40-Somethings - Any other fatties have a good body image?




vegani
04-28-2008, 03:00 PM
I'm 5'7" and about 210 pounds. I think I look terrific. In fact, I tend to be most attracted to bigger women. At the same time, I know this is not a healthy weight for me. I'm wondering if anyone else is in the same boat, and do you think that liking the way you look now makes it harder to be motivated about losing the extra pounds?


pamatga
04-28-2008, 03:26 PM
why I wasn't motivated to lose weight. I know that we are in the minority but my excess weight really hasn't stopped me from doing a lot of things that I hear some of the chicks here struggle with. I feel for them but I have a ton of clothes, some I really love, including many different swimsuits, and I have been married three times--the last two I was a a larger woman. In fact, I was told by a couple of younger girls that they felt I inspired them to date since I was obviously attracting men and getting married. I have climbed in the Rocky Mountains at a weight of 242 lbs, I also went white water rafting on the same river that former Pres Clinton had just gone on the week before I was there. I make love, I dance, I hike, I swim, etc. etc. All the things "normal-sized" people do.

So, when I get 135 lb, and I will again, my life will not be any different than it is now except for one thing----I hope that I will be a healthier version of who I am now.

I have often thought that since it seemed like I had a full life that I didn't need to lose weight for a lot of the reasons people here say. However, in the past couple of years, my arthritis has gotten significantly worse. If anything that has made me feel more old than anything else. I have the spirit of a 20 year old.

I have a man who has told me repeatedly he loves me no matter what. I believe him. However, I don't like how I feel physically. I never realized how much effort it took for me to do things when I was 46 lb heavier. I really didn't.

So, now, the only reason why I am losing weight is because I want to have 45 more years with 1 to grow on (I'm almost 55) before I bid adieu to this world. I want to live longer and healthier. That is why I am losing weight. The rest is just the icing on the cake!! (did I say cake??) ;)

kaplods
04-28-2008, 03:39 PM
For me, liking how I look does not sabotage my weight loss efforts, quite the contrary. I'm not losing weight to become smokin' ('cause I already am), but rather as a gift to my wonderful self.

When weight loss was secondary only to breathing among my priorities, I did a lot of crazy things to try and lose the weight. When I hated who I was, and felt the whole world did too, it's not surprising that I thought I needed to sacrifice everthing else in order to "fix myself" as quickly as possible. But the deprivation ship is very difficult to endure without eventually jumping overboard.

I met, dated and married my husband at or near my highest weight. He's also obese, and he looks great too (in a biker/viking sort of way). We're losing weight together, so finding each other sizzlin' sexy doesn't dampen our commitment to losing weight. If anything, it's motivating in the sense that if we find each other so hot at our current weights, how much more will it add to our lives, when we have more flexibility, strength, and stamina.


Mrs Snark
05-07-2008, 08:02 PM
I wish I liked my current body. I envy people who have that confidence and are comfortable in their own skin no matter what. It think it is great! I've always had a self-conscious streak that I hate. I'm working on it.

PhotoChick
05-12-2008, 01:41 PM
I posted this in another thread where someone asked if anyone thought it was possible to be healthy and overweight ... and I think it answers the questions about motivation for me:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll be very honest and say, no, I don't think that you can be a healthy overweight person.

I used to have that mindset to a degree. I've apparently got pretty good genes and have always been pretty healthy. No joint issues. No back issues. No high blood pressure. Nothing. Heck I never even had a cavity until I turned 40. So I, too, used to think that being fat was not a problem for me. I could be comfortable with my body weight and never suffer for it.

But then I started looking at my family history and realized that it was rife with problems and illnesses and issues that cropped up when my parents and grandparents were in their 50s and 60s - and which ultimately killed all of them.

So it's great that I felt healthy at a heavier weight, but the long term damage I was doing to my body was NOT WORTH IT. You may have a healthy heart - but it still has to work twice as hard as it should to do the job it needs to do. And ultimately it will wear out faster. You may have healthy joints NOW, but after 40 years of carrying an extra 100 lbs, I guarantee you'll have issues. You may be fine now, but what happens when you're 45 and develop insulin dependent diabetes (as my g-mother did, and ultimately died from)? And what about all the cancers and heart issues that being overweight is a significant risk factor for?

I think if you say you're "healthily overweight" then you're really fooling yourself. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I believe it's very true. Because it's not just about how healthy you are today, it's about how healthy you can stay long term.

So no, being comfortable in my own skin and having self confidence no matter what size I am *still* does't affect my motivation to lose weight. Because while I love looking better in my clothes and all that goes with the exterior part of losing weight, my primary motivation goes deeper than that.

.

ladybugnessa
05-12-2008, 02:17 PM
while i'm comfortable now at 220ish (and only 5'3") and married to a man who prefers me at 250+ I know that i need to lose at least 50 more to be a healthy weight....

it was hard I spent most of the last 6 months just maintaining and getting comfortable at 230.... took me a long time. I am sure that at 200 I will need to take a breather and hold my own at that new weight for a bit before moving on....

In our circle of friends I'm chastised over and over for getting too thin... our group's body preference is SSBBW (supersized Big Beautiful Women) makes it hard to keep on going.

Boomcha
05-12-2008, 03:12 PM
I have always had a very healthy self-image, led a full and active life, been attractive to men (married a fabulous one) and never let my size be an excuse for anything.

At this point I believe I am simply lucky that I am still healthy and know full well that it won't last unless I make major, long-lasting changes to eating and exercise that will allow me to continue (not start, continue...) to enjoy my life to the fullest for a very long time.

kaplods
05-12-2008, 03:40 PM
This thread caught my eye again today, and I guess I'm in a cranky mood today (because I certainly didn't interpret it this way the many times I've read it as it's developed), because the first thing that popped into my crabby mind was

Yeah, we all know the problem with fat people is we all think we're supermodels, and you know we'd all lose weight if we just hated ourselves a little more.

Ok, I guess I have a sarcasm bug up my butt today

I really don't mean it as a criticism of the original post or any of the posts, it's just struck how much I haven't done in my life because I didn't think I was good enough, or was afraid others would think I wasn't good enough. Even in kindergarten, I didn't play on the monkey bars because I thought, as a fat kid, I would look silly.

It was a crazy thought as a five year old, and it's just as silly a thought as a 42 year old woman when I hesitate to get on a bicycle, or think everyone is watching me as I take my walk around the neighborhood, or get into the therapy pool (even though all of the other swimmers, if not fat; are old, scarred, and/or physically disabled in some way).

I don't think self-esteem keeps many, if any people fat. Though the reverse is often true. Low self-esteem is a guaranteed diet buster.

Boomcha
05-12-2008, 09:21 PM
Low self-esteem is a guaranteed diet buster.

That's for damn sure :hug:

Fear is another diet buster. We fear change and most of us have gotten rather comfortable (mentally and emotionally at least) being big. So when we lose enough weight that things begin to change - even if the changes are good oddly - we eat ourselves back to our comfort zone.

To answer the original question, the way I look now compared to how I may look when I'm at goal (you know, like a popped balloon) definitely makes me nervous but I've finally decided I would rather live with plastic surgery scars than die before my time or descend into a long slow dive of poor health.

CountingDown
05-12-2008, 09:37 PM
why I wasn't motivated to lose weight. I know that we are in the minority but my excess weight really hasn't stopped me from doing a lot of things that I hear some of the chicks here struggle with. I feel for them but I have a ton of clothes, some I really love, including many different swimsuits, and I have been married three times--the last two I was a a larger woman. In fact, I was told by a couple of younger girls that they felt I inspired them to date since I was obviously attracting men and getting married. I have climbed in the Rocky Mountains at a weight of 242 lbs, I also went white water rafting on the same river that former Pres Clinton had just gone on the week before I was there. I make love, I dance, I hike, I swim, etc. etc. All the things "normal-sized" people do.

So, when I get 135 lb, and I will again, my life will not be any different than it is now except for one thing----I hope that I will be a healthier version of who I am now.

I have often thought that since it seemed like I had a full life that I didn't need to lose weight for a lot of the reasons people here say. However, in the past couple of years, my arthritis has gotten significantly worse. If anything that has made me feel more old than anything else. I have the spirit of a 20 year old.

I have a man who has told me repeatedly he loves me no matter what. I believe him. However, I don't like how I feel physically. I never realized how much effort it took for me to do things when I was 46 lb heavier. I really didn't.

So, now, the only reason why I am losing weight is because I want to have 45 more years with 1 to grow on (I'm almost 55) before I bid adieu to this world. I want to live longer and healthier. That is why I am losing weight. The rest is just the icing on the cake!! (did I say cake??) ;)

Pam, I could have written your post (OK, I'm only 50, but otherwise...)

Health issues started creeping in and limiting my enjoyment of life. And - in a way - I am very glad they did. They were the impetus to get rid of this excess weight for good. And - life is even BETTER without it :D

tracey43452
06-11-2008, 09:32 PM
I'm extremely jealous of all of you who are comfortable in your skin no matter what your weight or size. I have tried to be, in fact there is a great book that is rather old, but still great titled Self Esteem doesn't come in sizes (or something like that). I have read that book over and over and have tried to be comfortable, but I'm not. I have always been over weight, and young children can be extremely cruel which is what has stuck in my head for quite a few years.

I think that it's great to lose weight for your health. It's sort of like the new Jenny Craig commercials, "size healthy".

Mom2QJandT
06-11-2008, 09:43 PM
I'm not 40 something, but I think that I have a worse body image now then I did at my highest weight. I never worried about the stretch marks on my arms or the dimple in my butt at my highest weight. I never worried that my butt stuck out too far in this skirt or in those pants. I wore bathing suits and never worried about how my fat arms were all everyone at the pool was looking at. Now I'm obsessed. I'm constantly pulling at my sleeves so that my fat arms don't show. I look in every mirror I walk past to make sure that my stomach isn't poking out or that my butt is covered. Sometimes I think life was easier 80 pounds ago when I didn't worry about it constantly. I think that's why I struggle so much with the 200 pound mark. If I'm not fat, what will I blame for not having a lot of friends or my bad relationships? There's a lot that goes with all of this that no one thinks about when first starting out.

SoulBliss
06-11-2008, 10:20 PM
I am a person with a lot of body fat. I am large. I am beautiful. I am healthy.

These truths are NOT mutually exclusive. ;)

Not only do I know that I am beautiful and sexy (right NOW, today, as I am) but I also know I am healthy.

My doctor agrees (about the healthy part) and my partner agrees (about the sexy, beautiful part ;) ).

Here are my latest stats:

My blood pressure? 118/67
My cholesterol level? 138 (with high good and low bad)
My waist to hip ratio? 0.68

I can work out for 90+ minutes daily, no problem, be it treadmill, yoga, swimming, aqua exercise or a combination of them.

I am healthy.

I am.

No one exists amongst all the studies on "obesity" and risk factors for disease that have been done that fits my lifestyle profile, thus far.

I've searched and there aren't any long term studies done to substantiate risk factors for organic vegan fitness enthusiasts with a high percentage of body fat versus people who eat a SAD (standard American diet).

I tend to think there would be a difference, don't you? :lol:

Here's what a "morbidly obese" active, strong, vegan with the above stats looks like, people. "Morbidly obese", right? :dizzy:

Lori Bell
06-13-2008, 02:11 PM
Let me be brutally honest here. I have to say at 190 (overweight) I think I look and feel acceptable. At 333 I look and feel like crap. I know it, my family knows it, and every one around me knows it. Personal hygiene issues alone make morbid obesity very unattractive to me. I'm sorry, but I personally don't see how anyone can have a good self image when they can't clean themselves properly. I feel and look better today than I did 6 months ago, but I'm still a "fattie" as you call it.

I guess I am just overly judgemental, but I have never found morbidly obese people (Men, Women or Children, myself included) attractive. Thankfully my husband tolerates it to some degree, or he would have left me within a year of our marriage. Even though he has never said it, I know he is not as sexually attracted to me when I'm huge, and I can't blame him. I wasn't a "fatty" when we met & married 20 years ago, and I didn't bother to tell him my past weight issues.

In my humble oppenion, fat sucks.

kaplods
06-13-2008, 03:18 PM
Personal hygiene issues alone make morbid obesity very unattractive to me. I'm sorry, but I personally don't see how anyone can have a good self image when they can't clean themselves properly.
____________________

My FIL passed away recently. He was a pretty average-sized man, but was wheelchair bound with MS and PAD (a circulatory system disease). He had surgery scars and a below-the knee amuptations. I guess he was repulsive, Huh? He was an articulate, highly educated man, with a kind and generous spirit, who even when he could no longer care for himself, he cared for others. He was the main force behind the creation of the handicapped services at the local technical college where he taught years after he would have qualified for disability. When he finally had to go onto disability, he remained active in disability advocacy. No reason for him to have a good self-image, right? No reason for his wife, who bathed him and helped him use the restroom, to love and respect him. No reason to find him smokin' sexy until the day he died.
___________________

EEE GAWD, I hate humanity sometime!

KLK
06-13-2008, 03:22 PM
Wow. Word up, Kaplods!

I've always had VERY poor body image. Very poor. To this day, despite losing a lot of weight and being very active, although my self-esteem has improved, I still consider myself not just fat, but also ugly; an unattractive young woman. I've always felt I was ugly, even when I was a kid. In fact, I remember, even before I began to attend school, being around 3 years old and in my cousin's pool; a chubby kid, but not unusual by any means, and just thinking I was the most hideous creature in the world. It has kept me from living what I would consider a normal, full adolescence, because I was so shy and I hated myself.

Too much self-esteem is rarely a problem for overweight people and even among people who have a lot of self-esteem, that certainly doesn't keep the person fat. Maybe self-esteem helps heavy people get the things they want in life DESPITE being fat (i.e. bc they consider themselves beautiful even at a large size, they project that confidence and find marriage partners, lots of friends, have fun, successful careers, etc.), but it doesn't encourage them to stay heavy... at least not in my view/experience. Part of losing weight is deciding "Hey, I'm WORTH all this hard work and I'm WORTH being happy" etc.

And yes, low self-esteem is a weight problem's best friend, when a person think their own life is worth less than the taste of a French fry...

This thread caught my eye again today, and I guess I'm in a cranky mood today (because I certainly didn't interpret it this way the many times I've read it as it's developed), because the first thing that popped into my crabby mind was

Yeah, we all know the problem with fat people is we all think we're supermodels, and you know we'd all lose weight if we just hated ourselves a little more.

Ok, I guess I have a sarcasm bug up my butt today

I really don't mean it as a criticism of the original post or any of the posts, it's just struck how much I haven't done in my life because I didn't think I was good enough, or was afraid others would think I wasn't good enough. Even in kindergarten, I didn't play on the monkey bars because I thought, as a fat kid, I would look silly.

It was a crazy thought as a five year old, and it's just as silly a thought as a 42 year old woman when I hesitate to get on a bicycle, or think everyone is watching me as I take my walk around the neighborhood, or get into the therapy pool (even though all of the other swimmers, if not fat; are old, scarred, and/or physically disabled in some way).

I don't think self-esteem keeps many, if any people fat. Though the reverse is often true. Low self-esteem is a guaranteed diet buster.

SoulBliss
06-13-2008, 03:25 PM
True, That Kaplods! ;)

kaplods
06-13-2008, 03:59 PM
Got a little wound up there, and I'm starting to calm down. But I wanted to add that there's no reason for anyone without a rare metabolic or endocrine disorder (which can cause an unusual amount and odor of perspiration) to smell bad. Any obese (or non-obese) person who is able to walk and dress themselves can have good (and independent) personal hygeine. Reach and flexibility issues are common in people of all sizes, and there are many companies who have recognized this need and provide products that make good hygeine easier.

"Ample Stuff" is a print and online catalog that offers many of these products especially for the obese customer, but many wonderful catalogs exist that specialize in products for the elderly, disabled, and obese.

Don't suffer in silence.

JayEll
06-13-2008, 04:39 PM
I have found some obese people to be very attractive, and others not. I don't think "attractive" or "repulsive" is the issue, nor should it be.

I'll just tell one story. I had a very, very dear friend... she was obese, maybe even morbidly obese. At any rate, tall and heavy. She never lacked for lovers! She struggled a lot with her weight, though, and on more than one occasion I saw her hurt by the thoughtless remarks of others, usually strangers.

But as time went on, her life got more difficult--not because of her weight, but other issues in her life. Then one day, things started to go wrong physically... she went to the hospital... they treated and released her... but things still were not right... she went back... she was in crisis... Basically, her blood started clotting and they couldn't get it to stop. They resorted to emergency surgery. She never regained consciousness and died.

She was 51 years old.

The doctors said it was complications from untreated diabetes.

Oh, she knew she had diabetes. But, she didn't lose weight, and she didn't monitor it. I don't think she realized how serious things were getting. She wasn't feeling sick...

I think of her often, and I miss her. I sure wish things had gone differently...

So lovely people, please do what you can to care for your health. Image, good or bad, it's not so important as health.

Jay

Lori Bell
06-13-2008, 05:19 PM
Got a little wound up there, and I'm starting to calm down. But I wanted to add that there's no reason for anyone without a rare metabolic or endocrine disorder (which can cause an unusual amount and odor of perspiration) to smell bad. Any obese (or non-obese) person who is able to walk and dress themselves can have good (and independent) personal hygiene. Reach and flexibility issues are common in people of all sizes, and there are many companies who have recognized this need and provide products that make good hygiene easier.

"Ample Stuff" is a print and online catalog that offers many of these products especially for the obese customer, but many wonderful catalogs exist that specialize in products for the elderly, disabled, and obese.

Don't suffer in silence.


Sorry to get you wound up Kaplods. I was simply stating my experience and oppenion as a morbidly obese woman...a situation I knowingly got myself into one bite at a time. Hygiene was a problem for me, and I hated every second of it. It gave ME very low self esteem and being educated and/or accomplished didn't change the fact. I'm sure there are many smelly people out there who have great self esteem...I'm just not one of them and since I have never been one of them, I don't understand how they do it. Just as I don't understand how some people can eat all they want and never gain weight.

I should have worded my post differently. Sometimes the words "In my humble oppenion" and "me & I" doesn't always make it clear that I was talking about myself. Sorry to offend you.

I should have just simply answered the question:
Any other fatties have a good body image? - No, not me

kaplods
06-13-2008, 05:45 PM
I understand where you're coming from, I really do. It just saddens me that the attitude is still so common. It is not only ok to hate and despise fat people, and even pressure them into hating themselves - it is tolerated, accepted and even encouraged, for all sorts of "reasons" that have no basis in fact.

No fat person has to be a smelly person. At nearly 400 lbs, I didn't smell. Deluding myself, you might think, but no, it would have been brought to my bosses attention, and then to mine. I know this because I worked in cubicle land for State Farm Insurance, a company very proud of its corporate image and I knew of employees who were called on their grooming - body odor, inappropriate attire, faillure to keep facial hair and hairstyles within the corporate guidelines, wearing SHOES that didn't fit the employee dress code.

In my experience, poor hygeine, at least in a person who once had good hygeine, is most often a sign of depression.

Yes, I ate my way to my size. I made mistakes, but I don't need to hate myself or anyone else for making mistakes. Making poor food choices did not make me an idiot or a fool or detract from all of the good choices and decisions I made in my life. In fact, I excelled in all areas of my life except losing weight. Working full time while getting my masters' degree, great jobs, great friends, great relationships. Never used illegal substances, didn't smoke, rarely drank, volunteered for great organizations.

If anything, my biggest mistake in not taking care of myself as well as I took care of others, was in thinking that I had to compensate for being fat. I "owed" it to everyone to prove I wasn't stupid and lazy (because all fat people are, don't you know?) I'm not sure it was really a lack of self-esteem, because I always took pride in my accomplishments, it just was never enough to counteract the negative stereoypes society has towards fat people.

I know so many people believe that a fat person cannot be healthy, and I'm not going to argue that here, but it was only when I stopped worrying about the weight, and started worrying about ME, my mental and physical health, that I was able to get healthier, and in the process lose some weight. An unintentional byproduct at first, but when weight loss wasn't the only focus, it just made it a surprise bonus. Ironically, trying to lose weight was less effective for me as a weight loss tool than trying to become healthier and let the weight take care of itself.

Fat people do not have to hate themselves in order to lose weight. For me, and I know many others it is intensely counterproductive and only results in yoyo dieting and lower self-esteem. Knowing that you are worth the effort, THAT is a powerful thing.

chronicdieter
06-17-2008, 01:02 PM
I have a lousy body image - always have, probably always will...I'm pretty resigned to that at this point. Now, for the first time, I have embarked on a "diet" to improve my health - NOT to improve my looks. I've recognized that I will sabotage myself every single time if I rely on my body image as my motivator - I don't like myself at 120 or at 175...doesn't matter. BUT I am healthier at 120 than I am at 175 - SO - there you go! I applaud women of all sizes who have a healthy body image - I'm envious too....

cocobuttercup
06-18-2008, 07:03 PM
Lori Bell-

I agree with you somewhat. However, I applaud those of you that have a tremendous amount of self esteem. If you know you are beautiful you would exude beauty. I've seen many small women who are not beautiful whether celebrities or on the streets, have a positive self image and exude beauty or are percieved as beautiful by the manner in which they carry themselves.

I have a friend that has two obese children. Both were obese at birth. One daughter is 15 years old and weighs about 220 and the youngest is 9 and weighs about 150. Both girls are beautiful and have high self esteem. The oldest girl is borderline vane.

So with hygiene is concern, eveyone have a different body chemistry. I find at my weight in the summer I use anti-perspirant spray to combat getting sweaty in the creases:).

We all should have a positive self image, dont we deserve one....