Elizabeth Isabelle
07-26-2008, 06:11 PM
I have gone through many extremes of up and down the scale. Some of it was from being forced to eat way too much as a kid, some of it from rebelling against my parents and refusing to eat a normal amount, some of it from having unhealthy food choices around - then as an adult everything from emotional eating, to getting to a good size and then intentionally gaining a bunch of weight after my career fell apart from sexual harassment. Once I got old enough that even if I lose weight, I wouldn't be the target of that kind of nonsense - somehow I just couldn't get the weight back off. So somehow, instead, I gained more. At the point of realizing that it was okay to lose weight but I didn't - it was all my fault. Maybe metabolism changes contributed to making it more difficult, but I can't blame the quantity, nor the food choices, on my metabolism.
My mother died of Pickwickian syndrome, and I'm starting to see my health reflect what my mother's was. More horrible than how she died was how she lived, and I'm starting to go down that path too. I'll never be as bad as my mother mentally because I recognize that there is a lot more important in life than food. The problem is that I can't participate in much of it because I hurt and I can't breathe.
I was reminded today that I have gained a great deal of weight in the past year - but this time he reminded me kindly, and politely. When I get yelled at about my weight, it is counterproductive, but this time it was phrased well, so I credit him rather than fault him.
I'd been making efforts over the last year to lose weight, but each time I'd lose focus and gain more than I'd lost. Now I'm so bad off that the whole prospect seems overwhelming. It's now hard to not give up before I even begin.
My mother died of Pickwickian syndrome, and I'm starting to see my health reflect what my mother's was. More horrible than how she died was how she lived, and I'm starting to go down that path too. I'll never be as bad as my mother mentally because I recognize that there is a lot more important in life than food. The problem is that I can't participate in much of it because I hurt and I can't breathe.
I was reminded today that I have gained a great deal of weight in the past year - but this time he reminded me kindly, and politely. When I get yelled at about my weight, it is counterproductive, but this time it was phrased well, so I credit him rather than fault him.
I'd been making efforts over the last year to lose weight, but each time I'd lose focus and gain more than I'd lost. Now I'm so bad off that the whole prospect seems overwhelming. It's now hard to not give up before I even begin.