I suppose I should say 'Hi' first, it is the polite thing to do after all! My name is Saoirse and I'm Irish, but I thought I'd slide in here with you gals if that's alright... I'm relatively new here, meaning I was reading long before I signed up, and I've been signed up awhile before I started to post. I LOVE this place and I've found it so helpful thus far. Now back to the rant....
My boyfriend (who is quite lovely, although I have a feeling I'm about to paint the most awful picture of him here now) is absolutely wrecking my head!!! We've been together about two years, when I met him I was at my thinnest (not thin, about 200 lbs, but that is positively emaciated using my scale!), and early on, when he was very drunk one night, he confessed that he was embarrassed to introduce me to some of his friends because of my size. Needless to say, I was heartbroken and even typing it here now it still makes me want to cry. He doesn't remember saying it, and I know he worships the ground I walk on, and I should be able to let it go...but....it's so hard. And to make matters worse, I ended up in hospital last year on strict bed rest for a month and limited movement for about a month after, and managed to put on 4 stone!
He's the complete opposite of me, 6'4" and very very thin, so are his whole family and I don't think he understands what a struggle my weight is for me, and has always been (my mother first brought me to WW when I was 10). He has the most appalling eating habits, surviving mostly on the chippers or chinese. Anyway, I've been really, really trying, and having some success as well(!), and I just don't feel as though I get the support I need from him. He's living in a different town during the week and I work most weekends, so the amount of time we spend together and meals we eat together are limited, and yet still he insists on bringing his s**t food into the house, I even ask him what he'd like for dinner so that we can work a compromise, and then he'd still go off to the pub and get a chinese. I could go on and on, and if I don't stop now I fear I might. I know he isn't on a diet (god, he could put on a few), but still I worry his health is being seriously affected by pints and take out, and is it really too much to ask to not bring fish and chips into the house when I'm after taking great care to make myself a really nice salad? I know it better for me and usually I really look forward to my nicely prepared dinners, but the smell of chips and not having them, it depresses me, because i feel deprived. Especially because i feel like he's looking at me sideways if I do have a bite of something bad...has anyone else had this problem? Thanks all, sorry it's so long....but I did stop short of the full rant.
Yeah, he probably just doesn't get it. So, I doubt he's doing this on purpose (heck I don't think that you think that he is). But, I don't think that he understands exactly what he's doing.
We know... we know because we've been there. Overweight, tempted by certain foods. We know we have to keep them out of the house.
Have you specifically asked him not to bring that stuff to your house? I think that's what you should do. One of the great WW tools. Asserting yourself. "I need you to, because..." "Hi boyfriend, I love you. I'm working really hard to lose weight, and it's very difficult for me sometimes. I don't believe that you may fully understand how difficult it is. That's okay though, because I know you want to be supportive of me. So... I need you to stop bringing take out and junk food into my house, because that would be incredibly supportive, and I'd be able to resist it easier."
You're trying to be healthier. It's OKAY to tell him what you need.
You're a little star!!! I'd love to say that your post made me feel better, but actually it made me feel worse (keep reading....), but only because it kinda made me realize that this was just one more situation I was exasperating because I couldn't ask for help. Instead, I just internalize it and get angry or upset. I really appreciate that, and hopefully I will bring this up this weekend, I'll keep you posted on how I get on!!! Thanks
You're a little star!!! I'd love to say that your post made me feel better, but actually it made me feel worse (keep reading....), but only because it kinda made me realize that this was just one more situation I was exasperating because I couldn't ask for help. Instead, I just internalize it and get angry or upset. I really appreciate that, and hopefully I will bring this up this weekend, I'll keep you posted on how I get on!!! Thanks
Please do keep me posted! I think most boyfriends really do try their best. I'm sure yours will, too!!!
Ha, sorry, just saw an opportunity to use my fave UK term (the other is sod off....I know, there's a large neon L on my forehead).
So yeah, you should remind him of that drunkin' night and if he no longer wants to be embarrassed, he'll need to do exactly as you ask to support your efforts.
My DH tries to be supportive and eats what I prepare but then cracks regularly and goes on his own snacking binges (primarily take out and ice cream) around me.
Sometimes people are just stupid. They say or do dumb things because they don't know any better, or they are somehow getting positive reinforcement. If you tell him what you need from him, in clear, simple language, and reward him when he is good, it might make a difference. My fellow went out and ate trash for lunch while I was at work, and picked up steaks and asparagus, and some other healthy veggies for supper that night. I REWARDED him!! Oh, yes, my friends. Make a big deal of it. Tell him how proud of him you are because he was so thoughtful. Good luck to you!
If he gets arsey - tell him you are doing it for YOU not him!
Your name sounds interesting by the way (it might well be common in Ireland but I have never come across it - how do you pronounce it?).
Peacock - who is amazed she can pronounce Siobhan right !!! Shame on her with an Irish Grandfather and all......
I had to laugh at this, because I got all the way through the Harry Potter books before realizing I was pronouncing "Seamus" incorrectly. One would think with a name like "Sean" being common enough in the US that I'd have seen that one...
I'm sorry if this makes you feel bad honey, but a guy who is embarrassed to introduce you to his friends (drunk or not) is a Class A loser and is not worth your time. If my boyfriend said anything like that to me he would be out of the door faster than you could say 'fish and chips' and i would not be best pleased.
GATORAMANDA- You got it in one, it's Seer-sha, I hated it as a child, I spent a lot of time in school in Canada and the US and was always called anything but! I actually went to part of High School in Coral Springs and I love Ft. P, so much cooler than the east coast! I always begged her to let me change it to Cyndi (after Cyndi Lauper, of course) but I love it now...
ROOBEAR- I'm hearing ya, and it has been noted, it was a really really sh**ty thing to say, I'm just not ready to give up on this one, but there's no way I'm offended, I really appreciate your honesty, and I know you're posting what quite a few were thinking and didn't. X
Ello Saoirse - He sounds like a nice bloke, think all you need do is sit him down and tell him that those words are still hurting you, and that he could really help you by watching what he brings into the house, foodwise. Is easy for me, as I have a big family and do all the shopping and cooking myself so control what comes into the house, but it's not so easy for many people, eh? Tell him you care about him and even if the fat from that food doesn't seem to stick to his body or anything obvious (yet) it will already be cacking up his arteries! Trust me, my husband and I were both thin as rakes throughout our teens and 20s (as are all my kids now, too) and ate whatever we wanted - it does catch up with you eventually!
Also maybe a practical idea to find something like hiking or anything active that appeals, really - that you could do together?
Men are prats and say stupid things sometimes, but they have their uses, eh?
Hello Saoirse, I just wanted to put my 2 cents in if you don't mind.
First of all, about that stupid thing your boyfriend said when he was drunk....well, forget about it. If he didn't love and adore you for just the way you are then he wouldn't be with you. Action speak way more than words do and he seems to treat you pretty well (unless he isn't and then thats a different story).
Now about his eating habits vs. yours. Well, I have been married to a junk food eater for 8 years now and it has made my life hellish at times. I , like you, am a big girl. But, when I was single I kept my weight down by eating healthy. Then I met my dh and started giving in to his eating habits to be polite. How stupid I was!! I gained well over 100 lbs. because hubby needed to eat junk and I went along for the ride. So, I say stick to your guns and eat the way you want to. You are doing the healthy thing and years from now you will be so glad that you did. Also, eventually your good example will rub off on your boyfriend. For my husband, his cholesteral finally caught up with him and now he has to eat like I do (ha,ha!!!).
Make your own decisions about your health and well being and dont' stress out about it. Good luck!!
Yes they can be prats, that's for sure. Sometimes I think they should go around with a big marker penned sign on their forehead saying "just kick me"! Bless the little dears.....
Interesting point Dollyfinn makes about cholesterol as one bloke at work - who is tall and slim has a worse cholesterol than mine which was normal!!!
peacock-it is interesting because I just had my physical and all my numbers (cholesteral, blood sugar, etc) are perfect. I am around 300lbs but I am super healthy (thank God!) but my husband is close to his ideal weight and has terrible numbers. So, just keep being a healthy eater because when you get older you will reap the benefit even if you don't have a "perfect" figure.
This is a stupid boyfriend rant, I apologize...
One would think with a name like "Sean" being common enough in the US that I'd have seen that one...
