't think such men existed. I kept thinking, if I try harder, it'll get better. It didn't.

BlueToBlue
09-28-2008, 11:21 PM
For sure. It's great having someone to depend on, cuddle with, love, take you out, etc. But you can get most of that from dating too... :dunno: Right? Not the trust and dependability stuff, but you can get that from family and friends, I guess.

But it sounds like you aren't getting much, or any, of that from him anyway. The fact that it's hard to get him to spend time with you is a huge red flag for me. I was immediately reminded of the book "It Sounds Like He's Just Not That Into You."

Move on and be thankful you only wasted 8 months on him. You'll find someone else.

beachluvr79
09-28-2008, 11:44 PM
My mother told me something years ago that has stuck with me to this day.
A man may love you the best way he knows how, but it might not be enough. Move on.
I promise you.. if he was this way in the beggining, he won't change.
In the past, when I've had hard break-ups I find it helps if you focus on other things in your life, like volunteering.
My mother also told me that I would meet plenty of good guys, but I wasn't meant to marry them all!
Aww.. I love my mom! :)

rockstar87
09-29-2008, 12:13 AM
You sound like a very caring person who's willing to give a lot of herself over to a relationship. It's not fair for you to be the one who's putting so much into this and not getting what you want and deserve out of it...even if that is "just who he is".

It sounds like he's being indifferent towards you and not giving you what you need. You don't want someone like that...you want someone who is equally as committed to the relationship as you are. Don't settle just because you're comfortable. You can do so much better.

I know it's hard to let someone go...but in the long run you'll be glad you did. You'll meet someone really worthwhile and wonder why you even bothered with him in the first place. Hang in there!

garstar
09-29-2008, 12:29 AM
You need someone to support you in all the things life throws at you, and I think in the long run you'll end up more lonely with him than without him. Only you know whats right for you, just trust yourself to make the right decision!

-Aimee

I agree, since I've been with him - I've spent less time with my friends, and more time sitting alone becasue he bailed on me or didn't want to hang out. blah. I really need this advice you guys, thanks - my mind is simply not thinking clearly right now.

nicoledg
09-29-2008, 12:39 AM
you deserve so much more than a boyfriend who says "thats just the way he is" Thats a load of crap, I say, leave him, and find someone who actually wants to spend time with you, someone who wants to be there for you, emotionaly and otherwise. Trust me on this, when it's right, you'll know it's right, and you'll look back on this and think you wish you didnt waste your time on someone who didn't want to waste his time on you. Hope this helps...another thing that might help is this book, its called "He's Just Not That Into You" It is amazing and very empowering, it will give you a whole new perspective on men, trust me, it's fantastic!

SwimGirl
09-29-2008, 01:58 AM
Come move to Vancouver! We can be friends.. ;)

I hope all this advice helps you think clearer - it's hard when confronted with a highly emotional decision. Just know that even if it's hard, you will be a better person from this! I think if we can be comfortable being alone, thats when we find someone to share this life with. Really thats what a relationship is, someone to help us navigate the world and help us to grow as a person, a partner! Good luck, I hope all goes well for you! Keep us updated!

-Aimee

Iconised Ghost
09-29-2008, 03:03 AM
i was in a similar situation, nice guy, cares lots, absolutely fine boyfriend material, but just not right for me. You're right, you DO deserve better. It is really hard, but i think you have already made your mind up :hug:

sh3l5
09-29-2008, 03:11 AM
i know the feeling oh too well....
almost 6 years of it infact....
sometimes the boyfriends great adnd fun and really amazing to be with....
other times it changes....
i guess its only you that can figure out what to do....
work out if he makes u happy or if u cud be happier elsewhere....
your so close to your goal right now im sure you wont have any trouble finding another guy!!....

reddahlia
09-29-2008, 06:15 AM
Oh, I so hurt for you! Girls tend to be so willing to put up with crap and take excuses (he's been hurt before, etc..) for bad behavior. I've done it, many times, and always regret it later. You're so pretty, and everyone deserves more than "that's just the way it is." What did you end up deciding to do? Hoping good things for you...:hug:

Taurie
09-29-2008, 06:47 AM
It sucks to feel lonely, but it feels even worse when you are lonely in a relationship.

You're young you're beautiful... moving on will be easier than you think. Dating can be so much fun; you just need some girlfriends to be single with.

Taurie
09-29-2008, 06:55 AM
...another thing that might help is this book, its called "He's Just Not That Into You" It is amazing and very empowering, it will give you a whole new perspective on men, trust me, it's fantastic!

That book is so good. It's true too.

If someone is truly into you they will let you know it... and you will never have to question how they feel about you.

Here we go again
09-29-2008, 12:22 PM
I've read the book too. I think it will open your eyes about relationships.

It's hard to ever tell someone to break up with their boyfriend. There's always the emotional high and low. Sometimes he's a prick and other times he's knight in shining armor. The bottom line is, you have to do what it's best for you long term. If you're not happy now, you won't be happy when your married with 2.3 kids. You have to make descisions now that would benefit you long term. It will be hard, it will be painful but in the long run you will be happy. You deserve to be treated like a queen.

If you do decide to be with him, I'd give him a taste of his own medicine. I wouldn't be available anytime he wants me to be. If you have plans with other people, don't cancel them to be with him. Make him work for your attention.

princess2323
09-29-2008, 02:18 PM
hate to tell u this---but dump him you deserve better he's only bringing you down --and i think deep down you already know thats what you need to do -

angelanicole23
09-29-2008, 06:40 PM
My last ex was the kind of guy who was a fabulous friend...my family liked him...he would do anything for anyone.and my friends thought he was cool............he also worked away and I found that when he was home he didn't give a damn about me or care to spend quality time with me....if we fought he'd scream and say the absolute meanest things........I've honestly never felt so depressed and sad in a relationship.......he'd be home for 14 days....spend 7 of them at a cabin with his "guy" friends...or out clubbing etc..and leave me behind.........I also found that he liked to make himself look good to others by giving these extreme gifts...but I felt that that was just it...a show.....or sometimes he'd "jokingly" put me down in front of his family and made me feel inferior...............yes he could say he loved me but I honestly didn't feel he did....His last weekend home that we were together he spent out clubbing with his guy friends..and my sister and I said we'd go out partying with them as well....before I was ready to go he had left.....obviously didn't want me coming along..I was SO hurt by that and said this is enough! Before he came home on his next time off I had my things packed and had another place. I think I realized that life is too damn short to be spending it with someone who seriously doesn't give a damn......ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDSSSSS.....

If he's making you miserable and depressed it's honestly time to move on..however only you will know when you are ready to do that....If you feel like this now chances are he's not going to magically change and be the guy you truly deserve.

julie99s
09-29-2008, 06:58 PM
There's not really anything I can say that hasn't been said by everyone.

But please, PLEASE do not stay in a relationship because you're afraid of being alone. I stayed in a marraige for 7 years total when I should have left it 5 years prior. All because I was afraid of being alone. I was miserable, and definately would have been better alone. There is somebody out there for you that will be everything you want and need.

platnumjo
09-29-2008, 07:12 PM
I have some field experience in this subject also. Three different relationships and three different a-holes!
During the last one I had an epiphany. I was happier and enjoyed myself more by myself than when I was with him. I didn't really have any friends either. The gym became my best friend.
A few months after him I met my boyfriend of current, and I realized what a big difference it was to be with someone who actually cared for me! We've been together over two years, and it still feels like new love! The other boys (that's what they are, definitely not men!) always changed after a couple of months and treated me like crap!
A book recommendation that helped me was 10 Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Own Lives, by Dr. Laura. And I know she sounds like a kook some times, but she nailed it in this book.My dad got it for me! One excellent point she made was you should never be with someone who needs to change (big changes, not trivial things), you should love someone for who they are and vice versa. Good luck, I hope you do what is right for yourself.

garstar
09-29-2008, 07:16 PM
This is the best advice I could have ever received - form all of you!

I told him I wanted to talk tonight, he said he wanted to talk to me to... so... I'll keep you updated. Should I try to look hot? Or just go in a hoodie...

Here we go again
09-29-2008, 07:35 PM
I say don't overly dress up just look cute, you don't want it to look like you dressed up for him.

bargoo
09-29-2008, 08:00 PM
You think of him as a boyfriend, I just don't think he thinks of himself as your boyfriend, he is not acting like a boyfriend. It will hurt for awhile , but move on, you deserve better.

Lindsey4884
09-29-2008, 08:56 PM
Hey, I went out with a guy that bailed on me a lot once. When I confronted him about it, it was like he didn't even notice. Needless to say it didn't work out. Now I'm with an aaaamazing man who wants to be with me all the time!!

I say show him the door, sweety :)

angeline
09-29-2008, 09:02 PM
I'm having the worst day, I'm totally bawling right now.

But - as a boyfriend goes - he's really bad at it. He provides no emotional support, no affection, no drive to want to spend time with me, especially time alone with me. I am constantly getting turned down by my BOYFRIEND.

and It's really hard... because I really like him. I was hoping he'd be this person who cared about me... I mean I want to spend time with him, he's so much fun (and so hot).
:(


i didn't read the whole thread but, pardon my bluntness, dump him! he's not good enough for you.

you said you really like him. i'm not sure why. when i look back on my past relationships that didn't work out (thankfully), it was always the potential of what he could be that i wished he'd become.

hey, you gave it 8 months. you learned more about what you want in a relationship. it's all good - as long as you don't waste more time wishing he'd change.

shelby897
09-29-2008, 09:59 PM
I hope your talk went well... :hug:

I was just thinking, why waste your time on "Mister all right for now" when "Mister Right" is probably just around the corner :D

raw23
09-29-2008, 10:21 PM
Yeah, best of luck! I'm curious how it went....

garstar
09-29-2008, 10:22 PM
I'm single, and it hurts a lot.

I hate this.

And to make matters worse, despite the fact that I haven't gone over in calories, and I've exercised. I'm back up to 131. good day.

Here we go again
09-29-2008, 10:32 PM
Gar- so what happened? I know you said that you're single but what happened? are you ok?

Blcarter84
09-29-2008, 10:34 PM
Hey it will be ok. Just be glad that all you had to ditch was a boyfriend and you didn't end up like me when I was in that sort of situation(PREGNANT). Now I have an almost 2 year old, but at least I filed for child support today so that should only take a couple of months...ahhhh the joy of men!

Lovely
09-29-2008, 10:34 PM
I'm single, and it hurts a lot.

I hate this.

And to make matters worse, despite the fact that I haven't gone over in calories, and I've exercised. I'm back up to 131. good day.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Take time to do something exquisite for yourself tomorrow. Really pamper yourself in some way. Even if it's just laying around tomorrow night in your robe after a long bath, or getting your nails done.

You are wonderful. You know you are worth more. :yes:

Keep strong. And for goodness sakes don't look at the scale the next few days. Just focus on being happy & healthy.

hillsc
09-29-2008, 10:36 PM
I know it hurts, but you made the right decision. If you need help, look at it this way:

Let's say you didn't break up with him. Let's say you kept going on and on and on with this relationship. You wanting time with this "perfect" guy and him just not caring. Let's say, in spite of everything everyone warned you about, you married him. Because, you know, after you get married, everything's better (or, worse, you can "change" him). But he doesn't change. You're still crying out for affection; he's still ignoring you. Ten years goes by and you think, "What have I done? Why did I stick with this guy? Why didn't I realize there were twenty million other fish in the ocean?" Then you say to yourself, "If I could just have one wish, it's that I would go back in time to 2008 and break up with him when I had the chance."

*poof* You just got your wish!!!

Now make the best of it and DON'T LOOK BACK. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Start it tomorrow.

garstar
09-30-2008, 12:21 AM
Thanks guys, well I went over there to break up with him - and the loser did it first. hah. I cried, he hugged me I was like dont hug me, but I hugged him - very movie like. So i'm leaving and he goes "want me to lock you out?" I'm thinking, is this your attempt to help me get over this, and I go "what?" He goes "Want me to walk you to your car?"

haha - laughed and told him what I thought he said, then he hugged me again and I cried and walked away. After crying...a lot. I took a shower, some sleeping pills, and some tylenol with codine to help clear my mind and get me to sleep. IT has helped. And I talked with him just a bit ago now - and we realized that we're for each other, but were a ton of fun. So we hope to just go back to being friends... I know I'm a good catch, and I'll find someone soon enough when the time is right. I'm just not going to try for a while - live my life as myself. I'm feeling quit enlightened at the moment. It may be the medication talking though... we'll find out in the morning.


thanks for everyones posts, it helped me out more then you'll know, i re-read everyones replies like a hundred times.... haha, thanks!

Iconised Ghost
09-30-2008, 01:22 AM
:hug: well done, at least now the hard part is over and you can focus on you again

meredith0520
09-30-2008, 03:43 AM
Honestly, sweetie... I know EXACTLY how you feel! I've been in and out of a relationship with a guy for a while now. He's my best friend... been there for me for over 5 years, but as soon as we become a couple again, he closes himself off and hides in his shell whenever I'm venting about stuff. We've never been "just friends" as there has always been a special connection and chemistry between us, but when we were friends, he was more of a boyfriend to me than he was when we became a couple.

It's hard... we care about them and want to stay with them, but we feel we deserve more than what they're giving us... and people tell us to move on from our guys, but it's not that simple. There are a few questions you should ask yourself.

- Has he ever proven that he truly cares about me?

- Can I see a future (marriage, house, kids, etc) with him?

- Do I love him? Or if I am not in love with him yet, can I see myself falling in love?

The only reason I haven't forced myself to move on from my guy is because I can answer yes to every single one of those questions. When we are together, he is very loving and affectionate. He has been there for me through thick and thin over the years. And I know that once he deals with his issues that he has going on and matures a little, things will be just fine. He has driven the 3 hours to meet me in Orlando, but never the 4 to visit me here... although he would drive the hour to visit my apartment when I lived in Tampa and he lived in Orlando.

It is a very hard decision to make and I wish you the best of luck! As for me, I know I may be wasting my time waiting around, but I feel it will be worth it because even if things don't turn out as I want them to, at least I tried... at least I fought for what I believed in. :)

meredith0520
09-30-2008, 03:47 AM
Ack, I didn't read all the way to the end! I'm really sorry things didn't work out for you. Maybe they will someday... or maybe you'll find someone who treats you as you want to be treated WHEN you want! :)

reddahlia
09-30-2008, 04:54 AM
:hug::hug::hug: It will get better. Even if you've neglected your friends a bit, you can always find a girl to take you for a drink and let you cry when you've had a break up. Every day will be a little better, and when the time is right you'll find exactly what you want. :hug:

Taurie
09-30-2008, 09:13 AM
:hug:

At times like these I remind myself that it is better to be angry about the situation than to be depressed; because at least you can use your anger constructively. For example: taking it out on the treadmill.

bargoo
09-30-2008, 11:07 AM
Did I read you corrrectly, you took sleeping pills and Tylenol with codeine at the same time ?? I am sure that cannot be a good idea.

KLK
09-30-2008, 11:41 AM
Personally, I was never the type to be in a relationship with a man who didn't enthusiastically want to be with me, spend time with me, open up to me, TALK TO ME, etc. I don't like begging and pleading for those kinds of things. I wouldn't stay with him.

I agree that it's nice and comforting to be in a relationship -- any relationship -- even if it's clear there is little compatability there. But don't tie yourself down to someone you're not really happy with.

Nevaeh
09-30-2008, 02:19 PM
:hug: Hope you're doing okay!

raw23
09-30-2008, 03:07 PM
At least you've decided to be friends. I think that's really important. Especially since you have fun with him.

So, I was thinking... Do you think he (or someone he knows) wondered on here and found this thread then decided to break up with you before you did it to him?? I mean, it's public access. ;) (*kinda kidding... but kinda not*)

garstar
09-30-2008, 04:18 PM
Did I read you corrrectly, you took sleeping pills and Tylenol with codeine at the same time ?? I am sure that cannot be a good idea.

tylenol pm and cough syrup with codine, i'm sick so it helps.

mojolove05
09-30-2008, 04:26 PM
We are in the same boat. Me and my bf were in a realtionship for 3.5 years and lived together for a month less than that. Well here lately it has been kinda miserable with no affection emotionally or physically or any going on dates. Last night we decided that it be best if we were just friends. He told me that he loved me more as a friend than a girlfriend or future wife. That hurt to hear and I wish he would have said something sooner, but at least now we are FINALLY on the same page and we didn't leave out of a fight or something similar.

kelli32
09-30-2008, 06:58 PM
mojolove- so what are you going to do about living together? I ask because I'm basically in that exact situation right now. My bf and I got in a huge fight today and I told him how unhappy I was with everything. All he had to say was that if he could change anything it'd be the weight I've gained since we started dating. What? Really? But we live together and I don't know what to do about breaking up and having to stay in the same house as someone who apparently has been hiding that he finds me disgusting.

owlmonkey
09-30-2008, 07:23 PM
Run-don't walk away! No man is better than a bad man! I know what it's like to be pulled in by one arm and pushed away with the other. Be strong-look at what you've achieved & know that you deserve someone who supports you & shows he cares!

Taurie
09-30-2008, 07:57 PM
mojolove- so what are you going to do about living together? I ask because I'm basically in that exact situation right now. My bf and I got in a huge fight today and I told him how unhappy I was with everything. All he had to say was that if he could change anything it'd be the weight I've gained since we started dating. What? Really? But we live together and I don't know what to do about breaking up and having to stay in the same house as someone who apparently has been hiding that he finds me disgusting.

That was an awful thing to say. :hug:

xYourBelleMortex
09-30-2008, 08:03 PM
While I agree with everyone saying kick him to the curb... I would do one thing to make it easier on yourself.

Just stop calling him. Don't ask him to hang out and see how long he lets it go. That way, he proved he is the wrong one for you.

NishKitten
09-30-2008, 08:07 PM
:hug:

I'm so sorry you're sad! Just remember that we all love you and that's what really matters. I wish I could say something better, but I have an attitude problem when it comes to dating and if a guy had treated me how he was treating you... on a night he broke plans with me I certainly would have been on a date with someone else. Most likely one of his friends because i'm a b****. Definitely NOT the kosher girlfriend thing to do, but I've never had the patience to deal with men and their shenanigans so I usually kept 2... 3... *cough* 4... around for emergencies when I was single and let them know that's how it was. After that it turned into some sort of gladiator battle for my attention. I had to start turning my phone off, and when I did I would have 30 voicemails! Not saying you might want to implement this strategy into your single life, but I AM saying. :p You know the single girls mantra, "I'm not in love, but i'll hang with you until someone better walks by."

Think about all the good things that will come out of this:

- No more stressing out over his dumb @$$!
- TIME. Have you ever noticed how boyfriends are like vacuous pits when it comes to free time? Enjoy primping, prepping, and doing all the self-care stuff. It's about details girl! Something about having it all pampered and 'done' right down to the french manicured toes... That's what makes everything right in the world.
-You don't have to listen to him anymore! I don't know about you, but I like a man to drop trou and impress me. No talking necessary. :D

bargoo
09-30-2008, 08:39 PM
tylenol pm and cough syrup with codine, i'm sick so it helps.
I was questioning takig sleeping pills and Tylenol with codeine at the same time. I was concerned about possibly over medicating.

garstar
09-30-2008, 09:26 PM
mojolove- so what are you going to do about living together? I ask because I'm basically in that exact situation right now. My bf and I got in a huge fight today and I told him how unhappy I was with everything. All he had to say was that if he could change anything it'd be the weight I've gained since we started dating. What? Really? But we live together and I don't know what to do about breaking up and having to stay in the same house as someone who apparently has been hiding that he finds me disgusting.

WHAT! Alright, you can't be with someone who says things like that to you. It's tough though, you live together. Figure out something.... who can move out, where can someone go.... you know.... you have to be happy, and if you're in a situation where you're not happy - get out fast becasue your life isn't worth wasting.

garstar
09-30-2008, 09:26 PM
I was questioning takig sleeping pills and Tylenol with codeine at the same time. I was concerned about possibly over medicating.

Thanks for the concern, I probably only needed one or the other, but I really wanted to be knocked out and not have to think about recent break up events ha...

Mango683
09-30-2008, 10:23 PM
I am going through this EXACT same thing as we speak. Although from not as long as a relationship, but I know I need to end it and I just don't know if I have the strength to. The truth is, it may already be over, we just haven't verbally said it. It came out of the blue, too, which makes it even harder to accept. He wasn't consistent with calling and often chose his friends over me, but when we were together, it was great..and I took it as a learning curve. But now, he's distant and we barely see each other.

I'm heartbroken and I'm not myself. I'm wasting so much energy wondering what he's thinking, how could he just turn off his feelings and do this to me, I'd like to work it out, etc. But it's not fair that I'm giving 100% and he's only barely giving 50%.

So, it's easy for me to say to you walk away, when it's what I should be doing to. But it's never easy with matters of the heart.

I'm glad I have my workouts to get me through. This is so completely awful:-(

carinna
09-30-2008, 10:35 PM
Only you can truly make such a big decision. But I hope you're able to draw off the wonderful advice you're being given. :hug:

kelli32
09-30-2008, 10:41 PM
He said that he loves me and everything will be fine because I'm working out and doing something about my weight. I told him I wasn't doing it for him and I never will, that my decision to be healthier was for me. Which he was happy about and thats why he had never said anything before. The thing is I've probably only gained 15 pounds at the MOST in the last two years and we're in college (and I was on the track team until last May) so you know how unstable that can be health wise. So does that mean I was the biggest he was willing to date when we started dating?
Afterwards he tried to hug and kiss me and I couldn't I felt like I didn't want him to touch me anymore if thats how he feels about me. The thing that irritates me the most is that I understand I need to lose some weight but I'm not THAT big. Unless a size 10 is big, which it must be.. maybe he'd "appreciate" if I was a size single.

mojolove05
10-01-2008, 10:49 AM
mojolove- so what are you going to do about living together? I ask because I'm basically in that exact situation right now. My bf and I got in a huge fight today and I told him how unhappy I was with everything. All he had to say was that if he could change anything it'd be the weight I've gained since we started dating. What? Really? But we live together and I don't know what to do about breaking up and having to stay in the same house as someone who apparently has been hiding that he finds me disgusting.


Well it is kind of awkward right now and I'm not going to be able to move on until he moves. He is supposed to ask his mom today when he can move in. I dunno if that will actually happen though. So we might have to have another talk about him actually leaving so I can clear my head and get my life back together. Living together makes things sooo much more complicated than it should have to be. One thing that isn't awkward is that we both know its over and we are just friends so we don't have that tension and the pressure of pretending everything as a realtionship is fine and I don't have to worry about going in for a kiss and being turned around. We just live our lives and talk and interact like friends do. It's weird how it works, but I am ready to clear my head. That's why I am taking Friday off so I can just hang at the house by myself and be stress free.

Good luck and be sure to do what you need to do for you. :)

kelli32
10-01-2008, 11:04 PM
we're living together at school, he's from san diego and my hometown is about 3 hours away. I graduate in Dec so its kind of impossible to get a place to live for less than 3 mo..

WormwoodDoll
01-22-2009, 03:56 PM
I think we all had our bad share of bad men. I went through several before I started dating my fiance and he was in my life for 4 years before it happened! It's funny, too, because I had a thing for him around the time we first met, but we were both too shy.

He dated a friend of mine and she cheated on him almost a year later. At the time I was with my ex for almost a year and a 1/2 but...we broke up so often because of his cheating. He was also very emotionally abusive. He kept me from my friends and family and just sucked me in. I thought I loved him...In reality he was just using me. During my fiance's break up with his ex and my slowly, severely decaying relationship, we became really good friends. Eventually he started to grow feelings for me again, but didn't want to interfere. I FINALLY ended it with my ex and I felt 100x better about myself. My attitude towards everyone changed. And eventually it became clear that I was ignoring one of the best things in my life.

Just keep your head up. I can guarantee you will bump into a lot of negative people in your life....but keep your eyes open. Someone could be standing right there that you didn't even notice before and he can be the one. Don't settle for less!

CousinRockingChair
01-22-2009, 04:14 PM
You can find a lot better, I think.

Thighs Be Gone
01-22-2009, 04:18 PM
Garstar, you are probably much younger than me so I am going to give you some advice I have learned along the way. If you would not be happy with this fella for the rest of your life, then move on. I can very much identify with not wanting to be alone. But, you are so much more blessed, YES BLESSED, to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons. The problem is that while you are spending time with him, (the wrong one) the RIGHT one could be passing you by.

It could be that your BF needs a good kick in the pants and you dumping him may actually improve things for your relationship with him. There is a book called Tough Love that is great.

choirgirlhotel
01-22-2009, 05:13 PM
Well, I've waited - hoping that he'll open up to me, and I think he has - and what I have is what it is. And I don't think it's enough for me, and It's really hard... because I really like him. I was hoping he'd be this person who cared about me...

I have been in a THREE YEAR relationship JUST like this. So trust me honey, do you want to waste eight months? Or do you want to waste three years?

Never be with someone for the potential of what they COULD be. Be with someone for exactly who he is RIGHT NOW. If he's not what you want right now, he will never be.

Life is short, there's no time for nonsense.

Be aware of the scarcity issue that a lot of us fall into. Don't be fooled into thinking you're never going to find someone else, I am 100% positive that you WILL. I bet my life on it, that's how positive I am!!!!

~CGH~

choirgirlhotel
01-22-2009, 05:17 PM
I know it hurts, but you made the right decision. If you need help, look at it this way:

Let's say you didn't break up with him. Let's say you kept going on and on and on with this relationship. You wanting time with this "perfect" guy and him just not caring. Let's say, in spite of everything everyone warned you about, you married him. Because, you know, after you get married, everything's better (or, worse, you can "change" him). But he doesn't change. You're still crying out for affection; he's still ignoring you. Ten years goes by and you think, "What have I done? Why did I stick with this guy? Why didn't I realize there were twenty million other fish in the ocean?" Then you say to yourself, "If I could just have one wish, it's that I would go back in time to 2008 and break up with him when I had the chance."

*poof* You just got your wish!!!

Now make the best of it and DON'T LOOK BACK. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Start it tomorrow.

Now THAT was an awesome post. I think I'll keep it for myself!

~CGH~

stellart
01-22-2009, 10:30 PM
omg, is every woman on here in the same relationship....

i am also in a similar situation. i've been w my bf for a bit over a year. and he's the most unromantic, unemotional, unpassionate person ive ever known. and im completely the opposite. i would often wish that he would open up to me, but i realize that's never going to happen.

i asked myself the same question, is this someone that i could wake up to every morning for the next 40 years... answer: NO

so i'm planning for the next step in life, and he's probably not going to be a part of it.


good luck to all of you ladies, as well.