100 lb. Club - I want a Big Mac because I can't get a man!




RoyalAthena
09-28-2008, 04:31 PM
The Big Macs are 2 for $3.00 right now!!
Ok here goes...

I'll try not to make this too long.
I have not dated in almost 10 years. I go to a LARGE Church. There have been some guys interested in me but never took the initiative. So anyway, my Grandmother and the Pastor's wife decide to "set me up". About a month ago they introduced me to a guy. We talked briefly. He was shy (thats saying alot because I am shy so for me to acknowledge someone elses shyness :) ) About a week later the Pastors wife asked him what he thought of me. He said : "I didnt know what to say". She told him I didnt either and he and I could talk at the next fellowship. He agreed. This was two weeks ago. Well tonight is the fellowship when he is to ask to sit and talk with me. He has been trying "to be seen" by me. Anyway, I said hi to him last night to make him less nervous for today. Blah blah blah. This morning the Pastors wife comes to me and said that last night he came to her with his eyes big and said "I dont want to talk" and walked off before she could ask why or whatever. She said he might be nervous or something. Well, thats not my fault. My mom said that I should be more forgiving. He may be just super shy and want to talk later, once he gets the nerve up. He didnt say "I dont want to talk TO HER". You know I have been solo for ten years and the first time I agree to a little help; I get saddled with foolishness. People seem to think I am intimidating because I dress nice (4 inch heals and all), I have a nice job and a new car. Its not my fault God blessed me! I'm a Christian,so I am careful how I meet men. At this rate, I may be forever single! Of course, this took a punch to my self confidence. I questioned myself but I am going to brush myself off and go to the get together anyway. Uggggh!

Oh, I contemplated going to McDondalds BUT I went home and ate chicken adn brocolli instead. I weighed myself and I am pleased that I am down and on my way back to my ticker weight....10 to go ! :carrot:


kaplods
09-28-2008, 05:06 PM
You would think that shy guys would be easier to date, wouldn't you? I think they're a lot more difficult, because it's so hard to get ANY input from them at all. Especially since the MORE interested they are, sometimes the less interested they seem.

I liked a former coworker, and when he didn't respond to some very heavy-duty flirting and even invites out, I figured he was just not interested. After I left the job, I met and married my husband. A friend who still worked with shy guy told me that shy guy's face just fell when he was told that I was getting married.

Now, I don't know if shy guy had been attracted to me all along, but so afraid of rejection that he turned down my date requests - or whether he had felt that I was a bigger loser than he was, so if I could find someone why couldn't he.

I think that's the biggest problem with some shy guys, you never know what they're thinking, because they're so paranoid of letting anyone know what they're thinking.

My sister is very shy and her friends set her up with shy guys all the time (because they have so much in common, they say), and she hates it. She says a confident, outgoing guy can pull her out of her shell, but when she's with a shy guy, neither of them say much of anything, and it becomes an "I don't know, what do you want to do," relationship, where they do nothing and say nothing, because neither takes the initiative.

If he's that shy, it is HIS problem, but even if you can forgive him for that, or feel sorry for him for that, it doesn't mean you're obligated to accomodate his issues, if you don't want to. Compatibility is a lot more important than similarity in dating. I don't think it's a matter of either opposites or likes attracting, as much as whether you're better together than alone. And if the answer is "no," it doesn't matter whether you have a lot in common.

RoyalAthena
09-28-2008, 05:28 PM
Kaplods ~ True. Very true. I want a guy that is outgoing. I used to be so shy that my first boyfriend had to MAKE me go out on a date with him. He made me agree to go out on a date with him before he would get out my car. Even later he was the aggressive one with me. Basically telling me we were dating. And I liked it. I don't know what I would like now. But I do want someone that despite their shyness can show his desire for me. Oh well, it is hard. After all this time I want to feel like a woman. Be desired, admired. I get it BUT not to my face per se. Weird to explain. My self esteem doesnt hinge on it but I want to feel that womanly feeling. Beyond dressing up and smelling nice; I want someone loopy for me. A shy guy wont go out on a limb and do that. I am almost tempted to let my coworker set me up. She has been wanting to for the last couple of months with this *hawt* guy. :D I almost did but backed down because I was scared he might not want me. Its all this unknown stuff. Rejection is a killer! Thanks so much!


traveling michele
09-28-2008, 05:35 PM
It sounds to me that he is so shy he is too nervous to talk.
I would definitely let your co-worker set you up. What is the harm in one date? You never know.....
Good luck!!

Schmoodle
09-28-2008, 06:53 PM
This definitely sounds like it is more about him than you.
And as we all know, a Big Mac is not a good substitute for a man. Good for you! You know the old saying, you've gotta kiss a lot of frogs...
I don't know about shy guys not going out on a limb. Once they get comfortable with you, they can probably be as romantic as anyone. Don't despair. You know he is out there, you just have to find him.

kaplods
09-28-2008, 07:56 PM
I think there's also a difference between extremely introverted shy, and slow to warm up shy. My sister is more the slow to warm up kind of shy. Once she's comfortable, she's a whole lot more outgoing.

The shy guy that I worked with, was so introverted that even getting him to come out on platonic friend get togethers was like pulling teeth. Even when he agreed to join in an activity, even if it was just watching movies at someone's house, there was a good chance he'd cancel at the last minute, saying he wasn't feeling well. He also had a few nervous habits, that made us wonder if he had an actual social phobia.

Slow to warm up, I don't think is nearly as much a detriment to a relationship. My husband was definitely a slow to warm up guy, in terms of intimacy (me too, I suppose). We are both very outgoing, and don't appear shy, but neither of us wanted to face rejection, so while we spent tons of time together, and had a lot of fun together, neither one of us wanted to make the first seriously romantic gesture.

Finally, after about a month, I asked him outright "are we dating, or what?"

Funny thing, he didn't even want to answer that direct question. He went on about how I'd been sending mixed singles, and I said "me, you're the king of mixed signals, buddy." We did eventually sort it out, that yes, we were both very interested in the other.

Risking rejection sucks, but there's really no way around it in dating, because there's no guarantees. Ironically, it does help to be picky. If you're so desperate for love, that you'll accept anyone - then you're going to be the rejected 100% of the time. However, when you've got high standards, then you're going to be the rejector more often, and you're going to realize that the reasons someone may reject your are as varied as the reasons you might have to reject someone that isn't right for you.

shelby897
09-28-2008, 08:22 PM
I was set up with an extremely shy guy (I'm shy too). That was 14 years ago and we've been married for 11 years :D

Maybe part of the problem he's having is the pressure by Pastor's wife -- he has spoken to you and may want to continue on -- but probably at his own pace. My husband and I were set up by a mutual friend at work who set us up on our first date but then let us handle it from there. (Let me tell you -- it was definitely a chore for him to get my husband to set up the first date :D). (This friend's question to me was "I hear you need a man"!!)

If you have any interest in this gentleman, you can pursue it on your own or you may want to try to find someone more outgoing. I would definitely appreciate the help of others, but you can't make someone attractive/attracted to you.

Good luck :hug:

P.S. -- Maybe you could list the pros/cons of a big mac compared to the pros/cons of a man :devil:

Trazey34
09-28-2008, 08:49 PM
Today, I'm pretty sure I'd trade ya my DH for a Big Mac lol

RoyalAthena
09-28-2008, 09:02 PM
Travelling~ I am going to go for the hook up. It would at least be nice practice to get back into the dating scene. I think it would be fun to flirt again!


kaplods ~ correct once again. I have so much going on in my life right now that I dont need the added stress of an indecisive guy. Rejection does suck but I guess I wont know whats out there unless I start taking risks. I am starting to look at some dating sites and single groups here. There is a group that I might look into that is local. You go into the office and view profiles BUT they also have get togethers for people to mingle. Maybe if I dont meet a guy, I can meet some gal pals!

shelby: Perhaps he couldnt handle the pressure. After some thought I realize that I cant take it personal. 100 pounds ago I would have thought it was all my...but I have a different perspective because my self esteem has change. This new me takes some getting used to and the old me sometimes tries to take the forefront.

Trazey _ They have the Quarter Pounders 2 for $3.00 also. I dont know if that would be a deciding factor for you! ;)

fiberlover
09-28-2008, 09:39 PM
Ann - he might just need some extra time. When you are shy (like I am ), being set up and expected to be social is a lot of pressure.

And, there are other men out there you can be 'set up' with. It would be very fortuitous if the first guy you went out with after 10 years ended up being the permanent one LOL!

It's all just experiment, trial and error (a lot of errors).

RoyalAthena
09-29-2008, 01:17 AM
Fiberlover~ I just back from the fellowship. They already want to set me up with someone else. The Pastor would have introduced us tonight but he didnt see me until I went to the snack bar. At that point, this new guy had left because I wasnt there. So we will see..... Im just going to have fun with this. And not take it too personally.

aliciag57
09-29-2008, 11:22 AM
Try to have fun with this. I know it is easier said than done. If your pastor want's to set you up with someone, then go for it. Think of it as just an outing and nothing else. You are going to spend some time with someone and that is it.

Like others have mentioned, there is a risk to dating, but how is someone going to get something going with another person if they don't take a risk. The best thing is not to have expectations and I know this is hard to do...well it was for me. I wanted something to work out bad and when it didn't I would blame myself. I wasen't being fair to myself.

Congratulations for driving past that McDonald's and going home to fix some thing nutritious.:hug:

zenor77
09-29-2008, 01:43 PM
Hmmm... Pastor's (and their wives) should not set people up in my opinion. It's just too much pressure! Obviously they are doing this because they care for you and know what a catch you are, but I still think they should back off. Does your church have a singles study group? Maybe that's an option to meeting single guys of your faith, without the pressure from the Pastor?

When I was single I never liked people setting me up in general. They always had me figured wrong and set me up with guys that I would have never dated on my own. In fact, everyone was shocked when I started dating DH (we'd all known him for years) and didn't think it would last. Some of our friends got quite weird about it, even though it's obvious that DH and I are very compatible (and happy :).) I just think that some of these people didn't know the real me or just didn't care, so make sure that the people setting you up really know who you are inside. That's so important.

Good luck and congratulations on the 121 lb loss! That's amazing!

nelie
09-29-2008, 02:07 PM
I know 'putting yourself out there' is tough and it seems like you want someone who shares your beliefs. It is possible that you could meet the man for you at your church but it is possible he is not there. I wouldn't put too much of your mental energy in guys you haven't met/talked to much yet. Be relaxed, meet them, talk to them. If you click, great but if you don't, don't stress about it too much.

Have you thought about looking outside of your church such as a personals site with those that share your beliefs? I know there are a ton of specialized personals sites no matter what you are looking for, I'm sure there is a site out there that would be a fit for you.

JayEll
09-29-2008, 06:32 PM
Gosh... I don't want a Big Mac OR a man... ;) I feel so freeeeeeeee!

Sometimes you can have more success if you're not "looking." Know what I mean?

Good luck! Stay away from McDs!

Jay

Ufi
09-29-2008, 09:30 PM
Good for you for showing both restraint and courage! I sympathize with what you're going through.

Smiling_Sara
10-02-2008, 02:59 PM
The Big Macs are 2 for $3.00 right now!!
Ok here goes...

I'll try not to make this too long.
I have not dated in almost 10 years. I go to a LARGE Church. There have been some guys interested in me but never took the initiative. So anyway, my Grandmother and the Pastor's wife decide to "set me up". About a month ago they introduced me to a guy. We talked briefly. He was shy (thats saying alot because I am shy so for me to acknowledge someone elses shyness :) ) About a week later the Pastors wife asked him what he thought of me. He said : "I didnt know what to say". She told him I didnt either and he and I could talk at the next fellowship. He agreed. This was two weeks ago. Well tonight is the fellowship when he is to ask to sit and talk with me. He has been trying "to be seen" by me. Anyway, I said hi to him last night to make him less nervous for today. Blah blah blah. This morning the Pastors wife comes to me and said that last night he came to her with his eyes big and said "I dont want to talk" and walked off before she could ask why or whatever. She said he might be nervous or something. Well, thats not my fault. My mom said that I should be more forgiving. He may be just super shy and want to talk later, once he gets the nerve up. He didnt say "I dont want to talk TO HER". You know I have been solo for ten years and the first time I agree to a little help; I get saddled with foolishness. People seem to think I am intimidating because I dress nice (4 inch heals and all), I have a nice job and a new car. Its not my fault God blessed me! I'm a Christian,so I am careful how I meet men. At this rate, I may be forever single! Of course, this took a punch to my self confidence. I questioned myself but I am going to brush myself off and go to the get together anyway. Uggggh!

Oh, I contemplated going to McDondalds BUT I went home and ate chicken adn brocolli instead. I weighed myself and I am pleased that I am down and on my way back to my ticker weight....10 to go ! :carrot:

don't take it personal. if it makes you feel any better, I am the guy in your situation when it comes to myself and guys. A guy finds me attractive?? Can't be. I better send them on their way and make sure nothing happens. Crazy and silly, I know, I wish I wasn't so overly shy.

SunshineCA
10-03-2008, 08:05 PM
Hmmm... Pastor's (and their wives) should not set people up in my opinion. It's just too much pressure! Obviously they are doing this because they care for you and know what a catch you are, but I still think they should back off. Does your church have a singles study group? Maybe that's an option to meeting single guys of your faith, without the pressure from the Pastor?

I totally agree 100%!!! Been there, done that and will NEVER do that again.

I admire that you've been patient the last 10 years or so. You keep believing, praying and doing what you do. God will send "the one" for you in His own time. Don't allow others to set you up. Follow your own heart and your own mind. Only you, he and God knows what's gonna bring a harmonious marriage. Your time will come. :)

kittycat40
10-03-2008, 08:21 PM
When I met my husband I was on a blind dating spree. At a certain point I was ready to say NO MORE. Then I met my prince :D

CyberGypsy
10-04-2008, 08:13 AM
Funny thing is after eating the big mac you will want another, and not stop.
I am alone now almost 5 year, by choice, I am not ready for anyone yet, almost there, you have to learn to love yourself before you can give love away. at least thats what i found out, I am close to being in the market for a partner in life and hope it happens but right now content without one..and working on my self:)

purpleorc
10-04-2008, 09:12 AM
I was at the point in my life where I was thinking that there was no one out there for me. When out of the blue some one did turn up my DH and it met me at nearly my HW as well. He has had much to contend with I had only shortly met him (less than 6 months ) when I was dx with MS but he stayed around and has been wonderful. Even giving up work when things got to much for me and I was falling all over the auction. I am so glad now that I had to wait for this long as because when I was found the right one he has be so wonderful.

I think because I had given up "looking" for someone as I figured that there was no one for me. Whoosh it happened so Athena your time will come God will send you the right one he is just finding that extra special one because you deserve it.

SuchAPrettyFace
10-08-2008, 02:07 PM
If you really have to have a Big Mac: Order a cheeseburger, have them add Mac sauce (30 cents extra) and throw away the bottom half of the bun. You still get the flavors, not all the food.

As for guys, meh. I wish people wouldn't try to set me up. Did I say I was looking? No? Then I won't be interested in anyone you introduce me to. I can't fathom how the coupled-up mind works.