Weight Loss Support - Help - feeling fearful about being thin?

08-02-2008, 04:09 AM
A couple of days ago, I was watching a girl cycle on the bike. I had been observing people's body shapes for some time, trying to figure out what I might look like when this transformation is complete.

But then, I realized how scared I would be to be her size. And she was average thin/fit - what looks like more or less my goal! I've been aware of the fear for some time now. But whoa, what is going on?

I need to, want to, MUST figure out why I am so scared. This fear is keeping me back.

The thoughts I have so far are:

Change - I was a chubby child, an overweight adolescent, and now I'm obese at 24 years. So I've never really KNOWN myself as thin. I've also never known my body as thin. I've held myself back in life tremendously because of my insecurities about my weight. So once I'm thin, I won't be able to say "Oh, I can't do this because of my size" and find ways of discouraging myself from things that are valid but support insecurity. It's like I've let myself hide within all of this fat and when I emerge, it'll be ME - I'll have to figure out who that is, and I won't have any more excuses to keep me from getting out there, meeting people, living life, fulfilling my dreams, living my potential, etc.

Maybe on some level I'm worried about unwanted/disrespectful attention to my body too.

I'm really hoping to shed some light on this issue... I really need to lose this weight and not only keep going but keep it off. You see, last year I began to regain 35 of the 50 lbs that I had originally lost. I went from 262 to 211, and I could sense that I felt scared, but I didn't do very much about it. So I let myself re-gain. I didn't make a conscious decision to gain back the weight, but despite the "oh no, my pants are feeling tighter", I could feel the fear creeping away with each 5 lbs I gained.

Crazy huh.

I feel like there may be more to the fear than I am realizing. So I wanted to ask if anyone feels or has felt similarly or can shed some light?

Iconised Ghost
08-02-2008, 04:30 AM
remember that you wont suddenly be thin, it will a gradual process and you will be able to work through issues like figuring out who you are, how you want to live your life, and so on. As for the unwanted/disrespectful attention you might get- well, in my view being overweight we get unwanted/disrepectful attention sometimes too, so i dont think it would be entirely new. An annoying side effect perhaps, but i think it will be bearable.

I dont think your fear is crazy :) i am nervous about what i might end up looking like. I try to turn it into positive/motivating nervous energy to burn off at the gym

Elizabeth Isabelle
08-02-2008, 05:14 AM
I can relate to that feeling. Unfortunately.

We have to learn to stand up for ourselves better so that we don't feel like we have to hide behind a cloak of fat.

08-02-2008, 06:35 AM
I highly highly recommend you take a self defense class.

When I gained 50 lbs, that was my bargaining for NOT losing it. Even though I felt a LOT worse about myself, I was sooooo grateful for the LACK of cat calls and creepy guys approaching me all the time. When I was 14 I had to start wearing a diamond ring on my left hand to keep middle aged jerks from coming on to me at airports when I was flying by myself. And I do NOT want that kind of attention again.

I was willing to be unhealthy and out of shape to avoid being healthy and getting unwanted attention. And that's not okay.

My boyfriend and his dad are both Judo instructors and they've convinced me that when I'm ready (I don't have the self esteem worked up yet to do it now, which is counter-productive, really..) to enroll in a women's self defense course. It gives you a presence of being able to defend yourself which people detect and back off of - and if they're too dense to, you can break their nose :)

Iconised Ghost
08-02-2008, 07:00 AM
not to mention that self defense and martial arts are fun as well:carrot: ive been doing a martial art for about 5 years and i love it :D

08-02-2008, 07:04 AM
All your thoughts are valid and fairly common. As you can see from the posts here, we all have some insecurities about new thinner bodies.

My best advice is to work through it as you shrink. I like the self defense classes for a number of reasons ... one of which is that you'll be learning to use your new body as a tool. This is something a new body can do. It's another change that goes along with weight loss.

Did that make sense?

08-02-2008, 07:31 AM
I think part of the reason I held onto my weight for so many years was the fact that I did not want the attention. I had an incident when I was 10, which is when I started piling on some pounds, though most of them came after I was married.

I finally realized that it had to be easier to deal with whatever unwanted attention that I would get, then to REMAIN obese. And that has most definitely been the case.

I definitely understand where you're coming from. You've gotten some great advice. LOVE the idea of the self defense class! I not only had fears about unwanted attention from men, but I had many, many other anxities due to my extra weight. They have all completely ceased. My body is strong now and capable of so much more then it used to be. Being fit and trim has given me a great sense of confidence.

You may also want to speak with a professional who can help you work through some of your fears

Change IS scary at times. We get so comfortable the way that that tnings are, even if we're not happy with a situation. At least it's what we KNOW. And of course, I believe it's the fear of the unknown that makes us worry and ponder. Though I do find, the anticiaption of the change is always worse then the actual outcome. Don't let the fear of the unknown hold you back. It's time for you to be the very best YOU that you can be.

Losing weight IS a process. When it happens though, it is VERY, VERY exciting. You will be making a change, one for the better. And part of that change is learning about the new and improved you. It's fun. It's an adventure. And incredibly cool. :hug: