A couple in their early 20's live above DH and me. Ever single day, we hear them having loud, "enthusiastic" sex. During the day, middle of the night, etc. It wakes us up in the middle of the night, and it makes our daytime guests very uncomfortable. They're very nice otherwise, but does anyone have any advice? I don't want to tick them off--they seem like nice kids. But it's really obnoxious!!!!
Any tips? One of my other neighbors suggested talking to the neighbor the next time I see her and say something like, "Are you okay? I heard lots of screaming the other night and thought someone had broken in. I almost called the police! Were you hurt?" I don't want to come right out and say, "Your loud sex is really obnoxious--Do you mind being a little quieter?"
Or would a broom stick thumped on the ceiling during their next rendezvous be better?
DO NOT BREAK OUT THE BROOMSTICK. It's kind of rude, and it irritates people. It makes them not care about fixing the problem because they are irritated, or at least it has the potential to.
Next time you see them, I'd make a comment like "Did you hear us yesterday afternoon when we had guests? I was concerned we'd bother you since the walls are so thin here you can hear just about everything". If that doesn't fix it, keep going on that track..."Jeez, I can't believe how thin the ceiling between these apartments must be.. Yesterday I could hear your TV as clear as day"...hopefully they'll get the hint. If they don't after several comments like that, they're probably aware and just don't really care, but I'd leave a note (even anonymously) that said "you might not be aware that the walls are very thin here, and people can hear things you might not want them to! Just thought that, if it were me, I'd want people to tell me".
We had a neighbor once who, apparently, worked nights or something, so she kept odd hours. If we had a normal volume conversation in our bedroom (really...just conversation), she'd thump on the ceiling. Finally I wrote her a note that said something to the effect of "We are talking at a normal volume. If you have a problem with our noise levels, we invite you to come downstairs, knock on our door, and deal with it like a grownup, but please stop passive-aggressively banging on our ceiling when all we are doing is talking". She came down, we talked about it, and all was well...poor thing was really stressed out and working this weird schedule, and just wanted to sleep, and the walls really WERE thin, so we were keeping her up. Point being, banging on the ceiling is, IMO, kind of rude, and dealing with things conversationally tends to work better.
Yeah, I'm not too keen on the broomstick idea either. But the loud sex is embarrassing for our guests, and makes it hard for us to sleep at night. Maybe an anonymous note would be better. Less embarrassing for all of us--they are nice kids. This is their first apartment, and I don't think they realize some of the "unwritten apartment rules".
thanks!
Replace TV with "could hear you talking", then...I can't imagine they'll say "Oh, we don't talk in our apartment". If they're nice kids, they'll get the message.
I hope so. I really don't want to offend them. If I run into her in the next few days, I'll talk to her. If not, I'll leave a very politely worded, anonymous note.
I lived in an apartment where the walls between units were paper thin. I could even hear my neighbors alarm clock in the morning!
What I did was just tell him plainly (and as nicely as I could): "I don't know if you've noticed it, but the walls here are paper thin. I can hear your alarm clock, and just about everything else you do. I work nights, so I would really appreciate it if you could try to keep the noise down during the day."
Having that conversation helped, since he was more careful to be quieter after that.
I think the note is a good idea. I'm generally not for anonymous notes, but something nice and friendly and not accusing might save them a lot of embarrassment ... especially given the subject.
Just somehting along the lines of "I'm not sure if you're aware, but the walls are very thin ... etc... " That way if you run into them in the hall, neither of you has to be embarrassed to look at each other.
For some reason, in our apartment, the sound carries very unpredictably. Our last directly upstairs neighbors - were extremely noisy and the idiot guy laughed off hubby's polite complaint as "rough sex." Ha Ha (not). As it turned out, he was beating her. One night, I had to call the cops, and his parole and probation were revoked, and we were called to testify and the girlfriend was outraged that I had called the cops (I didn't ONLY do it for her safety, when he broke in her door I was scared for ME, especially since he had a creepy habit of knocking on my door within minutes of my husband leaving the apartment - every time).
The neighbors before them were a young couple with a child and the husband was a dj and made his mix tapes in the apartment - and we never heard more than muffled sound from them.
The neighbor before that family was a tiny, itsy bitsy woman (maybe 90 lbs) who somehow sounded like a herd of elephants overhead, nearly constantly. She was a runner and left her sneakers outside her apartment, so I don't know if she was barefoot, or changed into combat boots when she got home. We never talked to her about the noise (because what are you going to do about footsteps).
But as for the girl who was mad at calling us on the jerk beating her. After he was arrested, she started dating a new guy and they were REALLY loud with the sex. Hubby had to go up and complain a couple times, and so then they started playing SUPER LOUD music to cover the noise of the sex (which was NOT an improvement).
We only learned later (when we showed up for court) that she was mad at us for calling the cops on the idiot that had been beating her, so now I'm wondering if the extra noise after he left was her way of retaliating against us.
Our apartment building is in a very wealthy, quiet neighborhood (near the lake, obviously built when lake property was not quite as desirable), but the rent is quite inexpensive, so it sometimes attracts people without good neighbor skills. However, the landlord has generally done a very good job of screening or removing bad tenants. Still, we dread every "new" neighbor, as a result.
I guess my story doesn't really have a point, other than my sympathies. I would so love to live in a house, so as not to have to listen to the lives of my neighbors.
I think if we got an anonymously written letter about our loud sex*, I would be so embarrassed I would break my lease and go to a new apartment complex! I would never be able to look at any of my neighbors again! I'd always wonder who it was that I owed the apology to. I'd want to apologise profusely to all of them, with gifts and money and flowers and free house cleaning. Ohhh man, it would be the worst! Not necessarily because I'd be embarrassed about it - but just because I'd feel so guilty about being that disrespectful.
But, if your neighbor reacts like THAT (which is doubtful) it would at least solve your problem! They'd relocate!
I just don't want them to be mad! If it was me, I'd be waaay more embarrassed if someone said it to my face. I'm a teacher and I have to get up early.
Here's what I was thinking of writing:
Hi!
I just wanted to let you know that the walls are really thin here, and sometimes people can hear things in your apartment that you may not want them to, like certain private activities. You guys are really sweet neighbors! I just thought if it was me, I’d want someone to let me know.
Hopefully, the note is nice enough so that even if they did realize it was me, they couldn't accuse me of writing a nasty note.
What do you think?
"Like certain private activities at all hours of the night, waking us and causing the building to shake and the windows to crack from all the screaming, you animals you!"
Hehehe.
Yep, sounds like a good enough letter. Good luck with the neighbors!
UPDATE!
Holy cow! I just talked to my next door neighbor (not the loud one). He knows about the loud sex problem too, and talked to the loud neighbor earlier today. Apparently, in the crude, male way that guys have, he told him that his "loud monkey sex" was keeping everyone awake, and could they "tone it down."
The neighbor actually apologized, and offered to apologize to the other neighbors! My other neighbor told him not to worry about it.
I was shocked! My neighbor swears the neighbor wasn't mad at all, and was totally cool about it. This was so no the way I imagined this being resolved, but apparently guys have this weird way of reducing a situation to its bare bones.
Hopefully, this will solve the situation, as weird as the "solution" is. I'll be updating...
noisy upstairs neighbors--advice?
During the day, middle of the night, etc. It wakes us up in the middle of the night, and it makes our daytime guests very uncomfortable. They're very nice otherwise, but does anyone have any advice? I don't want to tick them off--they seem like nice kids. But it's really obnoxious!!!! 
