Weight Loss Surgery - I Have been considering a Weight Loss Surgery for a couple of years now..

I am scared at the thought of having something inside me.. I am scared of some of the things that i have read..

Can anyone tell me, that has had the surgery a long time now, was it worth it? If you could do it over again, would you do it or not do it?

I know that there is still alot of work if you go through with it, you still must exercise and of course eat way less.. but is it easier at all?

I know you cant fit alot of food at once.. so it is impossible to eat alot

So can anyone tell me anything good about it? Is it worth doing?

Which one is best? Any opinions? There is so very much to read about the different ones..

What about the newest one called Realize? Anyone here that had that?

Which one are you thinking is the best one to go with and how difficult is it to get approved to have it?

Working in the healthcare industry, I have seen many patients who have health issues after surgery. Some have mysterious pain for years afterward, and cannot eat. Some dont drink enough water, and have digestive problems. My advice is to stick to the diet and exercise. When you have surgery, you will still have to deal with less food, and risk being sick if you have certain foods that you may be able to have if you just diet. Many people also have emotional issues after the surgery, and develop another addiction. This is only my observation, surgery can be successful for many, but an irreversible mistake for some. Complications can develop from the surgery, and alot of times, the patient is so psyched that they are going to get thin that they ignore risks. Or the risks are not stressed to them.

My mother had a Duodenal Switch about 6 years ago and still has difficulty from it. she did go from 388lbs to about 220lbs but she still has to keep a very close eye on her weight and tends to fluctuate by about 10lbs either way. She has the phantom pain that njloser mentioned; doctors have gone in to see if it was from adhesions or anything else and had no answers for her.

On the same day her now best friend had the same surgery with her; part of her small intestine twisted on itself and died. She ended up in a coma for two months but did eventually recover; luckily she was willing to go to counseling to help deal with it and has mostly returned to the person she would have been without the complication. She is on Weight Watchers from time to time though because she also gains weight beyond what she would like.

Just as some side notes, there are also some unpopular "things" that happen as a consequence of editing a person's digestive track (depending on the surgery). Some of them may require the need for a stronger bathroom exhaust fan (sorry). Also, whether someone has the DS or RNY, people seem to have to deal with vomitting for months if not a year or longer post-op. Many people also end up with protein dificiencies that cause hair loss because they either can't eat enough to get their protein and/or get sick of supplements or because some of the surgeries cause malabsorption.

From what I've seen my mother and her friends deal with, I could never recommend or endorse WLS. It doesn't seem to be an effective answer because the characteristics that have contributed to the weight gain in the first place are not dealt with. WLS just ends up being a bandaid that doesn't work and can have life threatening consequences and life long inconveniences. They still end up dieting and have problems with their weight, the surgery didn't take them down to their goal weights and because the weight is lost without exercise and proper nutrition they lose massive amounts of muscle and don't eat healthy enough to get the nutrients they need and because their digestion is changed, they don't absorb multivitamins very well. Because of the muscle loss their metabolism plummets along with their energy so even though they lose weight, they still don't live the life they had pictured.

The only thing I could recommend is to lose weight by gathering info on proper nutrition and exercise so a person can learn how to lose and control their weight. It does take some time to get everything down but it's a lifelong answer and i know for myself, I find comfort in knowing how it works and what I can do to get the results I'm looking for.

I had duodenal switch 7 years ago. I did a great deal of research beforehand, chose both my surgery and my surgery carefully, and have never had a moments regret. Literally.

That said, I had spent a lifetime dieting and saw my quality of life and health declining rapidly, and the decision was not one I made lightly. I've seen people have complications from all weight loss surgeries and know that some have died. Those aren't risks to be taken lightly. The do need to be weighed against quality of life and declining health issues.

There are a great many distortions floating around the internet about each surgery, and I would highly recommended joining lists for each surgery to see what the real lives of real patients are like.

I have not had any major complications. Most days, weeks, and months, I don't even think about the fact that I have had surgery. My quality of life has improved 100%. I know I would be alive today if I had not had weight loss surgery and know it was the right choice for me.

I had the RNY and I've never regretted it. I've never heard of Realize. There are risks with any surgery and it's true some people have complications and some die. For me it was worth the risk and I'd do it again in a heart beat. It was easier to lose the weight after surgery but it still wasn't easy. Eating did make me sick for the first month or so. But it got better and the weight came off. I still can't eat some things and that's good because they are things I shouldn't be eating anyway. I don't even want those things anymore. Some things I can eat in moderation.
Having the surgery at least gave me a fighting chance. Without it I would still be obese and I would have died obese. I was in so much pain and I couldn't do so many things. I felt I wasn't living anyway. I had tried and failed so many times I had given up. So yes, it was all worth it.
I would never try to talk anyone into having it nor try to talk them out of it. My advice is talk to people, ask questions. Talk to a doctor and your insurance company.
My daughter had it and she had some issues but is doing great now. A friend of mine was going to have it but she backed out. She was afraid and I don't blame her. I told her if she wasn't sure it's what she wanted to do after she researched it ...don't do it.
Whatever you decide you can count on the folks here to support you.

Thanks for the replies girls. I appreciate it. I guess i have ALOT to think about. I really need to get my butt in gear, cuz WLS really does scare me, so i should go with that feeling and stay away from it.

Thanks again. :)

You have to do what's comfortable for you. I had vsg almost a year ago and it's the best thing I ever did for myself. The way I looked at it was that I knew being fat was going to kill me and the odds of the surgery doing so were 1%. In my mind the odds were in favor of surgery. Once I admitted that I've been dieting unsuccessfully for 30 years I knew I was ready to stop putting off my life and have surgery. Good luck in your journey.

Another thing to consider is if you have any weight-related health issues (whet they call "co-morbidities"--I hate that term; makes me sound like I could drop dead at any second! :dizzy: ).

For me, I have type 2 diabetes. I can diet and exercise and get down to a normal/healthy weight, and I could still be struggling with my diabetes. I've already lost over 30 pounds on my own (about 10% of my starting weight), and it has not made any difference in my blood glucose levels. For the surgery I want (the DS), there is a greater than 90% chance my diabetes will be "cured" after surgery, and NOt as a result of the weight loss, but as a result of the rerouting of the intestines (this is why many type 2s who have the surgery are off all diabetes meds within HOURS of surgery, not weeks or months).

As has already been stated, if the risks scare you more than the possible positive outcomes, then it's either not right for you, or it's not the right time for you (I was against WLS for myself when I was "only" morbidly obese, but now with the diabetes, I need something stronger than just diet and exercise, which has not worked for the past 20 years for me).

I believe Realize is a new type of band. I didn't even consider the band for myself because it doesn't have the immediate effect on diabetes that other surgeries do--I need something with a malabsorptive component.

my only regret about the surgery: that i didn't have it sooner!!!!

but please make sure that you go into this with your eyes open. make sure that your surgeon knows what he/she is doing, that there's aftercare and support. that you know the risks, that you know exactly how you'll have to LIVE afterwards. bottom line, in order to control weight, every single person in the world has to control what goes in the mouth, and work on good exercise habits.

wls DOES NOT MAKE THIS GO AWAY. the rules will be a little different than for non-surgeried folks, but there are still rules. and they will indeed work for you [assuming you have no complications].

AND NOW A NOTE TO THOSE OF YOU FROM OTHER FORUMS WHO HAVE AN IMMEDIATE REACTION TO THE MENTION OF WLS

we welcome your opinion. but we do ask that you respect this forum. those of us who post here have tried everything. multiple times. we may have health issues, we may have been near-death. we have looked at the various surgeries, and considered the risks of doing it the old-fashioned way yet again vs trying this as a last resort.

weight loss surgery is the right choice for many people, but the worst ones for others. When people who haven't had the surgery come in here and ask about it, the members of this forum are uniquely qualified to provide appropriate information. in fact, we've actually helped some folks identify that this isn't the right choice for them.

please feel free to post, but also understand that what you've heard or seen often is the result of people being unprepared or uncaring about life after surgery. that's not what this forum is about.

AND NOW A NOTE TO THOSE OF YOU FROM OTHER FORUMS WHO HAVE AN IMMEDIATE REACTION TO THE MENTION OF WLS

we welcome your opinion. but we do ask that you respect this forum. those of us who post here have tried everything. multiple times. we may have health issues, we may have been near-death. we have looked at the various surgeries, and considered the risks of doing it the old-fashioned way yet again vs trying this as a last resort.

weight loss surgery is the right choice for many people, but the worst ones for others. When people who haven't had the surgery come in here and ask about it, the members of this forum are uniquely qualified to provide appropriate information. in fact, we've actually helped some folks identify that this isn't the right choice for them.

please feel free to post, but also understand that what you've heard or seen often is the result of people being unprepared or uncaring about life after surgery. that's not what this forum is about.


Your so classy !!

Big booty -
I think we all have to figure out what is best for ourselves. Surgery may be the right option for you, it may not be. I think you do need to be comfortable with the idea before you even think about doing it though. For me, I evaluated WLS multiple times and each time decided it wasn't for me. A lot of for the similar reasons it may not be for you in that I don't like the idea of surgery.

It does have its risks and those risks may be too high for you. I can certainly understand why someone chooses to go the WLS route though. Every day can be a risk. Maybe you need something to get you past a certain point. At least people think about WLS as opposed to people that try diet pill after diet pill with what seems to be little thought to what they are potentially putting in their body.

At some point, I can understand where someone says that their weight stops them from living. I was 300 lbs or over for 15 years (out of 30) and I thought I had a pretty decent life despite my weight. I did but things have shown up later such as my bad knees.

I do lurk here in the WLS forum because even though that wasn't my path, I do feel that those who choose that path have a lot of similarities with me. I get nervous whenever one of these lovely ladies has WLS and hope for the best for them.

Anyway, I guess my point really is read what you can, hang out here, think about it and keep trying to lose weight by other methods. No one really knows you and what is best for you except you.

Thank you so much for all of your replies! I wish i knew what is right for me, i havent figured that out yet! I know one thing.. i been struggling not to gain weight since i was about 12, somewhere around there is when it all started, i noticed that i would gain weight no matter what, and i was doin the same things as my siblings.. out riding bikes and runnin aorund all day, i was a jump rope fanatic bigtime! We used to play chase at recess.. i was always the big winner! The slowly but surely i got slower and slower and fatter and fatter! Whats up with that! I wish i knew what i should do, but i dont. That makes me so frustrated. I just dont know what to do. I wake up every day and it is the first thought on my mind and i go to sleep at night and it is the last thing i think about.. and thats how it has been for most of my life so far.. i just get so tired of it all..

When will it ever end? :( I wish i knew!

Anyone ever try those pills that blow way up in your stomach to make you full? I tried those once and it got stuck in my throat and i didnt know it and all of a sudden it exploded in my throat and everything went white and all i could think was get the phone im gona die! By the time my sister answered her phone i could speak, before that i wouldnt have been able to.. talk about scary!!

I dont know how the heck it got stuck in my throat either cuz i drank an entire big glass of water with it, felt like it went down too.. i never felt nothin in my throat

I let the company know and all they had to say was, you should drink a full glass of water with them, (I TOLD THEM I HAD!) and also, dont take them anymore, well duh! I wouldnt have if they hadnt told me not to!

I actually thought everyone who posted was being very respectful of individual choices and at the same time highlighting how it important it is to understand the risks. If you understand the risks and your own personal struggle and co-morbidities you can come up with the best decision for you personally. Sometimes people jump forward and aren't aware of what they are getting into. Big Booty- I would suggest you research all of the surgeries-my feeling from having researched them myself is that depending on what your personal demons are some surgeries might be better than others-particularly if you have alot to lose or if you really are struggling with completely changing your diet choices and limiting calories (ie DS vs RNY). I know people who have been very depressed for the first few months post surgery for gastric bypass because they weren't ready to give up food- cry over pizza. But- then they move on and are thrilled with their surgery. Research the surgeries, research the surgeons, research the risks and know the signs and symptoms of complications so that you can take personal responsibility for getting problems resolved so that you are more likely to have a positive outcome. Try the website obesityhelp.com -lots of experience with many types of surgery there to draw from. Good luck with your decision!!

By the way I am posting as someone who does not have experience with WLS- but sometimes I think I lurk and continue to research because in the back of my mind there is that .05% doubt that I can keep it off this time. This time it is a lifechange and it will stay off!! Also frankly I even have an aversion to the risks of plastic surgery right now as I research it- but if what i have to live with on a daily basis ends up being disruptive to my life the benefits will then outweigh the risks- so it is all a personal decision.

I have struggled with my weight for the last 20 years. I have been healthly and never considered surgery for myself. I have been diagnosed with high blood pressure. I have been exercising but haven't been able to take off the weight. I will have the lap band surgery soon. I have heard of people who have died from wls. I also heard of people who have died in childbirth. If I would have had this surgery 2 years ago, IMO I would not have high blood pressure now. What other problems or issues will come up in 2 year? In the end it is your choice. There are alot of other forums on the internet that will give you information. Good luck

Big Booty, that exxperience with the pill expanding in your throat sounds so scary! I'm sorry you had to go through that, but glad to hear you're okay!

Another thing for me is that I can lose weight. I know what healthy food is, I know what healthy portion sizes are, and I know how to exercise. I can lose a good 50 pounds at a time when I get into a good groove. The difficulty for me is keeping it off. That's why I need a procedure with a malabsorptive aspect as well, not purely restrictive.

I say that not to try to push anyone toward one surgery or another, but rather to point out that your personal habits and tendancies can help you decide which surgery is best for you. Another example is that some people run screaming from RNY for fear of dumping, yet others WANT the dumping aspect because they feel it will keep them from eating those types of foods that cause it in the first place (of course, not all RNYers develop dumping at all, but it is a factor for many when deciding).

I'm currently in the midst of 6 months of medically supervised diet (required by my insurance before they will approve surgery), and I CAN lose weight with diet modification and exercise. I know I can--I've done it a hundred times before. But it's never worked for me long-term. I need a more powerful tool now, especially thanks to the diabetes (which brought along its friends elevated triglycerides and high blood pressure!).

Big Booty - I grew up with a similar experience as you. I was an active child but was obese from the age of 6. I got dragged from doctor to doctor to doctor. They were all baffled.

For me, I think one thing that helped, maybe mentally was being diagnosed with PCOS and given birth control pills to regulate my hormones. At the same time, I also tried to build my own self esteem. I used to have a lot of negative self talk. I stopped it completely. If a negative comment about myself comes into my head, I stop it and think of something positive.

I won't say its been an easy road, as losing weight, no matter what method, is not an easy road. As Jilly has pointed out, keeping the weight off is even more difficult. Sometimes we are able to find a method that works for us on our own, sometimes we can't.

Also regarding the pills. Fiber is great and high fiber foods (veggies and such) are great for filling you up. You can try some fiber that mixes with water, such as benefiber and that may help you more than trying to take a fiber pill which can be dangerous. Of course, I will say that very few people gain weight due to hunger but it is something that can help a little when losing weight. Another thing that can help is controlling refined carbs as those can induce cravings.

Thanks for all of your great posts!! Keep em coming, i keep learning something new with each post!!

I am going to try the benefiber! I have been using spirulina and fiber diet tabs, they really do help! I got off track tho even with my spirulina.. it was keepin me awake so i took less of it.. and had planned on going to full dose once used to the one... and then somethin happened (dont know what) and i got all off track and stopped taking them.. but now im back into it and gona take full dose! Heck, maybe all 3 will do wonders!! Im gona try it!! With lotsa water of course!!! :) ohh and i proabbaly should mention that the spirulina i am taking is great stuff, i had tried a few brands of it and this is sooo much better i cant even tell you!! it is called dxn spirulina for anyone interested!! :)

Thanks again girls (and guys too ;) if any here!)

Big Booty - I can't believe these people are being so discouraging to you about WLS and scaring you about the surgery.

I had a lap band done in March 2008 and it is the best thing I've ever done except maybe my laser eye surgery. So far I have lost 41 pounds but more importantly it is much harder to gain back the weight. I have 50 pounds to go to goal.

More importantly I feel like i have control over my food and eating for the first time in my life. Maybe I'll only lose only 25 pounds more but I don't care- I will be out of the obese catagory and at least more healthy than before. I was at the point of not being able to lose weight AT ALL so 41 pounds is great I think.

I think you should seriously look at having the surgery. Why? Let me count the reasons:

You are at a life threatening weight
You have dieted all your life and lost nothing and gained and gained and gained everytime.
You probably have weight related disease
These diseases will shorten your life. For sure.
If you think having WLS is scary, think about having diabetes. (The doctors were talking about cutting my dad's feet off before he died. We are so glad he died. What a horrible way to go).
Life is short and you need to enjoy it now.
Diets do not work for people like us. It is impossible to lose a significant amount of weight and keep it off after being so heavy.
You would have lost weight by now if you could- you need some HELP.
WLS at least gives you a fighting chance at a decent life.
Aim for improving your health rather than trying to get to a low goal weight.
Even losing 75 pounds will dramatically improve your health.
If you weighed 250 pounds right now, how would your life be different?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

My advice is to stop worrying about the surgery and start worrying about your health future. Do something!

WLS is much safer than it used to be and the lap band is the safest of all. Maintaining 400 pounds is what is unsafe.

Just my humble opinion- I wish you all the best on your journey.

SadieGirl

Oh my gosh Sadie!! Are you telepathic?? I thought the same thing and agree what you have said 100%!!! :yes:

Big Booty-Of course you will have to find the path that is best for you...but take Sadie's words (and mine-she beat me to it!!:lol:) and seriously do all the research you possibly can. Educate yourself and find a reputable surgeon that has a staff to not only help you before the surgery, but also after. Much luck to you!:lucky:!!

Big Booty - I can't believe these people are being so discouraging to you about WLS and scaring you about the surgery.
I don't think anyone here has been discouraging--all just sharing experiences :^:

I, for one, feel a little crazy for being EXCITED to have a surgery. I'm sure more fear will set in as I get closer to the actual event, but right now, I'm just happy to think of a life without diabetes medications, without having to dig for the biggest size shirt they sell at Lane Bryant, without having to try to "size up" a restaurant booth as the hostess leads us there to see if the table is anchored or if it moves (and if it does move, which side is it closer to? which side has more room? if it doesn't move, is there enough room for me to fit comfortably?)...

I don't need to be skinny. I know I'll never be a size 2 or 4. But I also know I need to do this for my health, not just my physical size.

Sadie and Mama.. I appreciate your posts like i do everyones BUT i have to say Sadie, you scared me more than anything or anyone! Yikes!

I have been to the Dr, yes my weight is high, yes i face health problems if i do not do something NOW... But i have no reason to be scared right this very moment..

No matter how much research one does, that will not make the surgery risks go away.. They will ALWAYS be there no matter who does the surgery

Everyone is different so i may respond very badly to the surgery where others did great..

I have done alot of reading about different WLS's and none of them sound 100% to me..

There is NO way to tell what problems you may face..

I dont feel anyone here has been discouraging with their posts.. I thank all of you but please dont try to scare me into surgery by telling me that my health will definitely be bad soon, thats not nice or fair cuz everyone is different and nobody here knows me and the shape i am in either..

Like i said, i do appreciate everyones posts but please be careful with your wording!! We arent selling anything here, are we?

Big Booty - I can't believe these people are being so discouraging to you about WLS and scaring you about the surgery.


I'm honestly astonished at this most of all. Big Booty admitted that she was scared of surgery and asked for advice. I don't think anyone but her can make this decision for her. There is tons of experience here and many people here who have had the surgery as well as those who haven't.


I think you should seriously look at having the surgery. Why? Let me count the reasons:

You are at a life threatening weight

I slightly considered WLS at a couple points in my life. I was at a life threatening weight at one point, heck some people would probably say my weight still isn't healthy


You have dieted all your life and lost nothing and gained and gained and gained everytime.


This was true for me as well. Started dieting from the age of 6 and actually didn't have success until the age of 29.


You probably have weight related disease
These diseases will shorten your life. For sure.


I have/had PCOS and also my weight did end up hurting my knees.


Life is short and you need to enjoy it now.
Diets do not work for people like us. It is impossible to lose a significant amount of weight and keep it off after being so heavy.


I am unsure what you mean by 'people like us'. Do you mean people over 300 lbs? Do you mean something else? I've slowly lost weight over the past 4 years and I've kept it off. I've gone down (with minor ups - 10 lbs) all the way. It has been a year of maintaining at least 140 lb loss. I am also not the only example of someone who has lost over 100 lbs and kept it off. There are quite a few ladies on this forum alone with similar experiences. It is anything but EASY and WLS may make maintenance slightly easier but it isn't impossible.


Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.


I totally do agree with this. It often takes someone years to find a method that works for them. Sometimes that method is WLS, sometimes it isn't.

Now I'm not trying to say that someone who weighs over 300 lbs shouldn't consider surgery but I do believe it isn't the only option. It is a very viable option. I do agree that you can't wait for life to happen and you aren't going to lose weight overnight. I think it is a great tool for those that have used it successfully. I don't mean to step on any toes as well as I know I am a visitor to this forum.

Thanks Nelie, Well said. I think i definitely have the time to lose. I am not facing any major health problems right at this moment. So every pound lost is health improved. Right? My Dr i have right now thinks losing naturally is best choice for me. I think he is right, for now anyway. I am not sure why Sadie thought i never lost any weight, i have, many times, my whole life has been up and down up and down.. I never said once anywhere that i never lost weight.. I have lost ALOT of weight.. Sure i let it come back, too much this time, i was in a bad depression, and somehow i didnt realize what i was letting happen to me until i hit over 400 # YIKES i know.. how could anyone not know, right? That is what i always said and how i always thought until it happened to me.. The boyfriend i have now is a great guy when he is sober, problem is he cant stay sober, it depresses me terrible when he drinks and lies about it especially... I want to just hide from him and the world, i tell him so many times that if he cant stop to just go away and leave me alone, he wont, I feel bad for him cuz he has nobody.. I feel bad for me for putting up with his crap.. He is a nasty person when he has booze in him.. I know this is what keeps me depressed and yet i dont know what to do about it..

In one way i like having him around, and then when he drinks i hate it.. Its easy for others to tell me what to do.. but its not that simple.. Maybe im too damn nice, i dont know.. If i am i wish God would guide me somehow..

I have tried for the last 10 years to help him and sometimes it seemed he was done with booze.. then all of a sudden out of the blue hes drinking again..

He is overweight now too.. but its easier for him to lose than me..

He got down to 300 in just like 5 months.. whats up with that? He was near 400.. like 390 i think

I wish i could do that... he was definitely going out and doing more where i tend to hide and stay around the house..

So i guess thats it.. But i cant do the things he is doing anyway.. its men stuff

He isnt employed, i have supported him for the entire 10 years i know him.. He is partially disabled.. physically... and partially mentally.. but they wont give him ss because of an OLD warrant from another state.. we tried fixing that by flying him out there to take care of it and our state wouldnt accept the transfer LOL all wasted money sending him out there... His house and land is here but this state said he was not a resident here just cuz he owns land and a house.. and i am only his girlfriend so they couldnt let me be responsible for him coming back here.. he has no family other than an elderly father in nursing home so its like they just dont care..

Sorry for this lengthy post!! Sometimes i just feel the need to explain my whole situation..

Thanks again to all who care enough to offer their heart felt suggestions!!

XOX

Alcoholism is a hard disease just as food is a hard addiction to deal with. You can't do anything for anyone else, it is really up to them. I know what I would do in your position and that is get rid of him. Of course I am not in your position.

Be sure to take care of yourself though. Having someone else drag you down isn't helping with your own issues. The weight should be a priority in your life because ultimately it is not healthy. Even if you do decide to do WLS, it takes time to go through the process and in that time, you can do what you need to do for you.

Thanks Nelie for your post. I do agree with you in a way and i have tried to get rid of him. I always end up letting him come back cuz i feel so sorry for him.

I kow i have to put my weight loss first priority and i do usually, but then when he drinks i get all depressed and sometimes find myself eating bad foods that he brought home. Cuz that is how i always dealt with depression, eat junk then feel guilty, seems to make his crap less because im being bad if that makes any sense..

I was married before for near 20 years, i am still in love with my ex, i divorced him for the guy i am with now.. or i would probably still be married to him.. he was a cheater, he would cheat and then cry and apologize and make promises time after time after time.. I thought when i was with him i could never experience worse pain than that until i met the guy im with now.. I often wish i stayed with my ex.. atleast he didnt drink.. but he was a sex addict i think... or maybe love addict.. i was never really sure with him what the problem was cuz our sex life was very active! Yet he went elsewhere too..

I hope nobody minds me posting all this stuff. i feel like i need to get it out somewhere... and i cant afford a shrink! I would go if i could, believe me!

Maybe i shoulda named this thread.. "My Screwed up Life"

First of all ... this is a place where folks give their opinion. When you ask a question here...all you're gonna get is opinions. Some of them helpful and some maybe not. I don't think anybody has intended to offend or scare anybody else. The older I get the less I know for sure LOL. One thing I know is that nobody can scare me unless there is fear in me. You can't trigger something that isn't already there!! I have been blessed with insurance that allowed me to spend many hours on a shrink's couch. But I know people that didn't have that. Some of them went to mental health and got help. One of the people who helped me the most was a retired Methodist minister...and I've never even been a Methodist. When the student is ready the teacher will appear. And I believe most of us would agree that obesity is mostly a pscyological issue. At least in the beginning. Then it becomes a physical issue as well.
I also know that I can't help anybody else until I help myself. I spent years trying to fix everybody else cause it was easier than dealing with my own stuff. Hopeless....but easier. It was like butting my head up against a brick wall though. One day I looked at this person and wondered why he didn't do something about himself. And this tiny little voice inside me said, Margaret, why don't you do something about your own self. That was a turning point for me. The only person I can change is me.
I had to face the fact that I was fat because I wanted my payoff more than I wanted to be thin and healthy. I was afraid to face my life choices and deal with them. But first I had to own them. I am where I am because of choices I made. I'm responsible for where I am and nobody else. Only then was I able to take control of my life and make different choices.
I hope I haven't offended anyone. It was not my intention. I'm only trying to help. Life is hard as **** sometimes. And facing ourselves is one of the hardest things we'll ever do.

Magi, well said. I agree with most everything you said. :) We let things bother us, but everything we do, we do ourselves. Trust me i know that for sure. If you ever catch me putting blame on anyone other than myself, know that i just mean it was a trigger for me but i never ever blame anyone else. Not for my weight. Others can try to sabotage me, but i dont have to allow it. If i do its my own fault. I appreciate everyones opinions, always. Just some people will word things a bit differently that doesnt sound too friendly. That is just differences in personalities, there will be many different ones in forums like this so i expect that of course, but you will always have those few that say things as if they knew you personally, that should be where we draw a line and try not to do that. But i still take everything as just other opinions, i just hope those few realize that it is their opinion and that doesnt make it the truth. I have a blood pressure problem, not from my diet, but because of the stress, i would say a combination of both but my Dr says im healthy but for that. He ran all sorts of tests, everything was fine he said amazingly. I take that as one more chance to get this right, while i still am healthy enough to fight and get there.. I guess when i think about WLS i am looking for an easier way, i know you still have to exercise and of course you cant eat whatever you want so thats the thing that makes it easier.. i had read that your cravings go away.. but ya know what? If you eat right, your cravings go away too! So i just need to stay away form the bad foods and keep on track and i will be fine. :) I did this many times before, just was never this overweight before ever.. This is the first time i elt it go so far.. But i did do it many times.. and large amounts too, just not this much!

So for anyone that thinks i just did nothing but gain gain gain my whole life.. that is not how my life has been.

I have dieted my whole life on and off, up and down, I can lose it, and i will.

This time i will keep it off for good. I may have small tiny lil ups but i will come right back down.. I never got in the habit of weighing myself weekly unless i was dieting.. This time i will make it my personal weekly habit, ALWAYS.

That is the ONLY way to do it right.

Anyone know of a really good scale that goes to 400 pounds? I have one now that goes beyond 400, but its not digital, and it seems inaccurate at times, but i suppose it is good enough to go by..

Thanks all, keep your opinions coming! :)

I wish you the best Big Booty :)

Thanks Magi! I wish the same for you and everyone else too! :)

That is the ONLY way to do it right.
If only there WAS an "only" way to do it right, wouldn't life be easier for all of us :dizzy:

Hey, have any of you seen this program on PBS? It's called Fat: What No One Is Telling You.

Here is the link
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/takeonestep/fat/video-ch_01_vid.html

it is pretty interesting

I think Magi said some very good things.

I'd add to say that not only can you not help someone else until you help yourself but I also believe you can't love someone else until you love yourself. Part of loving yourself is taking care of yourself.

I also know a lot of women fear being alone and from the sounds of it, you've been with someone for at least 30 years, between your exhusband and your boyfriend. I can understand that it can be a scary experience and thought to be alone.

You may also find counseling worth while if you can swing it, hopefully your medical insurance would cover it at least partially. I would say no one gets over 300 lbs without having emotional issues and I can say I have my share. Sometimes you can work them out yourself, sometimes you can't.

Hi! I had WLS back in 1986 -- gastric stapling. That particular procedure isn't even done anymore, I'm told! But it was state of the art in 1986. I had a baby son, and I knew he deserved to have a Mom -- not some lump who couldn't care for him properly! I'd tried everything, I was desperate. WLS was my last-ditch attempt to make a LIFE for myself.

I didn't get a whole lot of support from the medical world -- in those days WLS wasn't well understood, even among professionals! Furthermore, I had my second child within a year of my surgery, and this pretty much stalled out my weight loss. My body settled at a weight of around 250, which was a bit better than 305, but I considered myself a failure.

And then around 1995, I tried again. I began exercising -- just daily walks at that time -- and stopped snacking. And the weight started falling off me! I've been living at a healthy weight since 1997, and am now a bit less than 110 pounds.

I maintain my weight by exercising at least 1 hour daily -- all kinds of aerobics and strength training -- and by monitoring my food intake. I eat what I want, but keep my daily calories around 1500 or less. My WLS helps me feel fuller faster, but of course it's no magic bullet. I have to be careful what I eat and exercise is a MUST. Fortunately, I've discovered that I truly LOVE to work out! And that really helps.

I have had some complications over the 22 years -- one quite serious when scar tissue closed off my ability to ingest food or liquid. I also had hernia surgery. However, I recovered quickly and am one of the healthiest people I know -- 58 years old and feeling absolutely fabulous! Much of that I have to credit to great genetics, but I do work hard at the business of maintaining.

For you, read everything you can. There are risks, and there are no guarantees. WLS is not brain surgery, so you have to work on the mental issues that may have contributed to your obesity. If you don't do that, you'll stall out and may even regain some or all of what you lose. It happens probably to the majority of WLS patients!

But long term success IS possible, and I'm proof. Just know that commitment, hard work, good genetics and even some amazing grace is what did it for me!

Good luck in making the decision that is right for YOU.

Great post Angel! Thank you.

Can you or anyone possibly tell me, how does one find the mental issues related to weight gain? I have always had ideas of it, but never really sure of course. My dad used to bring junk home all the time, we had a junk cupboard that was bigger than any other cupboard, specially for junk foods and it always had stuff in it!! That of course didn't matter for my sister and brother, they dont have weight issues. My father was also great for making DEEP FRIED FRENCH FRIES! In SHORTENING! He would make these almost daily, sometimes for breakfast and lunch and supper too! My Mom worked full time so when he was in charge he cooked like that and us kids LOVED that! He would bring home GIANT chocolate rabbits for easter, and other chocolate things for other holidays.. he went way overboard ALL of the time with junk food! Pizza, burger king, mcdonalds, candy, chips, OMG, it was there ALL the time! I know that is a huge part of how i ended up with a weight problem, i also know that i didn't have to eat any of it, but i did, and i liked it, and i got used to eating that way, i eat way differently of course now, but i do love those foods and i wished they didnt exist. They aren't good for anyone.

My father was also a drinker, he would go out and drink tho, alot, and wasn't home much when he was doing it, he didn't believe in booze in the house so he never ever brought it home, so that was good but then when he would come home he would come with all the garbage food and us kids would get all happy, and i think we were happy to see him home, so we would all enjoy that along with eating the junk! It got to be that when we seen dad pull in we knew he had a pile of junk food, pizza etc.. We expected it!

He would also get nasty the following day after drinking and he would scream at us if we made the littlest noises.. He would give us the belt good too if we forgot and made more noise again.. Like we would do it on purpose..

So happy times were when dad would bring home junk food.. Is this my problem? hmmmm...

I don't know what to think! So if that is the problem, then how the heck can i fix that? Anyone know anything about this type of thing?

Ooops i didnt mean to ignore anyone.. i just didnt see the other posts til after i already replied to Angle..

Jilly -- I was referring to weighing myself weekly, by doing it right, because i was never in the habit of weighing myself and you need to keep an eye on that so it doesn't go sky high! I agree IF ONLY there was one way to do it right but that isnt what i meant..

New -- I will check that video out later on..

Nelie -- I am working on seeking some help in that department, i know i definitely have issues and i don't have a clue how to fix them!

Thanks so much all of you!! I hope i didn't miss anyone, i don't mean to!!

Big Booty,
Have you tried going to mental health? They usually offer counseling and base the charges on your income. If not that, then try to find a 12 step program in your area for adult children of alcoholics or co-dependency. Alanon is another one. Also, there are lots of books on the subject. Better still....do all of the above. Seek and you shall find. Help is out there. We just have to want it bad enough to go get it. Sometimes churches have meetings. Even if you decided to have the surgery, you'd still have to deal with all the other stuff. Even if you decide dieting again you'd still have to do it. That's why even after surgery some gain it back or transfer to another addiction. I believe the first step is wanting to change more than anything. The second step is being brutally honest with yourself. I know that is a very hard thing. We don't like looking at ourselves. We'd rather look at other folks. And I speak from personal experience. LOL I read somewhere years ago that everyone around us is mirroring back to us a part of ourselves. Now I didn't like that no way, no how!!! But I started doing this exercise. I'd write down everyone's name around me, family members, co-workers, etc. And beside their name I'd write down what I thought was the part of me they were mirroring back. It's very interesting...especially the ones that irritate the **** out of me LOL. Then I'd write down my advice to them. Then I'd apply that advice to myself and try to take it. Try it sometimes. I still do it sometimes. It can be very revealing about the things I need to be working on within myself. To thine own self be true and as surely as the day follows night thou canst be false with any man. I forgot who said that...Shakespear?? But it's true.

I did try recently and they wont give me an appointment until i get somewhere with insurance.. I have to prove ALOT before they will let me, i may go insane before that happens! LoL

I sure cant afford it on my income to go.. so i just have to prove everything

I will probably be approved but its a pain to prove everything

Do you think i really need alanon? I have wondered about that and always ended up thinking nah.. i don't.. cuz i try to connect me with that and somehow i cant.. I mean wouldn't that be bratty if i let stuff like that make me how i am? I duno really..

That mirroring is really interesting.. but i wouldn't know where to begin.. I thought about it and cant think of anything for anyone around me that could be.. hmmmm How did u figure it all out? Is there something else i need to know to be able to figure it out? I'm confused! LoL :?:

I really am not sure about what help i do need.. how do we figure that all out?? Any suggestions? I want to do this right this time for sure, its too hard to have to keep doing it over again! :(

Hey Pat, Thanks for posting that link! That sure gives one more to think about. It took me 2 days to watch it all, i watched a few chapters at a time.. It was good tho and i may watch it again. That guy sure was able to lose the weight with the surgery where he couldn't without.. The thing with me is i know i can cuz i have before.. But i couldn't keep it off, so maybe it would be something good for me, but how the heck do you figure that part out..? Cuz once you do it, that's it, too late to change your mind. I just don't want to make the wrong choice and i don't want to wait too long either.. I'm 43 and not getting any younger! How can i make the right decision here? My sister who is thin told me to **** with that to just get my butt in gear and lose it, but she was never where i am to say that, i know she means well but she just doesn't know what its like. Thank God she doesn't! I wouldn't wish this on anyone!

(Do you think i really need alanon? I have wondered about that and always ended up thinking nah.. i don't.. cuz i try to connect me with that and somehow i cant.. I mean wouldn't that be bratty if i let stuff like that make me how i am? I duno really..)

Booty,
I say this with all the compassion in me. I'd bet my last dollar your father was an alcoholic. Nobody...and I mean NOBODY comes out of a situation like that unscarred. It has nothing to do with being bratty. It just is. You carried all that dysfuction into your adult life just like all the other children of alcoholics. You hook up with dysfunctional men because that's within your comfort zone. If you can't identify with that then you're in big time denial. And until you deal with it you're not going to make any better choices. All the snacks as a child probably did contribute to your eating habits. It was a coping mechanism and probably allowed you to survive as a child. But it has outlasted its usefulness. Now it's a choice because you don't want to deal with your issues. The book stores have volumes about adult children of alcoholics and codependency. Go get some. And check out the library.

(That mirroring is really interesting.. but i wouldn't know where to begin.. I thought about it and cant think of anything for anyone around me that could be.. hmmmm How did u figure it all out? Is there something else i need to know to be able to figure it out? I'm confused! LoL )

You are probably so out of touch with your real feelings you have no idea how you really feel about anything. The answer to your question is too deep to deal with in a forum like this. 12 step programs are free and they can help you. You may not like at first, but hang in there.


(I really am not sure about what help i do need.. how do we figure that all out?? Any suggestions? I want to do this right this time for sure, its too hard to have to keep doing it over again! )

Well, I've already given you all the suggestions I have. As far as doing it right this time....nobody can tell you how to do that. What's right for me may not be right for you. My motto is "Do something even it's wrong." That way I can at least say I did something besides sit on my butt and do nothing while my world fell apart.

I've been where you are. Calling my family dysfunctional is like calling the grand canyon a ditch. LOL You may not be ready for wls and you may never choose that. That's ok. I got a lot of help psychologically before I was ready to have my sugery. I wish I could have done it quicker but that wasn't my path. I just want to tell you there's hope. You gotta be tough but you can do it.:hug:

Calling my family dysfunctional is like calling the grand canyon a ditch. LOL

Wow..... same here. We have alot in common.

:hug:

Thanks Magi, I appreciate all of your suggestions. It looks like i have alot more work to do than i thought! My Mom always called my Dad an alcoholic but i always thought an alcoholic drank every single day so i figured he wasn't.. cuz he didn't drink every single day.. I guess that's not how it works tho

My Sisters Boyfriend is also an alcoholic and so is mine.. My ex husband wasn't a drinker at all.. so hmmm I don't get any of it.. I wonder if i'm even fixable at this point! :(