Weight Loss Support - Addiction moved from eating to eating/dieting...




horsey
06-26-2008, 11:04 PM
I'm reading a novel which is mostly cute called Perfect Fit. At one point the woman who's losing weight goes to her shrink and says I'm still addicted to food, just now it's counting calories and losing weight! She becomes so obsessed about dieting that she analyzes everyone even at Starbucks one day, someone grabs a carb loaded treat and coffee, yikes, just think of the calorie count! She KNOWS and dieting becomes her LIFE. The shrink asks her if she's waiting until she's perfect to begin living and dating...

Anyways once she becomes thinner after a million years on the treadmill and millions of miles from the nearest brownie she finally fits into slim clothes. Then she learns that the perfect size doesn't necessarily equal the perfect fit. Her friends are jealous, she's a stranger to her own body, used to being invisable and fat.

She learns that the recipe for a happy life might not be low calorie after all. Does happiness come from a smaller dress size? Ok I think the "idea" of this book was a good one but it's filled with trash and side themes that are rediculous. However are we on a quest to be the perfect size, waiting for life to happen, and what happens when we do reach that thin (I did just two years ago after leaving my husband), does life change that dramatically? Is the secret to live low calorie, obsessing about weight?

Here I am again, and I'm repeating the "same theme" as I did the yo you thing... thinking IF I would lose the 10 lbs and tone up life will be better. I think sometimes I like dieting mode because I feel in CONTROL. Especially my new Body for Life Challenge mode, ultra weight lifting fast success mode. However here I am addicted to dieting all over again! I've done this before, gone from addiction to food - and fast food, junk - to addiction to dieting, watching every calorie. Is both an addiction?

I'm so sad that my Mac Pismo laptop died when I'm in "this mode" because I feel like I'm in Sex in the City mode... Yet I found a very old used on on ebay, on it's way thank goodness. So girls, what is it? Are we swapping one addiction for another here? And if we are "addicts" to dieting long enough what are we going to do when we are DONE? Is life that much better thinner, really thin and fit? Will we then allow ourselves to get a life (ie, me 10 lbs over and a bit of a belly not wanting to go on a date 3 yrs after leaving my ex because I'm not quite there). Can we start lives NOW? How much of life is about our weight REALLY? Why do so many a bit overweight people have lives and we DON'T, at least I don't feel like I do (in the dating/man dept). What do that have that we don't, it's not just weight is it?

Thus my next read, How to Be Single... about a woman who travels the world trying to figure out what it is that women do to be "single." As more women are then aren't these days. What's the new norm? To us single women, are we being perfectionists, waiting for something before we can put ourselves out there? And how do other women around the world deal with being single?


Silverstar33
06-26-2008, 11:39 PM
Hi,
I know where you're coming from... I go from the deep end to the kiddie pool depending on where I am on the weight loss cycle. I've found the only way I can get away from the extreme enjoyment of food is an extremely enthuisiastic interest in losing weight (near obsession, I will admit). If I'm not passionate about it, I get nowhere.

Now, I'm lucky to have a wonderful fiance, however, I can tell you, I've known too many women who have used the time isn't right/too big/too disorganized/too many "issues" to avoid a significant relationship. Newsflash: men aren't perfect either, and some of them aren't expecting you to be perfect. This seems hard to believe at first (who can love these thighs?) but as much as the media makes us feel like we have to be perfect, we really don't. Think of the women in your life you love. How many of them do you love because of their size, or their super model good looks? How many wonderful couples do you know of where they aren't gorgeous, but they are happy? More importantly, how many gorgeous couples do you know of that are happy?

Just some thoughts. Being a woman is hard, but I think being a person is hard, too.

Remember, no one looks at you and thinks "she'd be good looking if she weighed 128 lbs." The numbers are between you and the scale alone. To everyone else, you aren't a number and to yourself you shouldn't be, either.

horsey
06-26-2008, 11:55 PM
Yes it's true the man in suspect, asking me out via the internet - and I do understand the internet is an acceptable way of meeting others - has flab on his tummy. I'd like to correct that. But here at the big "blah blah" age, and he is too, how much "fixin'" are we REALLY gonna do? I'm on a mission to seriously fix this flab for life, but I'm thinking how about "reality" like accepting healthy over rediculously thin like I used to be? Yes I feel my life is too disorganized, thus my plot to organize, to get thin, to find "me" before I date again... this book is so funny because one of the characters ie me, is so busy finding "herself" that she becomes so absurd, in her own world, impossible. Are we told to find ourselves? How many years for goodness sake do I need to be on this mission before I live again after a crappy@ marriage? Is three enough? If I REALLY find myself what would it take, would it be size 78 again, I did the really TOO SKINNY thing a few years ago and didn't really go live then... SO let's go live girls.


Lori Bell
06-27-2008, 12:22 AM
A few years back when I was still smoking and on my way back up the scale I'll never forget a realization I made late one night. My family was all sleeping and I was on a binge.

I had several mixed drinks, ate until I was stuffed & I kept going outside to smoke until I couldn't breath and yet I still craved...what, I don't know. I remember going to a mirror and looking at myself asking WHAT IS IT YOU WANT? WHY CAN'T YOU GET YOUR FILL? I'm sorry to say that I still don't have the answer...I just started praying. Please take away this WANT and give me what i need.

I think the reason so many of us loose and gain, loose and gain is because we are never satisified. There is something we want, we just can't figure out what "that" is...food control is a good substute. It is one thing we can control in our lives. We can contol how much we over eat, or how much we don't eat. Unlike so many other things in life, it is the one thing we CAN control.

horsey
06-27-2008, 01:06 AM
Yes let's CONTROL what we eat, our weight BUT...

CousinRockingChair
06-27-2008, 08:55 AM
urgh, yes. I'm going to be soo hot and excellent when I stop being so FAT oh wait I'm not actually overweight..but still.

Yeah, I do know what you mean.

And I didn't have a life when I was very very thin, I don't have a life now..its not to do with weight.

JayEll
06-27-2008, 10:04 AM
I want to suggest that one's relationship with food does not have to go from "one addiction to another," regardless of what some novel says. ;)

My relationship with food in the past was one of gratification. Did I want it? Yes? Then I ate it. Oh, I had done some weight loss, of course--like most folks here--but once the weight was lost, that was it. I'd go back to my habitual ways and then wonder why I'd gained again. DUH!

My relationship with food now is one of mindfulness. It's not "addicted to dieting" or swapping one thing for another. I am aware of my food choices, and I am aware that I make them deliberately. I am aware of what is in food and I eat or don't eat or measure it accordingly. Even when I am eating more than my "normal" plan, I am aware of what I am doing.

I just came back from vacation. It was great! On average, I ate above my maintenance level, and the results are what I would expect plus about 2 pounds of water weight. Did I know what I was doing? Yes! I did! I was not kidding myself in any way.

I got a lot of exercise as well--that's another thing. In the past exercise was an on again, off again thing. Now I look for exercise opportunities. The hotel had free passes to 24-Hour Fitness, and I went twice. Plus, I went for my walk every day, and we did a lot of hiking. Am I "addicted" to exercise? I don't think so. I brush my teeth twice a day, but it's not an addiction.

For a lot of folks, learning to pay attention to this stuff feels like an obsession simply because we're not used to paying attention to it. Do some people become truly obsessed? Of course they do. One can have issues with food as well as anything else. Does everyone? Nope. Just my opinion.

The issue of being sexually attractive doesn't come up for me, first because I'm in a relationship, and second because for me, being healthy is a much more important issue. I don't think I could care less about clothing sizes! :lol:

Jay

wisher
06-27-2008, 11:45 AM
I'm too lax about my dieting for it to be an addiction! haha

I think I'm in a pretty good spot mentally. I don't think my life is going to change at all when I'm fit, healthy and look good. I'll keep on doing the same stuff I do now. There's nothing in my life that I currently have on hold or won't do because of my weight. All I expect to gain from my weight loss is to feel better - to have more energy, to have a better self image, and to know that I'm doing everything I can to ensure a long active life.

PhotoChick
06-27-2008, 12:01 PM
Jay I agree with almost everything you said, but this line of yours really sort of confuses me ...

The issue of being sexually attractive doesn't come up for me, first because I'm in a relationship,

Maybe I'm misunderstanding ... but are you saying that being in a relationship means you shouldn't worry about being sexually attractive?

.

gailr42
06-27-2008, 12:05 PM
For a lot of folks, learning to pay attention to this stuff feels like an obsession simply because we're not used to paying attention to it. Do some people become truly obsessed? Of course they do. One can have issues with food as well as anything else. Does everyone? Nope. Just my opinion.
Jay

This is a very interesting observation. I read enthusiasm or passion as obsession, and label it a character defect. I need to feel engaged, otherwise why bother?

francis84
06-27-2008, 12:29 PM
My sister is not so fat (she just weight around 130lbs; i think), but she feel she is fat!
Sometimes, people around us affects our self confident.

full of grace
06-27-2008, 01:34 PM
I want to suggest that one's relationship with food does not have to go from "one addiction to another," regardless of what some novel says. ;)

My relationship with food in the past was one of gratification. Did I want it? Yes? Then I ate it. Oh, I had done some weight loss, of course--like most folks here--but once the weight was lost, that was it. I'd go back to my habitual ways and then wonder why I'd gained again. DUH!

My relationship with food now is one of mindfulness. It's not "addicted to dieting" or swapping one thing for another. I am aware of my food choices, and I am aware that I make them deliberately. I am aware of what is in food and I eat or don't eat or measure it accordingly. Even when I am eating more than my "normal" plan, I am aware of what I am doing.

I just came back from vacation. It was great! On average, I ate above my maintenance level, and the results are what I would expect plus about 2 pounds of water weight. Did I know what I was doing? Yes! I did! I was not kidding myself in any way.

I got a lot of exercise as well--that's another thing. In the past exercise was an on again, off again thing. Now I look for exercise opportunities. The hotel had free passes to 24-Hour Fitness, and I went twice. Plus, I went for my walk every day, and we did a lot of hiking. Am I "addicted" to exercise? I don't think so. I brush my teeth twice a day, but it's not an addiction.

For a lot of folks, learning to pay attention to this stuff feels like an obsession simply because we're not used to paying attention to it. Do some people become truly obsessed? Of course they do. One can have issues with food as well as anything else. Does everyone? Nope. Just my opinion.

Jay

Great points, as usual, Jay!

:carrot:

pinkcarnation
06-27-2008, 03:41 PM
[QUOTE=horsey;2243978] So girls, what is it? Are we swapping one addiction for another here? [QUOTE]

My first experience of addiction was with alcohol. I held the false belief that I could not live without it. When I stopped drinking, I experienced profound physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms. I moved immediately into an addictive sexual relationship that I falsely believed I could not live without. When it was over (thank God), I experienced profound withdrawal symptons. So yes, I know from personal experience and observation of my dear friends in recovery, one can swap one addiction for another. It happens all the time.

I'm not so clear about food. If one doesn't eat, one really will die. I certainly think one can use food to affect chemical changes in the brain and body, similar to the way I used alcohol and sex. But I think most food and dieting problem thinking (not bulimia and anorexia) may be closer to psychological obsession than outright physical addiction. Just my opinion. The folks in Overeaters Anonymous probably wouldn't agree.

Personally, I just plain ate too much and didn't exercise.

I'm starting to feel so good from exercise, I think I could get addicted to it. I've read regular exercisers go through withdrawal if they stop. Now that is one addiction I could live with. ;)

LandonsBaby
06-27-2008, 03:53 PM
The issue of being sexually attractive doesn't come up for me, first because I'm in a relationship,


Being attractive for my husband is one of the BIGGEST things that keeps me motivated. His compliments drive me to do better and better. So I guess I don't understand at all why one would not care to be attractive just because they are in a relationship. I care more because I am in a relationship.

JayEll
06-27-2008, 06:20 PM
I guess I should explain. I'm not out there actively looking to get involved, as I think the OP was talking about (dating etc.)--and my partner and I have been together 17 years. It's pretty clear that we are staying together, whether I'm heavy or light. :yes:

But there's another aspect to it, which is that I'm old enough that sexuality is just not all that interesting. I know some of you will find this impossible to imagine, but it happens. ;) My main concerns have to do with whether I get diabetes, whether my joints will hold out, whether I'll develop heart disease, and so on... Will I make it to retirement, and if so, will I be able to enjoy it? :eek:

Jay

CousinRockingChair
06-28-2008, 07:05 AM
^It isn't impossible to believe, sometimes I think *ah sex etc, so what? I'd rather read a book..* lol. I was always told I was mature!

JayEll
06-28-2008, 07:08 AM
Hey Cousin! :wave: :D

Jay

Pandora123a
06-28-2008, 08:17 AM
I can totally relate to the dieting as addiction. I've been there. Three times in my life I have lost 75+ pounds, each time by making dieting an obsession and going to extremes. (Atkins, optifast, and extreme calorie control.) Dieting and exercise didn't control my life, it was my life. I felt terrific. Rather than feeling deprived I was on a deprivation high.

The problem was...I couldn't maintain it. Two to three hours a day of exercise plus work didn't leave room for much else. I would walk 3-4 miles to work at an aerobic pace...on about 100 calories of breakfast...and then one morning I passed out at work. (The irony here is that I never achieved my goal weight, despite all the deprivation.) And of course, in the long run I couldn't maintain it. When I started to come off the extreme diet I didn't know how to eat, so instead I just went back to the past...with predictable results.

This time I'm with JayEll, mindful eating is my goal. My doctor has suggested I try to lose two pounds a month...and I'm on board with that. I've lost more (I'm not complaining) but thinking that losing will be slow, and that I want to eat mindfully, has really changed my focus. Food is becoming part of my life, not the obsession either way. (When I wasn't dieting, I was binging.)

I don't trust it yet, I've only been doing this for three months...but so far I'm feeling good about it. I don't want to be controlled by eating, either positively or negatively. I want to exercise because moving makes my body feel good, and to eat healthy foods in healthy proportions because food is both fuel and pleasure.

chick_in_the_hat
06-28-2008, 06:27 PM
I guess I should explain. I'm not out there actively looking to get involved, as I think the OP was talking about (dating etc.)--and my partner and I have been together 17 years. It's pretty clear that we are staying together, whether I'm heavy or light. :yes:

But there's another aspect to it, which is that I'm old enough that sexuality is just not all that interesting. I know some of you will find this impossible to imagine, but it happens. ;) My main concerns have to do with whether I get diabetes, whether my joints will hold out, whether I'll develop heart disease, and so on... Will I make it to retirement, and if so, will I be able to enjoy it? :eek:

Jay

I would like to be healthy enuf to change my own diapers when I'm 90. :carrot:

horsey
06-28-2008, 11:06 PM
Jay is right as usual, or wise... MINDFULNESS, how about that over addiction. I do seem to move to one "obsessive" thing to the next. How about slowing down, being mindful and making healthy eating and exercising a part of life. When I took over 40 health/nutrition/fitness magazines to the library it was obvious I have a problem... yes there's some "new" things here and there but for goodness sake, to buy all of the magazines, latest books (checked them out if I didn't buy them) on dieting/nutrition? To give it an obsessive go for a time, then to quit, back track, and another obsessive go. I need to get into "mindfulness" mode here. Just slow down, use common sense, stop going overboard, be real. Stop being an addictive type of person, it's men, dieting, business, travel, you name it... how about BALANCE? Why move from addiction to food to addiction to dieting, how about finding whatever it is in the MIDDLE? How about accepting that I'm lucky to have a tall figure, that even with a bit of weight is "ok" but not perfect. Do we have to be on some endless self improvement quest all the time? I feel like I am sometimes, how about enjoying TODAY. Today I was mindful, playing with my boy, running with him in fountains, enjoying the sunny summer day. Every now and then I observed others thinking without meaning to analyzing their figures - stupid, shallow me. Feeling bad about myself because my calves are a bit thin in shorts, my tummy, well... stupid, stupid me. I have a little four year old boy, life is precious, life is BIG, HUGE, and it's not about being this shallow, it can't be. Yes I think there's something about those of us who have yo yoed perhaps, thinking we'd find "whatever it is" we were looking for in our quest for perfection, getting slimmer. Remember Princess Diana? Always working out, puking, wanting to be perfect? She was a very insecure person, and I am too it appears... So let's work on the inside too. Not just the outside. Let's find God and peace and mindfulness and something MORE then the quest for outer perfection, because what would happen if we did get there? I "almost" did a few years ago, size 7, 5'9, quite thin... didn't make much of a difference in my happiness I'll admit. Won't again "this time" if I get there. So now my quest is more, not just dieting/exercise but nutrition, balance, spirituality...

LandonsBaby
06-30-2008, 04:49 PM
But there's another aspect to it, which is that I'm old enough that sexuality is just not all that interesting.


I'm going to have to say that has nothing to do with your age and more of your personality. Go out and study Gerontology and you'll find that sexuality is just as important to couples in their 70's then it is to couples in their 20's.

I have a myriad of physical and mental health issues. Some days I barely get out of bed. Some days I lay in bed and cry because I'm in so much pain. I'm only 26 years old and I know its possible it'll get worse. But intimacy with my husband is still important, even if it is extrememly difficult. So, your explanation still doesn't make sense to me but it doesn't really matter.

JayEll
06-30-2008, 05:54 PM
Sorry, Landonsbaby, I really do not believe that sex is as important to people in their 70s as it is to those in their 20s, and I'd like to see you cite some studies or surveys that show that it is.

I don't expect my explanation to make sense to you. When I was 26 I wanted sex all the time. I couldn't imagine that anyone wouldn't be interested in having sex.

You seem to think I'm saying that I don't care about looking attractive. Of course I do, but not because I'm out there dating and looking for a mate--and that was the original poster's idea. I'm saying that my primary reason for weight loss is not because I want to look attractive. People have always seemed to find me attractive. It's more about health for me.

Oh, and P.S. I also didn't mean that I never have sex!

Jay

PhotoChick
06-30-2008, 06:14 PM
I really do not believe that sex is as important to people in their 70s as it is to those in their 20s

There are ranges of interest at any age group. I wouldn't have believed that any male in his mid-30s would NOT be interested in sex, but then I married one (had I known at the time).

I wouldn't have believed that any 50 year old would want daily sex (or more), but then I started dating one.

What we each "believe" has nothing to do with the reality of human experience. There are PLENTY of people in their 50s, 60s, and even 70s for whom sexual considerations are VERY important. And I think a blanket statement that "when you get older sex isn't as important" is rather misleading in that context. :)

People in their 70s might have physical conditions that keep them from performing quite as often and maybe some of them to have decreased sex drive due to age. But that doesn't mean that for many people of that age, being sexually attractive to their spouse is not still important.

.

luckymommy
06-30-2008, 06:24 PM
You bring up a good point with this book. I do feel that I have a true addiction to food (even though I do need it to survive). Well, you can call it an obsession or an addiction...I don't have the credentials to label it...I can just say that it sucks! ;) Anyway, now that I'm "on the wagon," so to speak, I find myself very focused on my eating and exercising. I don't think there's a single hour that goes by where I don't think about food and/or excercise about 10 times. I do think I've traded one situation for another, but I do know one thing: I'm MUCH happier this way! It is probably a control issue for me too. I have a child w/ special needs and that is something that I try to control all the time (via treatments, therapies, etc.) and despite all that I do, there isn't much I can do...or so it feels. Seeing the numbers going down (or up) on the scale can be devestating or extremely rewarding.

Do I wish I wouldn't have to think about it so much? Absolutely! I feel like I almost have a mental illness when it comes to food. I can't have a normal relationship w/ it. But, I'm not anorexic or bullemic either. I think the hardest thing about it is the fact that I still gotta eat! I can't quit eating cold turkey. I can't go through a withdrawl period and then, get over it. I have to have withdrawl every single day (aka hunger). Then, I know it's time to eat again and I need to be in complete control of every thing that enters my mouth. I hate it, but I'm greatful to be here...in control....for now. :)

PhotoChick
06-30-2008, 06:26 PM
Was doing some research and found this which made me laugh out loud:

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51162"You must realize that in the U.S. the biggest use of prostitutes is on the day Social Security checks come out," says John Morley, MD, director of the division of geriatric medicine at St. Louis University.

.

JayEll
06-30-2008, 06:54 PM
My favorite is this quote from the so-called sex educator: "Do it whether you feel like it or not."

Huh??

Sort of like pushups and ab crunches??

Okay, where did I put my K-Y...

;)

Jay

horsey
06-30-2008, 07:25 PM
I don't have the sex drive I had in my teens and twenties either. I guess I did sort of say I wanted to be thin to attract a mate, but honestly for the most part I don't go out, I am not really that interested as I had a hard enough marriage and enjoy peace and quiet. I think I began eating so much in my marriage which wasn't good, married a very controlling man. I was upset a lot. Of course after leaving for a time I was upset being alone after dating so long to find the Mr that wasn't Right. Life is the way it "should be" for few people it seems in this "reality" of mine. If I wanted sex I suppose I could date, I'm sort of weary of men and the whole thing. Wish I could be young and naive again, well maybe not. But this weight loss addiction thing to me at least is better then other addictions, oh I didn't try anything too strange, drank some, and other hobbies in extreme that's all. But still obsessing about goals and pushing towards something... not sure what... physical inshapedness that few obtain at my age gives me something to do. So did I change my mind, it's not about a "mate" although I realize that I dont' get the "looks" I used to. Perhaps somewhere along the line in my "challenge" I'll figure out what it's about. I'm thinking balance and being self disciplined. And learning to not give a dang.

bettyred
06-30-2008, 09:04 PM
horsey,
you hit the nail on the head--- your happiness doesn't depend on your size... no matter which direction your weight goes... its always you that you find... I found that doing something that I really enjoy doing... and eventually found friends that I enjoyed it with.

I feel like i obsess over food at times as well, but thats because just being 'mindfull' doesn't work for me... I dont feel like I am in as much control.. Right now, I wouldn't say I was addicted to food- because there are days when I can go all day without wanting a bite... it's my something to do- which is why I have to focus on it being a planned activity- as well as search for things that fill my day.

What has made you weary of men? exeperience or fear? I think if it can be worked through because it's so self contained so about you and not about anyone else... working through an experience of an awful man, is a little rougher, harder to convince yourself it wasn't ONLY you....

horsey
07-01-2008, 12:26 AM
What made me wary of men? Being lied to, cheated on, marrying someone into porn, someone who wouldn't share who said I was nothing? You wonder how THAT happened to the thin blonde girl with a career who traveled the world and came from a good Christian family? Stuff I didn't know about, stuff I sometimes wish I still didn't. I'm older, wiser and tainted. Yes I need to FINISH once and for all working through a BAD experience with MEN, but it was only ONE stupid man I chose to marry. One in the world of billions. Oh no it wasn't ONLY ME. I'm like Princess Diana, married a cold pig, went to a zillion shrinks and here I am trying to figure it out older and wiser very unsure of myself. Sex no. I'm realizing I don't have to be perfect, I dont' need to puke when I binge, need to stop binging. What would have happened to Diana if she'd lived even a few more years to my age? 40? It wouldn't have been the boy friend she was with. She was getting closer. Remember how she worked out, dieted, puked, always looking for something? I think her husband, the pig, hurt her, someone already so insecure. Picked on her like my husband did. Why? Who knows. Just thinking that I might figure out her future, what was it? Sometimes I think it should be meeting some international dude, someone from a different religion/era. Not a bad idea, not a bad way to shelter oneself. But long term? As exoitic as my life has been at times, as traveled as I am... I'm just wondering, about what my own mom did. Chose a boring boy next door? She complained about THAT. BUT how many women at my age are wondering where those boring, boring guys went when we were looking for exciting? I'm with Jay, how about someone half boring, not giving much care about sex but contentment and perhaps even "settling" which I was formerly opposed to. When I'm "perfect" and "shallow" that goes with it would the nice guys want me anyways, I mean obsessing about this day and night. Certainly a nice boring guy would want a nice, boring person? YES as you can see I'm confused and was very, very burnt by ONE man in the universe. Only ONE. Only one who said I wasn't cute, that was after he married me - cute before of course. I thought I was mostly cute. Could it be I"m working this out right here at 3fatchicks... that my self esteem was so stomped on that me, who thinks I'm not cute is really still cute? And the extra lbs are just a few instead of some enormous amount? And that I could get a live, with a "nice guy" without having to be perfect? Because before, when I dated, and I dated a long time, I didn't expect me or anyone else to be perfect...

LandonsBaby
07-01-2008, 12:41 AM
People in their 70s might have physical conditions that keep them from performing quite as often and maybe some of them to have decreased sex drive due to age. But that doesn't mean that for many people of that age, being sexually attractive to their spouse is not still important.


Yes, it is extrememly important for many older people. I once had to sit through a two hour long documentary with 80 year old men talking about their penis pumps and women talking about the meat market in retirment villages. :D

walking2lose
07-01-2008, 01:01 AM
That is hilarious, Landon. I remember when my grandmother kept having to fend off men in the nursing home. They would corner her in her room or hallway and lean in for kisses. She had several "boyfriends" and was quite the belle of the ball. She was senile, so she probably thought they were all my grandfather... the nurses kept us filled in.

LandonsBaby
07-01-2008, 01:14 AM
Sorry, Landonsbaby, I really do not believe that sex is as important to people in their 70s as it is to those in their 20s, and I'd like to see you cite some studies or surveys that show that it is.

I don't have anything to give you. I haven't studied for two years and I don't have my materials. Its not worth going to look up so we'll just agree to disagree.

Here is a news article on the topic and some recent findings if you are interested. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/ActiveAging/story?id=3511604&page=1

I don't expect my explanation to make sense to you. When I was 26 I wanted sex all the time. I couldn't imagine that anyone wouldn't be interested in having sex.

Oh, I have absolutely no problem believing people are not interested. I know many many people have zero interest in sex. But "interest" doesn't just mean being a raging horny maniac. It can simply the desire to be with your spouse because you are so in love. And older people do feel that...even if they are incapable of actually making love anymore. And then some people like me don't actually have much interest but feel its healthy for their relationship and so they try to make an effort. So yeah, I certainly believe there are a lot of people who don't have much interest.

LandonsBaby
07-01-2008, 01:19 AM
That is hilarious, Landon. I remember when my grandmother kept having to fend off men in the nursing home. They would corner her in her room or hallway and lean in for kisses. She had several "boyfriends" and was quite the belle of the ball. She was senile, so she probably thought they were all my grandfather... the nurses kept us filled in.

Yeah, those old men can be little horn dogs! One of the problems now in nursing homes are stds! Grandma and Grandma are getting it on but they aren't educated in the art of sex. Its not funny..but then again, it kinda is. Here are all these children and grandchildren at home thinking their family members are too old to do it anymore...but they are still getting some. :D

I can't imagine having to have "the talk" with my grandma before she moved to her miami beach retirement community. :lol3:

bettyred
07-01-2008, 06:40 AM
Horsey-

All it takes is one to beat you down, knock you on your knees and keep you there- all it takes is one.... but he doesn't deserve the power that you continue to give him.

Princess Di- married an opportunity, I don't think there was ever a true love connection between the two- just him falling for a beautiful girl- and her wanting to be someone different, someone who could make a difference... they had beautiful children and he did as he has been taught to do- He believed he was better than her- but what made it worse is... she was loved by more people than he ever was and it bugged him... so he treated her as if she didn't matter, it seemed....

Just because the cute, thin blonde girl was traveled, smart, and had good roots- doesn't mean she couldn't be a woman and fall for an idiot. You and Di- are human.... people are so **** bent on not being hurt that they forget that being hurt- is in fact part of being human. We beat ourselves up and ask WHY ME!!!!!!!! The question is, why anyone?

a lot of us have met the guy next door- we just are so hung up on us not being perfect that we forget that they don't have to be, nor do they want us perfect. Why didn't we see them when we met them? Oh, because we wanted sex then, we wanted to be exciting and he was run of the mill boring... lol


When I said it wasn't only you, i mean that you weren't in the relationship alone... that YOU were only part of the equation... the idiot that didn't know what he had- is the other part... there's nothing I can say to make you feel better about yourself, or about men... for the most part I can't stand them myself, but that doesn't mean they are all the generic idiots that we've met along the way. No one says you need a man either, no matter what the age.

JayEll
07-01-2008, 08:23 AM
One of my nightmares is the thought of being in assisted living and being "hit on" by old farts with wandering hands and more. Far too much of that goes on and it is NOT funny for the women.

I'd like to suggest that if we want to continue the aged sex discussion, we start another thread in General Chatter so this thread doesn't get hijacked completely. I'm going to go do that and post the URL here.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=145236

Jay