100 lb. Club - I can't stop lying...




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djay
09-12-2008, 07:27 PM
I swear I am a really honest person...Sometimes too honest! I don't lie to cover my own a$$ when I probably should.

BUT...(isn't there always a but?)

When I started gaining weight, I could never bring myself to admit to others that I had actually gained over 100 lbs. Since I am tall...no one would believe it anyway.

Now I have lost almost 45 lbs and I am still lying about it! When people ask how much I have lost, I tell them that I have lost about 30 lbs. I still can't admit that I have that much extra weight to loose. By the time I loose the 100 lbs...I might admit to 70 of it...

I feel so guilty about lying...I don't know why I have to be so dishonest about this one thing...It's not like they can't tell that I am fat! Now I feel guilty for being fat and for lying.


ghost
09-12-2008, 08:22 PM
Me too. I've lost 59 lbs but to everybody not on line, I've only lost 20 or 30 lbs. I'm a friggin liar and me pants are on fire. Its just too humiliating to tell the truth and really, weightloss is such a personal thing, it doesnt matter. Its private. Tell them what you think they need to hear. Its white lie anyways.

JayEll
09-12-2008, 08:25 PM
djay, I can understand that.

Actually, you don't have to tell anyone how much you weigh or how much you have lost. I always say "Oh, about X" if it's just someone asking out of curiosity. Only my closest family members know the actual numbers.

Don't feel guilty about this--there's a good reason why people may not want to tell how much they weighed. Given how judgmental some others are, naturally one doesn't want to just "fess up" to everyone.

You just keep on with your plan and don't worry about it. :yes:

Jay


xYourBelleMortex
09-12-2008, 08:30 PM
I have to admit that when I started this it hurt me to admit that I was at that point. I finally, after I lost about 10 pounds and people saw that I was serious about seeing it through, I admitted to everyone who knew me how serious my problem was. I even broke it down into how many pounds a year i had gained.

I never told my boyfriend how much I was when I started, i told him 260, same weight as him, when I was 10 pounds heavier. He is the only one I haven't been entirely honest with and I think once I have lost 50 pounds I will finally break down and tell him. I'm so ashamed of myself because he loved me through the whole thing and I am the one that caused his hike in weight. I let the depression that came with the weight hinder our relationship. He had his faults too - but I ruined him in the long run. I don't know if this is something I will ever forgive myself for unless I get rid of this 130 pounds.

It hurt to admit it - but I felt it kept me honest with my self and kept me accountable for what I was putting in my face.

I still weigh myself alone and only allow you guys to see what my true progress is. But then again, if it wasnt for this site and you guys I dont know if I would still be at it.

suenami
09-12-2008, 08:31 PM
Well djay, even healthcare workers are not supposed to share that information without your written consent (HYPPA law, however you spell that). I don't really know why anyone would even want to know how much someone else has lost or how much they weigh? Seems like a really nosey question to me. The most I've ever said when I notice someone has lost weight is "Hey you look great!"

Maybe you can make light of the intrusive questions and say something like "More than I thought I could, don't I look fab?"

Give yourself permission to not tell people things just because they ask :)

djay
09-12-2008, 08:41 PM
Give yourself permission to not tell people things just because they ask :)

That is what I really need to remember! I know that in my head...but when someone is in front of me asking me questions...I don't know why I feel like I HAVE to answer them...I think it is a self confidence thing.

kaplods
09-12-2008, 08:41 PM
You don't have an obligation to reveal personal information about yourself, any personal information. If you are not comfortable with a dishonest answer, you can just honestly say you don't want to discuss it, or give a technically true answer that doesn't reveal the information you don't want to share.

Over 30 lbs - is a technically true answer, whether you've lost 30.1 lbs or 200.

"More than I care to admit," is also a good answer, it reminds the person that they've asked a personal question. If you're dealing with someone stubborn or too clueless to get the hint, or you just really want to stress this isn't a topic you want to discuss, "more than I'm comfortable discussing with anyone but my doctor," or even, "that's a little personal, don't you think?"

Anyone who persists is being rude, and you have a right to tell them so as harshly as needed to get the point across.

suenami
09-12-2008, 09:01 PM
...I don't know why I feel like I HAVE to answer them...I think it is a self confidence thing.

It's because you're a nice person. I'm not being sarcastic, you are nice and want others to think you are nice. I got a crash course in all of that when we had a special needs child and quickly figured out that when people asked rude questions, they didn't really want to know the answer. They really just wanted to give me advice and/or gossip about me.

Nori71
09-12-2008, 09:46 PM
I hate making a big deal about it to friends/acquaintances also. I always estimate...on the low side. I have told some people the whole ugly truth though...my sisters, mom, dh. Not because they asked. I just needed to say it out loud I think????

FB
09-12-2008, 09:55 PM
A very persistent family friend kept exclaiming at a party that I must have lost 30 pounds. No way I would correct her, my closest friend (who knows how much I'm down) and I just exchanged looks.

While my close peeps and all of you know, there's not much chance I would tell anyone who asked. I'm not proud I've lost 108 pounds, I'm ashamed I got to the place where I needed to lose that.

When asked I just say "A lot!". So far no one has pressed the issue. It must be that intimidating glare I give :)

There's no need to feel guilty for whatever reason you don't want to share. None at all. This is a personal issue, it's all yours babe.

KLK
09-13-2008, 12:15 AM
Eh, it's your own business and preference what you choose to share with others and imo lying or dishonesty is ONLY acceptable in personal matters, to spare privacy. If someone asks you, "How much weight did you lose?" and you want to keep that info private, imo it's totally fine to not be completely truthful.

If you spent all of this morning getting waxed and someone asked you "So, what did you do this morning?" imo I feel you'd also be under no obligation to say, "getting a bikini wax" and "Oh, I ran an errand" would be totally acceptable.

ShootingStar123
09-13-2008, 12:57 AM
I completely understand where you are coming from
I was semi-successful for awhile on a diet when I was in high school ( then it all came back and them some, hence the reason I have found my way to this wonderful sight) but anyways... A lot of people would tell me how great I looked and then ask me how much I lost.

It would make me feel so awkward and uncomfortable that I would just tell them I didn't know or I wasn't really sure. When of course I knew exactly how much I had lost and exactly how much I weighed.

Maybe it is just because I am more on the shy side, but I don't think there is a need to tell people how much weight you have lost nor do I think it is appropriate for people to ask. If you are willing to offer it up, thats great, but never feel obligated to give an answer if you aren't comfortable to do so!

Pandora123a
09-13-2008, 07:18 AM
While it is very true that you don't need to give an answer, the trick to this is making sure you have one. Folks have suggested several good ones "More than I care to admit" "A lot". Some others that work for me "I don't know, I'm not focussing on the scale." "Not as much as I would like to".

Prepare and rehearse your answer...part of the reason we answer questions we don't want to answer is because we don't have an alternative ready, and that leaves us at a loss.

I have the same shame issues about my weight...and while a very few folks know the number I've lost I don't plan to publicize it. Maybe they will think I have always been a small size and just lost 10 pounds!

wendymeows
09-13-2008, 09:28 AM
I have no problems at all telling people how much I have lost because I am very proud of it BUT I don't tell them how much I have left to lose because they can do the math and realize that with what I have lost and what I have left would be 100 pounds!! Yikes!! I just say I've lost "X" pounds and my goal is 140 so I still have alittle bit to go. Normally after that, they don't ask anymore questions.

Suzzyy
09-13-2008, 10:04 AM
:) My girlfriend's daughter has been overweight her entire life. I don't know what she weighed but I do know I would buy her size 24 sweaters at Christmas. She is just 28 and engaged and something finally clicked that she is going to get going. I do not see her often and when I did she was down about 20 pounds and I told her she looked beautiful and we hugged and she thanked me. Then I saw her recently and she is SKINNY !! I am guessing she lost another 60 or 80 pounds and I foolishly asked her how much she had lost and her reply was :
"I don't get on a scale, I don't want to be defined by a number." We continued to talk and she said she is just committed to getting healthy !!
Good Answer
Suzy

PaulaM
09-13-2008, 06:57 PM
There are certain questions that truly are none of the other person's business. Weight is one, age is one for some people. Asking why somebody never got pregnant. I don't think there's a thing wrong with saying whatever you feel like. I have a friend who, when asked something she doesn't care to share, says "what prompts the inquiry?" very sweetly. And then doesn't answer.

Dumplin
09-13-2008, 11:22 PM
If you have lost 100lbs and don't want anyone to know you were ever that big just tell them you have lost somewhere around 30 or 40 lbs or whatever numbers you are comfortable with .You want be lying because you did lose that much weight . Does anyone agree?

Smiling_Sara
09-14-2008, 10:22 AM
Girl, if you lose 100 lbs, shout it from the roof! That is something to be so proud of!

Saying that, I know what you're saying about it being hard. I have a hard time admitting what my starting number was ( 278 ) I think I only told my sister, who replied, Wow, I never would of guessed you weighed that much! BUT when ppl ask me how much I have lost, I always tell the exact number. Nobody has asked me what my starting weight was, and I have been upfront with everyone I know about my efforts to lose weight. I'm sure they know that my starting number is a personal thing, so they don't ask, and or don't care, but saying I lost 40 instead of 60 lbs somehow seems to take away A LOT of hard work on my part. ( at least that is how I see it )

Keep up the good work though, you are doing wonderful!

Ufi
09-14-2008, 12:05 PM
Like you, I pride myself on my honesty. Setting boundaries has been and continues to be a challenge: This is where your right to information ends and my right to privacy begins. Owning your life and your personal information isn't the same as being rude. I've begun to think of it as helping society by encouraging people to recognize when they're being too invasive.

If you think it would be helpful to tell someone the real numbers, don't feel that you have to judge yourself for them. Do you judge other people on this board for their numbers? For me, I'm amazed and encouraged when I see the weight loss. There's a whole lot more that goes into weight than simply eating too much, and weight loss is a huge accomplishment. We should treat each other and ourselves gently. It isn't like you shot someone in the face!

If you don't want to tell anyone, you don't have to. It's your body, not theirs. I like humor ("I lost 2,715.4 pounds, but I just can't seem to shake the last 1.2 pounds.") or even completely and openly changing the subject. ("How much weight have you lost?" "That's an interesting top. Where did you get it?") Or try just simply not answering. Silence is one of my new favorite responses.

I agree with the suggestion that you practice. Or maybe even practice with you being the one to ask the rude question and the other person give you some sample responses, to see which ones you like the best.

If it makes you feel bad about telling a lie, then don't do it. You have a right to your integrity as well as your health, and neither need be sacrified because of rude people.

JulieJ08
09-14-2008, 12:55 PM
I've begun to think of it as helping society by encouraging people to recognize when they're being too invasive.

Lord knows it sure needs that help!


I like humor ("I lost 2,715.4 pounds, but I just can't seem to shake the last 1.2 pounds.")

"How much weight have you lost?"

Or try just simply not answering. Silence is one of my new favorite responses.


I love all of these. Just strong enough so they figure it out for themselves, just gently enough that they maybe learn something instead of getting defensive.

If it makes you feel bad about telling a lie, then don't do it. You have a right to your integrity as well as your health, and neither need be sacrified because of rude people.

Amen.

skinnyinsideout
09-14-2008, 09:38 PM
I read this post the other day and can't get it out of my mind. I have lost almost 70lbs and have been telling anyone I can. I want people to know how hard I've been working - BUT - after reading this I'm thinking about how it may sound. Several times that I've told people they act shocked and say "I had NO IDEA you had that much to lose"! What?!? Are they blind?!? -:dizzy: LOL! No really - maybe it is too much to tell people I lost 70lbs. - maybe 20 does sound better............

kaplods
09-14-2008, 11:11 PM
I tend to be very open about my weight, and will answer almost anyone who asks. For me, I refuse to be ashamed of who I am, or even who I was. There were a lot of reasons I got to be as heavy as I did, and some of them were out of my control, and some of them were based on choices I would make all over again if I had the opportunity. Weight wasn't the first priority in my life -- my career, family, and education were. Good choices, but I wasn't taking care of me. That was a mistake, but nothing to be deeply ashamed of. Embarassment for being short-sighted, maybe but not ashamed.

Personally, I dislike the pressure put upon women in our culture to be dishonest regarding weight loss and age. I always say that if I am ever tempted to lie about my age, I will lie "up" so that people think I look good (rather than thinking I'm lying or look horrible for my age). I'd say that about weight, accept when I tell people who ask about my weight, they think I'm already doing it. I've been accused of lying or being sarcastic when I tell my true weight.

I think the reason for the disbelief is how common lying about weight is. No one knows what over 300 lbs looks like, because they've never met a woman admitting to weighing that much. No one knows what losing 100 lbs looks like, because few people admit to having lost that much.

Personally, I'd rather see someone say "none of your d*d business," than lie when asked how much they weigh or how much they've lost. But I understand the pressure to "fudge" the truth. I just wish it weren't there.

ghost
09-15-2008, 02:03 PM
LOL, "lie up" about your age. I'm going to start telling people I'm 50, that'll get a great reaction!

yoyoma
09-15-2008, 02:45 PM
I think people asking how much you have lost are generally trying to be nice. So if you are uncomfortable sharing that information, I think one of the polite ways of conveying that is a good choice (rather than lying or slapping down the person who asks). I think the suggestions like "More than I'd like to admit," and "Not as much as I'd like" convey that message but keep the conversation upbeat.

Pandora123a
09-15-2008, 05:45 PM
I once heard a comedian on this topic. She put her hands wide apart and said "why do women think this is 110 pounds?" She then wiggled her little finger and answered herself "Because men think this is six inches."

It still makes me laugh! And my driver's license has my weight at 16 still listed. No one has ever questioned it.

yoyonomoreinvegas
09-15-2008, 06:07 PM
I've done so many flip-flops as far as how I feel about telling people IRL about my journey that I'm starting to feel like a pancake..

When I first started losing, I couldn't wait for someone to notice - seemed like it just took forever for anyone to finally say something. Then, when they finally did, I would get all bristly when they asked how much :shrug: I honestly think I wasn't so much embarrased about how big I had been, or still was, but more worried that I would either not lose any more or gain it all back and they would all start shaking their heads and either pitying me or laughing at me for being such a failure. Now that I'm even closer to goal, and feeling even more committed than ever to clean eating being a total lifetime change (and am actually starting to look pretty good ;) ), I'll brag about how much I've lost to anyone who'll listen - even some who don't really want to listen :o