100 lb. Club - OT - the way some people communicate

04-28-2008, 04:11 PM
This is NOT based on anyone's posts from this board AT ALL so please don't anyone think I am critisizing anyone in particular. This is actually based on someone on another board whose posts make me want to vent my spleen at her no matter what the subject is.

I don't know about anyone on this particular board but when I type in a post or an e-mail I usually reread it about 5 times to make sure it comes out the way I want it to. The problem with internet communication is that it is completely different from face to face interaction where you can see the person's face, hear the tones in their voice, feel and see their body language so that something that otherwise would come out in a negative way comes out in a positive way. Here all you've got to go on is what is typed onto the screen and I swear some people don't read their own posts or they do and they just can't see or feel the way it sounds. She is very passionate about her subject and I actually agree with just about everything she says but the way she says it I think makes people feel bad about themselves, like they've done something wrong. For example if the topic had something to do with breast feeding her posts would make you feel that if you gave your baby anything but breast milk that you were the world's worst mom and could expect your child to suffer in all sorts of ways.

Is it just me or do other people come across posts like this? The problem is though that you can't post back (I tried this) because the other person being so passionate and knowing that they are right will post back defending their position in a way that will make your blood pressure rise. Even though it is just typed words on a screen I can still feel the emotion behind the words.

04-28-2008, 04:40 PM
I think that happens on here sometimes too.

In general though, I think that most of the time it is passion and not knowing that is how a post comes off. Of course, I've talked to people face to face to are passionate about things and I've found out that they truly believe that their way is the only correct way to do something and everything else is wrong. So who knows?? :)

04-28-2008, 04:41 PM
yes, yes, yes! i stopped posting on a particular thread because the way one person expressed herself just made me mad, and i know she probably didn't intend to sound judgemental, but it kept triggering me, so i found another group where i felt i could be honest and the folks are just fabulously generous and supportive.

04-28-2008, 04:54 PM
Have you tried mentioning it to her? Maybe sending her a PM saying, "I admire your passion and agree with so much of what you have to say, but I don't know if you realize how your posts are being interpreted." Be sure to give lots of sincere positive feedback to accompany the negative, but it might be very useful to her to know how her words make people feel.

04-28-2008, 05:03 PM
The whole time I've been here at 3FC, I've only run across two people who just "triggered" my anger button. They just seemed to have absoluely no tact and thought they knew everything on post after post. This was no isolated posting.....it was many. So, I just chose to not reply to the postings anymore and to not read anything they posted. My sanity is so much better now. :D

04-28-2008, 05:12 PM
Unfortunately . . . that happens all over and not just on big bulletin board sites like this one either . . . you have to be ultra careful what you say to others through e:mail at work too. :yes: In some ways it is easier around a site like this -- that's why the BB-Fairy invented Emoticons . . . :D . . . amazing how a well placed smilie can soften many a blow.

BTW . . . I really have to agree with LaurieDawn . . . you should try to find a nice way to bring it up to her.

At 3FC . . . if you ever have a misunderstanding or feel that someone is being rude or unfair, please contact a Moderator -- that's what we are here for; to try to keep things ticking along smoothly. But we can't help, if we don't know. If there's a particular post that bothers you, please use the "Report Post" button -- that's the little red exclamation point at the bottom left of each post.

Thanks Chickies . . . hope everybody is having a great moving and shaking kind of day . . . :carrot:

04-28-2008, 05:51 PM
She sent me a PM after one of my posts, wanted to know why I thought what I thought, the whole thread at the time was somewhat about her because everyone was picking up on the same thing I was. It had started out by her linking an article that she thought was very informative. I thought I was being pretty diplomatic about it. I said I agreed with her in principal and an article that she had referenced but both her and the author of this article were communicating in a way that I thought would turn people off before they got to the heart of what was trying to be said. I did not reply because her PM felt to me very defensive on one hand but also very offensive at the same time. It felt to me that she was defending what she was saying very aggressively and then accusing me of my right to object to anything. I didn't PM her back because it was really more than I wanted to take on. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let things lie, getting steamed about it is pretty useless.