100 lb. Club - I have a DATE tommorow night, and I'm super nervous about it!!




Smiling_Sara
08-09-2008, 01:29 AM
eek. I haven't had a date in years, and the last person I was set up with....well, let's just say we never called each other after the date. we didn't have a thing in common.

This guy I will be meeting tomm sounds very nice, and we have talked for a couple weeks now and have lots in common....but I'm just soooo nervous. What are some things I can do and tell myself to ease the nerves a little?


tonimaroni2
08-09-2008, 01:59 AM
Well just remember he already asked you or said yes to the date so you don't have to worry about whether or not he's interested.

I'm so excited for you.. have fun!

GradPhase
08-09-2008, 02:08 AM
And if you've been talking for a few weeks, you should have plenty to talk ABOUT on the date! Where are you guys going? What's the plan?

Just reassure yourself that he's probably just as nervous. You don't have to TRY and impress him - you've already DONE that. So just know that he's already interested, and try to have genuine fun!

I'm really excited for you, too! Can't wait to hear how it goes!


gtech2mit10
08-09-2008, 02:14 AM
Don't build it up too much in your mind. Approach the date with the goal of having a good time, rather than snagging a guy (lol). Envision yourself having a good time on your way there.
Regardless of whether it works out and you guys go out again, know you've made a *huge* stride just by leaping back into the dating scene :).

Beverlyjoy
08-09-2008, 05:49 AM
Have a nice time! Be yourself, have fun and take several deep breathes before the date to relax. This is great.

Smiling_Sara
08-09-2008, 07:13 AM
And if you've been talking for a few weeks, you should have plenty to talk ABOUT on the date! Where are you guys going? What's the plan?

Just reassure yourself that he's probably just as nervous. You don't have to TRY and impress him - you've already DONE that. So just know that he's already interested, and try to have genuine fun!

I'm really excited for you, too! Can't wait to hear how it goes!

he's sopose to call around 3:30 this afternoon to make some final plans. I think we are just gonna do dinner. I can't help buy be nervous since he's the first guy within a 30 mile radious of me that has shown me any interest in serveral years.

Thanks for all the encouraging words everyone!

auntie g
08-09-2008, 08:35 AM
Oh, how exciting! Good luck! The most important thing you can do is to BE YOURSELF! Don't try to be something you're not, in order to impress him. Have fun!

fiberlover
08-09-2008, 08:50 AM
How exciting! Just be yourself, laugh a lot and ask him open ended questions! Getting him to talk will help you relax, and give you more stuff to talk about.

Kofarq
08-09-2008, 10:37 AM
I've noticed that when I work out, I feel really confident for the rest of the day. Probably because of released endorphins and such. Regardless, I feel Super! Try working out a few hours before you go. That might work for you!

KLK
08-09-2008, 10:55 AM
I second this suggestion -- just keep it light and treat it like you would going out to dinner with a friend; be yourself and focus on enjoying the dinner rather than trying to make an impression or get into a relationship.

I also second the suggestion that you workout earlier in the day; I too feel more confident and attractive after I exercise.

Good luck and have a great time! :D Where'd you guys meet each other?

Don't build it up too much in your mind. Approach the date with the goal of having a good time, rather than snagging a guy (lol). Envision yourself having a good time on your way there.
Regardless of whether it works out and you guys go out again, know you've made a *huge* stride just by leaping back into the dating scene :).

Sweetcaroline
08-09-2008, 11:12 AM
Hi Borntofly,
When in doubt, Google it... LOL
I just googled (first date+nervous) there's slew of stuff....

On a more pesonally note, of course try to be yourself. Wear something 'sexyish' but comfortable, you don't want to be tugging, pulling, stretching clothes around all night... all of that makes you look nervous too.
And my worst 'habit'... even before the date, planning out the future, thinking, OK, what will the first night, or weekend together be like, maybe he's the one, how am I going to know, OK, so we will be engaged in a year, maybe kids in 2 years.... OMG, I have to tell myself... It's a flippin date ! don't set out thinking about marrying him.. I've finally learned to 'be present' during the date, staying in the moment.. and listen... I've learned that you learn more about a person by listening to them talk at random, rather than asking questions...
Have a great time.... and let us know how it went...

Star2Be
08-09-2008, 12:21 PM
I also second the suggestion that you workout earlier in the day; I too feel more confident and attractive after I exercise.
Me three! This is a great suggestion.

I also agree with Sweetcaroline's suggestions about what you wear. Personally, I am very much a girly girl and I know that my clothes have an impact on my mood, hehe. If you choose something to wear that makes you feel GREAT (because it's your favorite color, or because you think it's really flattering, etc) then you will feel more confident. Not saying that you should wear something just because you think he'll like it, I mean this strictly as a way to boost your confidence. :)

Congrats on having a date! I'm jealous. ;) Hehe.

Ufi
08-09-2008, 12:45 PM
To me, getting out there on a date with someone you want to go out with after a long time off is a triumph. Regardless of the outcome, you're a success just because you're participating. Everything good after that is a bonus.

I haven't been out on a date in ages, but when I have something I'm doing that makes me nervous, I find that it helps if I'm ready to go at least 5 to 10 minutes ahead of time, so I'm not rushing at the end and feeling flustered. Then, I take the extra time to sit and have some deep breaths or to play some really loud music and sing along with it at the top of my lungs, depending on whether I want to be calm or high energy.

JulieJ08
08-09-2008, 12:50 PM
Yup, just remember that HE is nervous TOO ;). And remember that you deserve to be a treated like a queen and you deserve a man that is worth treating like a king. Life is too precious for less.

Have fun! :D

Smiling_Sara
08-09-2008, 06:11 PM
thanks everyone. there are some good ideas in here. I"m taking my time getting ready right now. Meeting him in about a hour in a half. I swear the butterflies in my stomach could make me lose 5 lbs. I think it will go well, we seem to have a lot of fun talking on the phone. I guess the nerves are coming from if he ends up not having a good time. But I can't think like that! :)

GradPhase
08-09-2008, 07:36 PM
Good luck!

Smiling_Sara
08-12-2008, 11:59 AM
I just thought I'd give you all an update. I met him on Sat night for dinner and we had a nice time. He's really nice and polite. Gave me hug after dinner and asked if he could see me again. I told him yes, that would be nice. So we are making plans for dinner Wed night. I'm nervous as to if he trys to kiss me. I haven't had a romantic kiss in over 10 years. :o I keep fearing I'll be awful if it happens and it'll scare him away! Eeek, any advice to calm my fears on that ladies??

JulieJ08
08-12-2008, 12:09 PM
I just thought I'd give you all an update. I met him on Sat night for dinner and we had a nice time. He's really nice and polite. Gave me hug after dinner and asked if he could see me again. I told him yes, that would be nice. So we are making plans for dinner Wed night. I'm nervous as to if he trys to kiss me. I haven't had a romantic kiss in over 10 years. :o I keep fearing I'll be awful if it happens and it'll scare him away! Eeek, any advice to calm my fears on that ladies??

Same advice - remember he's nervous too;). And just assume that if the relationship should work out, the first kiss will be the worst, and don't overanalyze it. It might not turn out to be the worst, but you're both nervous, so just assume it will be bad, and it can only be better. If not, practice makes perfect :D.

GradPhase
08-12-2008, 12:25 PM
My boyfriend was a TERRIBLE kisser at first because he was SO nervous! Luckily it was easily remedied after a few times, hehehe. Just remember to gooo slloooowwwww that way between thinking to be a snail and the rush of adrenalin, you'll be at the right pace to remember to breathe! And have FUN!

sprklemajik
08-12-2008, 12:26 PM
I'll second that. First kisses are awkward, but once it's over, then you guys can calm down. Have fun!

opimisticchick72
08-12-2008, 02:18 PM
Try thinkin about it another way, how great is it that your worry is about your first KISS!!! I mean, you were worried about the date and came through that with flying colors..so it is just getting better and better. Besides worse case scenario, working on kissing can be so much fun, lol. Heck, I am excited for you,,,bring on wednesday's thread.

amy

Smiling_Sara
08-13-2008, 11:50 AM
Thanks guys. I've already started my breathing excersizes. lol

I'm super nervous. I feel like a 14 yr old getting her first kiss....which can be exciting, but it's also scary to me, for some reason. I just hope if he goes to kiss me he won't be turned off if it is akward. I also can't help but keep thinking, "what if my breath is bad after dinner" :p

kaplods
08-13-2008, 12:04 PM
That's what breathmints are for! I'd recommend tic tacs - they're small, inconspicuous and if the kiss comes sooner than you expect, you can swallow one without choking.-

Mommysince21505
08-13-2008, 12:37 PM
I think first kisses always suck! Haha!! Though you can always say, "lets try that again"! Anyway, I just wanted to say that first kisses aren't like in a movie how they are so perfect. He won't be turned off, because I am sure he knows first kisses suck! I think after you kiss a guy a few times it gets better, because you discover each other on that level. I am sure it won't be as bad as you think, it never really is. Good luck! Can't wait to hear about it!

GradPhase
08-13-2008, 04:21 PM
Hey!! Date two is tonight!!! Good luck!

Ps - Pick up a pack of gum, just in case!

Ufi
08-13-2008, 09:38 PM
Congratulations and good luck!

Smiling_Sara
08-15-2008, 11:33 PM
I swear, I'm starting to think I'm asexual. :(

GradPhase
08-15-2008, 11:42 PM
Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bad date??????

SuchAPrettyFace
08-16-2008, 04:41 PM
Yeah, what happened?

Smiling_Sara
08-17-2008, 12:12 AM
Well, here's what happened: He called me 10 minutes befor we were sopose to meet to ask if I was there, I said I was about 8 minutes away yet. That isn't a huge deal, but it makes me think he's not very patient. Then we had dinner and that was nice, we talked and laughed, etc. Then I drove him around my home town. Once I got back to where his car was he took my hand and kissed me a few times. * On the inside I was freaking out, and not in a good way * It just seemed really fast. And mixed in with some of the things he said ( he was planning things with me way in advance, like months ) it just freaked me out.

But it does make me think something is difft with me. Cause he is good looking but when he kissed me it was like I didn't feel anything. And the more I thought about it the more I thought I would of had the same reaction with with anyone who kissed me. :( I'm just so very confused right now.

Cuter w Curves
08-17-2008, 12:44 AM
Relax, take a deep breath... and realize that chemistry is chemistry.

Sometimes it grows on you and sometimes it is just there but unfortunately when you might as well be kissing your sibling for all the feeling that comes with it... There is nothing you can do.

This is going to sound like I am a big ole ho but... I've kissed a lot of people. ;):o And let me tell you that some knocked my socks off, and some left me going "meh... I get better mouth action from a chocolate bar".

To be honest... IF it was too fast for you or you were getting all squicked out over him moving too fast it is entirely normal to not feel enticed by a kiss. Heck... The hottest man I have EVER met in my life kissed me (this is years ago but still remember it clearly) and I felt... *drum roll please* NOTHING. IT was like licking a stamp damn it! :dizzy:

Maybe it was the style of kiss... Maybe you need a bit more tease, and finesse to get you ready to be kissed. That soft touch of someones fingers grazing your cheek as they look in your eyes... Slowly moving in for the kiss that is as soft a whisper as a butterflies wings moving across your lips. Personally I like these kind and even typing that out makes me blush a bit... The dive bomb, all or nothing kind leave me going MEH! Even with the man who curls my toes regularly.

nelie
08-17-2008, 11:44 AM
You know I used to think I was asexual for a long time. I know some people here said first kisses are aweful and I'm sure they can be. I don't think I've had a horrible first kiss, I'd probably say the first kiss with my husband was the best. We were both very nervous but it was slow and sweet.

There are a couple things and one of them could be is you just aren't attracted to the guy. Just because someone is good looking doesn't mean you would be attracted to him. I've worked with and known many good looking guys but I wouldn't have wanted to date them.

It may be worth having a third day and talking with the guy. If he is moving too quick, tell him.

GradPhase
08-17-2008, 11:49 AM
It doesn't take much for me to be completely turned off by a person and I've never regretted ending something "too soon" based of a hunch or a feeling. If he was over-all just giving you the heebie jeebies, I'd avoid his call. If it was just a case of weird nerves and still feeling eachother out to find what's acceptable and what's not, maybe he deserves another chance. Listen to that gut instinct :) Sorry it didn't work out so well :( - But at least you're back "out there"!! One huge leap forward!

nelie
08-17-2008, 12:18 PM
I also agree with eskinomad. My friends used to say I was too picky (even at over 300 lbs) and I was easily turned off by guys but I was looking for specific things and I wouldn't settle for less. Chemistry is definitely part of those things but chemistry can build. (every serious relationship I've had, we've started out as friends with no thoughts of dating)

Don't worry about ending it 'too soon' but also try to see if you would want to give the guy a second chance or if its not worth it. There are other guys out there.

kaplods
08-17-2008, 12:40 PM
I also think there's two kinds of "no chemistry." No sparks, and neutrality is one thing, something could develop with time, and so you might consider just having fun and seeing if something sparks.

However, the other kind, is really "anti-chemistry." If a guy isn't just neutral to you, but "kinda creepy," or "bugs me for some reason," or irritating in any way, then I think that's a time to trust your gut feelings. You might be picking up on subtle cues that the guy is simply not right for you (or worse).

Smiling_Sara
08-17-2008, 08:20 PM
I just don't know what to think. I feel awful for not having feelings that way for him, but I just don't. He just moved here about 7 weeks ago so he doesn't know many ppl. He seems like a nice guy, but I was and still am starting to think I would of had the same reaction with anyone. I'm not use to guys having those sort of feelings for me. I'm use to being "THE FRIEND" so it's strange to have someone show romantic feelings. I've also been weird of just showing feelings. I'm not a big hugger or anything like that. So, it was just such an extreme for me and I totally freaked. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do.

Ufi
08-21-2008, 12:45 AM
Chemistry is nobody's fault, so no need to feel awful.

I think it's valid to tell him you want to spend more time together building friendship before you become too physical so that you feel comfortable together. If he respects you, I'd expect him to be willing to do that, you know?

I used to not be a very huggy person, either. Just didn't grow up that way. But I recognized that as something I didn't like about myself, so I started training myself to be more comfortable with physical contact. Touch someone (women, men, friends, whatever) on the arm, on the shoulder, very neutral, in passing. Build up to it.

There's a difference between not feeling sexual at the time or not feeling sexy and being asexual.

WarMaiden
08-21-2008, 01:25 PM
I just don't know what to think. I feel awful for not having feelings that way for him, but I just don't. He just moved here about 7 weeks ago so he doesn't know many ppl. He seems like a nice guy, but I was and still am starting to think I would of had the same reaction with anyone. I'm not use to guys having those sort of feelings for me. I'm use to being "THE FRIEND" so it's strange to have someone show romantic feelings. I've also been weird of just showing feelings. I'm not a big hugger or anything like that. So, it was just such an extreme for me and I totally freaked. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do.

Perhaps you're playing a head-game on yourself? You don't think he "should" have feelings for you, like you're not worthy of it. But clearly you are! Maybe your negative self-belief is causing your disinterest.

Overall, you just seem really nervous and in your head a lot, to me. And that kind of thing often causes women to turn off, sexually.

Smiling_Sara
08-23-2008, 11:35 AM
Perhaps you're playing a head-game on yourself? You don't think he "should" have feelings for you, like you're not worthy of it. But clearly you are! Maybe your negative self-belief is causing your disinterest.

Overall, you just seem really nervous and in your head a lot, to me. And that kind of thing often causes women to turn off, sexually.


This could very well be part of it. It would explain why anyone I have had any real feelings for the last 3 years have lived 700 miles away. Seems "safer" to me? This guy is a great guy, but when he kissed me, I didn't feel like "oh, I like this, this is nice" I thought "omg, why and my head was just spinning" It's not something I'm use to at all! Guys being interested in me, that way. I'm so use to being the friend, that I think maybe I push guys away before I can get close to them to avoid them hurting me? Then I feel like I would of had this reaction with anyone! Not just him, which caused the "maybe I'm asexual" thought.

IDK....I'm just so confused over it all right now and not sure how to handle it.

Ufi
08-24-2008, 02:52 PM
Perhaps you have some root issues that are coming into play? Stuff from growing up or whatnot that you haven't fully addressed? I know there have been reasons for me to feel asexual and distant, and I needed help from a counselor to sort them out.