100 lb. Club - Need some advice on self-image & a new boyfriend
06-08-2008, 08:33 AM
I just started dating someone who - I swear - I must outweigh by 75 pounds. While I'm a fat chick, I don't look like I weigh as much as I do. He pursued me rather vigorously, so my weight obviously isn't an issue for him. But it is for me. I feel like a whale next to him. I don't want my self-consciousness to interfere with this new relationship. Any ideas on how to deal with this are greatly appreciated.
06-08-2008, 09:30 AM
This is just something you are going to have to get over if you want to continue the relationship. You said, "He pursued me rather vigorously" so I think that says he is into you...are you into him?
06-08-2008, 06:59 PM
I'm heavier than my husband...and I was thinner when we were dating, so he didn't sign up for this size. (In fact he had once seen a "fat" picture of me and said "but you'll never be that big again will you?" I'm now bigger.)
While we were dating he used to talk about his ex-wife who had really gained...from a size two she was now a size eight. (I sat there at a 12-14 feeling anxious.)
The bottom line is that he thinks I'm sexy! He helps me think I'm sexy too, at least some of the time. If you can keep reminding yourself that he thinks you are attractive it will help. If instead you communicate that he is doing you a favor because you are so fat, well sooner or later he'll start to believe it.
He is into you...enjoy it!
06-08-2008, 07:33 PM
Tonia has a good question... are you really into him?
A bigger question is.. do you want your insecurity to get in the way of having a relationship? I feel insecure, my boyfriend is looking very good these days, while I have gained 100 pounds!! But he wants ME, and I just ignore that person inside me who keeps insisting that he shouldn't be with me. Not too sure if thats helpful.. because I know that I keep hoping my insecurities will go away on their own, but it comes with self acceptance and love. Hard work!
06-08-2008, 07:34 PM
Oh yeah. I know this feeling. I was 140 when I married my first husband and he was 155 and muscular. Through the marriage I got up to 220 or so and felt like a real moose beside him. He went from having a wife he could pick up and carry, to one who he could not even lift and inch.
My current husband was way bigger than me when we met and married but then he lost weight, I gained weight and I outweighed him by 20 pounds a year ago. I felt really bad about it. But now he outweighs me by 50 pounds. Anyway, I really think it is that society drills it into us that the female is supposed to be smaller/shorter/more petite than the male, and thats why we feel insecure about it. In reality, if your man is happy with you, you have to learn to accept it and be ok with it UNTIL you lose the weight.
Love yourself no matter what your size. Just keep focusing on getting healthier.
06-09-2008, 01:37 AM
I weigh alot more than my husband. He is a very skinny guy and is currently trying to gain weight. He thinks I am sexy regardless of what I weigh. If you are into this guy, don't let the weight stop you from what could be a great relationship!
06-09-2008, 04:08 AM
I support you. I fight everyday that I am totally into a new guy that is shorter than me. I'm 5'11 and he's maybe 5'9. It's new and the being bigger part doesn't help. I keep telling myself if I could just shrink more it won't be so uncomfortable. Most good days I just laugh at sabotaging myself out of an awesome guy. As everyone has said before, he's obviously in to you. Go with it!
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