100 lb. Club - Hard to keep going

View Full Version : Hard to keep going

08-24-2008, 02:36 PM

08-24-2008, 02:53 PM
first i want to say that i sympathize, i have had situations where the man in my life was treating me less than kindly, and accepted it because i was afraid of being lonely...that is not a good place to be! i must say that it sounds like your loved ones are for lack of a better word, abusing you...and i wouldn't put up with it! 1200 calories is as low as someone should go as far as dieting. everyone has plateus...i myself have lost only 3 pounds in the last month while doing everything right. you should not allow your significant other to cheat on you! weight gain or no, you should dedmand to be respected...it is apauling to feel like you need to lose weight in order to get your boyfriend to be nice to you. obviously he is not a logical person. as for the rest of your family, do not allow them to speak to you like that (or yell) you are your own person and i'm sure you are working as hard as you can to better yourself. you do not need to be dragged down by unkind words. and how old fashioned is your family for thinking you should already have been married at 22? you have to live your life by your own standards, let them know that! anyway, even though you don't know me you have my support. good luck!

08-24-2008, 02:56 PM
I'm sorry you are going through a rough time right now.:hug: If you are at 1200 calories and exercising too, it might be that you need a couple hundred more calories a day. I'm sorry the people around you are not more supportive. I think the boyfriend is trying to make you think it's your fault that he cheated. That is very wrong. If he really loved you the weight wouldn't cause him to do that. Don't give in to the all or nothing thinking with food. It takes a lot of patience to get the weight off, just keep plugging away at it. Maybe a visit to the doctor would help you figure out why it's stalled. Hang in there!

twilit tera
08-24-2008, 03:04 PM

Without a lot more info, it's hard to give good advice, but I'd like to point out a few things:

1. Your boyfriend doesn't love you. Love doesn't depend on a weight or a size. You are choosing to let him hurt you by accepting what little he's willing to give you. I'm sorry if it hurts to read this, but it's something you already know. Love yourself more and get rid of him.

2. It sounds like your parents are worried about you. They probably don't realize how painful their attempts to help you are. If you tell them how you are feeling (without being accusing), be open and receptive to their help and tell them how you would like them to help you, I'm sure they would respond.

3. Thinking that you'd like to eat yourself to death IS being suicidal. Don't kid yourself. If you are not already going to therapy or a support group - DO!

4. 1200 calories a day (unless you're VERY short) is probably not enough food to support your system - especially with all the exercise you're getting!!! Eating enough healthy calories will always move the scale faster than starving yourself.

5. Are you still on the meds that put the weight on? If so, you may need to ween off of them, or change your prescription or dosage, with your doctor's supervision of course. Don't kick yourself for a physiological reaction that you have no control over.

Please post back soon!

08-24-2008, 03:32 PM

08-24-2008, 03:57 PM
If you have insulin resistance, it may be more a matter of food choices and less of calories. I'm insulin resistant, and have PCOS, and the only thing that has worked for me is to focus seriously on protein, whole grains, and veg, and slowly but surely cut out sugars and refined flours. Studies show that insulin resistant mice who eat much less than their 'normal' counterparts still gain weight, so long as the majority of their calories come from refined grains and sugars.

you might want to look in your library and check out "Your Last Diet" or "Potatoes not Prozac". They've helped me more than any other food plan I've tried (and I've tried them all!).

It also sounds like you have serious pressures from all sides on you... not all of it is related to your weight, but when some of it is, the rest seems tied in with it. Getting married won't "fix" your life, no more than losing weight will. You'll still be you. Sometimes the people who love us see one symptom (us being overweight) and glom onto it as an excuse, a hook, a handle to explain the concern they have. For some people, it's their only way to express how worried they are for someone they love whose life is full of problems. Health issues are much easier to discuss than scary things like finances and emotions and dependancy.

Talk to your doctor about your health concerns, and about an eating plan that will help with your insulin resistance. Then, whenever someone asks about your weight, you can answer, "Thank you for your concern. It is definitely a problem, and I'm working with my doctor to find an answer that works with my body." Then just repeat that until they get it. Or they shut up. *grins*

08-24-2008, 04:45 PM
i know it's none of my business but wow i hate your boyfriend!! how would he feel if you cheated on him and said "yah if you'd had a bigger pen*s, i wouldn't have cheated" it's just an excuse to treat you badly - lose 150++ pounds by dumping his cheating a$$

08-24-2008, 05:11 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your woes :hug:

Your BF could very well love you, but for him to say "cheating is because he doesn't like that you are overweight" means he's a tool, you need to DTB (Dump that Bast@(d). He's not an over achiever with you, he messed up, and even if you were thinner he would have done the same thing. He wouldn't be sorry he cheated, only that he got caught, and he would do it again in a heart beat.

I know it's hard, my mom is constantly on me about my weight, I think that she just likes to fight with me and she knows that is a weak point with me.

"I really don't see a way out, until I lose weight and am able to be completely independent. Being overweight has literally ruined me ): ***I'd give anything to be free of this situation***"

Your weight isn't holding you back, you believing it is, holds you back. If you really want something bad enough you will make it happen. Break up and move out of your BF's place. Become independent... Go back to school, you aren't there to be popular or make friends, you are there to get an education so you don't have to depend on your Tool of a BF or your parents. If they have a dorm system, move into the dorm so you are away from your parents and BF, and focus solely on school, don't try to get another BF or anything like that.

You wouldn't worry so much about what other people thought if you realized how seldom they do.

Those girls that your perceive making fun of you? Do well in school, get a good job and you will own them.

Good luck! :hug:

08-24-2008, 06:01 PM

Just how overweight are you? I know a lot of college students...they aren't all skinny or just obsessed with clothes and weight. I also know a lot of overweight folks who work...I'm one of them, and there are lots of others on the board.

I absolutely support the idea that you need to lose weight, but I want to caution you not to believe that your life should be put on hold until you do so. You may successfully lose weight, lots of folks do. Others don't. No magic will make the fat come off overnight. The more you isolate yourself without a job, or without returning to school, the more you set yourself up for failure.

Have you considered some counseling?

08-24-2008, 06:25 PM
Id have to agree with a lot of what Skullarix said.

First in regards to your boyfriend, Im sure you love him especially when your defending him so but sometimes you got to let go of those you love when they hurt you more than help. He should be supporting you in any decision you make not criticizing you for your weight. My fiance looked at me when I first started to try dieting and told me that he loves me just the way I am and he would help me if I wanted but he wanted to be sure I was doing it for myself and not for him. You need someone to support you in that sense. If you really want it to work with him you have to sit him down and tell him how it is. Tell him how what he did hurt you that your willing to work past it but he has to accept you for the way you are, cause obviously your accepting him for the way he is. And if he cant do that then to spare you the emotional damage and let you know now not so far down the line where it only got worse.

As far as your parents go, try talking to them, walk that delicate line where you avoid confrontation and try to talk on a touchy subject. I lived with my family until I was 20, I dealt with constant fighting, put downs, and plain frankly verbal abuse from everyone in my family. I was depressed and eating doing drugs whatever just to make myself feel happy. Then one night after I tried talking to them and realizing they were never going to change their ways I made plans to leave. I was terrified, Im almost agoraphobic ( terrified of almost eveything) , but I left I had to do better for myself. I went to class got a bus to the greyhound station and took a bus to Michigan to someone I was a great friend with but technically never met in person (yes foolish, but shows the risk u need to take sometimes) that person was my fiance. I have had my greatest success in weight loss since I came here, my depression is gone and I dont do drugs anymore. I was down to 199 before I went to visit my family for a couple months, in the process I fell of my diet and gained the weight back. Sometimes you need to think of yourself and realize that you've got to take risks and heartaches to do better for yourself. Its hard, really hard at first but you can do it.

As far as college goes, that would quite possibly be the best way for you to do better for yourself. Im the same age as you 22 years old overweight and Im going to college, yeah I was scared at first about my weight and going, but I found if I ignored the snobby giggling girls that sat behind me that eventually theyd stop and start looking at me for what I was. An intelligent kind person who kept to her work and would help those who needed it. Remember you are BETTER than them. You cant let your weight hold you back, one day your not going to be: boy Im sooo glad Im skinny glad I didnt go to school and suffer that teasing, your going to be oh no I should have gone to school its really hard to get by, or I should have dumped that guy who only dragged me down and took the best years of my life. Either way its your choice, If a full on college campus isnt your style find something that is, my fiance goes to school on the net cause hes afraid of sitting in a room full of people all day.

I vote for you standing up for yourself, and taking those steps forward that will make you feel better and feel like your on the path that will keep you happy and healthy. Everyones paths are different, but you obviously feel that the one your own is not making you happy.

twilit tera
08-24-2008, 06:30 PM
I agree completely with Pandora about counceling -- it sounds like you have some very deep and ingrained issues to resolve. Obesity is a symptom. Financial dependence is a symptom. You can't simply target these symptoms and expect your life to get better.

I'm afraid that you have a lot of hard work ahead of you. It's the same type of work I'm doing in myself - changing the way I think about myself and feel about myself. Changing the way I approach the problems in my life.

You aren't alone. I know it feels like it. You do deserve better than what you're allowing yourself to have. But until you learn to live lovingly toward yourself, you'll continue to fall into the same traps.

Take some time to think about how you'd like to feel and the type of life you'd like to have. Then think about the steps you need to take to get there. If you're missing information to help you decide what those steps should be, start asking the questions you need to - doctors, councelors - heck, even self-help books just to get started.

We can sympathize. We can give you advice. Only you can take those first steps toward a new life.

08-24-2008, 07:32 PM
Hey. Lose the bf. If he's that selfish and self-centered, why would you want to be with him? If he's that successful in the world, then you're likely to become his "punching bag" for when things don't go right or he's a little stressed. Why would you want to be with him? He can't be THAT good in bed.

Go back to school! Do something with your life! It's all you've got, you know. Learn to be a self-sufficient person! If you respect yourself, others will, too--and you won't feel like you're totally dependent on these negative people.


08-24-2008, 10:54 PM

08-24-2008, 11:49 PM
I feel better about myself when I know I'm doing everything I can to be a strong person. Don't let the people around you beat you down. Don't worry about skinny girls laughing at you. Take charge and make things happen for yourself. Don't depend on a man that treats you so badly, no matter how much you love him. You'll never respect yourself if you take that kind of treatment. I wish I could go back to my 22 year old self and give her that advice. I always sat back and didn't take charge and was unhappy with myself because of it.