Weight Loss Surgery - Angry/Hurt

I have 2 best friends who I love very much and they both (I hope) inadvertantly hurt me this week. My one GF is naturally thin and athletic. She can't get over the fact that I am no longer heavy and says things like (about herself) I'm such an enabler when I told her I was about to exercise but she was on the phone with me. to which I answered No I'm just going to when I get off the phoen with you.
But the hurtful thing was this. She is coming back to NJ in October and she was all excited to tell me she would be smaller than me again.:?: I didn't know what to say to that! in every other way she's a great girl but why all of a sudden are we competing?

My other gf who is also best friends with #1 and I Hang out every friday. she is heavy. We got Very lost in a not so great section of Jersey and indeed saw a transvestite in Pink Ballet slippers ( you have to find the humor some way)
So we got to our first destination and then to trader Joes I've been eating mainly low carb, but I decided I wanted a Dunkers cookie at the sample kiosk. So I had one. She laughed at me.
Like a mean nasty laugh.
Later on I actually confronted her about it and said. So you laughed at me when I had to cookie. . .it felt like you were saying "see I knew you couldn't stay on your diet" (Diet is a word she understands healthy eating as a WOE not so much) she of course said no no no but i don't believe her. and while I love spending time with her I really don't want to do anything having to do with eating in front of her ever again. (mind you that's not really realistic)

Thanks for reading/listening I told DH but being that he's not female. . .he doesn't really get the dynamic
and I just needed to share!

:hug:
Kierie

It is very sad that body image is such a sensitive issue. It sounds like your friends do not feel secure in the way they look and therefore, have to put you down to make themselves feel better. I hope you are confident in what you've achieved and start hanging out with some new friends. I think you can still be friends with these girls, but take some space.

Sorry Kierie :hug: I don't know why women do this to each other but it happens for some reason, jealousy, competition, etc. And when you have been fat for as long as I have, you are just supposed to be the fat friend forever I guess, that is your niche. I am lucky I guess nobody has been insensitive like this around me so far, but I would have been hurt too, and I think you were right to call her on it. Maybe you will make her examine her impulse and realize it was not a good one.
Also most people truly do not understand if you are not on a "diet". I can't tell you how many people have asked me about my "diet" or commented on it, wondered when I will be done and be able to eat "normally" again. I say I don't measure, weigh, or count anything. I eat normal, healthy food and make sane choices and that is it and that is the way I will eat forever. It took me a long time to learn it but now I've got it and I know diets don't work and I will never do it again. Yes, I know the website is called 3fc on a diet, but most of us here are not "dieting" we are making healthy changes.
I'm sorry, this was your rant, and I turned it into mine! Just wanted to let you know I understand and sympathize, and aren't we lucky to have 3fc, where we can communicate with people that get it?

Thanks Ladies!!
I am so blessed to have the people on this site!
Schmoo me and friend #2 were the Fat girls for a very long time together. Friend #1 and our other friend were the thin ones in our circle.
#1 did ask me if I was eating "normal" I answered that it was normal for me!
Kit I think you're right and I'm going to make a point to do nonfood things with the girl who is here b/c I treasure her I just don't want to eat with her.
SChmoo rant away! You're always welcome!!

I don't know what's wrong with most of us women. Sure, men compete over things like sports and jobs and other things, but we really use our weight/clothes/other superficial things to compete, even if we don't mean to. Like if I'm going out with some of my more attractive friends, I make sure I look AMAZING before walking out the door. If I'm hanging out with some less attractive friends (that sounds so bad, lol) I don't care as much because I know I'll still look better than them (THAT SOUNDS REALLLLY BAD, but it's also proving my point!)

Your thin friend is just trying to make sure that she stays hotter than you are. And your overweight friend is jealous that you have made such progress. When she sees you "slip up" she probably thinks of it as a minor victory like "Oh good, she doesn't have will power either and she's just going to gain the weight back." Show them both up by keeping up the good work!

Try to focus on you...we are doing our best to figure out who the heck we are after surgery. It's hard for friends to change along with us, the dynamics of that friendship change. We have to find out for ourselves who we are and then educate them... resituating where we stand with each other. If your friends have self-esteem issues, those issues are theirs and can only be improved by them. Offer them the love and acceptance that we would hope for, if they are meant to stick around they will. If not...wish them well and set them free.

Angela

I agree with what everyone is saying. Friends should be there for you and support you as you should try to do the same! Hang in there!

People do things like this all the time and I don't think they are truly aware of how they come across. I was shopping with my mother. I tried on a pair of caprises and she tried on the the same size. They were too small for her to get on. They fit me. She could not believe it. She said that mine were mis sized. She tried on mine and they were too small. From the time she left the store to the time she got home she talked about how she has got to go on a diet. I let it roll off because that is how she is. I have found that women will be catty when it comes to weight. Just say to yourself that you must be looking good to have so much focus on you and keep on moving.

If you were "packin" you could have shot them in their knees! I'm being stupid of course. It is not fun being with these kind of people at all!! But, if you love them, ignore them and do non-food things with them and send them all of the clothes that are too large for you!!! I'm being mean again. My sister doesn't say anything about my weight loss, but never fails to point out about my veiny-legs, skin hanging chicken neck, bat-wing arms and side of my collar bone is different from the other and looks gross; oh and how my hernia is sticking out farther than my poor 36 longs. I can't kill her, so I'm just gonna love her and be there for her when she has her heart attack from being morbidly obese! Again, I'm being ***-inine!! I'm sorry for both of your friends because they have to make themselves feel good by being mean and insensitive to you. They will either learn to accept you as you are now or they will distance themselves from you or you distance yourself from them. I hope it is the afore. I like you KO and I don't personally know you, but you can make me laugh with some of your posts like no one else. I still think about your visit with your mother "Want a little bread with that bread?!" Hang in there honey! And vent all you want!!!

You all are Amazing! You Rock! :grouphug: thanks
I like you guys too!