20-Somethings - I have lost my motivation




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Mollyjean1631
09-19-2008, 10:07 AM
I have fallen off the wagon again. I don't honestly know what to do. I try and try, but then something happens and I crash horribly. Does anyone have an advise to help me through these REALLY difficult times? It happens when Friday approaches...or I have had a really bad day. I am also going through a custody battle with my ex-husband, and the fear of losing my children is eating me away, literally. I am so sad and upset about all of it, I eat. I eat and eat and eat...then cry because I ate so much and all of the mess I am in.
Please help me out. :(


luvja
09-19-2008, 10:11 AM
I don't really have any advice for you, I'm sorry. I just wanted to give you a hug. :hug:

Mollyjean1631
09-19-2008, 10:15 AM
Aww, thank you so much.


LindsayL0ve
09-19-2008, 10:43 AM
:hug:

Im very sorry for what is going on with you right now. I know I just had to deal with issues of my own these last few months after my miscarriage and I thought maybe this could help you like it did me.
You're not in control with what is happening around you. Like I know you don't want to have to do this custody battle and all, and when I felt like I wasn't in control of anything, i started my diet. I felt at least I could control what i ate, when I exercised and so on. It gave me small gasps of hope that i could manage something when everthing was such a mess around me. Even if it was a little thing as a diet.

I hope this helped you like it did for me. :hug: another hug!

Lovely
09-19-2008, 10:50 AM
:hug:

Motivation is overrated, and quite honestly a harlet, and a fair-weathered friend. She is never around when we need her to be. So, we forget her entirely. Oh, it's nice when she's there. When we're doing what we need to do. But fall of the wagon... slip-up... start getting tired of the routine and... BAM she's gone like it's quittin' time on Friday.

Forget motivation when it's not there. Use it when it rears its head. Turn to other resources, like your commitment when motivation has run its course. When you've committed yourself to this. To making a healthy dinner, to taking a walk around the block, you do it because you've said you will, not because you feel like it. Commitment is keeping a promise that you made to yourself.

You need to be healthier now more than ever to deal with this. And your children need you to be, too.

Is there a particular thing in your house that you're overeating? If so, get rid of it now.

When the stress and the fear are overwhelming, take your children out of the house and spend time moving around with them.

You can do this. Even when the times are tough. :hug:

Mollyjean1631
09-19-2008, 10:57 AM
I really appreciate all the help and hugs. I do try really hard to get rid of the bad foods and focus on staying positive and excersising and all of it. But when I think about my kids or my ex calls me saying all these horrible things, it is just so hard. I turn to food to comfort me. And not any good food. I do need to have another something to get me away from turning to food. But again it is the easiest thing to turn to. When I am upset, I really don't want to go do cardio and sweat. I'd rather stuff my face and watch 13 going on 30.

Lovely
09-19-2008, 11:14 AM
I really appreciate all the help and hugs. I do try really hard to get rid of the bad foods and focus on staying positive and excersising and all of it. But when I think about my kids or my ex calls me saying all these horrible things, it is just so hard. I turn to food to comfort me. And not any good food. I do need to have another something to get me away from turning to food. But again it is the easiest thing to turn to. When I am upset, I really don't want to go do cardio and sweat. I'd rather stuff my face and watch 13 going on 30.

Don't let your ex have this sort of power over you. If he says something out of line, reply with "You have no right to say anything like that to me. I won't be taking any more rude phone calls from you. I'll only be taking civil phone calls from now on. I'm hanging up now. Bye." He may say some terrible things, but it's your hand, and your mouth.

When you say that you're trying really hard to get rid of the bad foods, does that mean there aren't any in your house? And that you don't restock them? I don't mean to be harsh. This is a heartbreaking situation. :hug: But, you are the one in control. Not your emotions, not your ex.

And you don't need to pump out a good 60 minutes of "Sweatin' to the Oldies" I just meant that it's a perfect time to appreciate being a mom, enjoy the company of your kids and do something fun with them to get your mind off of things.

owlmonkey
09-19-2008, 12:23 PM
I turn to food for comfort too, and when things get bad I really have a tendency to lose it and curl up on the couch with netflix and a bowl of something full of potatoes, pasta, and cheese and lots of chocolate.
Don't let it get to you-Elanor Roosevelt was quoted "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." That phrase used to irk me, but now I find it empowering.
Find a mantra to empower you when you feel like this and use it. I sometimes think of the movie Labyrinth and Sarah saying to the Goblin King "You Have No Power Over Me!" Cheesy, but it really works! (Bonus I think David Bowie looks awesome, but I'm strange.)
I hope you find your strength!

belezura
09-19-2008, 12:56 PM
When you are going to reach for the food, just remember that is exactly what your ex wants you to do. You will be helping him, since you are making yourself a mess while going thru custody battle.
Just think: Which side am I? Who am I hurting?
And if you really can’t get away from food, try this trick I use: Keep tons of fruits on your fridge. The ones you like most and if you can’t control the impulse of eating, eat them, even if a lot of it.
They will do a lot less harm to you than cookies and other junkies. It also works with sugar free jelly, but fruits are better because make you full.
Hope it helps
Good luck to you!!!
:hug:

Mollyjean1631
09-19-2008, 01:18 PM
My ex is a scum sucking effing moron who I can not stand. Thank you ladies for all of the support. I feel alot better and maybe I can actually do something about why I am a comfort eater....

Cats tongue
09-19-2008, 02:07 PM
Oh Mollyjean. :hug: I have to add my hug to the growing pile.

I agree with what everyone has said. Especially Faerie. Motivation is indeed the fickle friend. And it is so hard when food/eating/exercise is all wrapped up in losing weight. Because you do need some energy to focus on eating right and to focus on exercising... But when you're energy is going towards something like a divorce or custody battle it just makes it that much harder to close the chip bag or put down the chocolate bar and get up off the couch.

Just give yourself some wiggle room here and there since these other problems are pretty big life issues. Try not to let guilt about food etc. get to you as well.

Another :hug: for luck.

(PS disgruntled one, you made me laugh. I love it! Punch that ex!!!!!!!!!!)

Mollyjean1631
09-19-2008, 02:19 PM
I need to get one of those kick boxing dvds! Even though I would just like to beat up my ex. I could take him, but I won't because he might cry. I will try my best to focus my anger and hurt toward positive things and not eat myself to sadness.