[Taurie]

Another post got me thinking about my current confidence level and I was wondering if anyone could relate or offer advice.

While I do feel pretty confident in most areas of my life there are a some other areas that need a confidence boost. I have certainly become more insecure since I've relocated to a different country.

I use to be fine talking in front of audiences, but since I moved to London (from LA) I get soooo nervous giving speeches in front of my class... I shake, visibly.

And, when I moved my best friend said I would make friends easily... as I have always had. However, since relocating I don't find it to be true at all. I tend to be quiet and shy around new people; I was never shy before. So why now?

I don't think American and British culture are so different that I would have a hard time relating to people... I don't know what it is.

Has anyone ever experienced deflating confidence from moving????

[ronni62]

Moving and trying to meet new people has been very hard on me. I've always been on the shy side and usually only met people through my 2 very best friends from high school and college. So, I've noticed that it's just plain harder to meet people and make friends the older I get, but moving compounded the difficulty greatly. I think, whether you're still in the states or in a different country, cultures vary and it's the little things that make it difficult to make friends. Is it ok to do this or that or will this look or gesture be misinterpreted? Social cues are really hard for me to read at times.

The only thing that has helped me after the many times I have moved is that I find a church as soon as possible and try to start getting involved. Most of the time it's just for Bible studies or group meetings, but it does help. We've been in our latest location for 3 years now and I'm finally feeling like I fit in with our church. But, don't be discouraged by that, because I'm really very, very introverted.

I think feeling insecure after moving is probably normal and you'll probably start feeling a little more at ease soon. Remember you're not alone, since you can log in here and visit with 3fc'ers any time.

[raw23]

I have!!! Moved to OKC with my bf, who's my best friend. We hang out ALL THE TIME. But I don't know any girls. I even work with all guys. But I kinda figure, why hang out with lots of people you kinda like when you can hang out with one person you really like? Right?
But I would still like a girl around. I'm too shy and self-conscience to approach anyone.

[PhotoChick]

I've moved a bunch both as a kid and as an adult, and some of that has been overseas.

I *do* think that there are some fundamental differences in Brit vs. US cultures that can make it a little difficult to get started. Honestly I think once you settle in a bit, it'll be better, but don't discount the impact of a little bit of culture shock!

Hang in there and you'll probably regain your feet soon!

.

[Scarlett]

I personally have struggled with self confidence all throughout college. Now that I'm in my 5th year (going part time to finish up and working as a cocktail waitress), I've finally been able to keep my confidence up. Before I wasn't terrible, but I would be very up and down and would get into slumps. I would be in social situations and just feel painfully awkward and babble out of nervousness.

3 things I think helped me get here. One was simply figuring out what I want to do and where I'm going. Just knowing that I'm going to finish up this year, have a good time and then go travel gives me confidence.

2 was my job as a cocktail waitress, it really forced me to deal with my social issues. at first it was very difficult to talk to strangers and simply walk around with confidence, but being forced to do it night in and night out made me get better at it. Also getting hit on all the time does wonders for my confidence. This has made it easier for me to stay confident and talk to people in general. Also going to work has kind of forced me to blow dry my hair and get dolled up on a daily basis. I always feel more confident when I look better.

The last thing that put me over the top is that I am finally living with someone I'm friends with. I hated my last 2 room mates, constantly being around someone who gives you positive energy is huge.

I would recommend making sure you look nice all of the time, do your hair wear nice clothes. How you look affects how you feel, and you always feel more confident when you look nice. Also keep your living space tidy, comming home to a clean, put together area affects your mood. I think thats the whole concept of feng sheui (sp?). Plus you have confidence that anyone can stop by at any time and you wont be embarrassed.

Stay very organized, know where your supposed to be and what you have to do...being in control of your life gives you confidence. Also work a little harder at your job, if you excel at work it will give you confidence that will bleed into other areas of your life.

I would lastly recommend to put yourself out there. Maybe join an internet dating site, join a bowling league (or whatever social activities they have in London). The more you are around people the easier it will get (like me and my job). Finding a few friends who give you positive energy will help alot.

lastly keep a positive attitude...see all the good things in yourself that you want the people that you meet to see.

[Taurie]

Raw, I can relate. I moved here to go to university and to be with my boyfriend. His friends and family are great, but I would still like to make friends outside of his circle. I haven't been able to connect with anyone at uni. I feel a bit awkward... perhaps it's because I feel a huge age difference between the girls at my uni and me.

Photochick, thanks for the encouragement. I have lived here a year now and have learned that people here talk to strangers unless they've had a few pints. lol.

Scarlett, that is very helpful, thanks. I was a cocktail waitress at one point and had a very active social life... I was never home... and even after that I had loads of social confidence... I wish I could tap into it; you're right, that I'll have to throw myself out there. I have the best roommate in the world... my bf. We do a good job of keeping our flat tidy and clean as we take great pride in our home, and have guests over regularly. I agree that keeping ones home tidy and having an attractive appearance is important. So I can check those off I suppose once I start working (which should be sometime before the end of the year) I would be able to meet people I can hopefully form a meaningful friendship with... outside of my boyfriends circle. Getting hit on by men may have made a difference in the past in my confidence... British men aren't that forward unless they are drunk... a couple times though I got a "hit and run" from guys in cars or like today when I guy rode past me on his bike... he rang the bell on his bike and sang the that 70's song to me "ring my bell". lol. I recon not getting the attention I'm use to from the opposite sex has made a difference in my confidence... I wish that wasn't the case.

[Nevaeh]

I have struggled with self confidence issues for years. Not necessarily from moving or anything like that, but in general. Anyway, I decided it is time to do something about it. I just purchased a book last week from Books A Million called "Complete Confidence: A Handbook". The author is Dr. Sheenah Hankin, who has struggled with confidence issues herself. I just started reading it, but so far I really like it.

Good luck

[full of grace]

Originally Posted by Taurie

While I do feel pretty confident in most areas of my life there are a some other areas that need a confidence boost.

What I've found works is to "borrow" confidence from other parts of my life and apply it to places where I'm under-confident until I build up confidence there.

For instance, if you're really good at your job (like superstar good, no question), use the confidence you take with you through your day at work and apply that feeling to a place where you're underconfident (like maybe your athleticism or something).

It's part "fake it 'til you make it" and part you know you CAN feel confident in your life, just not HERE right now, so let's TRY to shift some of that stuff from where you feel GOOD into the less-good-feeling area until it starts to feel good too.

Sounds weird, maybe, but I've found it works really well (and makes it actually MUCH more likely that the confidence comes in the "weaker" area faster). I visualize a bottle of a favorite perfume. It smells great. I love it. When I need a whiff of it, I take one! And I can do it at any time. Same with confidence! I can pull that bottle out anytime and feel GOOD (or at least BETTER) for a moment, and that's sometimes enough to latch onto, in order to see improved confidence in all areas.

Hope that helps somewhat. I know it's not specific to having moved, but maybe there's something in there you can use. Good luck!

[Taurie]

Originally Posted by full of grace

What I've found works is to "borrow" confidence from other parts of my life and apply it to places where I'm under-confident until I build up confidence there.

For instance, if you're really good at your job (like superstar good, no question), use the confidence you take with you through your day at work and apply that feeling to a place where you're underconfident (like maybe your athleticism or something).

It's part "fake it 'til you make it" and part you know you CAN feel confident in your life, just not HERE right now, so let's TRY to shift some of that stuff from where you feel GOOD into the less-good-feeling area until it starts to feel good too.

Sounds weird, maybe, but I've found it works really well (and makes it actually MUCH more likely that the confidence comes in the "weaker" area faster). I visualize a bottle of a favorite perfume. It smells great. I love it. When I need a whiff of it, I take one! And I can do it at any time. Same with confidence! I can pull that bottle out anytime and feel GOOD (or at least BETTER) for a moment, and that's sometimes enough to latch onto, in order to see improved confidence in all areas.

Hope that helps somewhat. I know it's not specific to having moved, but maybe there's something in there you can use. Good luck!

That is great advice. I'll try it at uni in a couple weeks. I must say that having gotten back into shape has really boost my confidence... I feel like myself again, so it'll be interesting to see how I feel around people at my uni. I honestly can say that last year I felt like I didn't fit in... I felt awkward. I just wasn't comfortable in my own skin around strangers.

Thanks!

[full of grace]

Originally Posted by Taurie

That is great advice. I'll try it at uni in a couple weeks. I must say that having gotten back into shape has really boost my confidence... I feel like myself again, so it'll be interesting to see how I feel around people at my uni. I honestly can say that last year I felt like I didn't fit in... I felt awkward. I just wasn't comfortable in my own skin around strangers.

Thanks!

No prob! Good luck to you!

[Taurie]

This weekend the bf was working late, so I was on my own Friday and Saturday night. I forced myself out Friday even though I didn't have anyone to go out with. I tempted to go grab dinner at a pub in Richmond... but, the place I had in mind was so crowded I couldn't grab a table since it was first come first serve... I felt quite awkward to be there on my own. Then today I decided to meet up with a socializing group at a pub in Putney... unfortunately, since I didn't know what anyone looked like and it was crowded I couldn't find them. On the bright side... I went up to the terrace leaned up against the railing and enjoyed the views of the Thames river and all the lights from the Putney Warf. I felt so comfortable being there on my own... and I really enjoyed it. I look forward to taking friends there in the future.

Here's a link to view I had tonight.
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgu...en-us%26sa%3DG