General chatter - frustrated
07-08-2008, 01:05 AM
So this is a general rant. I've been MIA from the board for a couple of days since I've been kind of down and not really doing great being OP. I haven't been as bad as what my past funks used to do to me emotionally and binge eating wise so I'm proud of myself for that at the very least that I haven't binged or anything like that..But the thought that seems to keep lurking in my mind lately seems to be kind of whiny and I hate it and I feel like a spoiled whiny brat for thinking it but here goes... Does anybody ever think that "life is just too hard and that surviving shouldn't be this hard".. What I mean by that is like paying the bills, going to school, working and enjoying life in general. I realized the other day I really don't enjoy my life and I'm unsure of what to do about it. All I ever do is work in some way whether that be going to school, actually working at a job-which I can never find anything else but cashier jobs since I'm "unqualified" for everything else I've ever applied to, taking care of my mom-she has severe health problems and has had them for the past 5 years and same goes for hubby all he ever does is work to provide for us bill-wise including weekends and we never have any money to do anything fun on the weekends after bills and groceries. There have been quite a few events in my area that I would have loved to go to but they cost money and you can only go to free parks and walk so much to give you something to do at night before it gets tedious and boringggg. I guess what I'm trying to ask is is life always this hard even when you get done with college and etc? I just feel overwhelmed. There have been things I have been highly interested in and I tried to explore them job wise and I can't get my foot in the door since "experience is required" but YET no one wants to give me a chance and I hear this sooo often with other people as well that are job hunting and it is just frustrating. :( I've tried talking to my mom about how I feel and she is just generally unhelpful. She started trying to tell me how I needed to have a monthly budget and how I needed to cut out frivolous things-like a magazine subscription, shopping, expensive salon trips, which I don't do any of those things and never have only when she or her boyfriend takes me and pays for me to do those nice things which is once or twice a year... and etc and so I sat down and I showed her everything we spend money on last week and that I do have a budget which is hard to keep to since my husband works on commission as well and She FINALLY was like "oh you really are just doing the basics of what is necessary to live". I'm also very disappointed in my husband. I'm not sure if I have too high expectations for him or what but he's made some promises to me and we're in our 4th year of marriage and he still has not fulfilled them. I'm okay with all of that except for ONE promise that he's not fulfilled- I'm hearing impaired and at times I rely heavily on sign language especially in ex: a crowded loud restaurant and his sign skills are very basic and he has promised me time and time again that he will take some sign classes and he has yet to still do it. I have tried to teach him and work with him at home. I've bought videos books and told him just tell me when you want me to stop studying or doing whatever I'm doing and we can sit for about an hour and just review whatever you need or want to. Those books and videos will sit there untouched on our coffee table for months before he ever takes a look at them and it's usually when I say a comment. So I also feel like I don't have that connection with my husband that you're supposed to have since sometimes it is difficult for us to communicate. So I'm a little at a loss of what to do since I do love my husband but I need to feel secure and loved and I don't since at times we can barely communicate and there have been times to where something bad has happened and it would have helped if he could have signed better in the heat of the moment when something needed to be done quickly instead of him just screaming at me out of frustration and me not being able to understand him since yelling does not help me hear. I'm not sure if divorce is the best option. We have no children or assets but I don't want to divorce him but I feel like my husband should be willing to put more effort into signing in order to communicate with me. He knew I was deaf when I met him and that my deafness was a part of me. He did admit to me one time after we were married that he over-estimated my hearing capabilities and that once we were married and living together 24/7 he started realizing that my hearing loss is more severe than what it appears since I do function very highly. I'd appreciate any advice on this subject as well. So what do you all do when you're frustrated and you just want to hide from life in general since that's what I wanna do right now!! and maybe have a good cry! Sorry this is so long but I had a lot to say.
07-08-2008, 02:55 AM
You may want to talk to a health care professional about feeling overwhelmed and enjoying nothing. :( (Yeah, I know, like you have money or time for that. If you're a student, you may have access to health services for free.) Depending on how prolonged and how serious, those sound like classic signs of depression. Not something to fool around with. (I'm not a healthcare professional and this is not medical advice)
One thing going for you is that your Mom has now realized that you're serious about your finances, have a budget and are not spending it frivolously. She may now be able to come up with some useful ideas for you. At least now you should feel like she's on your side and not an adversary. :hug:
Going to school tends to be a tough time financially. However, it's a kind of poverty that has a light at the end of the tunnel. I graduated into a recession also. No one was hiring. Those few who were had their choice of people with experience. You will find something. It will just take longer. These are times that you will likely look back on with fondness, even thought they're tough times to live through.
Do whatever you can to get enough sleep. Sleep makes a huge difference in your outlook. :faint:
Making better eating choices, which you are doing, gives your body better fuel to run on and makes it easier to get all the work you're doing done.
Instead of letting your frustration about signing build up, can you initiate regular signed conversations and actively make room in your life to encourage your husband to sign. He may feel unskilled, awkward and uncomfortable because he really isn't good at signing and you are. I know it doesn't seem like it should be your responsibility, but you will be the beneficiary. If there's some way you two can make using it special to the two of you, it's more likely to get used.
Best wishes to you. :hug: These are tough times for you, but they will get better.
07-08-2008, 03:31 AM
Everyone gets down in life, especially when it comes to you not having all that you want in life- but more often than not we're screaming out loud for things we only think we want. I absolutely have felt that life just should not be this hard, but then I have always snapped back *sometimes slowly* and realized that it isn't life that is making life hard... its my expectations. First thing you have to do is stop comparing your life to other peoples lives... :) Second, be realistic about your goals and the time it takes to reach them :) You're a bright person with a lot to offer- what makes you happy?
The thing with your husband it sounds like he doesn't realize just HOW important it is to you- yes you tell him that he promised to learn it and so he feels forced to look at the materials you bring... odds are he feels the exact same way you do about your life and just doesn't know how to communicate that with you. Having to learn sign language because you can't talk to someone is intimidating, and my best friend learned to read lips because my hands never made sense LOL He may feel that way as well! lol
I'm sure he took your hearing abilities or inabilities into account when he married you or he wouldn't have stuck around for four years.... So be patient, I know it sucks to always be the one having to have patience, but some of us have issues communicating- hearing impaired or not- and the same issue comes up- they just don't get what it means to you- and they aren't mind readers :)
Keep your chin up :) Just keeping doing what you're doing but start adding fun for you and your husband whether it be renting a movie or lol if you're more out going- teach him to sign during foreplay- men usually retain the most then haha! :)
best wishes to you :)
07-08-2008, 07:11 AM
Sorry to hear you're feeling down. You're having what used to be called an "existential crisis." Why does life have to be like this? What the heck is the point, it all just seems like a big struggle! :(
I'd second the suggestion about finding someone like a counselor to talk to. Someone who can add another perspective, because it's hard to talk yourself out of this frame of mind. It can be done, though.
If I can put on my philosopher hat for a moment ;) Yes, modern life means that you have to work to support yourself. It's always going to be like that. Work is work, and it's not always enjoyable. It can be, if you're doing something you like to do--but even then, there are days when you hate it. And school is like work, except there's an endpoint. Then there are the daily chores of living. So, if one isn't mindful, it can seem like drudgery all day long, every day. But it doesn't have to look like that!
It's possible to rise above those feelings of "everything's hard." It is, or it isn't--it depends on how you look at it. Your life is better than many peoples' lives, and worse than others. See if you can come to a place of acceptance about your need to work for a living. That's doesn't mean you start to love your job--just that you give up chafing against it and look for the opportunities that exist in it to make things better for yourself and others. (This can work with any job! Even if you work in garbage collection, you can see your job as making the world better. But the main point of any job is simply to make a living...)
It's always hard to find new jobs, but it can be done. You just have to keep on trying and see what comes up.
As for your husband--please don't get into the trap of thinking that if he really loved you, he would learn sign language. Obviously, he does not want to learn sign language. The question for you is, If he doesn't learn sign language, would you divorce him? Is this a deal-breaker? Only you can answer that.
Blonde, I'm going to move your post over to General Chatter simply because it doesn't relate directly to weight loss--although I can see how your outlook on life right now would affect that.
Ease up on yourself and those around you...
07-08-2008, 02:31 PM
Webrover-thanks for the hugs and the support. I am already on medication for depression and have been for a couple of years so I'm sure if I wasn't on medication I would be feeling even worse. I would love to go to counseling just to have someone to vent to but the problem is no money. I am a student but I have not been able to find any resources for college students in my area. It's a pretty undeveloped thing around here it seems.
BettyRed- You're absolutely right that I need to have more patience with someone that is learning. Hubby has admitted to me that he feels awkward and not good enough when it comes to signing and I have tried to be more sympathetic but I will redouble my efforts on that. I already lip-read and it's a joke in my family how good I am and if you don't want me knowing what you're saying even if you're across the room you better make sure I can't see your face lol.
Jayell- As always you seem to make everything seem a little better with wise and kind words and you have given me some things to think about. I didn't realize there was a crisis name for how I have been feeling lately lol. Thanks for moving my thread to the proper place. This is where I mean to post but somehow ended up in the weight loss forum by mistake.
thanks for the support chickies! It makes me feel better knowing that it will get better after I finish school and have a degree.
07-08-2008, 10:25 PM
Haha- I have to say that was an advantage to having a best friend that was deaf in HS- we didn't have to hear to know what was going on LOL!
You'll be fine :) Allow yourself to have good and bad days, remember you'll never catch a break if you don't give yourself one first :)
07-08-2008, 11:51 PM
Hey :tantrum: BRAT :tantrum:
You have some great advice here.
I just want to say that maybe your husband is just so overwhelmed too that he doesn't have the energy to study sign. I am not real familiar with it other than my brother took it at college night school for a few years and I have a friend that had to learn the basics to speak with his mom. I know it isn't easy.
Is there something you can trade ;) if you do "this or that" for him he does an hour of studying sign with you.
I am almost deaf in one ear. after 2 surgeries about 10 years ago...I Know it is frustrating for Angie to have to listen to the TV loud or me "not hearing" her...she seems mad at times but she says she isn't just frustrated at the situation...not me.
I know life has been tough on you for a few years. I would like to say it won't always be that way but it might...might be tougher. God has a plan for you and it is for good things..."listen" to Him kiddo.
I have been overwhelmed many times in my life, one thing I found that helps is to think about the GOOD things that are going on in my life...then I focus on those...why don't you try it...
Show me what you got ;)http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=145307