[mesilla]

I can't believe what a bad binge I just had. I managed to eat multiple bowls of cereal topped with seeds and sugar, followed by crackers, cheese, nuts, bread, and 4 granola bars. I feel absolutely horrified at what I just ate, sick to my stomach and I am so mad at myself!

Today I returned home from 4 months abroad and I looked great! I lost 30 pounds since January and was so excited to show off my new bod! I really changed my life and eating habits while abroad, became vegetarian and almost stopped binging (I still binged a few times but nothing too bad). But tonight was full blown!

I went out with my friends drinking and partying tonight to celebrate my return... and I guess the sugary drinks I had were my first trigger. Secondly I havent slept in over 2 days and am so incredibly exhausted... past the point where I want to sleep. I just feel like a zombie with my eyes wide open! So I came home super tired and decided to have a small bowl of bran cereal. I should now eating cereal at 3am is a major trigger for me. I associate most of my binging behaviours with being back home as we have a ton of unhealthy food (due to my teenage brothers) and I somehow equate in my head home=binging.

I am happy because I will be leaving in 2 weeks to go to NYC for the summer for an internship so I will once again be in complete control of my diet and can avoid buying trigger foods.

I am also worried because I feel like a really shy person. I have good friends and am friendly but I really have to push myself to get out into the world and to meet people.... especially when I am in a new city. I am trying so hard to live up to my potential and be the best that i can be... but binging sometimes ruins everything. I hate it and I wish I could remove all of my disordered eating thoughts from my head forever... but I know that is not possible so I will continue to take it day by day, and to remind myself of how fantastic I feel when I eat large amounts of fruits, vegetables and beans rather than the typical high-fat, high-carb, high-sugar diet typical of many bingers.

Ahh tomorrow is a new day. I can do better. I WILL try!

[katewillbehappier]

i TOTALLY understand your situation. I always feel far less in control when im at home, as food is so accessible and, as nobody in my family needs to worry about their weight, there's an abundance of bad trigger foods n the cupboards! I love it when i go away and can be fully in control of what i eat as i have to think properly about what i order at meals or buy in the shops rather than simply picking something out of the fridge.

Cereal is also a massive trigger food for me and i have to steer clear, as one bowl always leads to more!

But you acknowledged your mistake at least, and one binge doesn't make you a failure if you don't give up! You've done great, think about how much more u want to reach your goal rather than that bowl of cereal!!

xx

[2fat2jump]

Alcohol is a huge trigger for me. I don't really drink that much anymore, but when I do all I want afterwards is carbs carbs carbs! In college, after a night of partying, my roommate and I would go looking for something to snack on. It became a tradition for us to buy a sandwich we dubbed a "breadwich." It was two huge pieces of stale bread with one small slice of turkey and one small slice of cheese in the middle. It was the sort of thing I'd never even think about eating sober, but drunk it was absolutely heavenly.

I also understand what it's like trying to make friends in a new city. DH is in the military, so we've been living in Georgia which has been hard. I miss my friends and family a lot who are back in Pennsylvania. I've always been the type of person who had a few really close best friends, so it's been hard making friends here.

You say you're shy, but I think it's tremendous of you to have went abroad. It's hard putting yourself in foreign situations. Good luck in New York!!

As far as binging you know what your triggers are, and you know what you need to do to stay on track. You're ahead of the game in those two things alone. I'm sure you'll do great sticking with your healthy food choices in New York.

[pipernoswiper]

i get it i really do. last night was rough for me too. i have to wake my dh up at 11:30pm to go to work, then at 1:00am the dog woke me up to go outside, so i was mad and tired as i had been up since 5:30am the previous day because that is what time i have to get my daughter up every morning then i drive her to school. so when the dog busted up my very little sleep that i manage to get a night, i was po'd and i decided to polish off the last of the pizza my dh had ordered earlier that night. sooooooooooooo long story short, it wasnt pretty and i feel very guilty today.

but the difference between me succeeding and failing this time is i know, that one binge didnt undo everything i've done. i know i've come a long way, and i know 2day is a new day and i am right back on track. one binge might slow me up, but just a little, i am only human, so i refuse to keep beating myself up, and just for today, i will do better.

please dont beat yourself up anymore 2day, ok? what's done is done and it is only a minor setback, you havent undone everything you accomplished. you are doing great! hang in there!

[mesilla]

hey thanks for the support guys... i did get back on track the next day and i have had 2 more days binge free since. i am feeling so much better.

pipernoswiper-you are definitely rignt that one binge does not undo all previous hard work. Although somehow after a binge I feel like I will step on a scale and see those 30 pounds that I have worked to lose magically appearing again. Thanks for helping me through this!


2fat2jump- haha the breadwhich idea is too funny. i can see something like that being delicious when your drunk! I find alcohol really tricky to deal with while wanting to lose weight. I'm 20 so I go out a lot with my friends and although I dont need alcohol to have fun it definitely makes nights more memorable and hilarious. But alcohol has so many calories!! Making new friends in a city is hard... one of my best friends is in new york so that is great, and i have joined a running club and am hoping to take some salsa lessons and to meet new people at work events so I am working on it. I find as I lose weight my confidence grows and making friends is becoming easier. Thanks for the advice!

katewillbehappier- i know it totally amazes me how much bad food we have at home. especially after being away for a few months... now it looks really shocking. My family has loads and loads of processed foods and I really try to avoid all processed foods... eating whole foods really makes a difference when it comes to binging for me. I agree I need to swear off cereal! Thanks for the support!!