20-Somethings - I think my Dad is an idiot - your opinion?




xYourBelleMortex
09-17-2008, 02:38 PM
So, had an interesting thing happen this morning, and by interesting I mean kind of stupid.

So I have been on my back for the past four days after pulling a muscle in the lower portion of said region. Excruciating pain, inability to walk/move and just downright miserable.

So this morning, I get out of bed and I can walk. Huzzah! My father, who has invited himself to stay with me, has been walking five miles a day around a local track. At 190 he is trying to lose weight to impress some chick he is digging. Feel free to gag.

That is when he told me that I need to avoid any exercise “Because at your weight you could kill yourself,” * Blank stare *
“I think you should at least lose another 15 pounds before getting active,” “You need to listen to me and not all of your little friends because I know what I am talking about,” “I think you should wait until at least Spring,”

Mind you, I hadn’t even had a cup of coffee yet, which is detrimental in catching me in a good mood. :coffee:

I had to ask. “Now, Dad, what friends would you be talking about?” He didn’t have an answer. I told him that the only advice I am getting is from an online weight loss forum (you guys) because a lot of these people have been through the ups and downs of weight loss and usually that is where I get my support.

You can see from my ticker that I am by no means unable to move. They don’t have to cut a wall down on national TV to get me out of a house. ****, I even went roller skating last week and did laps around my nine year old sister. I was winded – but I rocked the house to Hannah Montana.

Is he smoking crack or am I just not taking advice well?


Here we go again
09-17-2008, 02:44 PM
Don't listen to your dad, he doesn't understand.

I weight a lot more than you and I'm way active. I run, dance, and do anything I want. He probably means well, but he doesn't get it and that's ok. You may want to put up a boundary with him and ask him not to comment on your exercise or health choices. Just a thought. :)

Shannon1983
09-17-2008, 02:45 PM
Oh my GOd,
that sounds like something my grandfather would tell me.(he is totally old school.)

I would flat out tell him, you are doing what you want to do and you appreciate what he is telling you but your an adult and do things the way you want to do them.

I wish you the best in your journey and i am glad to hear you are doing so much better. Keep up the awesome work!!


mandalinn82
09-17-2008, 02:47 PM
Anyone who isn't in shape should be careful going full speed ahead into exercise. I know from experience when I was your weight, for example, that I couldn't run...I have bad knees and it just would have been excruciating. Definitely would have been a problem.

But, at your weight (and heavier) I did plenty of exercise, including:
Walking with brief jogging intervals
Jogging on a mini-trampoline
Aerobics videos
Rollerskating/Canoeing/Hiking/other fun weekend activities
Strength Training

Obviously, I didn't kill myself :p

If you have medical conditions, speak with a doctor to make sure you're cleared, don't go too hard to fast, and listen to your body (if it hurts, you get dizzy, you feel weak, or any other major thing like that, you probably should slow down/take a break/reconsider your exercise). Otherwise, go forth and exercise!

Lovely
09-17-2008, 02:48 PM
Not exercising? Ridiculous!

There are things that EVERYONE can do to move more at whatever size. Not that we should overdo it and run a 10k when we've never walked faster than 3mph our entire lives... I mean we have to use our common sense.

There was an inspiring story on TV a long time ago, about a woman who weighed about 1,000lbs. I believe it was Richard Simmons who worked with her. And all she could do at her top weight was clap her hands. So they started there. She clapped her hands until she got her heartrate up a bit.

I think that exercising at any size is a great habit to build. It doesn't have to be high intensity, but moving is important!

Nevaeh
09-17-2008, 02:50 PM
:lol: I love your subject line.

In my personal opinion, I disagree with what your father is saying. He just doesn't understand. I really don't think being active and exercising has anything to do with your size. Ex - I have a good friend that is probably about 5'8" 135lbs. She could not run down the road for the life of her. :lol: Funny how that works, huh?

I would just disregard what your father is saying. A lot of people are just not educated about weightloss, they haven't been down that road.

You have lost 18lbs girl, that is great!! Keep doing what your doing, it's obviously working. ;)

JulieJ08
09-17-2008, 03:00 PM
Yup, he's on crack.

rockstar87
09-17-2008, 03:22 PM
He's smoking crack. Hahaha.

With anyone the most important part of exercise is listening to your body cues and the first couple of weeks on a new program are critical whether you're 100lbs overweight or trying to drop 5lbs. This is when the body is most susceptible to injury because your tendons and ligaments haven't had time to get used to exercise. This is when you need to break in slowly.
And sure, some people have physical ailments associated with being overweight/obese such as they're predisposed to certain joint issues... but plenty of skinny people probably could do less than what you can do. You just have to make sure you can tell when something doesn't feel quite right...slow, dull aches are usually just "good" muscle pain whereas a sharp, burning pain that comes on suddenly is something more serious. If you are stiff after a workout and it's been days and you're still sore you could have a strain; also, if it hurts when you don't put any stress on the muscle it could be a strain (ie: my quads are in pain when I'm lying in bed doing nothing). Listen to your body and you'll be fine.

PhotoChick
09-17-2008, 03:34 PM
I also disagree with what your father is saying, but I'm also seeing some attitude towards your dad there, too! ;)

Probably moderation from both sides is needed here.

.

CurvaceousCutie
09-17-2008, 03:37 PM
Dont listen to him i started at 372 and i was at the gym and walking around the block. i took it one day at a time. u do a lil and then when ur ready go 4 it :)

xYourBelleMortex
09-17-2008, 03:44 PM
I also disagree with what your father is saying, but I'm also seeing some attitude towards your dad there, too! ;)

Probably moderation from both sides is needed here.

.

Lol, oh the attitude is SO there. lol. The man is sleeping on my couch, eating my food, sucking up my electricity and cherry coke zero. He has also been mocking my food choices ( totally unneeded as I am my own prison guard) then he hits me off guard with how I shouldn't workout? If I had a bat - it would have hit his face. I feel like I am 16 years old again paying 1300 in rent a month to have him up my a**. The dynamics of my life right now are causing serious bouts of attitude and verbal lashings. lol

caligirl98
09-17-2008, 03:49 PM
WAIT! There is cherry coke zero? I've never seen that one.

sorry...didn't mean to hijack...

ghost
09-17-2008, 03:51 PM
Your crack smokin' dad needs an intervention. I started out two years ago at 234. the first thing I did was start excercising. THEN I started counting calories. moving more and being more active is the KEY to weight loss. Even if its just getting off the couch to change the channel instead of using the remote. So, your not ready for a marathon yet, but you sure as heck can still find excercise useful and not die from it.

sarasynthesis
09-17-2008, 03:54 PM
i agree with the fact that you should not listen.
maybe he feels emasculated since he is staying on his daughters couch, and he is trying to make up for that by showing you that he can be smarter than you when it comes to exercise.

kittycat40
09-17-2008, 04:01 PM
crack, uh huh.

xYourBelleMortex
09-17-2008, 04:24 PM
WAIT! There is cherry coke zero? I've never seen that one.

sorry...didn't mean to hijack...

Yes, and it is AMAZINNNNNNNNNG. LOL. hijack away dear. That is why I rant and rave. lol.

Kofarq
09-17-2008, 05:14 PM
That's some awful strong crack your dad is on. Part of my brain says he's trying to protect you, but the other part (the part I listen to) says he's kind of bossy and old-school. Yeah, he makes me barf.

Is there someone else who could help you out? Or are you going to end up in federal prison if he keeps picking on you?

Every time you want to murder him, remember, prison is not so great in the health and fitness area. Poor kid.

HeatherMcG
09-17-2008, 05:23 PM
Well I began my weight loss journey at 317. Funny, I was still able to function.

Your dad and my mom must buy there crack in the same place because she says just as off the wall things as he does.

owlmonkey
09-17-2008, 05:30 PM
My dad used to insult me for my weight while disguising it as concern for my health. It would send me right to the snack foods (the emotional eater that I am) Never offered me anything constructive or motivating.
I tried talking with him about it, but it didn't seem to work. Try explaining your position, see what happens.
Hooray for coffee! :goodvibes:coffee:

kittycat40
09-17-2008, 05:39 PM
WAIT! There is cherry coke zero? I've never seen that one.

sorry...didn't mean to hijack...

i JUST YESTERDAY HAD DIET PEPSI WILD CHERRY AND IT WAS FABUUU!

Schumeany
09-17-2008, 06:41 PM
You know, it sounds to me like you are currently in a position where your life is more successful than your father's. He is sleeping on your couch, and you are paying the rent. With that kind of dynamic going on, it is no wonder he is feeling the need to assert himself over you, make stupid pronouncements, etc. By the way, the "do not listen to your little friends" statement got the previous Domestic Violence Advocate senses in me humming. Not that this is a DV kind of thing, but trying, somehow, to emotionally isolate you and marginalize your support network? That is creepy, controlling and NOT ok. You are in charge of your health and your eating choices...good or bad. And, if I were you, I would make that crystal clear to him...especially if he keeps sleeping on your couch. He needs to respect your boundaries. What he said is NOT advice...it is an attempt at subtle sabotage. It is an insult wrapped in parental care, and it was a nasty thing to do. It was the equivalent of saying you are so heavy that your situation is hopeless...so don't bother. That is crap. Utter crap. You have already proved with your weight loss that it is not true. When your back is better, get out there and get moving. Love him, but ignore him.

from220to112
09-17-2008, 06:44 PM
Bloody ****, that's just ridiculous.

You're 252lbs - not 2520lbs! Of course you can exercise! If you aren't used to exercising - and particularly if you've recently injured yourself - you should take it slow, but you should definitely exercise!!!

May I recommend my favourite ever ever exercise? The crosstrainer. I do at least half an hour on the crosstrainer every day - it burns 350cals per half hour at my weight, its hard work but it's low impact so its good for bigger girls and doesn't leave you with sore knees and shin splints and begging for your life like running does (for me, anyway!).

Don't listen to your dad, just get moving, any way you can!

xYourBelleMortex
09-17-2008, 07:28 PM
You know, it sounds to me like you are currently in a position where your life is more successful than your father's. He is sleeping on your couch, and you are paying the rent. With that kind of dynamic going on, it is no wonder he is feeling the need to assert himself over you, make stupid pronouncements, etc. By the way, the "do not listen to your little friends" statement got the previous Domestic Violence Advocate senses in me humming. Not that this is a DV kind of thing, but trying, somehow, to emotionally isolate you and marginalize your support network? That is creepy, controlling and NOT ok. You are in charge of your health and your eating choices...good or bad. And, if I were you, I would make that crystal clear to him...especially if he keeps sleeping on your couch. He needs to respect your boundaries. What he said is NOT advice...it is an attempt at subtle sabotage. It is an insult wrapped in parental care, and it was a nasty thing to do. It was the equivalent of saying you are so heavy that your situation is hopeless...so don't bother. That is crap. Utter crap. You have already proved with your weight loss that it is not true. When your back is better, get out there and get moving. Love him, but ignore him.

Boy did you hit that nail on the head. He is actually in an interval between rehabs. No kidding. My former drunk dad is planted on my couch that i bought to get the **** away from him. The irony is just outstanding.

Believe me, i could have him gone he would be. I have to wait until the 22nd.

I am not wounded by him in any means. I just wasnt sure how much validity he had and if I was just so taken back by his comment that I was possibly missing advice that may have actually been justified.

That is why i came to you guys, my little Jimminey Crickets, wisdom holders, the people who keep me sane.

xoxoxoxox

NishKitten
09-17-2008, 07:40 PM
I think that's just men in general, they all have something stupid to say when the women in their lives start a weight loss program, or attempt to get healthy, or do just about anything else. When I crashed my bike and royally kicked my own @ss my husband blamed it on my 'bad leg' and told me I was trying to do too much physical activity. He's also always got something to say about my lack of weight training and vegetarian diet. I used to get snippy, but now I just nod and smile and say, "thank you baby, I love you" and give him a kiss on the cheek. He usually shuts the **** up the rest of the day. I think he just kinda wanted to be acknowledged.

He is still convinced that my old arthritic stiff leg is going to be my demise. Nevermind the fact that I know full well my inner 8 year old took over on that big, steep hill. I just wanted to go down it REALLY fast and yanno ... bikes don't brake as well with 155lbs on them as they do with a 40lb kid. LoL. Skinned knees/elbows/shins and busted lips didn't hurt this bad when I was a kid either. It always seemed like they were gone in half an hour or a day at the most. Why is that? The digital speed/distance monitor I have on my bike said I topped out at 34.6mph which is pretty awesome!!! But it did end in a rather hard collision with the asphalt and I have felt like i've been run over by a mac truck for the last week. It's definitely putting a damper on things. My new bedmates are a hot water bottle and a cup of maximum strength pain relief alka seltzer. :kickbutt: <~~~Me Right Now

Maybe ol' Pops is the same way? I think he's just trying to be an overprotective ninny. Tell him to shut up and stop drinking your cherry coke zero. I used to hide mine in the crisper drawer at the bottom of the fridge to keep DH out of mine. He doesn't eat vegetables unless I feed them to him so it was never a place he thought to look. :D

carrie77
09-17-2008, 08:41 PM
Tell him to shut up and stop drinking your cherry coke zero. I used to hide mine in the crisper drawer at the bottom of the fridge to keep DH out of mine. He doesn't eat vegetables unless I feed them to him so it was never a place he thought to look.

LMAO...dying of laughter over that one.

kaplods
09-17-2008, 08:54 PM
To play devil's advocate a bit here, your dad's concerns seem overblown, but I'm not sure they don't have at least a little bit of merit. Not enough to say you shouldn't be exercising, but if you have injured your back badly enough to be bedridden in excruciating pain for four days that's a fairly significant injury, and it wouldn't necessarily be unreasonable for a family member to ask if you aren't sure you weren't overdoing it, or whether you might be exercising improperly (but like many people, his delivery was poor, and his opinion overstated).

PhotoChick
09-17-2008, 09:05 PM
Ah. I didn't know the back story. :D

Yeah, he's smoking crack and probably needs a whack upside the head with a 2x4. Tell him to butt out. *snicker*

.

EricaBG
09-17-2008, 09:22 PM
Interesting theory. Maybe in the land of "easy weight loss" could you ever not exercise. Maybe your dad is living in this land.
Oh boy, if he is he is very lucky.

xYourBelleMortex
09-17-2008, 09:59 PM
To play devil's advocate a bit here, your dad's concerns seem overblown, but I'm not sure they don't have at least a little bit of merit. Not enough to say you shouldn't be exercising, but if you have injured your back badly enough to be bedridden in excruciating pain for four days that's a fairly significant injury, and it wouldn't necessarily be unreasonable for a family member to ask if you aren't sure you weren't overdoing it, or whether you might be exercising improperly (but like many people, his delivery was poor, and his opinion overstated).

See, that is where the funny part comes in - I pulled my back out getting out of my recliner. That is a total Archie Bunker move! lol. His "advice" came out of no where lol. I wish I had hurt myself exercising - at least then I wouldnt feel like such dork. But I totally see your point. lol.

kaplods
09-17-2008, 10:29 PM
You know better than anyone if you have to pretty much ignore anything that comes out of your dad's mouth (I have a few of those relatives, myself. In fact an uncle, that if he tells you the sky is blue, you might want to get a second opinion just on principle).

You always hear that anyone should have a check-up before starting a weight loss or exercise regime. I think it's good advice, but most people don't and most people don't have any problems either. Any time I've ever asked a doctor about exercise, the advice is always "do what you can, be careful of your back and knees, and if it hurts (especially in the back or knees), stop." Oooh, profound advice (advice that even without a back issue, would have been common sense, I would have thought).

A pre-employment physical (when I was probably at least 75 lbs thinner) right out of college found nodules on my spine, and the doctor asked if I had ever any back pain or problems. I said no (I'd had minor lower back pain occasionally, but I didn't want to mention it, for fear I wouldn't get the hospital job). He said that many people with the spinal nodules that I had, never had any back problems, others were prone to disc herniations and I might experience them later in life (I did herniate a disc about 7 years later). He told me I should be careful with exercise, no running (also had bad knees) or super heavy lifting, but basically anything that wasn't painful was fine.

Without xrays, no doctor would have found the spinal abnormality, so I'm not sure that the average "ask the doctor if exercise is ok," would find that kind of problem. Most doctors are going to say "go ahead and exercise," and if there's any reason that a person shouldn't, it's only going to be found out after the person has gotten hurt, during exercise.

My sister's husband is a good example. He's in great physical shape (a baseball and basketball nut), but he has a heart condition and has passed out several times, usually during an intense game of basketball. He had some doctors say he shouldn't exercise at all, and other's doctors said it was vital for him to keep his heart healthy with exercise. Finally a smart cardiologist gave him the correct diagnosis, and as it turns out - it's very safe for him to exercise, but very unsafe for him to get dehydrated. The reason he was passing out, is that his electrolytes easily get out of balance, so he dehydrates during sports very easily, which is unusual for most people, but common for him and could be life threatening. But, all he has to do, is keep well hydrated with a sports drink handy, before and after exercise, and not exercise in extremely hot weather (where it would be too easy for him to get dehydrated even with the Gatorade handy).

I guess you can never guarantee that you won't have problems, you just have to use common sense. I think the biggest thing is to know the difference between pain and sore. Exercise can leave you very sore, but real pain is a sign that something's going wrong. For most people "no pain, no gain," is BS, if you're really hurting, you're doing something wrong.

sh3l5
09-18-2008, 03:09 AM
all u can do is what you and your body is comfortable with....
dads can be like that, hes prolly just jalous of your success....
keep it up, it will be worth it....
:)