20-Somethings - Need help motivating boyfriend
04-22-2008, 12:54 PM
does anybody have any suggestions for motivating guys (who want to be independent and not need anybody's help!!) to lose weight? My boyfriend has been saying for a long time that he needs/wants to lose weight and that he's unhappy the way he is. I've been on Weight Watchers for several months, so I try to give him advice and I always eat healthy when I'm with him...but he'll say he wants to eat better and then gets a huge burger with fries, and then he'll be upset about it afterwards. When I cook for him, we always eat healthy, and he likes it...but when he makes the choice for himself, it's never healthy. He says that joining a group like WW won't help him because he doesnt want other people telling him what to do/how to eat, and he wants to do it himself...but I want to be able to help motivate him! I know he's unhappy with himself, and I love him the way he is..but I think he'd be happier and much healthier if he lost the weight. Please help!!!
04-22-2008, 01:01 PM
My boyfriend is maybe 15 pounds over weight and I find fun stuff for us to do that is actually excerise. I.E. walking on a scenic trail. He has fun spending the time with me and it actually does some good.
04-22-2008, 01:10 PM
Ultimately, he needs to make the decision to be more healthy. You can't make the decision for him. If he's only somewhat commited, it won't last long.
I think the best thing you can do for him is to be a good example. Eat healthy and exercise.
You could also ask him what he would like you to do in the area of encouraging him to be more healthy. The worst thing would be if your "encouraging" is interpreted by him as "nagging". That may drive him even farther from wanting to follow your suggestions. Of course, I don't think that you are trying to nag him. I just know that husbands have a tendency to misinterpret our good intentions, which can drive them farther away, which I know is not your goal. So my advice is to be honest and ask what he would like from you and want he would not like.
04-22-2008, 01:42 PM
The frustrating thing is I don't think you can really make a person decide to change, its up to him. He knows what foods are bad for him and if he decides to eat them, theres not really anything you can do. I guess my advice is to continue to cook for him, offer any tips or advice you can think of to help him, encouragement etc...but in the end, if he's not ready to eat better its just not going to happen. Maybe you can work with him to find healthier ways to eat his favorite foods so he's not feeling deprived, maybe do bison burgers or veggie burgers, turkey burgers...bake oven fries instead of fried, that sort of thing...I had a hard time giving up my favorites but there is usually a way to make any dish healthy, hungry girl's website has some good substitution recipes. even little changes like using mustard instead of mayo on burgers and ordering a small fry instead of a large can be a positive start. He just has to be willing to do it!
04-22-2008, 01:42 PM
He needs to start making the right choices for himself. You can supply him with information, but it's up to him to make the right choices.
04-22-2008, 01:51 PM
I agree with Bethbeth how he'll learn with you being the good example.
My fiance is adament that he does not want to diet because it's against his "belief system" -- mainly because he just doesn't like the idea of being restricted. But since I've been exercising and following a specific way of eating, he sees the good it's doing and has started picking out things he likes to do for exercise and he eats what I eat (with a little slack). What has really motivated him is that he's starting to notice his stomach getting a little more firm and smaller and I'm there giving lots of ra-ra's to make him feel good about what he's doing. Now I'm finding he actually is starting to exercise just as much (and sometimes more) than me!
Of course we went out last saturday and he ordered a personal sized clubhouse pizza for himself which would show that he's still not quite considering how to apply a healthier lifestyle when he's making his own decisions. But the showstopper to that was that he didn't finish it all because he said it just didn't taste as good as he remembers and he was more than full after half of it. This used to be his favourite! so apparently the good eating is starting to make a difference for his system as well if the fatty foods just don't cut it like they used to.
So I would suggest, lead by example, pump lots of encouragement his way, keep the eat-outs to a minimum, and try to make things fun so that they don't appear to be 'work'. And one more thing, don't lose sight of your own goals either! it takes a heck of a lot of energy to keep motivated yourself that when you have to be the one that gives all the motivation to others it can be exhausting. Keep smiling!
04-22-2008, 02:23 PM
I completely agree with Zenor
04-22-2008, 02:59 PM
check out this thread