100 lb. Club - Mean Streak:(




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jimaterry
06-27-2008, 01:03 PM
This is mainly a vent...
have you ever known a person like this?? you say you have a headache, and they do as well, but much worse? you have a cold, they have a worse one? and so on and so forth? my sister is that way and for the most part it doesnt bother me too much as i live in the UK and she lives in Oregon lol... but this week she is on my last nerve... i ( like an idiot) told her the beginning of last week that im working on losing weight.. she laughed and said 'yeah right'... ( she weighs about 200lbs vs my 298)... anyhow, it hurt my feelings, but i let it go.. then she calls me yesterday to let me know she has lost 8 lbs this week and wants to know how much i lost... i told her i would tell her when i have lost all that i want and not say anything till then... now she is trying to get me to put pics up on myspace of my 'progress' ... why did this turn into a contest? why couldnt she just be happy for me that im trying to do something about my weight? why does it have to be About her? now i have these mean thoughts creeping in and i dont like it... even tho i want to lose weight for my health first, and my vanity, my husband etc... i have this niggling part creeping in that i want to get smaller than her just to say 'HA'...and that is NOT like me at all.. i know i will get over this feeling in a day or so, but i hate the fact that i even feel that way at all... this weight loss journey is supposed to be uplifting, lifechanging, postive, empowering.. not vengeful and spiteful.. oh well, thanks for letting me vent..


Spoz
06-27-2008, 01:09 PM
You know what it sounds to me like your sister is never happy unless she is tryin to outdo other people. But losing this weight WILL make you happy and she cannot beat you that. So dont worry about her...when you're a hundred down and maybe more because you wanted to lose it for the right reasons, she probably will have given up.

Chin up chick, you can do this :hug:

Slashnl
06-27-2008, 01:10 PM
Oh yes, I understand that type of person. Then you just regret having said anything at all! I would try to ignore it for now and then if she keeps up, just tell her it is a personal journey and you don't want to discuss it any more.

Hang in there!


PhotoChick
06-27-2008, 01:11 PM
Is your sister older or younger? It doesn't sound like a mean streak so much as a need to be competitive with you. My BIL is like that with everyone - he's a classic Type-A personality as well as just being one of those borderline obsessive people. Anything he does, he has to do to excess and he has to be THE BEST at it.

It's very frustrating and I used to engage and get sucked into it. Now I just smile a lot and say "oh that's nice" and let it go. Doesn't mean it doesn't still get to me sometimes and I do vent about it once in a while (I totally understand your feelings). :)

.

xxxtine
06-27-2008, 01:15 PM
I agree. If you don't care and don't play her foolish game then she'll let go.

Sister's are natural rivals right? Let her do her own thing and you worry about what you need to do. Don't make it a contest.

paris81
06-27-2008, 01:33 PM
Yeah, I agree, she's quite competitive. Maybe, if she keeps doing and saying these things that are frustrating you, you should talk to her about it. Make sure that she understands that losing weight is for you, and it has nothing to do with her, (in a nice way, of course!) and so you appreciate her support, but feel that her competitivness is not helping you in your attempt to better yourself. Hopefully, she'll understand and back off. In the end, she likely wants what's best for you.

fiberlover
06-27-2008, 01:33 PM
She's in OR and can't see you, right? Tell her you lost 10 LOL!!

SwimGirl
06-27-2008, 01:36 PM
I call those people " 'yah, but' people", and I am constantly falling for their traps. It's insecurity, they just feel they need to be better than everyone in order to feel good about themselves. I think the first step is realizing that its happening, and it'll take time for you to be able to react in the way you want. I try and remain silent and let them have their say, they may work for you. With your sister its a little harder, you can shut out friends, but not family! Good luck, and keep up the good work!

-Aimee

jimaterry
06-27-2008, 01:37 PM
thank you all for the kind responses... im already getting over the irritation, and just feel so bad for her... she is my younger sister by 4 years and i guess for some reason she has always felt competative with me... im just gonna hope she does lose some weight ( she has loads of health issues) and try to be encouraging to her and not let the 'meanies' creep in.. and ill just downplay my weight loss when asked (cept to my hubby.. will shout from the rooftops around him lol)...
you guys are sooo great.. thanks again for the responses.. its great to have a place to vent even when you paint yourself in an ugly light.. and still have support...

Darkblue
06-27-2008, 01:41 PM
Kill her competitiveness with kindness! Smile really big and say how HAPPY you are for her weight loss! And then let it go. Refuse to answer when she asks. It will drive her crazy.

Seriously though, there are people like that, who measure their own self-worth by comparing themselves to others. It's aggravating, but you aren't going to change them. Focus on your own journey, and remember that you are on the path of weight-loss because of your health. She's there due to competition. In the long run, you'll be the winner.

thistoo
06-27-2008, 01:52 PM
Your sister sounds pretty unhappy. That's unfortunate, but it's not your problem. Of course it's hard to ignore that kind of behavior, especially from family, but try not to let her draw you into a competition. You're doing this for *you*, and she just doesn't get that. (Which is why you'll keep your weight off and she won't, sadly.)

GirlyGirlSebas
06-27-2008, 01:52 PM
She's in OR and can't see you, right? Tell her you lost 10 LOL!!

Yes! Tell her whatever you'd like...then, keep doing your thing and prove something to her and to yourself.

SoulBliss
06-27-2008, 02:07 PM
Yes! Tell her whatever you'd like...then, keep doing your thing and prove something to her and to yourself.

Tell her that since losing that "*" pounds, you've become a multiply orgasmic woman and life is better than ever! :lol:

You've already been given great advice. It's obviously out of insecurity that she has to "one up" you. It's sad, really. Have compassion for her and just know that you can't count on her to be a support for you and that you can't celebrate little or big victories with her, as she (however wrong it is) feels like that makes HER light shine a little less brightly.

Just find other people to be your cheerleaders and remain motivated from within. Come here, because WE know what it's like and support you 100%! ;)

:hug:

Sandi
06-27-2008, 02:26 PM
I'm glad your feeling better about it. It's hard when all you wanted was some support, not a competition!

Trazey34
06-27-2008, 02:51 PM
OMG I LOVE people like that hahahahah I have one friend who does it all the time (wait...is MY saying I have a friend who does it make ME the same? ack!?!), usually about headaches - ie., if i have a headache, SHE has a migraine, etc. One time i said to her, you know, if you WERE SHOT IN THE FACE IT STILL WOULDN'T MAKE MY HEADACHE BETTER omg hahahah hilarious and she hasn't done it since LOL

As for the "contest" don't buy into it, it can only cause problems and maybe make you want to give up - i say just plug away at your own pace, if she loses faster so what? she might GAIN it all back faster too ;)

Just groove to your OWN tune baby!!!

Hope1974
06-27-2008, 04:29 PM
She's in OR and can't see you, right? Tell her you lost 10 LOL!!

::AGREED::

mrs dorson
06-27-2008, 06:13 PM
:devil:


tell her you changed your mind and you arent gonna do ANYTHING about your weight or health......then when you have lost alot ...oh, say 20 pounds....then send her a pic and say....SURPRISE!

BUT I AM MEAN.


hehehehehehe
:D

do you ever watch "you are what you eat" ?

i LOVE that show!!
but really glad jillian isnt at my house!
:o

Lori Bell
06-27-2008, 09:06 PM
I like the kill her with kindness suggestions...

When she starts in, shower her with complements, tell her how proud you are of your baby sister. Ask her about her plan, let her tell you all about it. When she asks you how your diet is coming a along, just say real excitedly, "Oh really good". If she tries to pressure you into a number just say, "I really want it to be a big surprise for you when we see each other again, I think you'll be proud of me too" :)

Pandora123a
06-27-2008, 11:50 PM
Jimaterry,

I'm an older sister and I am always surprised how competitive my siblings are with me, even when I am not feeling competitive. We play cards as a family, and my siblings joke that they don't care who wins...as long as they beat me! My two brothers compete the same way at golf.

I think younger siblings often feel that they can't live up to their older sisters or brothers...whatever they do the older sib can do better and has done first. I think the best advice you have gotten is to avoid the competition, praise her for her success, say it isn't a contest and that you'd much rather talk about other things.

It's too bad she always has to compete, but remember,. that is her problem, not yours.

Beverlyjoy
06-28-2008, 06:24 AM
Sounds like a frustrating situation - certainly not what you wanted or expected. Just tell her you aren't posting pictures - you want your journey to be a surprise when next you see her.

Try to be 'teflon' and let her comments, etc just slide off. You are doing well and carry on.

lisaslost
06-29-2008, 08:51 AM
Isn't it wonderful that your sister wants to be so like you. It must have been very hard for her growing up in your shadow. Knowing what a special person you are and not knowing if she could ever compare. So now she competes. Keep up your good work. Remember positive thoughts bring positive actions.

lifechange
07-01-2008, 08:22 PM
Maybe she has the best intentions behind it and doesn't realize that what she is saying and doing can be perceived differently. It could be that you inspired her to lose weight as well and now she wants you to motivate each other through the process vs a competition. Just be honest with her, that you appreciate the idea behind the motivation of posting the pictures etc but you want to keep it low key at the beginning, keep the pressure low and focus on changing behavior.