Weight Loss Support - How To Deal




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vikkivma
08-03-2008, 04:08 PM
Deleted.


Spoz
08-03-2008, 04:12 PM
I think you should ask her to delete those pictures and if she doesn't forget about her and move on with your life. I think you look fine in those pictures and I'd say about 150 lbs if I was asked... but if you dont feel comfortable with them, then a true friend would accept that and delete those pictures. You can do so much better without people like her in your life..

Iconised Ghost
08-03-2008, 04:18 PM
i agree with spoz, i dont think the picture is that bad, but the fact that she took it and put it on the internet is pretty nasty, and i think you should ask her to take them down


Kofarq
08-03-2008, 04:18 PM
Wow. Your friend is kind of a knucklehead. There is a possibility that she doesn't realize she is hurting your feelings, but some of the things she has done indicate she takes pleasure in the fact that you are larger than she is. When she says or does these things, you could say, "Do you realize you actually did that/said that out loud?"
By the way, you are VERY pretty, and your hair is gorgeous!

thistoo
08-03-2008, 04:40 PM
Nobody needs 'friends' like that (I think the kids are calling them frenemies these days?). She probably pushes so hard to do stuff together because no one else will hang out with her. And why would they? She's a terrible friend, taking out her insecurities on people she's supposed to like! I'd cut her off in no uncertain terms, personally. You probably can't do anything about the Facebook images, but you don't have to associate with someone who treats other people like that.

JayEll
08-03-2008, 05:56 PM
Yeah, I don't think she's a real friend. She's not acting like it. Tell her you want the photos deleted, please. And after she's deleted them, don't bother with her anymore. That's what I'd do.

Jay

JulieJ08
08-03-2008, 06:18 PM
You look fine. Love your hair.

But what she did and said is nasty. It's coming from her own pain. I sure wouldn't want to look as good as her and still feel bad about myself. But if she pulls you down, you should avoid or limit time with her. You could try talking to her, but from the sound of it, she'll just then do something like take down the pics and post a comment that you made her do it because you thought you looked fat. You have to decide how you think she'll react and whether it's even worth it to try.

You are definitely worth high standards in your friends!

Tomato
08-03-2008, 06:43 PM
Honey,
You look absolutely fantabulous in that picture and NOT like you are 220 pounds!!! I love your hair and your arms are so slender!
Look, I know everybody tends to look at pictures of himself/herself with a more critical eye than at pictures of others, so I just want to assure you are a gorgeous young lady with nothing to worry about!
But, I do agree that your friend's behavious was not very nice. I would consider it a violation of my rights and of the friendship itself if somebody posted pictures of me on the Internet especially when I wanted them deleted. That was not nice of her at all and you should request that she removes them immediately. I do understand how hurtful this feels.

Hugs.

EZMONEY
08-03-2008, 06:46 PM
Oh sweetie, none of us look too flattering in pictures hunched over while we are eating! But you look just fine!

You are doing so well, don't let this person set you back!

:frypan: her one for me ;)

Ufi
08-03-2008, 11:21 PM
I can see how you would be upset by that photo. I wouldn't say you look 220 pounds, but I think it was probably deliberately taken to not have you looking your best. Rather than a big explanation of how you feel, perhaps you could simply tell her that you don't like the photo and want her to take it down. If she asks why, you don't have to tell her it is because you think it makes you look heavy. You can just say you don't like it. You have a right to not like things, regardless of the reason.

Why are you around someone like this? And why does anyone allow her to photograph them?

shelby897
08-03-2008, 11:34 PM
Some people need to make other people feel bad to make themselves feel better -- I think you found one of these people!! Life is too short to spend/waste time on someone who does not enrich your life :hug:

Ask her to please remove the pictures, which I have a feeling she will debate with you (because when she looks at unflattering pictures of others, apparently it makes her feel good about herself!!). And, move on. The next time she wants to hang out --feel free to tell her you have better plans!!!

Desiderata
08-04-2008, 06:36 PM
If you don't think a direct request to have her take down the photos would go well, you can at least de-tag yourself in the picture. While the pictures would still be accessible from her account, they wouldn't show up as photos of you when people look at your own profile.

And I agree, she doesn't sound like a friend I'd want to hang out with...

vikkivma
08-04-2008, 07:13 PM
Deleted.

JulieJ08
08-04-2008, 07:35 PM
Thank you very much -- I love a love/hate relationship with my tresses, but I kind of feel like Jo March in the sense that they've always been my one good feature at any weight (not that Jo was fat... I love how I'm saying this like I might offend her. lol.)

:rofl:

I think she did know what she was doing, especially since the caption below the picture read, "Hehe."

What a weirdo.

My very sweet friend (the one she called "fat" who is absolutely gorgeous, and shown in the first post) always makes sure she tells me how much better I'm looking when she sees me.

Ahh, I thought the girl in the pic was the "friend" posting your pics and that *she*thought she was fat. Oops, misread.

I'm going to go the passive-agressive route and avoid contact. I just feel that any response gives her a sense of power and accomplishment.

And worse, it keeps you engaged in her negativity. Sounds to me like you really are in a good place with your self-esteem. Way to go.

And on top of that, it was good timing on her part (for me) because I had reached an all-time low since I was 15 in my weight the day she posted them, so I wasn't exactly feeling horrid..

Poetic justice. "Hehe" as she would say ;)

She routinely asks me to have lunch with her, spend time with her, etc. so it's ironic that she's the one being nasty since she spent so much effort to be around me.

She thinks she found someone to dump on. But too bad she's wrong.

Mango683
08-04-2008, 08:17 PM
You don't need need negativity, especially on a journey as difficult and demanding such as this. Someone like that thrives on digging for comments and feeling better about themselves by putting others down. You have come so far and look GREAT! I cannot wait until I am down to 185. You should be so proud of yourself and stand up to her- don't give up what you've worked for because of the haters!!!

knitta
08-04-2008, 08:25 PM
First off, I agree with everyone else - you look great. But in the end, no matter how you feel you look, if you're not comfortable with the pics being posted, your friend should respect that.

You know, I had a friend who'd make similar comments - she joined WW and lost 50 lbs, which is all well and good, but suddenly she was making fat people jokes and pointing out people who were eating alot. I suppose it was just her airing her insecurities, but I sort of wondered "What on earth do you think about ME, then?"

Beach Patrol
08-05-2008, 12:49 PM
vikkivma - first of all, let me say :hug: cause I know how you feel! - I just rec'd pics of me at my b'day party last weekend & I am currently banning my friends from taking any more pics of me for a little while! ;)

2ndly.... Please know that you DO NOT look "220" pounds in those pics! not at all!!! - That 2nd pic is a good pic, you look so relaxed & having a nice time - but that FIRST pic... Uh, can I rag on your *friend* for a minute??

What I DON'T GET is WHY your *friend* would take a pic of you eating! In fact, why would ANYONE take a pic of ANYONE eating? No way a pic of someone eating could EVER be interesting - mouth open, chewing, etc... it's a waste of film or digital space! - & the only time it's acceptable to take such a pic is when a toddler has spaghetti or cake all over their face, in which case, it's totally cute.

First thing I would do is DEFINITELY ask her to take those pics off the internet. Be polite but firm. A true friend won't even question your request. If she does, or balks in any manner, THEN I'd tell her to take a photography class cause she has no idea what she's doing with a camera in hand!!

And as for that "a size 8 is still big" comment? OMG... how did you NOT go postal on her? A size 8 is a GREAT size! Big? Sure...if you're 2'5"... :dizzy:

You are doing a GREAT JOB! - you look fab-boo & I bet you feel good too! - Keep it up! :hug: :D

Mrs Snark
08-05-2008, 01:00 PM
Ick, she's not a friend. She's one of those soul-sucking people who thrive on creating pain in others to make herself feel better. I'd drop her like a hot potato, post-haste.

You look fantastic by the way!!!

Shannon in ATL
08-05-2008, 02:46 PM
vikkivma - first - I also love your hair, I had long hair for a long time and it always looked terrible, so I have it short now, but still have some longing for the the long hair! :)

I have a 'friend' who makes the same kind of snarky comments. We've been 'friends' for seventeen years, but I'm finally realizing it is time to cut her off... I don't have the time or the energy to give to her negativity... Good for you to be strong now and not find yourself with a longer commitment to the relationship, and more abuse piled on your head... I wish I had been able to do it then, would have saved me some heartache now.

And on the pictures, you are right, there is no way a pic taken from that angle is going to be flattering to anyone, no matter what size they are. You're looking great!

BrandNewJen
08-05-2008, 03:30 PM
And if she refuses to take down the pics
1. She's a b*tch
2. Report her to facebook and tell them that you did not authorize her to post your photos on her page, and if she doesn't take them down you want them to cancel the account. (MySpace does this like INSTANTLY--- I've had two "enemies" pages taken down b/c they wrote slanderous things on there about friends/family)

i am still trying
08-05-2008, 07:05 PM
OMG. I think that she is a total sabatager (sp?). You know, those people who never want people to loose weight and they constantly tell you to 'eat more', or that 'you dont eat enough', or that 'you've really gone too crazy withteh gym' etc. They for some reason enjoy others being over weight.
I would stay away!

lovnmom
08-06-2008, 08:36 AM
Tyler Durden said it all....I'm 44 and I can tell ya too, Life is way too short to spend another day with a frienemy...let her find some other way to build her self esteem...you don't need to be anybodies scratching post!!
And yes, you're looking terrific..be proud very proud!

txsqlchick
08-06-2008, 10:26 AM
Nobody needs 'friends' like that (I think the kids are calling them frenemies these days?). She probably pushes so hard to do stuff together because no one else will hang out with her. And why would they? She's a terrible friend, taking out her insecurities on people she's supposed to like! I'd cut her off in no uncertain terms, personally. You probably can't do anything about the Facebook images, but you don't have to associate with someone who treats other people like that.

I agree. That girl is not a "friend"; she's using you to try to feel better about herself. Dump her, ignore her, and move on. When we're making such drastic lifestyle changes like we all are here, we need people around us to be caring and supportive. That girl is a word that rhymes with "witch". :mad:

FWIW, I think you look fine and I'd kill for your hair.

txsqlchick
08-06-2008, 10:29 AM
OMG. I think that she is a total sabatager (sp?). You know, those people who never want people to lose weight and they constantly tell you to 'eat more', or that 'you dont eat enough', or that 'you've really gone too crazy withteh gym' etc. They for some reason enjoy others being over weight.
I would stay away!

I've known so many people like that. I'm tired of being the fat friend that they just keep around to make themselves look good. I'm also tired of my "fat" friends not being supportive of my efforts to lose weight.

Right now I'm just about friendless. My weight loss is starting to show and my "best friends" (both of whom are overweight, one severely so) are pretty much ignoring me. Sucks. I need new friends but it's really hard to meet people when you work in a male-dominated profession and live in a heueueueuege city.

shelby897
08-06-2008, 11:38 AM
I think it all goes back to "everyone has their place" -- I feel like in a group of friends there seem to be roles -- the funny friend, the skinny friend, the bitter friend, etc. When you lose weight, you make the insecure friend all flustered -- they don't know where you fit anymore. I say, keep it up, become the "skinny" friend and move on (away from her!!).

vikkivma
08-06-2008, 12:53 PM
Deleted.