100 lb. Club - The Beach and the battle of being bummed out.




xYourBelleMortex
09-02-2008, 04:58 PM
Walking down the beach in the last weekend of a long summer. My legs hurt, my dogs are pulling me faster and I just keep thinking about the grains of sand embedded in my thighs and the impending rash that will result from them. I wade into the water to try to get rid of the substance and the bottoms of my shorts get soaked, begin to fall down, exposing my stomach.

I just sat there, staring at the waves rolling in, wondering what the **** I got myself into being almost 270 pounds. I wish I could say I remember the days when being at the beach at sunset made you feel beautiful but in this moment in time I feel frumpy and hopeless. 130 pounds seems so far away. The idea of being able to wear a bathing suit that doesn’t ride up or expose me would be one of the greatest accomplishments. Just to be able to wear a suit under normal clothes. To take those clothes off and wear the suit and not have to sit in the car soaking wet and itchy because I am too ashamed to remove my clothes in public.

I am in this personal war with myself these past few weeks. I am not giving up by any means but the frustrations that come with dieting, losing pounds one week, not losing the next, working harder only to level the scale when you stand on it, is really getting to me.

I know it is ignorant to expect change over night. But I feel like I am not making the progress I should be. Because of that I am being stricter on myself, which might be doing more damage than it is good.

I am looking at it as an addiction. But what the sick sad part is that with a drug addict – there is a clear line – that you can’t have that substance. With overeating – you have to have that “drug” in order to survive but you have to take it in moderation. You have to deal with the food commercials jammed in your face ever minute of every day. You can change the channel, or go for a walk but the billboards haunt you. It is everywhere.

I know I have the problem and I know I am going to fix it but the journey is becoming more distracting and more torturous as the weeks turn into months. It has taken over my mind frame and the battle is all I can think about.

The things that don’t kill you will only make you stronger – but what if what is supposed to make you stronger is killing you?


H8cake
09-03-2008, 02:44 AM
Hang in there:hug: Losing weight is not easy, it has to be one of the hardest things we'll ever do. You can do it! The longer you stick to the plan the easier it gets. We all go through bumpy times though, just hang tough!

JayEll
09-03-2008, 06:42 AM
Hey! I know what you mean, Belle. The shock of realization.

It's true that a drug addict can give the substance up totally, whereas to lose weight one cannot just stop eating forever. But several things can help. There's a middle ground between eating everything all the time, and not eating at all.

One of the things that can help is a reasonable plan for eating. My experience has been that food cannot be left up to chance if I expect to lose. It doesn't have to be a week-long plan, although it could be--but it does help to know what's happening at every meal or snack--at least have options--and have the foods on hand.

Note that the words are "reasonable plan." That means that cutting your foods too much is not a good idea. It's not reasonable. It's too hard to stick with.

Another helpful thing is support. Some people need more than others. For some, a site like 3FC is great. Others need face to face or group support. Weight Watchers, TOPS... And some are fine going it alone-- only you know what will work for you.

So Belle, don't give up--but keep trying other things than what you've tried in the past, if they aren't working.

As far as staying with your plan--you're the one who has control over what goes into your mouth. No one else is going to hold you down and force foods between your teeth! ;) So, get tough with yourself. :drill: Think long term for results, short term for eating-- That means, realize it's going to take months, but make sure you have a sound plan today.

Jay


luckymommy
09-03-2008, 07:02 AM
You got some great advice, but I'd like to add something too. I think it's important not to focus on the entire goal (which I'm sure you already know, but it's good to sometimes remind yourself). Turn that voice off that gives you the negative talk because that doesn't get you to where you want to be. On the contrary...it is what leads you down the wrong path (not that it will, but it's more likely to). I would take a deep breath and set some short term goals. I, personally, like to think of it as 5 lbs. at a time and soon enough, they add up to 10, 15, 20, etc. Just hang in there and you'll get there, but try to change the voice into a positive one. Taking this jorney is a monumental effort, so give yourself some credit! You're already losing weight and heading in the right direction.

As far as the beach, I feel your pain. How about wearing a light dress over your bathing suit? That's what I've done. I've also worn a sarong. I could tell you not to worry about what other people think, but we are social creatures, so that is something I personally can't change myself!

Does this make any sense? Sorry if it's not coming out right, but I have major insomnia and didn't sleep all night. I'm trying not to eat until breakfast time, but it's hard. If I didn't feel too lazy to go downstairs, I'd have eaten by now!

Ok, back to the eating...I highly recommend planning your meals ahead. Personally, I'm a calorie counter. I'm not perfect with it and I don't always know how many calories something is (especially if someone else made it), but I look things up online and figure it out as best as I can. I did give up one addiction (I'm a food addict as well, so I can totally relate) and that is diet soda. I really feel like it was making me hungrier and when I found out that there were studies that proved this, I had to quit it. It took me several attempts, but it can be done.

Anyway, I hope you're feeling better now. I really do. HUGS to you from a fellow chick.

GirlyGirlSebas
09-03-2008, 07:51 AM
Being obese will kill you.

So, what's the alternative? To keep trying and trying until you get it right. Don't give up on yourself. You deserve the rewards of staying on-plan.

Lovely
09-03-2008, 08:26 AM
Yep, absolutely, 130 pounds seems so very far away. In fact, it is far away.

It's good to have an end goal in mind. It is. It's fine to think about things in the future and at that goal. But, it really stalls us when we only think about that goal.

If I began my own journey only thinking about the 180 lbs I had to go, I'd probably depress myself right out of action. Yes, I think about it. But, now... I only have to think about the 80 pounds left. Sure, even 80 pounds seems like a long way. It is a long way.

Shorter goals, many non-scale related, have helped me get this far. 10% at a time. Little games in my head about drinking all my water, eating all my fruits & vegetables for the day, and hopping on the treadmill for my exercise.

Even after losing 20 pounds I felt a difference in my body. Just knowing that I was doing better for myself. Knowing that I was working on it, made a difference.

If you need something to distract you from the bigger goal, put the scale away. Make a chart, and simply keep track of your water, food & exercise. Reward yourself for the days that you're OP. (Not with food.) Pull the scale out after a couple of non-scale weeks and get some feedback. Even if the weight doesn't come off as fast as we'd like, eating what our bodies need, and allowing our bodies to move as they were made to, it's all part of the process and really does make a world of difference.

flabbyblue
09-03-2008, 09:01 AM
I do, I do know how you feel. Just last night, I was berating myself over letting the weight come on me like this. Telling myself that if I had even just come to the realization 45 pounds ago, I would only have 60 pounds to lose, and 60 seems so much easier than 100 to me right now.

And some nights, sitting at home with the SO while working on graphic design, I have the urge to just quit. He doesn't mind the weight, and I'd feel much happier at that moment in time if I just gave up and plopped down with him to eat chips.

But I know by morning, I'll be at work, trying to make a size 18 look mature and classy for my day job, and knowing that I'm failing at it. So I keep on...cutting up an apples in the morning to take to work as snacks, packing my lunch, looking forward each day and praying that the scale isn't a disappointment.

You've already started...time to keep going. :bravo: on your weight loss already, by the way, and on being an eloquent writer who shares all this with us.

Sandi
09-03-2008, 09:06 AM
I am starting to think that sometimes our attitude defeats us before we even get a chance to get started. We really have to believe that this is possible and that we are capable of achieving our goals.

Don't look at the 130 lbs you want to lose. Look at it in smaller chunks. 10 lbs at a time.

Start thinking about what you can do...have a healthy breakfast...go for a walk. Focus on the positive! :hug:

wendymeows
09-03-2008, 09:40 AM
You have already gotten great advice here but I know how you feel about 130 pounds feeling so far away. I started weighing in at 241 and chose my goal weight of 140 because I did not want to think I had over 100 pounds to go. It's tough to think about. I started out with my first short goal to be getting under 200 pounds. I wanted to hit onderland!! When I finally did, it was a great feeling!! It kept me going and then all I wanted was to be out of the 190's *lol* Now I take it 10 pounds at a time. I don't think of the long term because it will drive you nuts!!

I am a beach lover and I spent sooo much time in the past years wearing clothes instead of a bathing suit feeling miserable just like you described. I'm a people watcher and I started noticing that people bigger than me were wearing bathing suits....sometimes even 2 pieces! I admired them for their bravery and I finally went and bought me a bathing suit (one piece of course). People stared at me either way...in a bathing suit or fully clothed in the middle of the summer. I finally got to the point where I could care less what others were saying....it felt good in a suit and I no longer felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. You'll never see those people again anyways. This past month I went to the beach on vacation and with the weight loss and a smaller suit...I felt like the hottest person out there!! *lol* Everyone else saw me as the fat girl I'm sure but I felt great and you will get to that point too!! You can do it and enjoy those walks down the beach. Just keep your goals in mind and make sure you chose obtainable ones so that you are not easily discouraged. :hug:

Schmoodle
09-03-2008, 10:08 AM
When I started 100 lbs. seems sooooo far away. I am so happy about what I've lost so far, but you know what? 32 lbs. still seems sooooo far away. Maybe as far as the whole 100. Maybe that's because it goes more slowly now. But when I lose a few now it makes a huge difference, whereas before, not so much. I just decided to let my natural stubborness help me along here. I don't care how much it is, I am going to stick with it until I get there (wherever it is I'm going). If I fall, I will get up and keep going. I can do this and so can you. It doesn't require any great willpower or motivation, it just requires you to decide you are going to take it day by day, and stick with it. Along the way you will have many victories and benefits to help you along. Don't make the mistake of thinking you will not feel good until it's ALL gone. Just not true.

FreeSpirit
09-03-2008, 10:32 AM
You know what really helped me to keep going?

If you ever feel like giving up... just keep in mind that somewhere down the road, you're going to wish you had kept going. Somewhere down the road you're going to want to lose weight again. Somewhere down the road you're goign to regret giving up. Do you want to deal with that regret? Or do you want to be somewhere down the road lighter, happier, and healthier?

xYourBelleMortex
09-03-2008, 12:13 PM
Think long term for results, short term for eating-- That means, realize it's going to take months, but make sure you have a sound plan today.

Jay

You know, Jay, I think this might be my main problem. I m really growing to dislike the weight watcher system and the counting of points. It makes it so that food is ALL I think about. All day, all night, I wake up and go to sleep thinking about food. Forcing me to add more food when I exercise. I stopped counting because I know what a portion size is, I know that I shouldn't have all of the garbage I was once shoving in my face, I know that butter and whole milk are the devil. But once i started making my own decisions and stopped counting the points - things became flat. The scale stopped moving. I know for a fact that i am not over eating, and have since gone back to counting points, but I feel like I am stuck in a plan that is mentally screwing with me every chance it gets.

xYourBelleMortex
09-03-2008, 12:21 PM
Personally, I'm a calorie counter. I'm not perfect with it and I don't always know how many calories something is (especially if someone else made it), but I look things up online and figure it out as best as I can. I did give up one addiction (I'm a food addict as well, so I can totally relate) and that is diet soda. I really feel like it was making me hungrier and when I found out that there were studies that proved this, I had to quit it. It took me several attempts, but it can be done.

Anyway, I hope you're feeling better now. I really do. HUGS to you from a fellow chick.


Hey Lucky,

I have a question for you - seeing that you are a calorie counter. I registered for Fitday (because it seemed like an interesting way to track progress) and I found something there called Calories Restrictions? It says that my "restriction" should be 956 - does that mean that I should stop eating once I have hit that level? I know that a basic calorie intake is something like 2000 or under... so am I missing something?

I am feeling better now, thank you, I was in a really crappy spot yesterday and all I could think about was actually going on my first binge. I needed something in my face and It was like some weird control switch going off in my head and the only thing that kept me from doing it was the thought of me at the beach the other day. Even though I was thinking about how awful I felt it was like some weird obsession with just chewing on something. I needed and craved it. It was just downright heartbreaking because I couldn't fight it. I kept it to a minimum but I still went a little crazy and paid the price in mental lashings. :hug: Thank you so much for reading my insane banter. I write for a living and I needed to vent sooooooo bad.

Purplefirefly
09-03-2008, 12:58 PM
What has helped me is to focus on an exercise or fitness goal instead of just the weight goal. I am doing the webwalking program and have split it up into smaller goals to get to the end within a year. i find now I focus daily on the miles/minutes I need for that, and the weight focus has fallen to an after-thought. Just giving myself something else to achieve that isn't driven by the scale has changed the focus for me...and that focus will drive the scale down in return. So, do you exercise? If not, START! It really is necessary. If you do, set some goals, think how you can improve your strength, your running time, whatever, how can you push yourself in that area?

I think that moment at the beach was your "aha!" moment, where you just got sick enough of yourself that you felt hopeless and disgusted. I believe we have to get there before we're ready and willing to make the huge sacrifices it takes to switch into a healthy lifestyle. It will only get worse if you don't start making the changes. Make this rock bottom, and rise up . You CAN DO IT!!!!

You do have to find a plan that works for you, that you can live with for life. WW sounds like it's not your thing, you should look around and try other things. I lost most of my weight calorie counting, but it became too much work, so now I use a combo of lifestyle rules I can live with forever, which control my eating without counting...I don't eat after 6PM, cut out sugar completely, and eat the same breakfast everyday. A lot of days same lunch as well, but right now breakfast is all that has clicked as daily lifestyle for me. It is working for me...but it won't work for everyone, you have to find what fits your life and personality.

Lovely
09-03-2008, 01:18 PM
Forcing me to add more food when I exercise.

You don't have to eat back the Activity Points you earn. That's your choice whether or not you do.

but I feel like I am stuck in a plan that is mentally screwing with me every chance it gets.

Well, it sounds like the WW Flex Plan doesn't fit your life. Have you thought of trying a different plan to see how that works?

flabbyblue
09-03-2008, 01:27 PM
I registered for Fitday (because it seemed like an interesting way to track progress) and I found something there called Calories Restrictions? It says that my "restriction" should be 956 - does that mean that I should stop eating once I have hit that level? I know that a basic calorie intake is something like 2000 or under... so am I missing something?

I'm a cal counter and a fitday user too...I dont see the spot you're talking about? Guide me a little and maybe I can help. I just looked all over my fitday and didn't see it.

xYourBelleMortex
09-03-2008, 02:04 PM
You don't have to eat back the Activity Points you earn. That's your choice whether or not you do.



Well, it sounds like the WW Flex Plan doesn't fit your life. Have you thought of trying a different plan to see how that works?

:) Yes, but the funny thing is - is that I have done a lot of poking around and when i lost 65 pounds a few years ago on WW I wasn't working at home ( i am a reporter for the AP now and spend most of my days sitting at my home office desk just thinking about the fridge less than 10 feet away from me) It also makes it harder because I am not on a set schedule and work when work needs me. I feel like I am making the right choices - but when i rely on my own intuition - the scale doesn't move. So its a tricky scenario. I agree that I need to find a balance, but I don't know what will work, how many calories, what a protein does, if i should have sugar, shouldn't have sugar, shouldn't have flour - I need to find a balance and educate myself.

I believe it is a life style change - and to make it go the long term it needs to be just that and I don't see myself 20 years from now counting and counting. I mean I believe the WW plan is outstanding ( i didnt mean to insult anyone) but I just have a feeling that there is something that will work for me and have yet to find it :)

JayEll
09-03-2008, 02:05 PM
Hey again,

The "restriction" on Fitday is the amount of calorie deficit you need to create in order to lose at a certain rate of pounds per week. It's the difference between calories eaten and calories burned.

Note that not all rates are realistic, especially if they give you a calories eaten value of less than 1200 calories per day.

Jay

xYourBelleMortex
09-03-2008, 02:10 PM
I'm a cal counter and a fitday user too...I dont see the spot you're talking about? Guide me a little and maybe I can help. I just looked all over my fitday and didn't see it.

Lol, i'm an idiot. I just went back (when it wasnt 2 a.m.) and saw that they do the calorie restriction in coordination with the calorie balance. So the restriction is 956 and the amount of calories a day is 1817. I think I am gonna give that a shot. You rock, and I am sorry for not investigating it further lol.

xYourBelleMortex
09-03-2008, 02:13 PM
Hey again,

The "restriction" on Fitday is the amount of calorie deficit you need to create in order to lose at a certain rate of pounds per week. It's the difference between calories eaten and calories burned.

Note that not all rates are realistic, especially if they give you a calories eaten value of less than 1200 calories per day.

Jay


Lol, i hear that. It was bizarre because when I woke up this morning i was looking around on google to see if could get a definition of what a CR is and I found this INSANE NY magazine article about this group of people who use CR to prolong their lives. It was a cool read but holy banana's Batman was it severe.

http://nymag.com/news/features/23169/

Beverlyjoy
09-05-2008, 05:14 AM
I can see how facing the need to lose over 100 pounds is overwhelming. I think it would be helpful to break it down into 5 pound mini goals. That has worked well for me. Also, as other's have said - don't judge everything by what the scale says. Give yourself 'credit' for inches lost, days on plan, days when you exercise, etc.

You CAN do this!

Goddess Jessica
09-05-2008, 10:51 AM
Living by the beach, I understand that feeling.

But I'm also here to tell you that it will also improve as you lose weight. You're not going to have to wait until you lose all 130 pounds to look and feel a lot better about yourself. I weigh like 25 pounds less than you right now and I adore the beach way more now. So just remember that it's not a binary thing - you won't wake up a 130 pounds lighter one day and start loving the beach. It happens way sooner than that. :)

LisaF
09-05-2008, 11:28 AM
I'm really growing to dislike the weight watcher system and the counting of points. It makes it so that food is ALL I think about. All day, all night, I wake up and go to sleep thinking about food.

I know exactly what you mean. When I tell people that counting calories makes me crazy, I don't think they know that I mean literally crazy. I get obsessive and unhappy and hate it. There's no way I could do it for the rest of my life, which is why I'm not doing it. I want to make habits that will stick with me the rest of my life, and I know that counting calories is not the way to go, unless I want to go back to being completely obsessed.

Have you thought about changing your plans? There are definitely folks here on 3FC who've had a lot of success without counting anything.

I noticed in your original post is that you said that you're in a war with yourself. I really want to encourage you to instead think that you're in a war for yourself. You are fighting so that you can have a better, healthier and happier life.

It took me a long time (years) to change the way I mentally deal with food. Honestly, I thought it would never change. I thought I was putting all the work in for nothing. It still amazes me that I've broken some habits I had all my life. If you're interested, I totally recommend Geneen Roth's books as a starting point.

Lisa

synger
09-05-2008, 11:52 AM
You know what really helped me to keep going?

If you ever feel like giving up... just keep in mind that somewhere down the road, you're going to wish you had kept going. Somewhere down the road you're going to want to lose weight again. Somewhere down the road you're goign to regret giving up. Do you want to deal with that regret? Or do you want to be somewhere down the road lighter, happier, and healthier?

That reminds me of the long lines at Disneyworld. They twist and turn and are half-hidden so you can't see how long they are when you first get in line. And you barely move at all. Until, fifteen minutes later, you look back and see how many people have gotten in line behind you and you realize how far you've actually moved!

The step-by-step doesn't seem to make a difference, but over time, it really adds up.

Like the Paper Towel Theory (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-43512.html). It's been a life-saver (or a morale-booster) for me.

S.A.S.H
09-05-2008, 02:30 PM
Im going to PM you :)

xYourBelleMortex
09-05-2008, 09:40 PM
I know exactly what you mean. When I tell people that counting calories makes me crazy, I don't think they know that I mean literally crazy. I get obsessive and unhappy and hate it. There's no way I could do it for the rest of my life, which is why I'm not doing it.

I noticed in your original post is that you said that you're in a war with yourself. I really want to encourage you to instead think that you're in a war for yourself. You are fighting so that you can have a better, healthier and happier life.


Actually I went from WW to CC and i don't know what it is - but it is SO much easier on my mental health. It might be that i get 1677 calories instead of 30 points. We burn calories to get rid of the poundage and for some reason the science of it all made me totally just get it. Now, i know when I am 6 years down the road I won't be still filling out my fitday food list - but I needed to educate myself about how my body worked and did just that and actually feel like I am in control for the first time during this crazy venture. I think part of my 1/2 mental break down was because I had yet to find a plan, not a gimmick, a fad diet ( not using those words in a bad way, because WW does work, but i don't get how cutting things out will work for me like tonight I had two fried shrimp and didn't feel bad about it because i kept within my calorie range)

Now, i am at war for myself, a few days ago I was raping and pillaging my mental well being like the vikings conquering a foreign land.

I love you guys. :hug:

xYourBelleMortex
09-05-2008, 09:48 PM
Like the Paper Towel Theory (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-43512.html). It's been a life-saver (or a morale-booster) for me.

If I hadn't discovered the paper towel theory... i couldn't tell you what i would do. Maybe its because i write the news - that makes me crave the science - and as silly as it sounds, i bought a roll and dyed it hot pink, removed the extra sheets that i didn't need and am using that for inspiration. it hangs in my kitchen with a sign above it that says "Love Fluff isnt as good as a looking good in the buff"

When my kid sister was 3 she asked me why i was fat and quick with the answer - "It isnt fat it is love fluff". When I told her (now 9) about the changes I was making she panicked and asked me what was gonna happen to the "snuggley love fluff" I told her that she would have to deal with cuddling the new me and that I would make a fleece blanket so we would still have some insulation.