General chatter - I am confused and don't know how to react to this.

06-27-2008, 04:10 PM
Ok to makes things short I was invited to a bbq party a month ago and I was the first person to answer the RSVP that I was attending. The hostess invited people both from our class and closer friends. Anyways today I called 2 hours before the party to ask for directions to the house and she goes "No one from our group is attending so if you want to come, be warned you will be all alone." So to be honest now I am feeling rather hurt. I must warn that I am a Cypriot and she is British so I don't know if I am lost in the cultural context, but I would have warned my guest a week ago and ask her if she/he wanted to come anyways. If the person replied yes, I would have tried to make her/him feel as comfortable as possible.

To be honest I feel extremely sad. I feel I was uninvited rather than warned and now I do not intend to go up to the party. I mean I am a bit shy around strangers but I am sure I could cope but now my confidence is completely destroyed. Also I want to text that I am not coming but I feel I am going to sound whiny.

06-27-2008, 04:15 PM
I would go ahead and go, you might make some new friends and have a good time. If the party turns out to be a terrible bore you can leave.

06-27-2008, 04:17 PM
I think she only meant it because if you did go and knew nobody she might have felt bad that she hadn't told you. I personally preffer going places when I at least know a few people or I feel slightly akward and she was probably just trying to prevent that. You should try to not to get down about it, I bet it was nothing personal hun :hug:

06-27-2008, 04:37 PM
she said, "be warned, you will be all alone?" That certainly sounds like an ungracious host. I'd pass on this invite.

06-27-2008, 04:44 PM
Go! Tell yourself it's to practice being outgoing and friendly, and you will probably have a great time. You might even make a few new friends!! Afterwards, your friend will think, "I'm sure glad she came!"

06-27-2008, 04:45 PM
I would go to prove her wrong, and you could always leave.

06-27-2008, 04:47 PM
Don't worry about sounding *whiny*, she doesn't even deserve a text message that you have changed your mind.....I'm sorry, the phrase "if you want to come" (verbatim)? is an odd way to say it.

How good a friend is she?

06-27-2008, 05:05 PM
We are not close. She is in my Post-graduate level course and I met her last year. The thing is that as a group, the 18 of the Post-colonial group make a very good team as friends and intellectuals. Oh and being honest the group rarely met with non-students of the course when we would go out (I have met bfs and gfs but not friends of friends). Tonight the people she invited in the party are all childhood friends and high-school friends and us 18. I feel like I am going to trespass in their territory now as no one of the group is coming.

06-27-2008, 05:23 PM
Don't look at it as you would be trespassing. Put your feelings FIRST, if you don't want to go, it's because you have no common bond or interest with these people.

is there something else fun you could do instead so you won't feel like the evening is wasted? movie, shop?

06-27-2008, 05:23 PM
I understand how you feel. I do this to myself all the time.
After reading this, I was asking myself, what do you want out of life? Are you at the point of wanting to meet new people and make new friends, or are you ok with how your life is. If you are ok, then stay home. If you want to make new friends or change your life then go Don't worry about the now bad host! Worry about you. Be the person you always wanted to be. It sound like you don't know the host very you can be anybody you want.
I wish you luck with your choice. Either way, let the host know in a very nice way it was rude.

06-27-2008, 05:29 PM
Heh, I just bumped into my roommate in the kitchen and he said he invited some common friends (we hang out sometimes) of ours for coffee and board-games and asked me if I wanted to join. So I am gonna spent the evening with 3 guys playing cards and talking. Not bad evening. I like the guys. :)

Sorry about my insecure rant. It's also TOM time, maybe I was affected by it.

06-27-2008, 05:35 PM
I would pass on the bbq, if I were you, too. And I hope you have a BLAST with the guys! Hanging out with guy friends is how I prefer to spend my weekends ;) Have FUN!

06-27-2008, 05:38 PM
Just be sure to graciously let her know that you won't be there. No need to double the rudeness.

06-27-2008, 05:39 PM
Sounds like a better plan surfaced, have fun with the games and guys!!!!

full of grace
06-27-2008, 07:13 PM
Heh, I just bumped into my roommate in the kitchen and he said he invited some common friends (we hang out sometimes) of ours for coffee and board-games and asked me if I wanted to join. So I am gonna spent the evening with 3 guys playing cards and talking. Not bad evening. I like the guys. :)


See, you opened yourself up to possibilities and a better one came along. Wonderful!

Hope you're having a great night! :D

06-27-2008, 09:37 PM
I'm glad it worked out for you. I think what she said was said quite rudely, despite how she may have actually meant it.

06-28-2008, 07:11 AM
Lol I really feel I should I must update on this. My friend Stamos, Michalis and I were playing card my phone rings and it was her. I answer.

Me: Hello!

Her: I'm sorry I just realized what I told you, I didn't mean to sound that I don't want you to come. I mean you are welcomed here any time *insert a ten-minute rant*

Me: *laughs* It's ok, it's ok. Your old friends are there and you haven't seen then for awhile and I bet your party is a blast now, but friends do came over and we planned something for later.

Her: I am really, really sorry.

Me: Pah, don't worry about it.

I know I did let her off very easily but a. it was her birthday and b. I was really having fun with the guys. Later on we went out for drinks (lol I for non-alcohol) and I met 2 really nice girls from Greece as well with them, so I had a lots of fun, met 2 new people and the best news was that I avoided overly-high caloric foods that I would eat to the party. :carrot: