Weight Loss Support - the whole weight thing is SO FRUSTRATING!




lipidful
08-11-2008, 09:57 AM
It is so frustrating to have lost so much weight then see some of it coming back. I know it's my own fault for being too lax and I KNOW I have to be careful for the rest of my life. It's totally worth it and doable, but so FRUSTRATING. I feel like I need to LOSE those 15 or so pounds that I've gained back or it's going to just keep going and I'm going to find myself well over 200 pounds again. I'm scared people around me won't understand when I don't want to eat the party food and junk food all the rest of them are eating, or why I don't want to go out eating at a restaurant more than once a week. There are people who never knew me heavier, and they couldn't possibly understand why I get all nervous that we have this big pizza party coming up at work. I've just resolved to try to LOSE some weight, and I don't want to sabotage myself. I can't stand being the only one not eating the junk-not because I WANT it, but because I feel like they're going to be looking at me funny or forcing it on me. I've been feeling really angry at myself for letting this weight creep back (due to not exercising and eating probably 400-600 calories a day more than I had been maintaining. No wonder it crept back! :( I want to lose those 15 pounds again, but I'm afraid of what OTHER people will think if I don't indulge in everything in sight. Why do I care what other people think? It's like I'm dreading that ONE moment when maybe one or two people will actually notice that I didn't take a piece of pizza. Why do I care? I HATE and DREAD office parties and sometimes family gatherings for this very reason. I wish that when feeding time came around, I could become invisible and just feel free to eat what I want to eat (which is NOT the junk!!!!) And my mother, who always commented (erroneously) that I could be harming myself by losing too much weight (HA! I was 140 at my very lowest!) wouldn't understand why I need to LOSE again before maintaining again. It's just SO frustrating. Eating is such a PUBLIC activity. Yes, I still love to eat, but I feel like the whole thing has turned on me.
Thanks for "listening" to my vent.


fiberlover
08-11-2008, 11:58 AM
:hug:

lipidful - the thing that stood out most in your post is the constant mention of what other people think about you and what you are doing. You know, it doesn't matter what they think. You must do what you need to do in order to take the weight off and keep it off.

If someone doesn't understand that, then tell them the subject is off limits to talk about. I know it sounds harsh, but when you are dealing with *your* health - their opinions and thoughts are not important.

You can eat in those social situations, but you might need to find tricks to disguise how you are eating. For beverages, drink seltzer water with a twist - it looks like a gin and tonic. For the food, if it is finger food, find the kinds that you absolutely don't like, and put a few of those on your plate and carry it around. It will look like you have been eating when you aren't.

If someone pushes food onto you, say "No thank you, I just ate a bunch of x and I couldn't eat another bite right now, but it was delicious". And leave it at that. If they keep pushing, you can be a bit more pointed with your response.

JayEll
08-11-2008, 11:59 AM
Hey lipidful! :wave:

Well, to quote you, What do you care?

You may notice that naturally normal-weight people don't care what others think of their food choices. They eat what they want to eat and don't eat what they don't want to eat.

What you eat is your business and no one else's. You do not have to explain your choices to anyone. If it's a lunch in the office, you may have to make do with sampling a few things that are less caloric than others--but you can also leave pretty quickly and get back to your desk.

All you need to do really is deflect any questions. I do not recommend telling anyone you are on a diet--it's none of their business, again, and it will only make them watch you even more. Phrases that can help:

Q. Why aren't you eating X? (X = pizza, more, dessert, cake, etc.)

A. I think I'll wait a little bit to have some.
A. I ate just a little while before, and I'm not as hungry as usual.
A. I don't really like that (frosting, sauce, sausage, crust, etc.).
A. Oh--thanks, I think I will have some in a minute.
A. It looks really good--I'll take some for later. (And you can take some back to your desk and throw it away!)

You may also notice that some folks don't finish foods. They might take a piece of pizza, take a bite, walk around with the plate, and then later toss it.

Remember, it's not about the food, it's about social activity.

Show up late, leave early.

If you're going out to a restaurant, decide ahead of time what you can order that will work with your program. Many chain restaurants have nutrition info on line. For example, I have a list of three lunch entrees I can have at Chili's and know that I'm not going over the top.

Jay


Kofarq
08-11-2008, 12:04 PM
I have a lot of respect for people who are careful with what they eat for health reasons. If someone gives you a hard time about not eating the pizza, just say you're trying to eat healthy. Don't say anything about how hard it is to lose weight, or that you've put a few pounds back on. The chances are nobody will have noticed you did put a few back on.
Above all, you mustn't bring attention to yourself by complaining that you can't have any pizza. Pretend it doesn't bother you, or people will try to convince you to eat it!

lipidful
08-11-2008, 02:33 PM
Thanks for your responses!
I'm really not one to discuss weight w/anybody else, especially at the office. I'd NEVER say I'm on a diet. What I really want is for the food to be a total NONISSUE. I just hate to feel like I'm sticking out in a way that will draw any attention to me. The stupid party :dizzy: is later than when I usually have lunch, and I have severe blood sugar drops if I don't eat when I'm accustomed to, so I'll probably have my usual sandwich and fruit at the usual time. It's just so uncomfortable to have to stand there trying to occupy my hands and make small talk. What a poop I am :D And I'd NEVER whine about not being "able" to eat pizza, because I realize that all that we eat is a choice, and there is no illegality to any of it. I don't even want any . I just had some lovely Bertucci's pizza this weekend anyway. I don't like the thick crusted greasy stuff they have at the parties. I just need to STOP caring what other people think! Why do I care so much?:?:

Mrs Snark
08-11-2008, 02:41 PM
Don't feel bad for caring about the opinion of others, humans are social animals: caring what other people think is part of what enables us to have a society and live in groups. It's not you, it's genetics. :)

That being said, you can condition yourself to care less and less about what other people think about your food choices. You just have to remind yourself that you DON'T care over and over, and go ahead and do your thing, and eventually it will become habit and you'll be desensitized to the issue.

Annita
08-11-2008, 03:01 PM
i can't say that "just ignore them". It's hard to do than to say. Lol. But as everyone above suggested, trick their eyes if you cannot ignore what others think. For example: Carry a plate with few stuffs of party around and no one will notice that you haven't eaten any. If someone offer you food, tell them "I just ate it. It was delicious. And i'm full now so thanks but no thanks".
In your case, you eat before the party abit, so you can tell them the truth "I just ate my meal so I'm extremely full. I'll eat later when I'm not as full as i am now".

And i can assure you that noone will think ANYTHING if you do some of suggests above. I was like that before, always scared that people might think "i'm different and start gossip about me", but I found out that in reality they aren't even think about what I do. So all i can say to you is try hard to ignore your thinking of "what they might think".

lipidful
08-11-2008, 03:05 PM
I just wanted to say that I love this site and you're all so wonderful. Thanks so much for your input!

midwife
08-11-2008, 03:56 PM
Hey lipid,

You know that rationally what other people think is irrelevant. I'm trying to remember the last time I ate w/ work people and I'm trying to remember what any of them actually ate. I can't do it! Truly, no one cares. And if they do, then that is their problem, not yours. Which you already know! But keep telling yourself over and over and maybe you will start to internalize it.

Here's the other thing I wonder. I wonder if those of us who are battling obesity often give food way too much power and credit. We stress about it, we think about it, we know calorie counts and fat grams, we know how eating off plan makes us feel. All of this is very important and necessary for us to lose weight and maintain weight, but it makes us different in some ways than the average person who just really doesn't think about it all that much.

Your health and happiness with your body is much more important that what people think about how much pizza you eat, even if they notice. Plan what you eat and eat what you plan, and don't worry about anything else. I promise, it will be easier than you think it will be. Your body (and your mind) will thank you for it.

skinnymel
08-11-2008, 03:59 PM
I just gained back about 15 lbs. as well because I got a little complacent after my big weight loss, now I'm having to restrict again and it's driving me nuts. In fact, as we speak, I had a "farewell party" at work for lunch and there's another one coming up after work (I'm relocating to a different city) today. I have already eaten well over my caloric intake for today, and I'm dreading this evening. I don't want to insult anyone for not eating what they prepared, so even if I just take a small portion they will feel insulted for sure. I wish there was a way I could "fake eat" and spit it out in a napkin when no one is looking!! I dread it THAT bad. Of course, I could just take this day as a jumping off point and since it is the last day I will be seeing these people, it's not going to kill me... But still. I say that it's easier said than done when it comes to not worrying about what other people think. In fact, if your weight loss journey was anything like mine, it was majorly based on what you thought you looked like for other people. I lost my weight so I could try to make a better life for myself and get another job (most people won't hire you if you're heavy, compared with someone of similar skills but thinner, it's true)...... so that has nothing to do with how I, myself, view myself. Isn't that sad.... But i'm rambling. Good luck with your new weight loss journey. I'm going to try to base mine on what I feel like, not what others feel like. Obviously I can't keep it off when I'm thinking about others, so I guess it's worth a shot to start caring about what I think of myself in the meantime. :dizzy:

Tomato
08-11-2008, 04:27 PM
Hi lipidful,

I now what you mean, but I think you should try to not care so much what people think about you. I guess easier said than done, but I have always been the rebellious spirit (already in my youth) and I did my own thing no matter what. I guess I still continue on the same path although now in my old age, I do care a bit more about others think - to a degree.

But, I believe that is totally up to you what you it and what you snack on, and nobody has the right to push you into anything. If you were a Muslim, for example, and your religion did not allow you to eat pork , would people still force you to have "just a bite"? Probably not, so I really don't know why we, as a society, seem to feel it is ok to convice people on a diet to eat the stuff they chose to not eat.

Having said that, I personally take a little bit of a different approach. I would go and I would have the pizza - one slice. I still eat pizza here and there, as a treat, as I believe everything is ok as long as it is done with moderation. I do not mean to convince you to have the pizza if that is what you not want to do, I am just saying what my approach is.
Will there be any veggies or something else that you can eat? If you think there will be absolutely nothing that your diet would allow you eat, EAT BEFORE YOU GO THERE. Have a salad with a chicken breast or whatever else you like to have - make it something yammy so that you don't feel deprived that you cannot have the pizza. If you need to eat with coworkers, NOTHING would stop me from bringing my own salad or fruit or something similar.
I am so used to the comments like "Oh, you are eating the healthy stuff again" but you know what, I really don't think it is meant as a negative comment (at least not from my coworkers). We just tease each other but there is no ill intent behind it. Of course, I cannot comment on what the situation is like where you work, but I trust that you will find a satisfactory solution.
But the main thing is - don't worry too much about what they think!

griffogrubb
08-11-2008, 06:24 PM
Hey lipidful, I go through the same thing, I'd have to agree with what other people are saying. Just eat before you go and say you're not hungry because you just ate, or carry something around with you. It's like when I'm at a party, I don't drink and people give me so much crap about it. But if I carry a cup around that has beer in it, maybe dump some out in a sink, it makes people feel better because I'm not being "different." Same thing with my diet, I look "fine" now, so nobody understands why I continue to do it and people that just meet me don't understand it either. Whatever, I don't see why they care anyways. It's my choice and that should be the end of it. Don't let other people pressure you into doing something though or fear being different. If these people aren't going to accpet you because you're not eating the food they are, they're the one's with the problem...not you. Do what you have to, but more importantly do what you want to do. Don't let other people tell you what to do with your body. After all, it is your body.

startingnew
08-11-2008, 08:38 PM
Hey lipidful! :wave:

Q. Why aren't you eating X? (X = pizza, more, dessert, cake, etc.)

A. I think I'll wait a little bit to have some.
A. I ate just a little while before, and I'm not as hungry as usual.
A. I don't really like that (frosting, sauce, sausage, crust, etc.).
A. Oh--thanks, I think I will have some in a minute.
A. It looks really good--I'll take some for later. (And you can take some back to your desk and throw it away!)

You may also notice that some folks don't finish foods. They might take a piece of pizza, take a bite, walk around with the plate, and then later toss it.

Remember, it's not about the food, it's about social activity.

Show up late, leave early.

If you're going out to a restaurant, decide ahead of time what you can order that will work with your program. Many chain restaurants have nutrition info on line. For example, I have a list of three lunch entrees I can have at Chili's and know that I'm not going over the top.

Jay
Amazing advice... i find it hard explaining why i choose not to eat when with friends and family thanks!