100 lb. Club - So upset!




View Full Version : So upset!


skinnyinsideout
09-08-2008, 11:12 PM
I just have to say that I am getting SOOOO frustrated with people not noticing/commenting on my weight loss - which is 64lbs. since Januaryy! I lost about 30 lbs. over the summer and went back to school - nothing. No one said anything! Then this weekend I was out on the beach with my parents in a new suit, I've lost about 15lbs since seeing them last - nothing! They have nagged me about weight my whole life, but haven't commented once since this diet started. I know I'm doing it for me, and I shouldn't need that - but I do! I feel like I am SO obviously different now - but I feel invisible! and it can't be said that my classmates are nervous to say anything because another girl in my class went from 210 to 140 and she is all people talk about!! I would love someone to just see me and say "wow"! :mad:


Suzzyy
09-08-2008, 11:20 PM
Sometimes people are funny. Could they be envious? My mother is good for that. She is always telling me to lose weight, commenting on my bad choice of clothing, now that I am down a few pounds, she says nothing and might I add, my few pounds down is NOTHING compared to your amazing success. Hey keep going and flaunt it like the "HOT" woman you are. You know you look fabulous, hold your head high,flash your brillant smile,
push up the boobs, and strut your stuff. You go girl !!
Suzy

luvja
09-08-2008, 11:21 PM
:hug: As long as YOUR noticing it, nothing else really matters.


PhotoChick
09-08-2008, 11:35 PM
One thing to think about ... if you do a search on the site here, you'll find that opinions are VERY mixed about getting comments on your weight loss. Some people are actually VERY offended if people make personal comments about them losing weight.

I personally don't understand that :) but I've learned that it's true.

So consider that some people may not be commenting on your loss because they are afraid of offending you.

Also the girl they talk about - do they talk to her face, or just *about* her?

.

JulieJ08
09-08-2008, 11:36 PM
Well, I guess I can't knock some sense into your friends and family from here. But maybe this will help: Da**, 65 pounds is fantastic!!!!

:congrat:

jtammy
09-09-2008, 12:11 AM
Yes, 65 lbs gone is fantastic, and I'm sorry that more people haven't commented on it. But, I agree with photochick that many people can't decide whether to mention it or not. If they mention it, they're afraid you'll think that means that they thought you were fat. If they don't mention it, there afraid you'll think they think you're still fat, etc, etc. I've even been there myself, until I lost weight and realized that it was a lot of work and effort and I wanted it to at least be acknowledged.

Sooner or later though, people won't be able to ignore it and you will hear so many comments on it that you will get tired of them. Just keep doing what you're doing and don't let the lack of comments/compliments right now get you down.:hug:

traveling michele
09-09-2008, 12:19 AM
Wow!
Way to go on losing 65 pounds!
That is a huge accomplishment.
So far as the other girl's weight loss, I agreee... are people talking about it to her face or behind her back? Maybe all of your positive comments are happening so that you aren't hearing.

vixjean
09-09-2008, 01:07 AM
why don't you post some pics, we all love to see progress around here!

zenor77
09-09-2008, 02:04 AM
Trust me they notice. The reasons that they aren't commenting are endless; jealousy, not wanting to come off as rude, not knowing what to say, etc.

You are doing great! I also agree with Photochick, I found it very annoying when some people would comment. I used to get the funniest (and wrong) advice from people.

Pandora123a
09-09-2008, 07:29 AM
Having lost large amounts of weight several times I've noticed that each time I lose, folks are slower and more reluctant to comment. For me I think it is about the yoyoing...I suspect that until I both lose and maintain for a while no one will say anything much.

I've found that "asking" really helps, but I limit it to a few folks. (My mom, my sister, and my husband.) I've also found that newer friends (folks who didn't live through the previous loss and subsequent gain) seem to be more comfortable with commenting.

It may take a while...but it will happen! In the meantime, are you dressing differently? Old baggy clothes can hide that loss!

When all is said and done.... 65 pounds! Wow! You look terrific!

walking2lose
09-09-2008, 07:31 AM
you are doing GREAT... be patient!!!!

Beverlyjoy
09-09-2008, 08:15 AM
It's frustrating when you want people to be 'dancing the happy dance' :dance: with you and they don't....especially your family. I am sorry that you aren't getting that wonderful feedback and reinforcement you'd like and deserve. :hug: I don't know any reasons more than what has been mentioned here.

You're accomplishments are awesome and I know that they show. Good job!!!! It's wonderful.

:bravo:

GirlyGirlSebas
09-09-2008, 09:56 AM
When I first start losing, I lose a lot of weight in my upper waist and my back and some in my stomach. My hips and thighs haven't lost many inches at all. I haven't received any comments about my weight loss, but I believe it's because I don't look much different yet. One day, the inches will start melting off of my hips and I'll look obviously slimmer. Could this be your situation? Are you losing in "inconspicuous" places first? They may see a difference in you, but just can't pinpoint what the difference might be. Hang in there. Your day is coming.

Steelslady
09-09-2008, 10:16 AM
When I first start losing, I lose a lot of weight in my upper waist and my back and some in my stomach. My hips and thighs haven't lost many inches at all. I haven't received any comments about my weight loss, but I believe it's because I don't look much different yet. One day, the inches will start melting off of my hips and I'll look obviously slimmer. Could this be your situation? Are you losing in "inconspicuous" places first? They may see a difference in you, but just can't pinpoint what the difference might be. Hang in there. Your day is coming.

Same here. When I lost 55 pounds last year, no one but my mother-in-law noticed. I knew why, too- I truly didn't look any different, I am afraid. :( Believe it or not, I lost weight in my feet and hands- my shoe size went down 2 sizes- who notices that? :lol: Still, it's no reason to give up- we're getting healthier and eventually, all this hard work and effort will pay off. Hang in there!

twilit tera
09-09-2008, 11:14 AM
What a bummer! But I agree that some people might be withholding comments out of fear of offending you.

I don't want anything like that to happen to me. I took a picture of myself at the start... I think I'll paste it to my forehead. :p

Smiling_Sara
09-09-2008, 12:04 PM
I just have to say that I am getting SOOOO frustrated with people not noticing/commenting on my weight loss - which is 64lbs. since Januaryy! I lost about 30 lbs. over the summer and went back to school - nothing. No one said anything! Then this weekend I was out on the beach with my parents in a new suit, I've lost about 15lbs since seeing them last - nothing! They have nagged me about weight my whole life, but haven't commented once since this diet started. I know I'm doing it for me, and I shouldn't need that - but I do! I feel like I am SO obviously different now - but I feel invisible! and it can't be said that my classmates are nervous to say anything because another girl in my class went from 210 to 140 and she is all people talk about!! I would love someone to just see me and say "wow"! :mad:


Sometimes ppl are uncomfortable saying something like that? I've had some ppl say things to me but mainly bc my entire family knows I"m on a diet and making heathier choices so I get asked about it. ( Which I guess is good bc it helps keep me on track )

fiberlover
09-09-2008, 12:12 PM
People do notice, but they may not feel comfortable commenting on it. They might be talking amongst themselves about it, though.

You will find the comments will come more and more as you lose more weight. Also - comments will come if they see you doing something different (ie eating differently, or being more active). Those situations invite comments, it seems.

You are doing it for you, and you are doing awesome!!

wendymeows
09-09-2008, 01:55 PM
It's funny how people are so worried about saying something about weight loss. I am mostly around women and family and they say stuff all the time which is wonderful and keeps me going. But...there are a select few (mostly men) that are terrified to say anything to me about the loss. They tell their girlfriends/wives and have them tell me. I only have one guy in my family other than my husband that don't care and just says stuff each time. People will start saying something because your loss is a big one!! People definitely have to notice or they are just not observant! ;) You've done a great job so far and I'm sure you look fantastic!! :carrot:

KLK
09-09-2008, 02:12 PM
Based on your SW/CW on the side, there is NO WAY imo that they can genuinely not have noticed how much weight you've lost. I lost about the same amount and I'm only a teeny bit shorter than you so I know what that kind of loss looks like and you CAN'T MISS IT.

I reckon they're not saying anything either out of fear of being "rude" by commenting on your weight, or maybe out of a twinge of jealousy or whatever.

I just have to say that I am getting SOOOO frustrated with people not noticing/commenting on my weight loss - which is 64lbs. since Januaryy! I lost about 30 lbs. over the summer and went back to school - nothing. No one said anything! Then this weekend I was out on the beach with my parents in a new suit, I've lost about 15lbs since seeing them last - nothing! They have nagged me about weight my whole life, but haven't commented once since this diet started. I know I'm doing it for me, and I shouldn't need that - but I do! I feel like I am SO obviously different now - but I feel invisible! and it can't be said that my classmates are nervous to say anything because another girl in my class went from 210 to 140 and she is all people talk about!! I would love someone to just see me and say "wow"! :mad:

Tammy73
09-09-2008, 02:20 PM
Way to go on losing 64 lbs.
I can't say much of anything that hasn't already been said, but if you have
progress pictures you should post them....I'm sure all of us would notice your progress and we'll definitely all comment on it!
Keep doing what you are doing. You're an amazing inspiration!

jennisue
09-09-2008, 03:54 PM
Hi there,

I know exactly what you are saying and feeling I have lost 60 pounds since April and the only person to notice is my husband because every week I tell him how much i lost. My parents who were upset at my weight (they were really not nice about me being overweight) didn't say anything.

I brought this up to my mom the other day and she said - it is hard to tell because your still very overweight ( 200 lbs at 5' 2") - I am guessing that as I lose more it will be more apparent.

Hang in there you must be feeling better and happier to buy new clothes. I know how excited I was to see people who had not seen me in months and when they didn't say anything I was disappointed. But I know the next time they see me they will be amazed. :)

Keep measurements of your inches lost as well as the weight on the scale---


Best of Luck

S.A.S.H
09-09-2008, 04:41 PM
:yay: :yay: Go you! :yay: :yay:

I can't wait until I can say I have lost that much. I am so envious! I bet you look fantastic. As others have mentioned there are many reasons why people choose not to comment. Family I'm not so sure of though. I can see your frustration, I would want people to notice all my hard work too.

I will tell you this...*WE* notice :hug:

Keep up the awesome work!

synger
09-09-2008, 07:38 PM
You've gotten some great advice here. You also may want to read The Paper Towel theory (http://www.peertrainer.com/LoungeCommunityThread.aspx?ForumID=1&ThreadID=15480). It really helps me to re-read it when I've had a loss that's obvious to me but not to anyone else.

Also I second the issue of clothing. I lost 50 pounds a couple of years ago, but no one really said anything until I bought two new sweaters in a smaller size and started wearing them to work (instead of the baggy dresses I practically live in). It makes a huge difference.

JulieJ08
09-09-2008, 07:41 PM
Also I second the issue of clothing. I lost 50 pounds a couple of years ago, but no one really said anything until I bought two new sweaters in a smaller size and started wearing them to work (instead of the baggy dresses I practically live in). It makes a huge difference.

So true!

Nori71
09-09-2008, 07:46 PM
I just have to say WTG on your tremendous efforts and results! Like you said, we are doing this for ourselves first and foremost, but I like the comments, so I know I'd be "hurt" like you, and translate it into feeling unsupported. I have to agree that changing the clothing sometimes make the difference...although you mentioned that you'd been out in public in a bathing suit and still no comments. Just let it work in you more of a resolve to get all the way to goal!

skinnyinsideout
09-09-2008, 08:10 PM
THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the support! I have to say that they aren't talking behind my friends back but going on and on to her about how she looks, and then I sit there thinking "what about me??!!" and no one says anything! It's so hard.
The other day she said she lost 75lbs. and three people were saying "wow, that's so awesome - that's soo much!" and I'm sitting there having lost 64!! Even the o first day of classes we stuck our heads in our professors door to say Hi after the long summer. Silly, I know but all Summer I had this fantasy of the professors complimenting my weight loss after not seeing me over the summer, well I didn't know my friend was behind me and the professor looked up and said - oh my gosh look at you, you look amazing - MY HEART SOARED - I WAS SO PROUD -then I followed her eyes literally OVER my shoulder to me friend who was standing there. GRRR! I was crushed!

I read the paper towel post and maybe it is because I still have a lot to go (and she looks SKINNY) but for me at least I need that outside approval. I'm married to a man who isn't into my weight or loss at all, so there's nothing positive coming from there, and it's like I'm being tested to learn how to cheer for myself. Not something I've had a lot of success with in my past - I think I fake it even with myself, but inside I REALLY want to hear it from others.

I also get what you all said about people not knowing what to say & not wanting to offend- but I feel like my friends should be cheering me on - but the only ones who ever do say anything are my overweight friends who know how hard I'm working at this.

Funny - as I write this I'm think maybe what I need new are friends and husband - haha!

crazy4weightloss
09-09-2008, 08:22 PM
First of congrats on your loss. You should feel very proud. I think jealousy has something to do with it. Weight is a funny thing. Hang in there. Go buy a really cute outfit:)

WebRover
09-09-2008, 08:43 PM
Are you getting any unexpected compliments for other things. "Your hair looks really nice today" "Did you get new glasses?" "You look really good in that outfit." "That must be your color." The reason I ask is before people noticed I lost weight, I got comments like those above. People realized I looked different and looked better, but didn't realize at first that it was from losing weight.

In any case - awesome progress and congratulations.

PhotoChick
09-09-2008, 08:46 PM
Hm. The thing about them seeing your friend and not you ... or making a bigger fuss over your friend. I'm just wondering ...

1 - although your friend has lost close to the same amount as you, is it a bigger percentage of her weight, or does it put her closer to her goal? Like, for you 65lbs is a HUGE amount to lose, but you're still 1/3 of the way to your goal, vs maybe for her 75 lb is her goal? Does that make sense? (It sounds different in my head! :D ). So maybe her loss is more noticeable?

2 - Have you bought many new clothes? I think someone else mentioned that above, but I'll emphasize it also. Most people didn't notice HOW MUCH weight I'd lost until I quit wearing my old clothing. I think they saw that I was losing weight, but I wore my size 22s until I was practically a 16. Then someone said to me, your clothes are really baggy and I went out and bought almost a whole new wardrobe in the space of 3 weeks. Suddenly *EVERYONE* was telling me I looked great and wow, how much weight have you lost anyway???

Dunno. Neither of those may hold true for you ... but just thought I'd throw both out there as a way to maybe make you feel better??

Or you can just tell me to shut up now! :D

.

Glory87
09-09-2008, 08:47 PM
I read the paper towel post and maybe it is because I still have a lot to go (and she looks SKINNY) but for me at least I need that outside approval. I'm married to a man who isn't into my weight or loss at all, so there's nothing positive coming from there, and it's like I'm being tested to learn how to cheer for myself. Not something I've had a lot of success with in my past - I think I fake it even with myself, but inside I REALLY want to hear it from others.

Post some before/after pics here, we LOVE to cheer on that kind of stuff! Join the weekly weigh in threads! This place is awesome for support and rah rah!