Weight Loss Support - Would it be pathetic to get in shape for old boyfriend?

08-03-2008, 01:08 AM
Would it be pathetic to get in shape for old boyfriend? Ok, I'll admit I called "the boy" of my teen/early 20s years about 6 months ago and he said "come on by" when I was in his state visiting my mom. We'll here's the thing... when I dated him, ok, 20 yrs ago he could wrap his arms around my skinny little what he said should be a model's tummy... I was tall thin, many years. He was always what my friend calls my "go to" man. I traveled the world quite young, he wrote postcards/letters to me the entire time. He wrote another when I moved to the state I now live in. He said "you moved without saying goodbye." I didn't really believe "our dream" and my friend claims neither of us wanted to commit so at the time we were comfortable thinking we had someone. Anyways I married the "rich" banker at 32, jerk, left him much longer then I should have at 36. And the last few years I've had dreams - ok - more then a few years - 10 years or more, about my old "love." I still do. I admitted that to him when I called him, of course it built his ego.. Anyways I thought in the back of my head if I could have that "tummy" he used to wrap his hands around... when I went to see him. It WON'T happen will it? I mean I'm 5'9 165 instead of 130 pounds when I dated him, used to eat and eat. What would I need to be, 155, 150, 145, to get the guts up to see him when I'm in my homestate in Oct? Is he a worthy goal? My friend, always right, says I'm a dreamer... but when I called we had a connection, was I dreaming that? I just think about 150, and I'd be fine to do what he said.. come to his house, say hello... or would it be more? Could I lose more before Oct?

08-03-2008, 01:19 AM
Sounds like great motivation to me! I called my ex from my twenty's when I got divorced in my late thirties, He came to see me a month later and a year after that we were married. It can happen. Not for everyone...but you don't know until you try....

08-03-2008, 01:24 AM
Remember, do this for YOURSELF first. It would be convenient for him to be attracted to you because of it, but do it for you, first. He can be part of your motivation. He would be more attracted to you confident and happy at a higher weight, than skinny and anxious, and with low self esteem. Good luck with him, though, he sounds like one of the good ones.

08-03-2008, 01:28 AM
I figure any motivation is good motivation. If thinking of him helps you eat healthy and stay on track then go for it. By the time you see him in October you'll be well on the way to a healthier WoL and keep keep it up for yourself no matter what happens.

But I'll keep my fingers crossed that an old flame can be rekindled.

And remember, he's 20 years old too - who knows what the years have done to him....

08-03-2008, 01:53 AM
Fore sure, I think it's great motivation but, do it for yourself first and foremost. Do it because you want to be healthy, I'd hate to see this possible connection turn sour then you feel like you wasted your efforts if your only doing it for this guy, ya know?

Anyway, who said he's not gained weight? :D

Overall, do what makes you happy.

08-03-2008, 07:56 AM
Would it be pathetic to get in shape for old boyfriend?

It's never pathetic to actually get in shape. But I'm not a romantic in that way, so I hope you have other motivations. ;)


08-03-2008, 08:01 AM
if it gives you motivation then do it....
just dont let it be your only motivational influence....
just incase it doesnt work out!.,...

08-03-2008, 12:21 PM
You can use the visit as a motivation, but lose the weight for yourself, not for him. I understand the attraction to him that has survived the years, I totally do, but don't kill yourself for him. Besides, what do you really expect from the visit? That the two of you will get back together? What if that does not happen - I would hate to see you sad and heartbroken because of it.
Anyway - I think you can comfortably lose some 12-15 lbs by the time you are going to see him (depending when in October it is). But I don't think that you are doing too badly as you are. If you get down to 155-150,, that would be only 20-25 lbs more than what you weighed years ago. On a 5'9" person it is not so bad - we taller ladies have the advantage of having the weight more "distributed" LOL.
Good luck, and enjoy visiting your old flame.

08-03-2008, 01:42 PM
I just wanted to add that I'm sure at 5'9 and 165 you already look pretty darn good! :)

08-03-2008, 02:07 PM
Yes I believe that having a dream that you are working towards is great! Honestly though, I don't feel that you are THAT much heavier than when you were with him before. But more importantly, you should love yourself and want to see him as you are now, and in every light. You could spend all this time losing weight, and he could end up getting engaged to a 400 lb woman that LOVES herself.
Don't put things off until you are thin(er).

Having said that, doesn't mean that I am UBER confident myself, just trying to help you feel proud of who you are now!

08-03-2008, 05:44 PM
Why not? I don't think it's going to hurt the situation, and it's always fun to be able to feel as though you'll be in good shape for someone who has seen you in good shape.

08-03-2008, 06:02 PM
And do you gain the weight back if a romance doesn't develop? I'm sure he doesn't look the same anymore either. If he only wants you for a number on the scale, that is a shallow person. By all means, lose a few pounds but do it because it will make you more healthy and do it in a safe way by making permanent lifestyle changes and exercising. Heck, he might be bald by now! Just go and enjoy your visit.

08-03-2008, 08:49 PM
I just wanted to add that I'm sure at 5'9 and 165 you already look pretty darn good! :)

I was thinking the same thing :)

And, I think any motivation is good motivation. So long as he or the thought of him is not your sole purpose in this short life ;) :hug:

08-03-2008, 08:53 PM
Whatever gets you going is good enough, imo!

But I'm sure that if you really think about it, your desire to lose weight isn't *for* the ex, but for yourself and how you will feel (generally, and when you're around him) when you are thin.

Elizabeth Isabelle
08-03-2008, 10:29 PM
I agree that any motivation is a good motivation - as long as you can keep it off for yourself. You're only talking about 15 pounds - that is very achievable.

08-04-2008, 06:34 AM
Hmm. I don't think losing weight to impress anyone other than yourself is a good idea. Say you lost the weight, and it didn't work out? You might start associating losing weight with trying to please other people, and failing. What if you lost the weight, got together with him, but always had in the back of your mind *well all well and good, but if I HADN'T lost the weight, how do I know he would still have wanted me?*

So I'd say totally dissociate your weight from attempt to rekindle romance. It can't be healthy to intermingle the two at all.

08-04-2008, 08:31 AM
Is he single????

Go for it!!!!

08-04-2008, 08:53 AM
Whatever it takes to get you started is the best motivation you can have!
Single or look at me- who cares! Once you start and are feeling good you will have your own personal motivation to keep it up that will have nothing to do with him.