Weight Loss Support - Jealous of Roommate's new workout obsession! Help!
07-15-2008, 04:33 PM
Ah, its been a long time since I posted. Hello everyone!!
Okay so my rooomate after months of hibernation and a WOW gaming obsession she has now turned her sites onto what my interests and focus are: losing weight. I run, do boxing and do some rollerblading and generally try to stay active (but I'm still about 20 pounds overweight) and I try to eat well but have my normal slip ups. She on the other hand has developed this routine that I just can't tolerate anymore.
She will come home and give me play by play details of her boxing class; she will show me a stretch they did in Yoga; she will ask me what I'm eating, or what I ate, and carefully looks at the food in the fridge to see what I have been eating. And then she will brag about how she ate a 'great salad' and that she went running and THEN went to boxing. This goes on and on each day.
She is a good roommate but other things are starting to slack. She had a few people over on Friday night. No biggie, but the mess was still there on Monday morning. She chose to go to the gym and then to the beach, to leave me with this mess in the house.
I am working out and trying to eat healthy but I feel like I'm under a microscope with her! I don't think she's intentionally competing with me, but its forcing me to constantly think about what I'm doing and what she's doing and it's turning ME into an obsessive behaviour and it doesn't work for me because I self-sabatoge as soon as I start thinking anything negative.
Beyond just ignoring her tales of amazing workouts, and not listening to her tell me exactly what she put in the salad she made, what can I do to feel happy and comfortable again with myself? How can I stop this rediculous competition that I've started in my head?
07-15-2008, 04:38 PM
Tell her that while you love the enthusiasm, it is starting to feel a bit like a competition which just isn't your thing. So if she could chill out a bit with the food/workout chat it would be helpful.
Personally, I'd LOVE it I had someone that into the whole deal, but I thrive on just that sort of energy and a good sort of competitive spirit. She may also, and may not realize you find it counter productive. So share it with her, then focus on YOUR positive accomplishments inside your own head.
07-15-2008, 04:43 PM
I guess you could perhaps try being noncommital in conversations so if she's prompting you to see what you've eaten etc just kinda shrug and say the usual etc? Don't be specific and she can't pick it apart?
Seriously good for her for getting into the fitness et al groove! Trying to eat healthy/exercise/stay focused does at times take a lot of effort and perhaps a level of 'selfishness' so just keep doing what you're doing :)
Sorry if that's not much help :?:
07-15-2008, 06:20 PM
I'm with Tyler, both for the advice that she gave and for being overjoyed to have a roomie who enjoys working out.
07-15-2008, 06:27 PM
I agree with denial.. just act disinterested. She sounds like a one-upper, but it could be that since she has decided to learn about fitness and health, it is just exciting for her and you are someone that is doing the same thing, so she feels she can share it with you. I know that I can be like that, where I talk about my weight-loss constantly with someone else who is losing b/c it is hard to find others that can relate.
So, I mean, it could either be friendly competition, over-excitement, or just.. one-upping. I really think that she is just excited, you could either look at it positively as her not trying to put you down, or if she does try to, just tell her straight out that you know what you're doing and she doesn't need to examine your habits, b/c everyone loses weight differently.
07-15-2008, 10:20 PM
I have a friend that does this sort of thing also. I feel like she's rubbing it in my face and trying to make me feel bad about myself, not trying to help. Whenever Im eating she'll ask questions like "how many calories are in that" and if my response is 90, then she'll say something negative, like "well theres no nutritional value". The most annoying part is that she weighs about 30-40 pounds more than me...so who is she to judge? I suggest you talk to her about it, I told my friend I feel like she's insulting me when she asks questions like that and she's gotten slightly better.
07-16-2008, 02:08 AM
cant you join in with her....
and use her over enthusiasm to rub off on u....
id love to have someone to workout with and discuss my weight loss with....
07-16-2008, 11:46 AM
Hey everyone thanks so much for all the advice.. Yes, I had the same thoughts. I guess it's better than having someone in the house that could sabatoge my weight loss efforts by having junk food around and encouraging laziness. It's the opposite over there! I think what I am going to do is this:
1) STAY POSITIVE. No matter if its one-upping or just her plain excitement, it is my life I need to live, not her's
2) Know my limitations: If I do feel that I am being personally picked on and it hurts me in some way, I will say something to mitigate the problem
3) Create a better living system: I'm going to bring up a 'chore' list as a way to keep on track with our hectic schedules and our (in)ability to keep the house clean; either that or we spring for a maid twice a month.
4) Consider it good fun! Whats wrong a bit of healthy competition, right? It's up to me to make sure I keep it light and fun and not degregating to my own health and well being. I am going to really focus on my efforts and even take some cues from her new routines and incorporate it into my own. Instead of just taking the public transport to my boxing, maybe I'll also rollerblade there and so how I do. Who knows, I could surprise myself on how fit I am.
Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? Is there any resources you know about on line that talk about healthy competition and how to keep your sanity while doing it?!
07-16-2008, 12:42 PM
I think that you should kind of avoid the topic of the work-out and scale thing altogether (because this person might perceive you as a. jealous or b. trying to sabotage them) and just say, "Hey - you're not doing your duty as a roommate" first and foremost.
I can't speak much on the roommate situation as I've never had one, but can share my experiences with people close to me starting a new lifestyle. I wish I could help with the chores idea, but I'm awful with that, we have a maid. I do like your idea about springing for a maid every few weeks.
Since I've started being healthier my closest friend and husband have recently jumped on the bandwagon. It is sometimes hard to deal with, and honestly can feel competitive. For me competition sucks among those you love, because someone is always going to lose, someone will be a winner.
I'm trying to look at it differently, we're all winning. My people I love up are getting healthier and that's wonderful for all of us. Seriously though, I understand, the competition thing is pretty trying at times.
I try to remember that they've just started, are full of excitement and motivation, being in that honeymoon with health stage, and they started because I motivated them...
Me! I motivated them! That's a huge compliment when I look at it that way. When they're telling me of their accomplishments they're not only looking to brag a little (because they're working hard and do deserve that) but they also want reassurance from someone who is doing it that they're doing a great job.
They've often told me they look up to me at this because I've done and am doing a great job. Since they think I'm doing a great job they want to know I think they're doing a great job.
The perceived competition thing, in my case (not speaking of yours) is a character flaw of mine. I'm competitive and jealous to a fault, in any situation. I don't know why. I'm very careful not to let them see that bad side of me and do my best to encourage them. So yeah, I listen to their tales from the gym, the menus for the day and I cheer them on. I figure I likely talked about it when I started, they listened, now it's my turn.
In short she likely started because of your example, admires and looks up to you and wants to know that you think she's doing it right.
Another thing to think about is that you may not really be jealous of the workouts, but her apparent lack of responsibility. When she flies off to yet another workout leaving the mess behind and interferes with your workout time that's pretty unfair and definitely something to be jealous over - the free time you don't have because of that.
07-17-2008, 12:22 AM
It sounds to me like the competition, while it's obnoxious for you, might be very motivating for her. I think you should sit her down and tell her that she's driving you nuts and that you're not interested in competing with her but that you'd be happy to oblige if she needs a little positive reinforcement now and then. And then tell her to stop monitoring YOUR progress and clean up after herself!
07-17-2008, 11:00 AM
I would try to see what workouts I could do with her....that way since your there you don't have to hear about them...and you could always use someone to workout with...help keep each other motivated...it sounds to me like she has seen you really be successful and stick with your plan and she wants to do the same....I think she tells you what she has accomplished so you will tell her she is doing a good job and give suggestions if need be....and as for the food she probably just doesn't know what is good and since you have been doing this for a while she figures you know.....try to be flattered and mentor her if you can....its kind of like this site...we all come one here and talk about our successes, get pepped up from other members, get advice, get support. Support is a big key in weight loss and it seems like she just needs your support! I would give it to her....sounds like you are her inspiration! Once she sticks with it and developes the habits she may lean on you a little less.....help her become more independant...show her how to plan meals and keep up with her workouts...etc.
As for the party deal and areas where she is slacking....try this....another big key in being successful in weight loss is to have little clutter and a clean house....the reason is because if you get up and your house is a mess and your kitchen is a wreck you are going to feel over whelmed...you aren't going to want to eat healthy because it is hard to be motivated to make a healthy meal in a kitchen that looks nasty and there are no clean dishes...instead you would rather head out to Mickey D's for a Big Mac.....something quick and unhealthy....maybe once she understands this you guys can come to some kind of arrangement on who will do what....like you take out the trash on Monday and Friday, she will dust and vacume on Mondays, etc etc....
if this doesn't work I would bluntly just say...if you want to have a party that is fine with me.....but you need to clean up after your friends or have the party somewhere else...its not fair that you invite your friends over and then just leave the mess for me to have to live in. Please clean up after your friends! Thank you.
07-17-2008, 01:27 PM
That would get on my last nerve, too. First, I would say something about the slacking off with responsibilities. Also, if she brings up her workout for the 100th time or goes into minute detail about it, I'd change the subject.
Unfortunately, it has been my experience that people who get so ultimately gung ho into something tend to burn out fast (this has been the case with me at times in the past). I hope that doesn't happen to your roommate, but it sounds like she's paving the way for it. Just keep to your routine. It sounds healthy and like something you'll stick with for the longterm.