[beforeim35]

I have always suffered from very low self esteem. I always thought that everyone looked better than me, get depressed when I see really good looking people on TV and in general have just always hated myself. There have been a lot of things going on in my life right now and my self esteem was falling even lower.

I started a new job this past week and I am in training with a group of eight woman. I was looking around the room the other day when I realized not one of them was "perfect". One of them is significantly heavier than me, two of them are very, very skinny, two are a bit chunky and the others have other body issues. When I realized this, it made me feel so much better. This is a random sampling of woman. Sure there are also pretty, fit woman that work there, but in general I am just average. I am ok with average!! That was big step for me as I always felt like the ugliest person in any room.

Of course, lol, my next thought was look at how nice and smooth their skin is....

Anyone who is suffering with issues like mine, I urge you to look around you, not just at the people whose bodies you admire, but at how "normal" you really are.

[srmb60]

Many years ago someone reminded me that actresses have to look that perfect for about 90 seconds at a time... made a huge difference in my interpretation of them.

And yes, there is nothing wrong with feeling average. Mental room for a bad hair day and mental room for improvement.

[midwife]

You are correct. I see a lot of women's bodies and no one is "perfect" but each woman has beauty about her. We all do. Women are beautiful. So.....

I think we all have a "tape" that plays messages in our heads, and some of us have negative "tapes". I was lifting weights on Friday and I kept thinking, "I am WBW---World's Biggest Wimp"....what a stupid thing to think about myself (even my criticism of the thought is negative ) So I consciously changed my thought to "I am here. I am working hard. I am stronger than I used to be and I am getting stronger still." And that simple change of thought changed my energy level and my self-confidence.

The next time you are critical of yourself, change the thought to something positive. "I am beautiful, I am smart, I have a great job, I....." fill in the blank. You have a beauty about you....not just an "average" but something extraordinary and unique. Celebrate that beauty!

[WebRover]

Also, no one is looking as closely or as judgementally at you as you are yourself. Mostly, they're busy looking at themself and worrying about how they look.

[traveling michele]

I totally agree. Your perceptions change as you change yourself too. Now that I've lost my weight, I look at others that I used to think were "perfect" or "skinny" and I realize I am skinnier than many of them. While I still often find fault with my body, I know I am being ridiculous and no one wants to hear about my flabby tummy. I remember when I weighed 125 pounds in high school and thought I was fat. My friends and I would all complain about how fat we were! I wish I could see what I looked like then and try to figure out how/why I thought I was fat!

We can be our own worst enemies. We need to love and accept ourselves no matter what size or faults we may think we have. If we can accept ourselves, we will exude confidence and we will be prettier!

[Ufi]

Even when I was thin, I was never anything more than average. I certainly never had people telling me I was pretty. I used that as an excuse: Gee, even if I lose weight, I'll never be beautiful, so why bother?

But I've realized that perceptions of beauty change as you get to know someone. It's hard to objectively judge the beauty of a good friend or loved one. I've known some beautiful women with ugly personalities and women who would truly be considered ugly by many in society who had beautiful personalities. And I've seen some beautiful women up close without makeup, and it does make a huge difference.

This is something I still struggle with because those tapes are old and ingrained. It feels good to have someone compliment your appearance, too.

[JulieJ08]

Also, I know a lot of us can look at a friend or family member and have a hundred excuses or reasons why their imperfections are OK and don't matter, because we love them. I try to remind myself to treat myself that way too!