Weight Loss Support - Support from SO




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spunker
08-13-2008, 07:51 AM
I live with my boyfriend, and ever since I've moved in with him, my weight has shot up. More recently, it has gone up a very unhealthy amount in a very short period of time.

I'm to the point where I know I need to get back on track again. Last year I lost 86 pounds (gained almost all of it back!). I was living alone then, it was so much easier. Now I'm living with someone, it is so unbelievably difficult.

How does everyone else ask their significant other to help them keep motivated and stay on track? I know it has to be me, but I really need my boyfriend's support, and basically all I can think of to ask him is to stop badgering me about trying certain foods that, for me, are off limit due to my inability to control myself with them.

I'm basically just seeking ideas of what has helped other people.


JayEll
08-13-2008, 08:32 AM
It's very hard to deal with a SO who has a different eating style. My partner is a naturally normal-sized person who doesn't seem to gain. But when I matched my eating to my partner's, I gained about 30 pounds. :o It has to do with a different tolerance to carbs...

What I needed to do to lose was to separate my eating from my partner's, pretty much completely. I don't mean we went to separate rooms, we just ate pretty much different meals. I did my food on my own. This way, neither one of us felt like we "had" to adjust to the other. My partner does support my losing weight, but obviously does not need to eat the way I do.

I did get, and still do, those questions about "Would you like some of this X?" That's just social behavior. I learned to say "No, but thanks for asking" with a smile. Instead of "NO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU I'M ON A DIET!!!!" :lol:

If you're the one doing the shopping and cooking, you pretty much can cook what you want. If your SO wants more of some things, you can make him more. Or, he can do it himself. Most men seem quite capable of finding their own food if they have to...

Jay

Lovely
08-13-2008, 08:53 AM
I just told him my plan and asked him to help. He was more than willing, because I asked for his help. This means that sometimes I have to put up with a little bit of "Should you really be eating that?" and it can be annoying... but I'd rather that than have him still buying so much junk...

The good news is that while I've been working at this for a year & more, and he was being supportive, he's now decided he'd like to get in on the action and move with me more while eating healthier things.

If you haven't already simply asserted what you need, I'd suggest starting there. "I need you to... because..." I need you to not offer me a bite of your ice cream, because I'd really like to eat it, but I know that if I didn't plan the treat I'll regret having it later.

Oh and "Thank you" when he does help is always good to keep the support coming.


Mrs Snark
08-13-2008, 09:26 AM
It's very hard to deal with a SO who has a different eating style. My partner is a naturally normal-sized person who doesn't seem to gain. But when I matched my eating to my partner's, I gained about 30 pounds. :o It has to do with a different tolerance to carbs...

What I needed to do to lose was to separate my eating from my partner's, pretty much completely. I don't mean we went to separate rooms, we just ate pretty much different meals. I did my food on my own. This way, neither one of us felt like we "had" to adjust to the other. My partner does support my losing weight, but obviously does not need to eat the way I do.

I did get, and still do, those questions about "Would you like some of this X?" That's just social behavior. I learned to say "No, but thanks for asking" with a smile. Instead of "NO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU I'M ON A DIET!!!!" :lol:


This is my situation as well. As much as I'd love my DH to be on the same plan as me, it's never going to happen. And my food issues aren't his food issues, so I've had to learn to make the adjustments on my own. It hasn't been easy to eat healthier when the other person in the house isn't, but sometimes life is unfair like that. I try to focus on my food and ignore his stuff, which of course is easier said than done, but I'm mostly successful. Sometimes I do have to just leave the room if the bowl of potato chips is calling me, but with time, it has become habit that I just don't eat that junk any more.

suitejudyblueeyes
08-13-2008, 09:47 AM
I've had to request that my husband just doesn't bring the junk into the house. He is welcome to have it, but he can't keep it here or I will get into it. We have a little bit of a compromise going now actually, that he can bring junk into the house as long as he eats it that day - so instead of getting big boxes of cookies he'll find a smaller package and eat it in one sitting, as a meal. Yeah, that's not very healthy, but the man apparently has the metabolism to handle it, so more power to him!

As for asking for him to support you - have you tried saying just that? "Honey, this is very important to me. I need to get my health back on track, and it would do wonders for me if you would support me. Here are the ways you can do this:" and provide him a couple of points to keep in mind. I've done this with my husband and it works very well - The main things I told him I need him to do are to not food police me and to not bring junk into the house. If your BF is one of those guys who works better on specifics, be sure to give him some ways so he has a good shot at success!

Lori Bell
08-13-2008, 07:28 PM
My husband has finally come around, though it took a while. I think he was just leery of my MANY past failed attempts, and didn't get too excited...Well, NOW he's a much happier man because I am a MUCH happier woman. He has become very supportive. He really LOVES the fringe benefits of having a wife who wants more....uh, um...well, you know. (not food!) ;) :)

ghost
08-13-2008, 07:37 PM
THANKFULLY my SO is not living in the same state as me right now so its been super easy, but while we were together I gained 18lbs. It finally came down to "Honey, if you want a fat fiance keep bringing home pizzas and demanding tacos for dinner." He shaped right up and even went to cardio a few times with me, lol! It came down to him realizing that I'm trying to be a better person physically for him and he's the one thats killing my progress and my motivation. Now he encourages me long distance by telling me to surprise him when I visit him with a huge loss, or when I talk to him on the phone he asks me how its going and if I report a good loss he sends me a gift (which is usually lewd photos of him...lol).

BlueToBlue
08-14-2008, 04:44 AM
For the most part, I don't ask for or expect support from my SO. This is my issue and I need to be responsible for it. He can eat whatever he wants and he can have whatever food he wants in the house. I think of his food the same way I would think of a co-worker's lunch in the fridge at work; no matter how good my co-worker's lunch looked, I would never in a million years eat it. Same thing for my SO's food. It's not mine; I don't eat it (although I will sometimes have him give me a little taste). He seems to have intuitively known not to food police me and I definitely do not want him to be the food police. I make dinner for the two of us every night and am careful to select recipes that meet my needs but that he will also like. He's on his own for all other meals and snacks (although sometimes I'll make a dessert that we can share). I also have sometimes made food for him that I can't eat myself (for example, lemon bars when we had a lot of lemons to use up).

He does hate to throw out food and used to pester me to eat up stuff in the fridge that he didn't want to eat, just so we wouldn't have to throw it out. I finally had to explain that, because of my restricted calorie level, I can't just eat stuff like that anymore. I think my exact words were "I'm not the garbage disposal!"

Interestingly, I ate more them him before I started this diet and even on the diet, I still eat more them him. He just eats foods that are higher in calories, but lower in volume, than what I eat.

GradPhase
08-14-2008, 05:32 AM
My SO helps by not getting involved. He's really, really fit. He runs marathons, goes rock and ice climbing, teaches kayaking classes. Every few weeks he tries to offer help with meals or persuade me to try a new outdoor sport, but for the most part he stays away - which I know is huge for him. He's a really hands on person who LOVES to help people so for him to "get it" enough to let me do this on my own is really fantastic.

It sounds crazy, but I love that it's something we -don't- talk about.

Heather
08-14-2008, 09:23 AM
When I started, my husband and I were both morbidly obese and he was NOT ready to change. He was, in fact, threatened by my weight loss and thought I was going to change him. He supported me, but at the same time would eat big fattening snacks in front of me (always offering me some) and didn't understand why I had a problem if he brought cookies home.

I quickly learned that I had to do this without expecting him to join me, or to necessarily support me.

Luckily, after several months, he saw my success and decided to try to lose weight too. We have different styles, however, and have to be careful not to be the food police for each other. All in all, it is much easier to have his support than to have him feel threatened!

TJFitnessDiva
08-14-2008, 10:06 AM
At first I had to get rid of all the junk in the house...I shipped it all to my dad's house next door and told my DH and kids that if they wanted it they'd have to go eat it over there lol Now I have allowed a little of that to come back into the house but if I feel like I'm wanting to binge I toss it in the garbage because I will not go off plan....other wise I really don't think about it.

He's behind me 100% and luckily he's all for eating healthy at home (at work he's another story but it's not my body!). He says nothing but supportive things to me. :) If he wasn't I would have to just come out and ask him for his support. Explain to him that it's a hard thing to do alone...any addiction is hard to do without some sort of support. Maybe is he realizes that you are serious he'll be more than happy to help. If not that is what we are for!