100 lb. Club - OT - bad day at work!




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SwimGirl
09-16-2008, 03:25 AM
I really need to vent, and its hard to vent to people in my life because a lot of them work with me! And I just can't really talk to them about it..

So today I had a meeting with my cosmetics manager (I'm the assistant), and the store manager about an incident that happened about 3 weeks ago where she was pretty harsh and talked down to me. We sat down, and I said my concerns - it went really well actually. And then... my store manager made her say what she'd told her.. which is that I'm the worst assistant she's ever had. Wow, pretty harsh!! I was stunned, because my cosmetics manager always said I was doing a good job. She didn't stop there, according to her the part time girls feel I don't do anything, also she said I never finish anything I ever start! I was feeling pretty cut down, well a LOT cut down. I wish I could say it stopped there, but she also told our district manager that this job is too much for me, and I'm not good at it. When I tried to defend myself, she just had 10 more things that I do wrong, and unfortunately she lied to make her point. I say unfortunately because karma will come and bite her in the butt for that one.

I'm SO hurt about all those comments, and that she never told me any of this. Instead she ruins my reputation to our district manager! My store manager stuck up for me, which I really appreciate because I am just 10 months into this job where no one is willing to train me. I should also mention the store manager feels loyal to me, she actually thinks I do a good job, and she also has worked with my bf, and respects him a lot. Thank god I had her on my side!! So am I bad at my job? This is the first time I've ever gotten comments like this - I've also worked under 5 others managers in the company who all think I am good at my job. Yes I have a lot to learn, but who doesn't?? Its called being human, we live, learn and make mistakes!

On the plus side, I did NOT feed my pain, I kept to my plan and called my mom for a looooong chat about all of this. I haven't figured out what exactly I'll do, I have a LOT of thinking to do.. so yah, pretty much my worst day at work ever.

-Aimee

P.S. Did I mention after all of this my cosmetics manager wanted a HUG?? Its like, oh yah, I totally backstabbed you, but lets hug it out?? Geez!


Pandora123a
09-16-2008, 08:36 AM
Aimee,

You did so fantastically...congratulations! You didn't eat to soothe the pain, punishing yourself for someone elses behavior. It sounds as though you kept your cool and handled yourself well in the meeting. That's a definite career positive.

I am the CEO of a small company. 10 months ago I was doing an exit interview with an employee that a manager was constantly complaining about, who told me in the course of the interview that she had been asked for her resignation, she hadn't wanted to resign. The manager wanted to hire someone she knew for the position. I ended up telling the manager she had to take this employee back but could spend several months documenting the problems and then terminate if poor performance was the issue.

Three months ago we promoted the employee who has proved to be a superstar. Ironically, the attention that was called to her by the managers behavior worked on her behalf. (And yes, we have dealt with the manager, although the way these things work, and have to work legally, the employee will never know the impact of her behavior on the manager.)

I hope this is helpful...attention isn't always a bad thing. Managers who are dishonest or play favorites get known to administration sooner than you think. You won't see what happens, but in the long run she probably shot herself in the foot...unless you behave in a way which lets her off the hook!

Hugs

Lovely
09-16-2008, 09:06 AM
Aimee - I'm so proud that you didn't drown your sorrows in food. It can be very rough to hear criticism. Especially when someone lies about things. The hug thing would be the cherry on top. I don't like people touching me in the first place. A hug is unprofessional. :p


GirlyGirlSebas
09-16-2008, 09:13 AM
Aimee - What a horrible scenario! And, she wanted a hug?! That woman has some serious issues.

I'm so proud of you for not turning to the food for comfort. It must be incredibly difficult to train yourself. Your manager should have been giving you direction and input on a daily basis. I'm sorry that she took your efforts to clear the air as her opportunity to attack you and your work. Keep doing your best. These things have a way of coming back around if you're doing the right thing. :hug:

SwimGirl
09-16-2008, 11:24 AM
Pandora - it is helpful to know that information, and I think it relates to whats going on for me in that my store manager is trying to get this manager to screw up in front of her. There are rumours company-wide about my cosmetics manager that are completely horrible and 100% true. It was hard to be in a situation where I was going to be wrong in everything I said, even if what I said was true. I've never had it where someone was so h#$% bent on proving that I'm a horrible worker before, I didn't stand a chance because she's been building up proof in her mind of how bad I am for months.

Faerie - the hug was so horrible, I had a full body reaction, but didn't realize it at the time because I was so overwhelmed. I started crying when she hugged me, and I know now that it was a reaction to how she was treating me. Now it makes me want to throw up. How DARE she want to make herself feel better after gossiping about me. I call this gossip because she would never say this to my face, without being forced to.

Rhonda - Her karma will come for her, I do believe that. I feel like I am doing the right thing, I am learning my job, trying to be very humble about it.. its not easy being where I am, this woman is an over achiever, she puts in 10-12 hour days (which is NOT acceptable at my company).. how could I ever compare to that! Nor would I want to, her behavior isn't something I ever want to replicate - it doesn't jive with my beliefs.

Wow, this is some good therapy action happening here. I thought I just came to vent, but I've made some good realizations. So thank you. And hey, it's cheaper than therapy! ;)

-Aimee

valpal23
09-16-2008, 11:53 AM
:hug: ohmigosh you handled that so well!! sorry it happened :(

fiberlover
09-16-2008, 11:55 AM
:hug:
That sucks. I am proud of you for not eating!

The problem with criticisms like that is that they aren't constructive. It's fine to tell someone that they are doing something incorrectly, but then you should be informed of what you can do to make it better.

Trazey34
09-16-2008, 12:58 PM
ugh those types of people are the WORST and the most DANGEROUS to be sure!!! the type that look you in the face and smile, and hold the dagger to your back at the same time. A hug, indeed??! give me a break!!! I've worked for a long time in both union and non-union places, and I think the only constructive ideas I can offer is to DOCUMENT absolutely everything. And ask her to do the same. Since you're apparently 'so bad' at everything, she's a crappy manager for allowing you to be that way without trying to make you better, right??? so she should clearly indicate what's expected, and when and where and how you do not measure up. Daily/Weekly/Monthly until everyone's satisfied - ugh I hate people like her, doing and saying anything to cover their own a$$

junebug41
09-16-2008, 01:38 PM
P.S. Did I mention after all of this my cosmetics manager wanted a HUG?? Its like, oh yah, I totally backstabbed you, but lets hug it out?? Geez!

I really hate people like that and I want to throw things at them. Who was she trying to kid??? Herself??? What a joke.

I'm sorry you had to go through that and I think you handled it well. I hope it works out!

Sandi
09-16-2008, 02:28 PM
:hug:

twilit tera
09-16-2008, 03:20 PM
:hug: It sounds like you handled it very well and have learned even more that will help you in the long run.

...P.S. Did I mention after all of this my cosmetics manager wanted a HUG?? Its like, oh yah, I totally backstabbed you, but lets hug it out?? Geez!

:dz:I wish you had said "no, not right now." You would have been completely justified to stand up for your right to NOT be touched by someone who'd done so much to hurt you. Of course, I understand being blindsided by that move.

I expect that the next time that you're faced with it, you'll stand up for yourself and say, "No, I don't feel like hugging you right now. Please just give me some space.":snooty:

Goddess Jessica
09-16-2008, 05:16 PM
Ewww!!!!

I've worked with this type before. I totally feel where you're coming from. If your store manager made her tell you that information then you know that she is tired of her gossiping about you and wants you to know how she feels - good for her!

I hope it all works out.

lizziep
09-17-2008, 02:09 AM
yuck. my immediate boss is like this and it drives me nuts. also when i worked in retail i used to go along the entire year thinking i was doing an awesome job and then once a year at my review they would sit me down and tell me everything i'm doing wrong. WHAT?! if i'd known about something i was doing that they didn't like 7 months ago i could have corrected the behavior and it wouldn't have been on my review.

one good thing is now you know where you stand with this person- and that can help you a lot when dealing with her or anything else that comes up in the future. and like you said- karma will eventually come around to bite her in the butt. i'm waiting for that right now for my sup and you know what? it has started to happen and i know it shouldn't but it makes me feel somewhat vindicated.

mezmerize
09-17-2008, 11:11 AM
I'm was sorry to hear about your bad day. I'm happy that you typed away and stayed away from food. Good way to vent. Sending lots of hugs and support! You such a sweet person don't let that person take anything away from you!! Her ways will not go unnoticed.

JulieJ08
09-17-2008, 11:17 AM
I think either something in you threatens something weak in her, or she just thought that would make her look good in front of her boss and you were just handy, or this is just how she bolsters her ego.

SwimGirl
09-18-2008, 04:01 PM
Its been a couple of days, and we've worked together for those days... it's interesting to see how she's dealing with this. I know I have a LOT of support in my life, I can't see that she's got what I do. Anyways, she immediately denied that she had said I was the worst assistant ever, but also did acknowledge that I am the newest assistant she's ever worked with. She wants to talk about everything, just her and I, but I don't think I can do that. Also, I am not ready for that just yet. I need to get centered. She also wanted me to promise to talk to her about concerns, which I have been doing along the way, but I think more than anything - she doesn't want to have to deal with these things on front of the store manager. I want that, because I need to know the truth. She needs to deal with the consequences of what she says. Good lesson for her.

Am I going to quit? I decided against it. And looking for the lesson in this, I can't find anything I could really do differently. I think I held my own pretty well, and I'm quite proud of the fact that I did NOT get defensive! Thats been a huge thing for me, but I've almost conquered it :)

Thanks everyone for the replies, I really appreciate all the thoughtful and kind words, especially when my ego was that busted!

-Aimee

JulieJ08
09-18-2008, 04:23 PM
Its been a couple of days, and we've worked together for those days... it's interesting to see how she's dealing with this. I know I have a LOT of support in my life, I can't see that she's got what I do. Anyways, she immediately denied that she had said I was the worst assistant ever, but also did acknowledge that I am the newest assistant she's ever worked with. She wants to talk about everything, just her and I, but I don't think I can do that. Also, I am not ready for that just yet. I need to get centered. She also wanted me to promise to talk to her about concerns, which I have been doing along the way, but I think more than anything - she doesn't want to have to deal with these things on front of the store manager. I want that, because I need to know the truth. She needs to deal with the consequences of what she says. Good lesson for her.


Oh good grief. Definitely do not let her have any private conversations with you. She will turn around and deny everything. SOS.

mj5
09-18-2008, 04:58 PM
Aimee what a horrible experience! I think you handled it beautifully!! Pandora is exactly right!!! As a manager, it gets frustrating for my other staff when they do not know the 'behind the scenes stuff' and it isn't easy to trust and behavior and performance is being noticed, but it is. Great job!

famograham
09-19-2008, 09:19 PM
Awww...Aimee, that SUCKS!!!! :hug:

But I'm SO proud of you for the way you handled it!

xoxoxox
Linda

SuchAPrettyFace
09-21-2008, 05:30 PM
She wants to talk about everything, just her and I, but I don't think I can do that. Also, I am not ready for that just yet. I need to get centered. She also wanted me to promise to talk to her about concerns, which I have been doing along the way, but I think more than anything - she doesn't want to have to deal with these things on front of the store manager. I want that, because I need to know the truth. She needs to deal with the consequences of what she says. Good lesson for her.

^^ Abso fricking lutely not!!! She has shown that she cannot be trusted. Tell her you would happy to go over it, but only if an HR rep can sit in on the meeting to document it. She sounds like a sneaky weasel. I would not trust her as far as I could throw a truck.

Something similar happened to me last year at work. I sent an email to my boss saying to please do something about it. She called the three of them into a conference room & then came back out. "They want you to come in there." I said, "NO!" she said, "But they feel so bad!" I said, "I really don't care. I AM NOT coming in there. You don't need me in there to tell them to stop gossiping & start working." "Well they want to apologize!" I said, "Tell them it's accepted, but I am not going in there. It's just going to cause more drama & you really don't want me telling the 3 of them what I really think of them right now."

So her wanting a hug? Again, absolutely not. You did the right thing, but you were wayyyy more generous than I would have been. Just keep doing what you are doing & eventually she will trip herself up, they always do. I'm so proud of you that you weren't defensive. You shouldn't be! If you are doing something wrong, she needs to tell you. You are not a mindreader. Are you? ;)

xoxox

-American Aimee