General chatter - Are people in their 70s as interested in sex as 20-year-olds?




JayEll
07-01-2008, 08:26 AM
This is a continuation of a topic started in Weight Loss Support.

Basically, some people say yes, and some say no. What's your opinion?

Jay


SoulBliss
07-01-2008, 08:30 AM
Sometimes.

;)

SoulBliss
07-01-2008, 08:31 AM
That wasn't helpful at all, was it?

:lol:

That's the truth though.


ladybugnessa
07-01-2008, 08:31 AM
oh wow just like some folks in their 20s are not interested in sex some folks in their 70s and 80s are...

my grandparents were still sexually active well into their 80s and my husband's grandfather is 89 and still hitting on women...

snapless
07-01-2008, 08:31 AM
I wouldn't know about the 70s, but I'm more interested in sex now (with my husband of course) at almost 40 than I was when I was in my 20s.

ladybugnessa
07-01-2008, 08:33 AM
I wouldn't know about the 70s, but I'm more interested in sex now (with my husband of course) at almost 40 than I was when I was in my 20s.


is your husband also in his 40s? and is he just as interested?

I ask because at 48 I am way more interested than my 37 yr old husband.

I need to find me a nice 20 yr old....

snapless
07-01-2008, 08:38 AM
is your husband also in his 40s? and is he just as interested?

I ask because at 48 I am way more interested than my 37 yr old husband.

I need to find me a nice 20 yr old....

lol

He's 4 months older than me (he'll be 40 in August, I'll be 40 in December). I think I'm a little more interested than he is, but it was about equal until I'd been daily exercising for about a month. I just seem to have more energy than him these days. Maybe he'll start hitting the gym again soon. :carrot:

JayEll
07-01-2008, 08:48 AM
Maybe I should have asked... Are people in their 70s interested in sex with 20-year-olds. :joker:

Jay

SoulBliss
07-01-2008, 09:02 AM
:o

tkglenn
07-01-2008, 09:04 AM
I'm 29 and there's absolutely no interest in sex. Don't know what's wrong!!! DH is 30 and always interested.

ladybugnessa
07-01-2008, 09:07 AM
I'm 29 and there's absolutely no interest in sex. Don't know what's wrong!!! DH is 30 and always interested.


well at 29 I was not too interested but i was on medications and i had two small ones at home


and JayEll... sometimes 20somethings are interested in Sex with 70somethings. Ever see Harold and Maude? LOL

actually I used to belong to an Age Gap Couples Board but I left because my gap of 11 years is considered NO GAP there where 15 years is the average age gap and 20 or 30 years was not unheard of.

Ruthxxx
07-01-2008, 09:08 AM
What is this sex thing? Do you have to take your clothes off?

ladybugnessa
07-01-2008, 09:11 AM
What is this sex thing? Do you have to take your clothes off?


nope you don't even have to lay down Ruth... but you should close your eyes...:carrot:

tkglenn
07-01-2008, 09:15 AM
Ruth-that's hilarious!!! I should say that to DH

tkglenn
07-01-2008, 09:15 AM
ladybug-no meds here, just 4 young kids.

onesullengurl
07-01-2008, 09:27 AM
I'm 29 and there's absolutely no interest in sex. Don't know what's wrong!!! DH is 30 and always interested.

I'm 26 and I feel like I want it ALL the time :devil:

but my husband is 29 and he almost NEVER wants it :dizzy:

maybe its something with "29" hehe

oh yeh I should mention that we have 2 little ones and he is TERRIFIED to make that 3 ... ( someday I will get on bc and that will help? ) :lol:

http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/bar066/tiny02/lb/150/105/142/.png (http://www.3fatchicks.com/)

Heather
07-01-2008, 09:32 AM
My opinion? No.

70 year olds generally have different hormone levels, often lower than people in their 20s. They also don't have the sense (generally) of sex being as "new" and "different" as 20 year olds might. For many 20 year olds sex is something they just discovered.

I'm just speaking on average. Of course some 70 year olds are more interested in sex than some 20 year olds.

And totally my opinion. :D

OnceUponADrive
07-01-2008, 09:33 AM
I'm 28 and have a VERY low sex drive, as does my boyfriend. I don't know whether it's an age issue or just a boredom issue after being together for 4 years. A few years ago I was insatiable.

JayEll
07-01-2008, 09:37 AM
Ladybugnessa, I Loved :love: Harold and Maude! Didn't care much for him, but she was great!

I agree with you, Heather.

When I was 26, I also wanted sex all the time. Now, not so much. No, I'm not 70... :)

Ruth, well... I understand it has to do with the continuation of the species... But that's like saying alcohol is a solvent that can be used for cleaning...

Jay

tkglenn
07-01-2008, 09:40 AM
I have to agree. 2-3 years ago I wanted it, not all the time, but I was very intersted in it but now......yeah right!!! The thought of it scares me!!!

ThisTimeIsDifferent
07-01-2008, 10:02 AM
Since our youngest Daughter was born in 2005 I've had NO interest in it. I'm 28 and my BF is 33. He wants to do it all the time...LOL! I worked with a 78 year old man for 6 years. He had so much energy and a great personality. When women came into the store he would always hit on them...LOL! We would call him a dirty old man and he'd laugh. We always asked him were in the world does he get his energy and great mood from (he was always smiling and never mad) and he told us "sex, making woopie. It keeps you young"...LOL!

marbleflys
07-01-2008, 10:12 AM
maybe you should ask Hugh Hefner and those "girls next door"....or is he 80?

ladybugnessa
07-01-2008, 10:15 AM
I think for a lot of people the idea of older folks having sex and enjoying it is akin to how Queen Victoria felt. she saw sex as something women endured for the good of the man and the population of the country (hence the term "close your eyes and think of England)...

kids in their teens can't even imagine folks in their 40s or 50s having sex... so why should folks in their 30s or 40s want to imagine THEIR parents having sex...

EZMONEY
07-01-2008, 10:26 AM
I LOVED sex in the 70's...but then I was in my 20's! ;)

snapless
07-01-2008, 10:27 AM
kids in their teens can't even imagine folks in their 40s or 50s having sex... so why should folks in their 30s or 40s want to imagine THEIR parents having sex...

Heck, I KNOW my parents had sex - and a lot of it.

I'm the youngest of 8. :o

ladybugnessa
07-01-2008, 11:47 AM
I LOVED sex in the 70's...but then I was in my 20's! ;)

:rofl:

PhotoChick
07-01-2008, 01:10 PM
As ladybug said, I don't think you can make a blanket statement that all 20 year olds area always more interested in sex than all 70 year olds.

Or even 60 or 50 year olds. The guy I'm seeing is 10 years older than me and he's a once-a-day kinda guy (more often if he could fit it into his schedule! :) ) and I don't see that ending - certainly not the desire, even if the physical ability wanes. And I'm good with that! ;)

OTOH, I was married to someone who, in his mid 30s was not interested at all. It's part of the reason why we're no longer together.

Also here's a story for you about being interested in sex when you're older. My great uncle died at 82 - he had cancer and passed away about a year after being diagnosed. Right before he died he talked to my father about how, since he got sick, he felt bad that he hadn't been able to make love to his wife every night as he had done the entire 50+ years they'd been married!

When I brought the topic up to my guy last night, his comment was "If I lose interest in sex, then shoot me. I hope to be able to f* like a bunny when I'm 70!" :D

.

GradPhase
07-01-2008, 02:11 PM
Hahahahahaahahahaa, Gary that made coffee go ALL over my screen!!

LisaMarie71
07-01-2008, 02:33 PM
Speaking of sex drives, I want to know who perpetuated the myth that pregnant women want sex all the time. I've never wanted sex LESS in my life! I hope things go back to normal at some point after the birth! My poor husband!

marbleflys
07-01-2008, 02:44 PM
for me (I'm not in my 20s or my 70s)....it's a self-image thing....if I feel attractive as I do when my weight goes down, I want more sex....

My BF is always up for it, (he's 55), he says his doctor advocates a lot of sex because it is good for his prostate!

PhotoChick
07-01-2008, 03:13 PM
My BF is always up for it
*snicker* *giggle*

Dirty mind? Who? Me?

:D

.

marbleflys
07-01-2008, 03:33 PM
of course that's what I meant.....:devil::devil:

and as Miss Martha says...."it's a good thing:D" for medicinal purposes.

Marathon Mom
07-01-2008, 03:33 PM
The thinner I am the more I want it... (I'm pretty thin these days...) :dance:

The older I get - the more comfortable I am in my own skin... So, I enjoy it a lot more now than I did in my 20s.

My husband and I have similar appetites. Which makes things a lot more fun.

Rocker Chick
07-01-2008, 04:23 PM
I'm not in my 70s or 20s -- have 4 young kids, hubby ALWAYS wants it. I would be happy shaking hands at the end of the day!

Leenie
07-01-2008, 04:30 PM
:corn:

:write:


.

aphil
07-01-2008, 04:56 PM
have 4 young kids, hubby ALWAYS wants it. I would be happy shaking hands at the end of the day!

Can I bow down to you? I feel the SAME way...

I could seriously go months, even years, without it...and it wouldn't phase me one BIT. When you are a mother, and little people are constantly pawing at you and wanting something from you, the LAST thing you want when they go to bed, is someone ELSE pawing at you and wanting something from you.

:lol:

FrouFrou
07-01-2008, 05:27 PM
I don't know...I'll tell ya when I get there :lol: Was going to say I hope so but not sure.

PhotoChick
07-01-2008, 05:32 PM
I could seriously go months, even years, without it...and it wouldn't phase me one BIT.
Ya know ... I did. For 5 long years. And it's not fun. It's not fun to be rejected by your spouse who doesn't want sex as much as you do. It's not fun to feel ashamed when you're joking with your friends about going home to your spouse ... because your husband hasn't touched you - not even on your birthday or your anniversary - in years. YOu don't even have "obligation" sex. You got nuthin'.

And not because he doesn't love you - he's fine with the cuddles and hte kisses and the affectionate touches and the foot and shoulder rubs. He just doesn't want sex.

I dunno. I honestly and truly don't understand someone not wanting sex. How can you not want to feel those feelings? How can you not want someone to touch you. How can you not want to orgasm and feel how amazing that feels?

I'm honestly not making fun of anyone here or trying to put anyone down. I just honestly don't understand.

.

marbleflys
07-01-2008, 05:42 PM
hey PC I agree.....no matter what age you are.....sex is truly a miracle product...it burns calories, feels good, is free (usually and hopefully), it is fat-free, calorie free(depending) and improves your complexion. and don't toxins release when you sweat?

However, if you have little ones, they sap a lot of your energy, if you spend your *free* time picking up after little ones and hubby...then NO you just get too TIRED.

I read an article a couple of weeks ago somewhere on line (either yahoo or aol), that men who do housework and help with regular chores, have much more willing partners....based on the traditional relationship at home.

I showed that article to my BF, who immediately vaccuumed and unloaded the dishwasher...

ladybugnessa
07-01-2008, 06:20 PM
ya know i love the cuddles and the kisses... i never have orgasms from sex so if i don't have it so what?

Rocker Chick
07-01-2008, 06:53 PM
Thank you LadyBug! Not all of us have great sex...add a few kids to the mix and you're lucky if you even have a relationship! Lives are busy, busier with kids--gotta a baby? Those are fun! Try having knock out sex with your screaming baby at the end of the bed screaming her little head off.

Not that we wouldn't ALL love to have the things PC said, but some of us are too blame tired! Talk to us in 10 years or so, maybe things will be different! =)

snapless
07-01-2008, 07:05 PM
I don't know...when I was with my ex we had a houseful of 5 kids (at the end the oldest was 16 and the youngest was 5), and I still wanted sex.

Granted not as frequently as I want it now, but still. I guess I can see how someone wouldn't care if they had never had an orgasm with someone they loved (what an incredible feeling of oneness!), but otherwise...how could you not want that with the love of your life? I'm sorry - not trying to disparage anyone I just genuinely don't understand.

I look at my husband now and am amazed that this wonderful man chose me. I feel blessed for every moment I get to spend with him, I'm grateful for having such an excellent husband and father to my children. I would never give up a single chance to please him physically. And the interesting thing is, I know he feels the same way about me. Yes there are some nights we are both just too tired to think about anything but sleep, but any chance we get - we take it.

We celebrate our 7th year anniversary in a few weeks (see ticker), and we are both turning 40 this year. The spark hasn't died. If anything it has grown stronger.

marbleflys
07-01-2008, 07:07 PM
Did i mention that my child is full-grown...out of my house, its just me, the BF and our 3 fur-children....we both clean and feed the cats and grocery shop. I do have to care for my 89 YO mother, but my brother, me and a part-time nurse split the tasks there...I work more than full time, but i guard my real free time and vacations. there are no more school functions, sports, driving to the mall, supervising the parties...({{{shudder}}}} guarding the liquor cabinet. it'stime for me and MYBODY>>>>
hmm<< another reason to stay on track with my diet.

JayEll
07-01-2008, 07:35 PM
I dunno. I honestly and truly don't understand someone not wanting sex. How can you not want to feel those feelings? How can you not want someone to touch you. How can you not want to orgasm and feel how amazing that feels?

Some people just don't! :dunno:

Is it possible that your ex is gay? Is it possible he liked some other kind of sexual activity better? I'm not saying that's the answer, because a lot of people who know exactly what their sexual preference is (gay, straight) still don't care much about sex. It's just something one wonders...

Did you ask him why he didn't want it?

Jay

PhotoChick
07-01-2008, 08:09 PM
I know the answers to my situation (and no he's not gay) ... but even after the issue was resolved, he still had a much lower sex drive than I did. A friend of mine has described her spouse and mine as being "sexual camels". Once every so often satisfies them ... and then they're good for the long haul.

Me? Not so much. I didn't want to live the rest of my life like that. I like sex. I like everything about it. And I don't want it to be "rationed" in my life.

And I *do* understand being too tired and too stressed and too whatever sometimes. We all have times like that. But to say that from X age on out, I"m just not interested? Or not interested at all? Ever????

I can't imagine living like that. I really can't.

.

ladybugnessa
07-01-2008, 09:07 PM
I will never NOT be interested.

truth is that i'm interested but i have a stronger drive than DH if two folks have incompatible drives it will be difficult...

JayEll
07-01-2008, 10:14 PM
PhotoChick, back in the original thread, I don't think I ever said that "from X age on" I was not interested in sex, ever.

(For those of you who didn't read the original thread, this all came up because someone wanted to lose weight to be attractive to others, and I innocently :p commented that I was "old enough that sexuality is just not that interesting." At which point several posters--younger than I, I might add ;)--felt that I was saying older people aren't interested in sex. Of course I never said that. Someone then asserted that sex is just as important to people in their 70s as to those in their 20s. Well--I don't believe that in general, that's true. I'm sure it is for some, though.)

Also, there are a lot of things that people can't imagine at a younger age that they find later on makes more sense... At least, that's been my experience. No one could have told me in my 20s (and 30s, and 40s) that sexuality would ever not be really interesting. :drool: I'm not saying it's never interesting to me now--it's just that my reasons for wanting to lose weight are primarily health reasons, and not for reasons of being sexually attractive.

And so, I thought maybe we'd see what different folks' opinions were about the importance of sex... and here we are. :)

Jay

ladybugnessa
07-01-2008, 10:25 PM
IMPORTANT vs interested are two different things.

I'm interested but it's not important. but i don't think age is the factor there.

i have a friend who is female age 44 who swears if her husband became impotent she would divorce him because sex is the most important thing in a marriage.

PhotoChick
07-01-2008, 10:25 PM
I was "old enough that sexuality is just not that interesting."
I do think that statement implies that at a certain age, etc. Otherwise you would have simply said YOU weren't interested. Instead you said that you were "old enough" ... implying that at a certain age, sexuality becomes less interesting across the board.

Oh and to add to Nessa's point - I think it's both interesting and important. Now my husband didn't become impotent and I can honestly say that if he had, I probably would not have divorced him, but that would also be contingent on his being willing to find other ways to express his/our sexuality other than just intercourse. I did (in part) break up with my husband due to the issue of sexual incompatibility because I do believe sex is fairly important and he wasn't willing (or able for some reason) to come to some kind of compromise.

.

JayEll
07-01-2008, 10:32 PM
Probably a bad choice of words. I can't pick out an age at which my interest in sex started to diminish. I guess you know whether you're "old enough" when you are. I really just meant old enough in my case anyway--the change seemed only to be related to my getting older.

What difference does it make? Is there some fear that I'm saying that on one of those birthdays of the future a person will be struck celibate? :lol:

Jay

PhotoChick
07-01-2008, 10:35 PM
e fear that I'm saying that on one of those birthdays of the future a person will be struck celibate?
Hahahah. Dear Lord I hope not!!! :)

I guess since it became an issue between hubby and I, and since finding someone who is more on my same wavelength (and who is much older than my husband was - so it skews the general idea of young=horny and old=not interested :) ), I find different people's reactions fascinating.

That might have a lot to do with the fact that I have a degree in Anthropology though. I find a lot of things fascinating. ;)

.

JuliaDH
07-01-2008, 11:04 PM
Several comments.

Up until my grandfather was to ill. He and my grandma were sexually active every night. He died shortly before there 55th anni. And they were very proud of it. Made sure kids and grandkids were having well maintained relationships as well by mildly talking about thier activities.

My hubby has a higher drive than me. But I am home with 3 kids plus 4 home day care kids. Pretty exhausted. But we book and plan spontaneous sex or else it does not happen. He drives transport so the number of nights home are only 2-3 per week anyways. The older the kids get (less needy) The more active we are time permitting!

He also love the fact I am loosing weight. My pants "fall" off easier!

snapless
07-01-2008, 11:12 PM
IMPORTANT vs interested are two different things.

I'm interested but it's not important. but i don't think age is the factor there.

i have a friend who is female age 44 who swears if her husband became impotent she would divorce him because sex is the most important thing in a marriage.

Important and interested are two completely different things. When I typed what I did I was referring to interested.

On the subject of important though? No $&#*! way. If my husband became incurably impotent today I would still spend the rest of my life trying to keep him happy - there just wouldn't be sex involved. Would I miss it? Sure, but there is NO WAY I would leave the man I love (or cheat on him) just to get some nookie. It's NOT that important...and besides, while love and sex are two separate things, once you've shared them both with a single partner, loveless sex just isn't appealing.

vixjean
07-01-2008, 11:16 PM
I LOVED sex in the 70's...but then I was in my 20's! ;)

LOL!

Honestly, I wouldn't know about 70 year olds, I'm sure they do...
but who has the guts to ask them?

PhotoChick
07-01-2008, 11:19 PM
f my husband became incurably impotent today I would still spend the rest of my life trying to keep him happy - there just wouldn't be sex involved. Would I miss it?Now I have a different perspective here.

Is sex just penetration? If your husband became incurably impotent, would he still make the effort to satisfy you sexually - through touch or other forms of sex besides just intercourse? I don't see where one partner becoming impotent means another partner has to just give up everything or resort to an affair. That seems extreme to me.

OTOH, if the impotent partner refused to *try* to accommodate the other, then I do think that's a reason to consider separation - because to me that indicates a selfishness that belies a really deep love.

And, I'll be honest, for me my partners reaction is a huge part of my enjoyment of sex. I'd be quite happy to give my partner whatever enjoyment he wanted/needed even if for some reason I lost my ability.

.

snapless
07-01-2008, 11:45 PM
I don't see where one partner becoming impotent means another partner has to just give up everything or resort to an affair. That seems extreme to me.

I was referring to the extreme ladybug was talking about in reference to her friend. :o And instead of saying incurably impotent I should have implied bed-ridden or maybe paralyzed...as in unable to do anything. I would still spend every moment I could with him because he is far more important to me than sexual gratification. Remember, talking importance here...not interest. :) My interest is and will, as far as I know, continue to be very strong. :dizzy:

PhotoChick
07-02-2008, 12:13 AM
Ah ... ok. So completely unable to function vs. just impotent. Different scenario.

I just read ladybugs comment about her friend as impotent, not paralyzed or whatever.

Thanks for the clarification.

.

aphil
07-02-2008, 08:26 AM
Ya know ... I did. For 5 long years. And it's not fun. It's not fun to be rejected by your spouse who doesn't want sex as much as you do. It's not fun to feel ashamed when you're joking with your friends about going home to your spouse ... because your husband hasn't touched you - not even on your birthday or your anniversary - in years. YOu don't even have "obligation" sex. You got nuthin'.

And not because he doesn't love you - he's fine with the cuddles and hte kisses and the affectionate touches and the foot and shoulder rubs. He just doesn't want sex.

I dunno. I honestly and truly don't understand someone not wanting sex. How can you not want to feel those feelings? How can you not want someone to touch you. How can you not want to orgasm and feel how amazing that feels?

I'm honestly not making fun of anyone here or trying to put anyone down. I just honestly don't understand.

.

Hopefully my explanations will help you understand those with lower drives. :)

In the same way that YOU (and others with a higher drive) can't understand NOT wanting to do it...those of us with lower drives can't see what the fuss is all about. :lol:

In all honesty, many things affect my drive (or lack of one).

~For some reason, I don't equate sex with intimacy. I just don't. Honestly, it is more intimate for me to kiss and cuddle and talk, than it is for me to have sex. For some reason, I have always felt this way. It reminds me of the movie "Pretty Woman" where Julia Roberts and her hooker friend have the no kissing rule...so that they don't fall for clients.

~Small children. My drive wasn't big before, but add three kids (9, 7, and 1) and I don't want anyone else pawing at me and wanting anything from me. Especially when the kids were infants and I was breastfeeding and holding them for hours a day. At the end of the day, I am "touched OUT".

~I am not a super affectionate person...physically. I am not one of the friends that comes up and hugs you every time they see you...someone who is physical with others. I am just not. I have friends who I have had for years, whom I have never hugged. However, if they ever needed anything-I would be right there to help them move furniture, watch their children, bring them meals after a hospital stay, or whatever they need.

~For some reason, my husband and I are VERY fertile. As in, it took a total of 5 tries to get 3 children, and one of them was with birth control. :o

Jasmine was conceived in 3 tries, Raiden on the first try, and Saber with birth control (definitely not planned!) during a time when we were in the middle of a relocation, and my husband was not even living with us. At the time, he was at the new job, and I was trying to sell the old house, staying there alone with the kids. He came back for a weekend visit, and viola-I get pregnant. :o

Add to that, the fact that my SMALLEST and easiest baby to deliver was a 9 pound, 3 oz preemie a full 5 weeks early (would have been 11ish full term) and numerous health issues (with me) because of it with each pregnancy. I don't want to do that again. If there was any interest at all, having 9+ and 10+ pound babies cure it pretty quick. :lol:

~I have OCD. That is also a good damper on the sex drive, especially for someone with my particular issues. I don't see sex as some fabulous, intimate thing...more like an inconvenience, keeping me from sleeping or getting something else done.


Now, I am not at the level that your ex was...I do give in to obligation sex *laughs* and I do OCCASIONALLY get in the mood, but honestly, I initiate sex maybe 2x a year.

NightengaleShane
07-02-2008, 09:03 AM
Ooo! I believe people in their 70's ARE just as interested in sex as people in their 20's! Why else would ANCIENT, older-than-Jesus men hit on me?! I've heard just as perverted lines from 70-somethings as I have from 20-somethings, I sh*t you not!

Seriously?
As a whole, senior citizens MAY be less interested in sex, but it all depends on the person. I also think some senior citizens really enjoy sex with younger people (WAY younger if they are able to obtain it;)) because it makes them feel young again, which I imagine is just as much of an aphrodesiac as sex itself! :)

I had much more of a sex drive in my teen years than I do now. Initially, getting fat ruined my sex drive, but then it still stayed somewhat low even after I lost all the weight. I am with someone who wants sex ALL THE TIME and always has. It gets a bit frustrating at times.

JayEll
07-02-2008, 09:07 AM
Why else would ANCIENT, older-than-Jesus men hit on me?!

(Looking at NightengaleShane's avatar...) :chin: :drool:

Jay

ladybugnessa
07-02-2008, 09:09 AM
Ah ... ok. So completely unable to function vs. just impotent. Different scenario.

I just read ladybugs comment about her friend as impotent, not paralyzed or whatever.

Thanks for the clarification.

.

trust me this friend means just that.... IMPOTENT as in NO ERECTION.

tamaralynn
07-02-2008, 09:35 AM
I'm 28... dh is 41 - and he is ALWAYS jumping me! LOL I can just see him being the same horndog in 30 years ;)

SoulBliss
07-02-2008, 10:07 AM
And they were very proud of it. Made sure kids and grandkids were having well maintained relationships as well by mildly talking about thier activities.What does that even mean? "Well maintained" and "mildly talking about their activities"? :o

aphil
07-02-2008, 10:17 AM
I was wondering that as well...how would grandma and grandpa talking about their sex lives make their grandkids have "well maintained" relationships.

If anything, hearing about Grandma and Grandpa doing it would make me NOT want to. :rofl:

SoulBliss
07-02-2008, 10:19 AM
:lol: Yep! Traumatizing, to say the least! :eek:

ladybugnessa
07-02-2008, 10:23 AM
maybe it's something along the lines of what i experienced as a teen....

i was spending the summer with my grandparents and heard them go to bed and heard my grandma say to my grandpa "stay close to me tonite charlie, hold my hand"

seeing parents and grandparents be affectionate is very important in my opinion.... my daughter will walk into the kitchen and catch her dad kissing me and go "ewwwwwwwwww" and run screaming from the room but the role model of how adults should behave (as opposed to seeing her bio-mom hit and scream at her "stepdad" will be imprinted on her for life.

aphil
07-02-2008, 10:24 AM
I remember one time my brother (a teenager at the time) spent the night with my grandparents. He made the hilarious observation the next morning, that Grandma was wearing the lounge clothes that GRANDPA had been wearing the evening before.

:o

THAT was traumatizing. :rofl:

SoulBliss
07-02-2008, 10:36 AM
maybe it's something along the lines of what i experienced as a teen....

i was spending the summer with my grandparents and heard them go to bed and heard my grandma say to my grandpa "stay close to me tonite charlie, hold my hand"

seeing parents and grandparents be affectionate is very important in my opinion.... my daughter will walk into the kitchen and catch her dad kissing me and go "ewwwwwwwwww" and run screaming from the room but the role model of how adults should behave (as opposed to seeing her bio-mom hit and scream at her "stepdad" will be imprinted on her for life.

I agree, that your experience with the grandparents sounds like a healthy, normal experience. Being affectionate is something that shows a positive Affection and sex aren't always linked though.

My DD is the same way as you mention yours behaving when she sees DH and I being affectionate with one another (affectionate, NOT "sexual").

ladybugnessa
07-02-2008, 10:47 AM
ya know it's interesting... we are pretty alternative in our lifestyle and I've no problems being nude around DH and I have no problems being nude around DD (NOT ever nude around DS but they are grown and out of the house) BUT I cannot be nude around DH AND DD at the same time.

SoulBliss
07-02-2008, 10:55 AM
I guess it's all about context. ;)

I am nearly always nude at home. I hate wearing clothes.

JuliaDH
07-02-2008, 11:05 AM
Grandma would come right out and ask if we were having good sex. Then try very tackfully to give advise how to improve. Then Grandpa would remind the guys that Real men take care of ALL thier wifes needs. Kinda explains why they had 7 kids and that 7 procreated into 28 grandkids! We always had pretty open lines of communication. Although at times awkward. Now we just laugh about it.

aphil
07-02-2008, 11:19 AM
If one of my grandparents asked me about my sex life, or tried to give me advice on it...I think I would crawl into a hole. Seriously.

I am all for joking around, etc. (my grandparents are known to be ornery and make little remarks) but for them to come out and ask me about MY sex life (how much, how good, etc.) I think that would bother me...

Completely unrelated, but DH's grandparents call each other "Mom" and "Daddy" on a regular basis instead of their first names, or other pet names...and for some reason that disturbs me, too. :rofl:

I couldn't imagine calling my husband "Daddy". :o

SoulBliss
07-02-2008, 11:24 AM
Completely unrelated, but DH's grandparents call each other "Mom" and "Daddy" on a regular basis instead of their first names, or other pet names...and for some reason that disturbs me, too. :rofl:

I couldn't imagine calling my husband "Daddy". :o

Add me to the "disturbed" list! It CREEPS me out when I hear people call their husband/wife/sexual partner "mommy" and daddy"

ladybugnessa
07-02-2008, 11:34 AM
i refer to my husband as "daddy" when i'm giving my daughter directions

when I talk to HIM I call him things I can't mention here.

aphil
07-02-2008, 11:40 AM
When you are talking to your kids("Honey, go give this to Daddy") it's one thing...I think every parent does that. But, when you say "Hey Daddy (to spouse), can you come here for a minute" it's something else entirely. :lol:

PhotoChick
07-02-2008, 11:54 AM
trust me this friend means just that.... IMPOTENT as in NO ERECTION.
Ok, but having an erection is not the ONLY way to have sex. I mean, I'm trying not to be too graphic here, but we're all grownups and I'm sure we can all get the gist. :)

And that's my point. Even if my SO were unable to get an erection at all ever, there are still other ways that we can pleasure each other. Ok, so he might not be able to orgasm, but I would hope that wouldn't mean that he would decide that I should forego orgasms along with him for the rest of my life. Just as if for some reason I was injured in some way that prevented me from being able to have penetrative sex and orgasm, I'd still want to make sure that my life partner received attention and pleasure. I'd not want to doom him to a life of no sexual contact.

.

ladybugnessa
07-02-2008, 12:12 PM
Ok, but having an erection is not the ONLY way to have sex. I mean, I'm trying not to be too graphic here, but we're all grownups and I'm sure we can all get the gist. :)

And that's my point. Even if my SO were unable to get an erection at all ever, there are still other ways that we can pleasure each other. Ok, so he might not be able to orgasm, but I would hope that wouldn't mean that he would decide that I should forego orgasms along with him for the rest of my life. Just as if for some reason I was injured in some way that prevented me from being able to have penetrative sex and orgasm, I'd still want to make sure that my life partner received attention and pleasure. I'd not want to doom him to a life of no sexual contact.

.


oh I agree. i was horrified when she told me if she could not have intercouse she would divorce him.

KLK
07-02-2008, 12:25 PM
I grew up fat, so I did (and still do, to a large degree) a lot of "living in my head." I always treated my body like a kind of useless appendage and I NEVER had a boyfriend before my fiance, or did anything sexual with anyone else. In many ways, I feel I'm very "reserved" sexually -- I would like to change that, but as I said, I'm still VERY much always "in my head." I know the brain is the most sexual organ, but a lot of my problem is discomfort at being touched in sexual ways.

I don't know if that makes sense, but I think that's why I have a "low" sex drive... or rather... I don't have a low sex drive. I'm into it/interested in it, etc. but when it comes to actually DOING it... I tend to freeze up. I'm trying to fix this, but it is difficult.

So I hope that when I get older, I will have these issues under control and I WILL be more active than I am now.

Rocker Chick
07-02-2008, 04:50 PM
Hopefully my explanations will help you understand those with lower drives. :)

In the same way that YOU (and others with a higher drive) can't understand NOT wanting to do it...those of us with lower drives can't see what the fuss is all about. :lol:

In all honesty, many things affect my drive (or lack of one).

~For some reason, I don't equate sex with intimacy. I just don't. Honestly, it is more intimate for me to kiss and cuddle and talk, than it is for me to have sex. For some reason, I have always felt this way. It reminds me of the movie "Pretty Woman" where Julia Roberts and her hooker friend have the no kissing rule...so that they don't fall for clients.

~Small children. My drive wasn't big before, but add three kids (9, 7, and 1) and I don't want anyone else pawing at me and wanting anything from me. Especially when the kids were infants and I was breastfeeding and holding them for hours a day. At the end of the day, I am "touched OUT".

~I am not a super affectionate person...physically. I am not one of the friends that comes up and hugs you every time they see you...someone who is physical with others. I am just not. I have friends who I have had for years, whom I have never hugged. However, if they ever needed anything-I would be right there to help them move furniture, watch their children, bring them meals after a hospital stay, or whatever they need.

~For some reason, my husband and I are VERY fertile. As in, it took a total of 5 tries to get 3 children, and one of them was with birth control. :o

Jasmine was conceived in 3 tries, Raiden on the first try, and Saber with birth control (definitely not planned!) during a time when we were in the middle of a relocation, and my husband was not even living with us. At the time, he was at the new job, and I was trying to sell the old house, staying there alone with the kids. He came back for a weekend visit, and viola-I get pregnant. :o

Add to that, the fact that my SMALLEST and easiest baby to deliver was a 9 pound, 3 oz preemie a full 5 weeks early (would have been 11ish full term) and numerous health issues (with me) because of it with each pregnancy. I don't want to do that again. If there was any interest at all, having 9+ and 10+ pound babies cure it pretty quick. :lol:

~I have OCD. That is also a good damper on the sex drive, especially for someone with my particular issues. I don't see sex as some fabulous, intimate thing...more like an inconvenience, keeping me from sleeping or getting something else done.


Now, I am not at the level that your ex was...I do give in to obligation sex *laughs* and I do OCCASIONALLY get in the mood, but honestly, I initiate sex maybe 2x a year.

Sounds like you just described me!! :D

I just think sex and everything that goes along with it are overrated. I agree that kissing, cuddling, etc., is way more intimate.

snapless
07-02-2008, 10:11 PM
It's amazing to me the affectionate or sexual things (even pet names) most Americans find traumatizing or wierd, yet we can go watch and allow our children to watch extreme violence.

I'm the opposite. I'd rather my children be open and understanding of the risks, responsibilities and pleasures of sex and keep them away from the violence.

True I shield my youngest from sex too but she IS only 5. My 18 year old is quite different.

SoulBliss
07-02-2008, 10:22 PM
It's amazing to me the affectionate or sexual things (even pet names) most Americans find traumatizing or wierd, yet we can go watch and allow our children to watch extreme violence. I'm the opposite. I'd rather my children be open and understanding of the risks, responsibilities and pleasures of sex and keep them away from the violence.This dissonance is something I find repulsive and damaging. Violence=ok, but, cover your eyes! someone is making out on the big screen! I don't think that healthy, normal affection should not be hidden. When my DD has asked me anything, I've answered every question honestly and in a developmentally appropriate manner. Why would anyone not do the same? To lie outright or lie by omission only sets them up for trouble.

I think any parent who doesn't make sure that their children are sexually aware in a developmentally appropriate manner is negligent and risks half-truths being shared by peers and the media being accepted as reality. Scary!

aphil
07-03-2008, 11:34 AM
It's amazing to me the affectionate or sexual things (even pet names) most Americans find traumatizing or wierd, yet we can go watch and allow our children to watch extreme violence.

I'm the opposite. I'd rather my children be open and understanding of the risks, responsibilities and pleasures of sex and keep them away from the violence.

True I shield my youngest from sex too but she IS only 5. My 18 year old is quite different.

I am not wierd about pet names in general (DH and I have them) my wierdness is with the pet names being "Mom" "Daddy" etc. when referring to your partner...because my DAD is my dad...not my spouse, someone I am intimate with.

I also am not saying that I think that seeing parents, grandparents, etc. being generally affectionate towards one another is traumatizing...but having my grandfather ask me how much sex I was having, or giving me advice about it, now that is another situation entirely.

PhotoChick
07-03-2008, 11:56 AM
but having my grandfather ask me how much sex I was having, or giving me advice about it, now that is another situation entirely.
Heh. When my husband and I moved in together (before we were married) I had a discussion with his mom about it over the breakfast table one morning. I hadn't even finished my first cup of coffee and she said "I think it's a good thing to move in together first. I wish it hadn't been taboo when I was your age. You know why I married K's dad? SEX!!"

I nearly spit my coffee all over the table. And then we both cracked up as she said "you probably don't want to hear about my sex life!" :)

.

JayEll
07-03-2008, 11:57 AM
Well, it would be different in a culture where sex was considered just a normal part of life instead of this big taboo thing. Unfortunately, the Abrahamic religions seem to consider sex to have been humankind's downfall, so already in Western culture we're in deep weeds...

Still, in virtually all belief systems, there is such a thing as sexual misconduct.

Jay

snapless
07-03-2008, 12:07 PM
....but having my grandfather ask me how much sex I was having, or giving me advice about it, now that is another situation entirely.

Why? I'm just curious and trying to understand here.

I know it probably wouldn't bother me if my mother-in-law or my father (grandparents are deceased) said something like that. I might disagree with something said...my father is in his late 70s, but it wouldn't make me feel wierd.

I mean...I already know my father had sex (and a lot of it!). I -am- the youngest of 8. He's also been married 3 times and outlived his first 2 wives. When he married his current wife, he called me the day before and asked my permission (can you believe it?) and told me point blank they didn't believe in sleeping together until they were married. Basically saying, without saying it, that they wanted to have sex. :lol: I thought it was kinda cute since they were both in their early 70s.

I don't know my mother-in-law as well but I doubt I'd feel wierd with her asking either. Again...I -know- she had sex, my husband is the middle son of five.

JuliaDH
07-03-2008, 12:28 PM
You know the talks were never raunchy or filled with details. Just hints and tips. Conversations filled with love and concern. They wanted us to be joyful and happy in all areas of our life. We knew they had seen lots of heart ache with 2 world wars, imigrating to Canada in the 50's and many more. They began to see changes/trends in society that did not clearly guarantee in thier eyes/perception that would aid in our over all joy in life. And wanted better for us and felt communicating and helping to problem solve, and guide us with thier wisdom was the best gift they could give. Traditionally is that not what elders of a clan did?

ladybugnessa
07-03-2008, 12:45 PM
my mom and I talked about it. when my younger son was a baby (so about 22 years ago) we were shopping at a grocery store and mom picked up a 12 pack of encare oval lubricating suppositories... tossed them in the cart and shrugged as she said "well there's a year's supply" LOL poor mom...


after she died and dad started dating he met a lady and when they decided to move in together he called me and said "your father is going to be living in sin"

my daughter at about age 13 came to me and said "mommy i've never seen a penis" and I said "would you LIKE TO?" and she said yes so off to google images we went... both flaccid and errect...

my husband and i flirt and tease with sexual undertones in front of her all the time... and now at 16 we talk with her about who and what would be an appropriate person time and place to have sex.... i'm pushing her to wait as long as possible.... so far so good.

aphil
07-03-2008, 04:25 PM
Why? I'm just curious and trying to understand here.

Because there are particular people in my life, that I wish not to discuss those matters with. :D Discussing sex with my grandparents, well, I would rather not. However, I am fully open to discussing it with my mother, close friends, everyone here at 3FC, and so on. I am just not comfortable discussing my sex life with my grandparents, my father, my brother, and my in laws. There are just certain people that I am not comfortable discussing that part of my life with.

A sexual comment, joke, etc. doesn't bother me...I make them myself, but there are just certain people that I am not comfortable discussing these things with...and it has nothing to do with religion, culture, sin, or anything like that. I just don't want to have those conversations with certain people in particular.

I don't want anyone to think that I am some kind of a prude (absolutely not...I have VERY liberal sexual views) but it is more about my relationship with the person, and what sort of a relationship that is, that makes me comfortable or not comfortable. I am VERY open and comfortable talking with my mother about these things...but my dad, no way-not EVER. (They are divorced...)

SunshineCA
07-06-2008, 10:31 PM
So...back to the original question, if people in their 70's are still interested in sex?

That would depend on the people we're talking about. It depends on what they were used to before they hit the 70's. It also depends on what they're feeling when the hit that age. I know my Grandmother still has guys that hit on her all the time.

Sexuality in my life is very open. Always has been. My DH is the same way. I'm sure when we hit our 70's we'll still be extremely sexually active as we are now if not more. He's 10 years older than me so I guess I'll check with him when he gets there before me. ;)