100 lb. Club - my kids are begging me to lose - why can't I?




avi0903
08-16-2008, 09:43 PM
I was preparing a snack for myself today - a bowl of potato chips and a bowl of jelly bellies (disgusting, right? what's wrong with me?). My son was in the room (he's 21) and he grabbed the bowl away from me. He did it with a smile, and I am always telling the kids to take the junk away from me. So he took the bowl and said you don't really want that. Take something else. I grabbed the bowl back and said yes, I do want it. Then he said he'll make me a fruit salad, and he started cutting up fruit. I took the bowl of chips from the counter while he was chopping the fruit. My 11 year old daughter walked in and said don't eat that!! And I said I want it. (I'm like a friggin drug addict!). Then my son said "Mom! You don't know what you're doing to yourself!" I said yes, I do. He said don't you want to be around for us and your grandchildren (one of my daughters is pregnant)? We love you, we want you around. What are you doing to yourself?

What a moment. But after I ate his fruit salad, I later went back for the chips. What the **** is wrong with me?


kaplods
08-16-2008, 09:56 PM
Have you considered trying a lower carb or lower GI approach like South Beach. Or even just eliminating the refined and "white" carbs like sugar (in all it's forms), corn flour, wheat (or at least white wheat flour), rice, and white potato?

Carbohydrates, especially the high GI carbs (those that cause a rapid rise in blood sugar) make me ravenously hungry. Eliminating them, not only controls my hunger, but after a few days even removes the cravings for them. I'm having problems sticking with the plan sometimes, but it still makes such a difference, it's nearly miraculous.

GradPhase
08-16-2008, 10:15 PM
Yeah, I absolutely agree with kaplods. South Beach is amazing at killing the cravings, while still giving you delicious options - and once the cravings are gone, your brain goes back to being you (much like coming off of drugs).

Good luck, Avi..


snapless
08-16-2008, 10:23 PM
I am a chip addict like you (the jelly bellies though...bleh...personal opinion though) and just like kaplods chose to eliminate my 'trigger' foods (after first identifying them).

When I embarked on my low carb diet I systematically went through and threw everything away (or donated at the bins in the commissary) anything that met two requirements:

1. It was a temptation for me, one of my trigger foods; and
2. It was not and would never be 'within plan'.

This helped immensely. If the things are not there within easy reach, it requires not only more effort but also more time (time for you to think about it) to get them.

I do not keep chips in the house. If DH or DD wants them, they get them while away from here. I do not keep any sugared soda (except ginger ale for DH which I don't like anyway) in the house. I do not keep sugared sports drinks in the house. Candy has never bothered me (don't like it) so it doesn't bother me to have it here - DH and DD still eat it some - but if you like candy you would want to eliminate it also. I do not allow DD to have peanut butter cereal because that is one of my weaknesses, but she can have chocolate cereal because I don't like chocolate. No frozen pizza in the freezer either. All of these things are triggers for -me-, and if I'm in one of my craving moments, I'd succumb if they were within easy reach.

I keep sugar alternatives instead of sugar (for cooking) in the house. I keep a lot of fresh vegetables, deli meats, deli cheeses and my multigrain wraps. I keep water jugs, water bottles and a brita pitcher in the fridge. IF I start feeling peckish, I grab a handful of nuts. I don't know about other people but I can't eat more than a couple handfuls anyway before I start feeling like bleh...no more nuts! I'm also no longer peckish afterward.

You are extremely lucky in that you have (obviously!) two wonderful kids who are willing to help you in changing your life. Take advantage of it!

Most all of, remind yourself of why you are doing this. My reasons: I want to live longer. I want to feel better. I want to be able to do <insert something here> that I've either never done or haven't done in a long time. I want to see my DD5 graduate from college. I want to look hot for my husband. And more!

You can do this!

mollymom
08-16-2008, 10:29 PM
To me, this is absolute proof that weight is a psychological not a physiological issue. No one in their right mind..including me, would choose to be overweight with all its sociological and medical issues. Years ago there was a book called "it is not what you are eating, it's what's eating you".

When I truly examine my path to being 100 plus pounds overweight it isn't a medical issue, it is an emotional issue.

You still need to find your "ah -ha" moment. I started a thread on mine. I feel that until you find the incentive that shakes you to the core of everything that you believe, you won't begin to formulate your path to success.

I had parents that wanted me to lose, friends that wanted me to lose, co-workers that wanted me to lose, medical experts that wanted me to lose...but if I had, I would have been losing to satisfy them, not myself. I needed my own personal realization to truly motivate me to take charge of my weight, my nutrition, my health, my emotional health.

I am struggling with it every day! No matter how much I know what I have to do, my will and my willpower have a battle every moment of the day.

You have to examine your circumstances. Have you reached the point that you recognize that this is a journey you want to undertake because your love yourself..or because others love you. I have had many who love me, it wasn't until I decided to love myself that I found the strength to take on this challenge..and no matter how much I love myself..there are times...oh there are time!

Schmoodle
08-16-2008, 10:30 PM
Because, as wonderful as your kids sound, and as good a reason as they should be, you can't do it for them, you have to want to do it for you.

And definitely, if you decide you're ready to do this, chips and jelly bellies should be the first thing out of the house. My kids don't need sugar either, but if they feel like they really want a treat they can have it - away from the house.

Cuter w Curves
08-17-2008, 12:28 AM
There have been a lot of good points made here and all I can do is basically regurgitate them with maybe a variation.

So instead I am going to ask YOU some questions. You sure as heck don't have to answer them here, or to me directly but you might find if you take the time to sit and write the answers out they will help. I had to do this, and I do it regularly with myself to re-evaluate things and why I self-sabotage.

1. Do you want to lose weight?
a) If this is a yes - is it for yourself, your children, or because others want you to?

2. What are your problem foods?
When you have your list answer these:
a) Do you keep these in your home?
b) Do the math and figure out the total cost of these problem foods (current value in your home, and total value you spend monthly).
c) Do you actually like spending that money on those things or can you think of something you would rather have or do with that money. And I mean LIKE it a LOT.
Then do yourself a favour and remove them from your immediate reach. If you have to take the non-perishables to your car and put them in the trunk... Do it. If you can donate it to the food bank... Do it. If financially you feel you can't do this right now then sit and make a list with the cost of healthy foods and put it side by side with the junk food list. This part stings for me - my wallet takes a pound when I eat junk and amazingly enough it offends me. A lot.

3. What is your end goal? Some have a weight range, some have a size range, some have a health goal, and some have a combination of these.

4. Do you find your end goal overwhelming, and find it stresses you out to think of the big picture?
a) If this is a yes have you considered making your goals smaller increments?
b) Do you have anyone whom you can work with on this... Not a Doctor, or a family member, or someone who is encouraging you but not in the same spot as you, but rather someone who can talk things out with you, and work along their journey at the same time. (Even a mentor who's already done this can be very cool but a buddy system often works to get one through the hard times.)

5. Is there any other life stress (no matter how small it seems) that is bothering you or causing anxiety? Can it be eliminated or reduced? And please remember that often times it is not just bad things that cause us anxiety. Heck... Scan through my recent posts. I have all the reason in the world to be happy right now but I am still wringing my hands and wanting junk food!

When you are done... DO NOT READ IT RIGHT AWAY! Put it away till the next day. Then after a healthy meal sit down and read what you wrote.

P.S. I'd love to say the bowl of chips sounds disgusting but I can't. I just know that if I do cave I do it with moderate portions now (most of the time) and I don't self-flagellate over the times where I do a major mess up. I just reassess my self and what is going on.

:hug:

kaplods
08-17-2008, 01:04 AM
mollymom: To me, this is absolute proof that weight is a psychological not a physiological issue. No one in their right mind..including me, would choose to be overweight with all its sociological and medical issues. Years ago there was a book called "it is not what you are eating, it's what's eating you".

When I truly examine my path to being 100 plus pounds overweight it isn't a medical issue, it is an emotional issue.
__________________________________________________ _____________


I came to the exact opposite conclusion. I've been morbidly obese, but mentally strong and stable my entire life. I was adopted as an infant, and am the only person in my family to have been overweight as a child (I suspect a genetic component, and wouldn't be surprised to learn that obesity runs in my bio family). I've been dieting (mostly unsuccessfully) since age 5, and on crazy crash diets during much of it.

I'd always noticed a hormonal, PMS connection, but doctors always told me there wasn't anything I could do about it. BC pills helped a little (and I could control my weight a tiny bit better, while using). About a year ago, a female weight loss clinic doctor told me I could eliminate or reduce the number of periods I had a year by changing my bc and that might help hormonal hunger. She suggested low carb as well.

Combining those, I have been dramatically more successful, though my mental health is no different. I've never been on a losing "trend" nearly this long ever before. I'm now insulin resistant, so the weight isn't coming off fast, but it's coming off and steadily, if slowly. The difference in hunger is so amazing that I'm finding that when I'm sticking to low carb eating, I sometimes forget to eat (you have no idea what a miracle that is for me).

Since early childhood, I've always felt ravenously hungry, sometimes even after my stomach was hurting from eating too much. I never forgot to eat, in fact I always wanted to eat, it was as if my body was telling me I was starving.

When I switched the bc and to the low carb, there have been many days when I've gotten busy and realize at 6pm that I haven't eaten anything, not even breakfast, the whole day. That's not good either, and I've learned to compensate for it (keeping to a schedule and setting an alarm if necessary), but a year ago, I would have told you that "forgetting to eat" was impossible. I certainly never would have thought it would ever happen to me.

If I return to carbs, or even eat too many "good" low glycemic carbs, I can still easily overeat or become hungry and food-obsessed. But, since the changes I made to my diet and my birth control are purely physical changes, I don't think my mental health had much to do with it.

That doesn't mean I don't believe in psychological and emotional cues to overeating, but even zoo animals will overeat out of boredom.

LukesMommy1987
08-17-2008, 02:35 AM
I know there are thyroid problems in my family, and the drugs my dad was on because of it caused him to gain weight. I don't know what to say...I agree that somethng really has to shake you at your innermost core that makes you want to turn around and lose weight before you truly will!

Beverlyjoy
08-17-2008, 08:27 AM
:hug: Lots of good things to think about here. I am rooting for you.

For me, I had to reach my rock bottom with food before I could crawl toward some sanity with food. How did it make you feel...to have your kids saying "Don't eat that, eat this..."? But, do it for YOU.

I know you CAN do this.

midwife
08-17-2008, 09:30 AM
Hi Avi,

I understand the compulsion to eat stuff we know isn't good for us. I had gotten into a habit of binging, and I hated myself for it. (I binged plenty of times but this is about a specific habit I was in). Each week I drove to get the binge item of choice and I argued with myself. One week I decided I wouldn't go get it. Well, I started going anyway. I was driving along arguing with myself, saying "See, you're going anyway. You can't help it." And the thought struck me as so ridiculous I pulled over.

What did I mean "I can't help it." Who was driving? The truth was that I *wanted* to binge on that food, I did not *need* to binge on that food. The part of me that wanted it was driving along to get it.

But I am a grown woman and I decided to take control of my life. I turned my car around and went home. It was really hard. I still really wanted that binge food. But, the world didn't come to a screeching halt. I survived the experience. And after that it got easier.

I am still not perfect, but now I know I *can* overcome that compulsion. After I did it once, it became easier and easier as all things do.

The next time you have that compulsion, don't do it. I know that sounds so easy, and I know it is not. But you control the hand to your mouth. You control what you buy. You really are a grown woman in charge of your life. It is hard, but it is liberating! Whatever you have to do to not give in, do it.

You have wonderful kids, but I think it might be hard on them to be the ones to tell you what to eat and what not to eat. Especially your younger one. You are the parent, after all. Getting support from them is good, giving them any responsibility over your behavior might be too much for a kid to handle.

I agree with everyone else. This has got to be something you do for yourself. No one else can do it for you. But we are here to cheer you on!

bunny43
08-17-2008, 10:50 AM
Because, as wonderful as your kids sound, and as good a reason as they should be, you can't do it for them, you have to want to do it for you.

I agree 100%. You need to really want to make the change yourself.

avi0903
08-17-2008, 02:12 PM
Thank you all so much!!

You all gave me really good things to think about. And I have thought about them. So I woke up this morning and decided to start South Beach. I picked South Beach because it's heart-healthy and I have high BP and cholesterol, and it's low on carbs and I am definitely a carb addict.

I love all of you for your support, and for your advice, and for being here!!!

And I take all the advice and really think it through. It is tough for my kids think they have to "parent" me through my diets. I don't want them to have to do that. Maybe that was my "ah-ha" moment. I'm the adult. I'll do the parenting. I need to make the right choices. And I do love myself enough to do it. (I hope! ;)).

Schmoodle
08-17-2008, 05:14 PM
Hooray avi! We are pulling for you and are here to help you. Be sure and check out the great recipes in the South Beach section of this forum. There are stickies with lots of good info. and chicks that can help with any issues that arise. I do SB and I post there and in the 100 lb. club, because I am a beacher with 100 lbs. to lose. It's a great way of eating for the whole family.

snapless
08-17-2008, 09:03 PM
:bravo: avi!

Please continue to post and let us all know how it goes. You'll be amazed at the plethora of good advice, at the cheering section when you achieve a goal, and at the hugs and goodwill when you slip that help you get right back on your feet again.

:hug:

avi0903
08-17-2008, 11:40 PM
You are all so nice :). So today was my first day on South Beach, and I think I did OK! I was invited to a friend's birthday party. I had a piece of chicken, a hotdog (no bun) and corn. I know I wasn't supposed to have the corn (not sure about the hotdog), but I didn't have any birthday cake, so I consider it a successful day. Here's hoping for tomorrow!

Thank you all for being amazing inspirations and amazing people. Hugs!:hug:

Cuter w Curves
08-18-2008, 08:21 AM
No birthday cake is a big one! WAY TO GO! :carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot:

(I'm not commenting on the corn cause I have my own personal corn issues - dang allergies)

avi0903
08-18-2008, 09:22 AM
Thanks for the support and the dancing carrots - here are some for you!!:carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot:

Schmoodle
08-18-2008, 09:25 AM
Congrats on resisting the birthday cake, that's a victory!

Best to avoid hot dogs while you are on Ph1. They are allowed on Ph2 occasionally (once a week), as long as they are 97% fat free or higher. The Hebrew National 97% fat free are pretty good.

snapless
08-18-2008, 09:53 AM
But you still did awesomely by resisting the birthday cake!

:broc::broc::broc::broc::broc:

Suggestion for South Beach (or any WoE really): print up their list of acceptable Phase 1 foods. Make 2 copies. Put one on your refrigerator and stick the other in your purse.

yoyonomoreinvegas
08-18-2008, 10:16 AM
I had parents that wanted me to lose, friends that wanted me to lose, co-workers that wanted me to lose, medical experts that wanted me to lose...but if I had, I would have been losing to satisfy them, not myself. I needed my own personal realization to truly motivate me to take charge of my weight, my nutrition, my health, my emotional health.

This is really, really true. Sometimes those of us who have struggled with our weight for a long time develop a tendency to "make up for it" by trying to do everything to please the people around us. Sadly, that doesn't work terribly well for weight loss and better health. We have to learn to be just a little selfish and make our health something we are doing for just us. :D

Yay you for getting started! :bravo:

That advice on identifying your trigger foods and avoiding them is excellent. I can tell you from experience that, hard as it seems, it's much easier to resist that first bite than it is the second (or third or 27th ;) )

Hang with it and you'll see wonderful changes before you know it. Come to 3FC as often as you can. Everyone here is so helpful and supportive. They'll be here for you when you need to talk about things no one else is going to understand. Don't be afraid to brag about your successes or vent your frustrations. I wouldn't have made it as far as I have without them.

Matilda08
08-18-2008, 10:58 AM
To me, this is absolute proof that weight is a psychological not a physiological issue. No one in their right mind..including me, would choose to be overweight with all its sociological and medical issues. Years ago there was a book called "it is not what you are eating, it's what's eating you".

When I truly examine my path to being 100 plus pounds overweight it isn't a medical issue, it is an emotional issue.

You still need to find your "ah -ha" moment. I started a thread on mine. I feel that until you find the incentive that shakes you to the core of everything that you believe, you won't begin to formulate your path to success.

I had parents that wanted me to lose, friends that wanted me to lose, co-workers that wanted me to lose, medical experts that wanted me to lose...but if I had, I would have been losing to satisfy them, not myself. I needed my own personal realization to truly motivate me to take charge of my weight, my nutrition, my health, my emotional health.

I am struggling with it every day! No matter how much I know what I have to do, my will and my willpower have a battle every moment of the day.

You have to examine your circumstances. Have you reached the point that you recognize that this is a journey you want to undertake because your love yourself..or because others love you. I have had many who love me, it wasn't until I decided to love myself that I found the strength to take on this challenge..and no matter how much I love myself..there are times...oh there are time!





I agree with this 100% great post

paris81
08-18-2008, 11:47 AM
I think for me, it's mostly psychological. I was doing really well, not binging too much. I didn't keep any chips in my house because those are my trigger food. Then one day, I bought some. And even though I knew I shouldn't eat more than a serving, I just couldn't stop myself. They were burning a hole through the pantry door, and they drew me in like a magnet. Anyway, I ate way too much, and I finally got control and threw what was left away and dumped coffee grounds on top of them! I knew that this was the only way for me to not overeat them.

It's not like I was hungry, but they were there, and I wanted them.

kaplods
08-18-2008, 11:56 AM
I think it's obvious that there are psychological components AND physiological components to obesity. For some people it may be one OR the other, and for others it might be both.

I think that's why looking for the diet that works best for everyone is pointless. If you're eating for different reasons, it stand to reason that you might need a different approach to weight loss than someone else.

Moonring05
08-18-2008, 01:46 PM
Because, you won't lose the weight until you want to. It's kind of like hitting rock bottom. If you really want to lose the weight then you can. There are a lot of people who say they want to do things but there follow through. But if you really want to lose the weight... you'll do it. :)

Mommysince21505
08-18-2008, 03:38 PM
Way to go AVI!!! You will do great! I want to say to Mollymom and Cuter w Curves... I loved both of your posts, thanks for that!

mollymom
08-18-2008, 05:06 PM
I have dumped coffee grounds on foods I shouldn't eat also. I have soaked them in water, I have put them in a plastic bag with scoops from the kitty boxes :o

There is no such thing as a single serving of chips for me..better not to buy them. Those hundred calorie packs don't work for me either. I am trying to just change my "taste" for things. I am not sure the day will ever come that plain unbuttered popcorn will do it for me though. On another note since sending ice-cream fanatic BF back to live at his place, I haven't had any ice cream for ten days. I never chose to eat it before but when it was here and he was eating his serving (1/4 carton) it just looked too good!

I control pizza (my huge huge downfall) by going to a local bakery run by italians who have a little cafe. They have these big rectangular pizzas available at lunch and you get an oh 5x5# square? I give in maybe once a month but then I am sure to get there when I know they are just coming out of the ovens! Heaven.

My only way to control is not to let it in the house at all.:D

Lyn2007
08-18-2008, 06:22 PM
What a great thread! Lots of wonderful insights here. South Beach is great. I am glad you are taking control. It feels so good to not be a slave to food.

avi0903
08-18-2008, 11:37 PM
I have to say again, you all are the best!!! Thanks for the insights, and I dream of the day I'm not a slave to food. One day at a time.

Cuter w Curves
08-19-2008, 12:41 AM
:o:hug: Thank you for the carrots Avi!

:o Mommysince21505 You're welcome and thank you!

And ladies... Thank you for the coffee grounds idea. I may try that next time.

paris81
08-20-2008, 07:45 PM
Somehow, even though I love coffee, the grounds can make even the most tempting food incredibly unappealing!

And mollymom--I agree...I don't understand the meaning of "single serving" when it comes to chips!

snapless
08-23-2008, 10:05 PM
And mollymom--I agree...I don't understand the meaning of "single serving" when it comes to chips!

Which is why I don't have potato chips in my house and it takes ALL of my will power to not 'sneak' a few fries from DD or DH when they have them. I don't even buy potatoes anymore because I'd be tempted to cut them up and fry them.

Salty baked or fried potatoes are my worst trigger food. :(