South Beach Diet - WOW!!! THANK YOU for being 'encouragers', not 'enablers'..




DonnaInAL
06-26-2008, 12:09 PM
This was my first STS week in 3 months and cannot tell you enough how much I appreciate your responses to Melanie's post. For all our sakes. While she may get her feelings hurt (hopefully, only temporarily; then re-group and try again), I really appreciate your willingness to 'be honest' and hold each of us accountable. It is very convicting! I want to have integrity that when I say I am following South Beach, then I AM. I want to continue to see the weight loss results regularly---even if it is only 1/4 of a pound a week. I want the inches to melt away steadily. I do not want to find one more excuse not to lose this excess weight or to blame the diet or my husband or life events. AND I bet a lot of you had to do some of your own soul searching as you wrote some of those responses.

There have been times where some of you have 'called into account' a few of my food choices. I have read your comments...sometimes I've re-evaluated and struck those food items from my menus....at other times I felt like for my goals they were okay in moderation. BUT I never did say THANK YOU for holding me accountable and guiding me as a fairly new South Beacher. I am now - THANK YOU.

The 'wow' is because I am honored to be a part of a group where we everyone does not pretend like a 50% effort is a good try. It's not, and I won't see results when I do it that way. It's all or nothing...and worse if I don't stick with it, I will probably regain what I have already achieved. 100% that's what it takes.

THANKS for caring enough to be encouragers, not enablers! I don't need one more of those. I need someone to help me pick up when I fall and move forward.


hmacneil6
06-26-2008, 12:16 PM
Hear - Hear!!!! I second your sentiment. This group here is so supportive, yet firm and I really appreciate it. We've got chicks here who really know their stuff, and aren't afraid to share their knowledge. Thank you chicks!!!! You ROCK!!!

pamatga
06-26-2008, 12:19 PM
I have to echo what DonnainAl has said. I agree with her 100%.

Lieing to myself and others got and kept me morbidly obese. Telling truth along with practicing it will eventually get me back to a normal weight. I made one vow when I joined this online diet support group. I would be honest with myself and then with all of you. If you noticed my ticker was walzing backwards more often than I wanted it to but I wanted you to see the barometer of how I was continuing to push forward in spite of many backward steps.

As I told my DH, intelligent people can and do make dumb mistakes. Wise people owe up to them. Smart people try to do better next time.

Progress not perfection. ;)

Another heartfelt and sincere Thank You from this gal in Georgia. From one neighbor to the next, I appreciate all you'all have done for this gal. It isn't easy when the food around here tastes reallll gooood.;)


WarMaiden
06-26-2008, 01:02 PM
The loving honesty is certainly refreshing. How many of us have that anywhere else in our lives? I'd bet not many. For me, even though I have a "supportive" husband who understands my goals, he still does things like this:

*Scene: Kitchen, preparation of after-dinner snack*

The woman is standing here, applying some TJ's fruit spread to a piece of toast.

The man is here, hovering over toast preparation and checking on brown-ness.

Eyeing the woman's toast dubiously, the man says, "Are you sure you don't need more? There's more toast."

Rolling her eyes as she prepares to bite into the piece of toast, "Honey, I am not going to die without more toast. I will not be harmed either physically or emotionally because of NOT overeating."

---

I mean, it's cute that he cares so much, but it kind of drives me crazy how he (well-meaningly) actually pushes me to overeat. When he does it now, I often will blatantly point out to him the irrationality of what he's doing and how he's actually being un-helpful in his misguided attempt to be helpful. (To be fair, I think my husband's major problem with food is portion control...he always eats at least twice as much of everything as he needs to, often to the point of being painfully full. Probably it's a scarcity mentality thing, and a habit from childhood, when he was truly neglected and ignored.)

So, it's a relief to have this place.

Ruthxxx
06-26-2008, 03:29 PM
You chicks are just wonderful and make the MOD job so much easier! I wish we could all get together IRL and gab!

ladybugnessa
06-26-2008, 07:10 PM
oh ruth don't you know it..... i had a GTG with friends from another message board on tuesday night.... so much fun.....


sometimes support is painful ya know....

phxsunflower
06-27-2008, 10:05 AM
I have to agree with the others. Just wish I was able to get here everyday to benefit from it. Still I carry the wisdom and words with me. Thank you.

zeffryn
06-27-2008, 10:56 AM
honestly, I'm really disheartened by all of this. Call it hormones. I'm upset that she reacted the way she did....I didn't get to read her initial response to all of us, so I don't know who she "attacked". I don't think anybody gave her advice with anything other than a loving and encouraging tone. I feel bad that I was so blunt and maybe said things to hurt her feelings....but I felt it was the right response.

I just know how much everyone here encouraged me when I was just starting out and how much that changed the way this diet worked for me than the numerous others that I had tried and failed at. I actually was accountable to someone else other than myself for once and it made all the difference in the world.

*hugs*

I'm getting all emotional.

chronicdieter
06-27-2008, 11:14 AM
Zeffryn,
I share your feelings. I lurked on these boards before I took the plunge and I was soooo impressed with the amount of support and information available. Support doesn't equate with enabling and I love the fact that this group understands that and truly helps one another when they need it most! I am a "newbie" here too and I've felt nothing but positive, helpful vibes from all of you. I feel very sad that Melanie felt attacked - and being as I missed her original response, I am worried that maybe I said something to offend her - which I most definitely did NOT want to do.

zeffryn
06-27-2008, 11:40 AM
I'm part of several forums, and this one has to be filled with the most polite, supportive people on the planet. I guess the moderators are doing their job well!

I've never felt like a question that I had was too dumb to be asked, and even when I felt like a moron for asking it...everybody assured me that asking questions and getting information was what this board was about.

I am questioning the heck out of what I told her, hoping it wasn't too harsh. I think back to when I was a new momma...and can't remember back that far ;)

:(

ladybugnessa
06-27-2008, 01:06 PM
let me assure both of YOU that you were not the member she was angry with.

DonnaInAL
06-27-2008, 01:10 PM
I was not saying or suggesting that any poster had reacted to comments inappropriately.

I was just trying to make the observation that sometimes the Truth can 'hurt our feelings"...and that hopefully we are all friends and comfortable enough to get over any initial hurt we may feel when someone confronts us and look at the intent of peoples hearts and learn from one another. When I look at your hearts: I know you are all great people and want to help each other.

I just wanted to show my appreciation for your openness and honesty. I didn't mean to focus on something that might cause any concern.

Please please please don't think I was saying that ANYONE acted wrong!

I just so much appreciate all of you really helping us to make conscious choices daily.

skinnybeach
06-27-2008, 01:29 PM
I'll just say she posted in calorie counters this morning and said she was on SBD but not posting in this forum for personal reasons for the time being. I read the closed thread and some people just don't like to be told they're not doing the diet right. I once told someone that SF pudding was not p1 and never heard from them again. I do find it ironic that after her initial post in calorie counters, one of the first responses was that if you modify SBD its not SBD anymore, just calorie counting with an emphasis on whole foods...hmm.

Sometimes the truth hurts, but if you want to change you have to do it right. You are all wonderful and so helpful and supportive!

Ruthxxx
06-27-2008, 01:45 PM
You chickies make me feel so much better. Yesterday was he** but things are resolved now. Nessa and I got the brunt of the attacks and old posts were edited by M.

Now it's all over - so let's move on.

Yes, this is a great and supportive Forum and we are going to keep it that way.

Fat Melanie
06-29-2008, 01:25 PM
Okay, since I'm still being talked about (after I thought everything was done and over with), I feel the need to defend and explain myself. Yes, I still read the SBD forum for useful and helpful info even though I decided to no longer be part of the forum. And I'm going to add right this very second before my words are misconstrued yet again, my following post is NOT meant to offend anyone. I've been called "nasty" a lot on this forum the past couple of days it seems, but that is not me or who I am. I'm straight-up, but not 'nasty' nor do I intend on being so. So allow me to explain. If you guys get to make your comments about me in this thread, then at least allow me to comment back. Okay, here goes. This is actually gonna be pretty long, but I hope you guys will give it the time of day. It's kinda important for me to explain.

Hi Zeffryn, no you didn't offend me in the least, you haven't been harsh. The only thing I felt I had to defend myself about was when you said some people have to be honest with themselves and recognizing slip-ups, which I fully agree with, but I did feel I was honest about it and took accountability for it in my blog and also on the forum. But I understood where you were coming from and every time I've discussed stuff with you within a thread (like the budget thread for example), I've found you to be very helpful and informative, and non-judgmental.

Hi Chronicdieter, no you didn't offend me either. I enjoyed your Subway story, and your tip for getting a sub made into a salad was priceless. I didn't even know that you could do that there! So the next time I get asked if I want Subway, instead of going, "no, no, ... mmm okay yes, get me a large sub"... I will go, "yes, I want Subway!" and get the salad, and enjoy it, immensely. Thanks again.

Ladybugnessa, I wasn't what you'd call angry. I wasn't angry until my post to you was, I feel, misconstrued as 'nasty' (which I think was really exaggerated.) i think disheartened, offended, are better terms. I tried to explain how I felt about some of your comments and apparently it really came off the wrong way. I tried to be polite .. . apparently I wasn't. I tried to end what I said to you on a postive note, saying something about how you looked great, the diet is obviously working in your favor or something of the other, I can't even remember now. I was trying to explain myself and at the same time, acknowledge that obviously you DO know your south beach stuff, because you look really great in your pic so you are proof that it works. If you were offended or hurt, I am VERY sorry. I am NOT, despite what's being said, am NOT a nasty person, I can't stand hurting people and that's the truth. I'm going to try to again explain myself in hopefully a more clearer way and hope that you don't take this as me being nasty.

Ladynessa, When you said that it was wrong that I was pretending to myself and others that I'm ready to do this diet, it really offended me. I say this because I do know that I am ready, despite having gotten off on the wrong foot with the diet. When you've been eating bad carbs for a couple of years it is really hard to change your habits. Just because I initially screwed up though, doesn't mean I wouldn't be capable of continuing on with the diet just like you or anybody else, and managing to "work it" so to speak. I at times have felt that you don't consider me to be a real south beach dieter because I"m not doing everything the perfect way, just because of some of the things you've said in your advice. I may have completely misunderstood you, it is hard sometimes to fully understand what is meant on an online written-word forum. I was trying to say that no one is perfect, and I am sure everyone's had their moments. I even read something earlier where you were talking about eating corn on the cob and watermelon, no matter what SB ****'s would say, so I wish I would be shown the same lenience. I would sooo eat corn on the cob and watermelon too, I plan too actually, in phase 2, sometimes. Of course I understand that first I must pay my dues like you have to be able to enjoy stuff like that sometimes. And you're right I need to give the diet a chance, and I fully intend to. Anyway I can't remember everything I was saying on the other thread, but that's basically what I felt about the matter. I do think you meant well and like I even said, on the post that got deleted, you have given some really good advice that I appreciate. After going back and reading over stuff you've written to me, I think maybe my heightened emotional state at the time (i.e. HYPERSENSITIVE, lol) could have caused me to take things the wrong way. I think it's just your way of 'speech' so to speak, your way of speaking and your way of motivating that I wasn't used to. But, I do wish that despite my screw ups and my different take on the diet, that I could be considered the same as everyone else here. So anyway, I hope I got the point across better and that you are not offended. I was just trying to explain to you how I felt about your comments, I wasn't trying to fight with you or argue or anything like that. Hopefully things can be resolved. I know this is just the internet but I really do love this website and don't wish to have enemies. Is it possible to start fresh?

Skinnybeach, I do take a bit of offense at your post.. I don't happen to buy into the perfection theory that there is one way to approach any diet. I believe cheats are allowed if done so rarely, (like if I was to eat an offered cookie once in awhile during phase 2, I would not end the diet over something so trivial, nor would I have to throw in the towel and say, "oh, I'm not a south beach dieter anymore just because I'm not doing it perfectly like everyone else says they are.") And while I believe in the logic and science of consuming low glycemic foods for health, I'm just NOT going to completely give up carrots or watermelons or pineapples or corn or potatoes, those things are good for you and when I start phase 2, I WILL have those things from time to time. That doesn't mean I'm not doing the diet "right", it's not to anybody here to judge whether I'm doing it "right," and their way and to their standards. Like I said on the calorie counters, it's my own modified version of the south beach diet and yes, I saw the response saying it's not really the SBD, but like I said, everyone's entitled to their opinion and you're going on almost gleefully about what the poster said as if she were insulting me, but she wasn't. Just offering her opinion which I respect. However my opinion still exists as well and I believe (despite what anybody may say differently, which is their right as welll) that I am doing this diet. Now I fully realize that in the beginning, my cheats were of the really bad variety. They were complete no no's for phase 1 and I will have to get that under control. But I'm not doing the diet 'wrong' IMO, once I get really going, nor do I have to conform to anyone's standards of what's 'right' to be accepted in the forum, IMO. I know that if I posted about somebody the way you posted about me above, it would be deleted. This is one of the reasons why I feel like the outcast here. Not that your post was all that horrible or anything, but I did feel that you were kinda being snide towards me, kinda like high school girls gossiping behind the outsider's back. Right now, I feel like a freak ! lol. It wasn't that I didn't like being told I was doing it wrong, I know the cheats on the diet were wrong. Fully acknowledged, end of story.

Ruthxxx, I don't believe that I attacked you. Well, maybe not until I felt attacked by you in PM, and I know my response was not so lovely, I'm not denying it. I take full responsibility for anything I said. I feel the word 'attacks' is really an exaggeration and I don't feel it's right to try to make me look bad, to make me out to be this evil internet troll or anything.... It would make it pretty hard to come back and post here if I ever did so. I have this feeling that you want me out of this forum for some reason, is there something I did in the beginning when I joined the SBD forum that offended you? I wish you would let me know if that were the case. I know I had posted a thread about 'why are my threads being deleted, wah wah!" and then after it was explained to me the reasons why, I felt stupid and apologetic about it. I should have sent you a message apologizing in the beginning about that. If that is what this is about, I am sorry about that, didn't mean to offend, it was a mistake.

But the thing is, Ruthxxx, you tell other south beach newbies on this forum that they can feel free to ask as many questions as they want, it's what you guys are here for, but when I ask questions or make posts, I am in the wrong (please don't get angry, this is just how I feel, I am not attacking you.) You told me via PM that I shouldn't cheat and then complain to the more experienced members of this diet, they know what they're doing and have the results to show for it. That hurt my feelings resulting in my response back to you. The way I look at it was, if I'm going to cheat, well, so what, that's not hurting anybody but myself, right? And if I post about it, what's the harm in that? It shows I'm taking accountability, not complaining, and maybe I want to find out how others have come back from some serious diet cheats. I don't have to do the diet perfectly to be able to post in the forum or to do the diet, do I? I thought this site was about help and advice so that's why I openly post about my cheats. When you told me not to do stuff like that after my posts got deleted for 'nastiness' and then I was told not to cheat and then complain, I felt like I was being censored and pushed out of this forum and felt like you, the moderator, didn't want me to post here.

I am not attacking you, just explaining how I felt so maybe you can understand how I reacted like I did. Believe it or not, I am trying to work things out and to do that, I am compulsive about rambling on and on and trying to explain myself.. lol.. I am not trying to be nasty, just stating how I felt, that's all. I just don't understand why everyone else, including other newbies, are allowed to post whatever they want about the diet, but if I do it, I'm not allowed. It might annoy you to see that someone is not doing the diet as perfectly as you and some of the others might be, but I'm not alone (I did recieve PM's in my support!) and I can understand that it's annoying to see others screwing up when the diet might come so naturally and easily to some of you. But it's not so easy for some of us and maybe people like me want to be able to discuss that without feeling like we're being judged for it. And nothing worth having, comes easy. So just because the diet is not as easy for me as some others, that doesn't mean it's not worth my time and effort. That's all I'm saying, again, NOT trying to be nasty.

And then when you said the more experienced dieters know what they're doing, well that was really demeaning to a newbie dieter, not supportive, even if you didn't intend on it sounding that way. I know you experienced ones know what you're doing and you've done it so long that you can pretty much do it perfectly, but did you start off that way? Think back to when you guys first started and then cut me some slack. I just don't think I am any less than anybody, and I do think that one day, hopefully, I'll be in the ranks of the 'experienced dieters who know what they're talking about and have the results to show for it." I really do. Thanks for saying that in my blog I come across as an intelligent young lady, that is something that with my mindset the other day, I did not even see. I read it, but didn't comprehend it or even really see it, if that makes sense. I was just so upset and crazed-acting that I didn't even acknowledge it. Not until today when I re-read the messages, trying to get a better perspective on things with my more calmer state of mind. I know the rule is that we don't argue with mods, not arguing, just trying to explain my point of view. You can delete it but please first read it and try to understand what I mean. You don't have to agree of course but please just read what I'm trying to say. Maybe we CAN work this out, I think we could.

The reason why I post about my cheats, you guys, is not to get hugs telling me "oh it's okay, little baby!" but to discuss it, maybe to figure out how I can get past it and how I can continue on and commiserate with others who have done the same thing before (because I know, no matter what, I am not the only one who has screwed up before!) I probably was overly sensitive to some 'tough love' remarks and I admit to it. I never said that most of the people here are unsupportive, in fact I think the opposite, I really do think most of the people here try to help and are supportive. That's why I haven't left the 3fc website although I did leave the SB forum because I felt like no one wanted me to post here because 1, I'm new at the diet and have been messing up, 2, because of the sort of threads I post, and 3, then the controversy.

When I said I was dubious in my thread title, I meant I was dubious as to whether I could FULLY do this diet without cheating once in awhile. Guess what, I can't. But that doesn't mean I'm not doing the diet or that I'm any less capable of someone who goes into it perfectly. I know the diet works, I understand and agree with the principle behind it. I know a lot of the weight loss didn't occur because of my cheats, plus now I have learned something from you guys, you said weight loss is not linear and sometimes it takes awhile like the 2nd week or so, to see results. Okay, got it now, I understand. I wasn't trying to insult the diet that everyone relies on, it's a great diet and I am looking forward to starting phase 1 again, the right way. I'm going to do phase 1 THE PERFECT WAY or damn sure try!! Then on phase 2, this is where a lot of the hardcore SBeachers would disagree, but I will be more lenient. Watermelon on a hot day? I'm sooo there. Lol.

Anyway, sorry so long. But I felt I had to try, to the best of my ability, to explain myself in the words that hopefully didn't offend anyone. I really did try. I might not agree with some stuff, but I am not a nasty person. Also, if I must be so personal, stuff in my own personal life is not so great right now, at all. Stuff with my boyfriend (my son's father) is pretty bad and he seems in denial of this. I'm just not happy right now and a lot of times my unhappiness/depression turns into irrational anger, and I get so overly hypersensitive and see things in a really crazy way. Anything anybody says to me, I take offense over. Like for example, I'm going into a store. A guy holds the door open for me. I mumble thank you and he says behind me, "you're welcome", like two full seconds later. I completely freak out, nearly cry, (I know, I'm insane) because I thought he was being sarcastic and didn't hear me say thanks, so I thought he was sarcastically saying "you're welcome" and then in my head, in my crazy mind, I hear like, the B word added to that "you're welcome!" lol. But it turned out, he did hear me, but since I mumbled it took him a sec to register what I had said... I'm just so hypersensitive right now. I think that is why I had some binge cheats to be honest because when I get down, I like to eat. But it would make me feel better to be healthy and look healthy, so.. I'm gonna do it right. I just want to be able to post here without feeling scared to post anything if I've screwed up, I don't wanna feel like I'm going to be judged in a negative way. I know there's that tough love advice and I can handle it, but I don't want to have to be scared I'm gonna be disliked or annoying to everyone by posting about cheats or various other things that have to do with me and the diet.

Well, hope to hear replies to maybe work this all out so maybe I can start posting here again? Or maybe I've just made everyone really angry again with my post. I don't know, but I really hope not.

Fat Melanie
06-29-2008, 01:27 PM
WHOAA, I did NOT realize how long that post was when I was sitting there typing it. My god. I really hope it's read, lol. If skimmed it might come off the wrong way. I do tend to ramble on and on and it's a bad habit when taking part in internet conversation, a good habit when writing stories or blogging. (I guess.) I'm kinda anxious and scared that I'm gonna be in trouble again.

Fat Melanie
06-29-2008, 01:32 PM
To the original poster of this thread: I apologize for hijacking your thread with my incredibly long rambling.

JayEll
06-29-2008, 04:10 PM
Hello, Melanie,

You have the option, I think, of editing your long post if you feel like you could have made it shorter. :)

Also, I think that each poster has the option of deleting a post if they change their mind. Click the Edit button that appears in your post's window in the lower right corner. At the bottom of the next window, you'll see a Delete option if that's available.

Just so you know!

Jay

Ruthxxx
06-29-2008, 06:54 PM
As I said in Post #14, let's move on.

Fat Melanie
06-29-2008, 07:01 PM
Hi JayEll, yep I know about the edit function, it's just that, well, I am nearly incapable of summing anything down to one sentence. I know it drives people crazy, lol. Thanks for the info though. :)

Hi Ruthxxx, that isn't telling me a whole lot. I would like to move on as well, be able to post freely (even what are considered my 'complaints' because all that is is me trying to discuss the diet and get advice and support and stuff), and I am not sure by your short response if it is okay for me to post in this forum or not. I'm not sure if I'm welcome to quite frankly and I don't want to post in this forum if it's going to annoy you and others. Can you let me know ? Thanks, Fat Melanie.

Ruthxxx
06-29-2008, 07:04 PM
You can post anywhere you want, of course. However, these chickies will continue to tell it like it is.

Fat Melanie
06-29-2008, 07:13 PM
As will I. ;)

Well that's settled then, off to post. Sorry again, original poster, for basically hijacking the thread.