20-Somethings - When someone hits on you
04-18-2008, 01:43 PM
mmmkay, I work for a bank. I'm 23 and I do not flirt under any circumstances because I have a man. Today this 19 year old boy tells me keep my number and smiles. He is fine, I can't lie, but I'm 23, have a boyfriend and suddenly as he smiled at me I felt very self conscious. Sometimes when very good looking people hit on me I feel weird because although I feel I have a pretty face, I think my body is a mess.
Anyone else feel weird getting hit on?:(
04-18-2008, 02:24 PM
Yeah, whenever someone compliments me I just smile and keep on walking. I know this may sound horrible, but it's been hard for me to adjust to taking compliments from people. You hear one thing for over 20 years and then all of sudden you hear another, it's just kinda weird. Don't get me wrong, I'm confident in myself as a person and it's nice to hear that people are noticing all the hard work...but it's still something that's going to take a little bit of getting used to. I'm sure you're vey beautiful though Michelina, and I'm sure you deserve whatever compliments you receive!
04-18-2008, 02:26 PM
yep definitely. I ran into Linen N Things a couple of days ago to get a food scale and got hit on by a worker there when I had to ask him to show me where they were. He was nice but I'm married and didn't even realize he was flirting with me until I got home with my purchase lol. I just hope he didn't think I was rude since it just does not occur to me that someone could possibly be flirting with me espeically since my hair was a mess and I had no makeup on and wasn't really dressed to the nines either.
04-18-2008, 03:05 PM
This is going to evidence exactly how little self-confidence i hae, but here goes. When i get hit on randomly, like not by guys i know, i assume that they hit on every woman they meet. I'm not particularly pretty. I have a large chest, but overall not a great body. I don't wear make up, or put all that much effort into my appearance overall. there's nothing striking about me that would cause a guy to go out of their way to hit on me if they don't just do so to every female they see. I'm really intellingent, motivated, and going places in life, but that's not something they see when i'm walking down the street, so i don't get why they do it.
Today, I left CVS and was walking back to work. I passed a Rita's (italian ices and custards and shakes and stuff), on the corner, and there were three guys standing outside of it. Two of them came up to me and said things like "hey beautiful, can i buy you an ice cream or something?"....i don't get it. I don't mean to sound self-depricating, just being honest, I don't understand and assume they must say things like that to any female in their 20s, 30s, or 40s who isn't like, absolutely frightening to look at.
04-18-2008, 03:12 PM
Yeah i do feel weird. first of all because i'm married aND SECOUND OF ALL BECAUSE IM ON THE CHUNCKY SIDE! sometimes i feel that they just hit on you becase they think hey her self esteem is low i bet ya she has not had any in a long time. so they think were simple prey
04-18-2008, 03:19 PM
Take a Hint from Children:
Have you ever noticed a very young child when he or she gets a compliment? They not only say 'thank you' they also tell what else they can do. There is a lesson to be learned there.
When I get hit on I automatically assume they are making fun of me or that it's a big joke their friends put them up to. I hate being complimented, I always get very self concious instead of graciously accepting the compliment.
And if I get hit on at the bar, I assume the same as nutrition junkie that they hit on every woman they meet.
p.s. nutrition junkie, you're gorgeous. you're very exotic looking, and you're smile is very inviting.
I found the following in an article about accepting compliments:
As adults, we are so often critical of ourselves that we are thrown off-balance when someone gives us a compliment. Life should not be about perfection, it should be about doing the best you can be at any given moment. And when someone recognizes that in you, accept it graciously.
How many times has someone given you a compliment and instead of just taking it and saying 'thank you' the way you did as a child, you instead say "well, I could have done better." Or "oh really?, I only wore this because I had nothing else to wear."; "I'm not really smart, I just got lucky!" You get the picture. The worst response may be, "Oh it was easy, anyone could have done it." This kind of negative response makes you appear to be less than you really are and puts the person who gave you the compliment in the position of defending his assessment of you or questioning his own judgment.
Someone says to you "your hair looks great!" Your response is "I hate my hair like this, it looks like I cut it wearing a bowl." This says to the other person, You have no taste, or if you do it's incredibly bad. Now both of you are embarrassed because you can't take a compliment.
04-18-2008, 03:28 PM
I am like a couple others here... when (if) I get hit on I think it's all a big joke and they're just seeing how I'll react so they can laugh about me later.
I rarely dated during highschool... although I think I have an attractive face (and huge boobs) I think my size (width AND height) ruined my chances in highschool. My freshman year in highschool I went to a date dance at an all-=boys school with an old friend... another guy at the school asked me to dance and my guy friend told him no. I wondered why, and then I saw that other guy go back to a group of all his buddies and laugh and hoot and give high fives and point at me. My guy friend says, "That guy's a jerk. His friends put him up to it. I saw it coming."
Yeahhhhh... so that's kinda always been how my life has gone since then. I can accept a compliment... but flirting? I think he's either playing a joke on me and making fun of me, or else he's just a general perv.
The ONLY time I ever graciously accepted flirtations (and the only time I really think I was ever truly the subject of them) was when I met my hubby 6 years ago in a country bar. And why was I accepting of it then? I had just lost almost 40 pounds and was in a size 14 and was looking HOT in a short black sexy skirt and I FELT sexy.
Being obese... it's hard to feel sexy about YOURSELF... let alone convince yourself that a perfect stranger finds you sexy as well. Ya know?
One of the things I post on here alot is that, although I'm married now, I want to get down to a nice sexy weight and go out, hit the clubs, dress all sexy, and just enjoy being LOOKED at and APPRECIATED for my looks and for being a woman. I never got to do that b/c my size ruined my college years... the time I SHOULD have been out having fun and soaking up attention from men. I won't cheat- I dont' want an affair. I just want to be complimented and looked at "that way"
04-18-2008, 03:53 PM
Wow, all this talk of "when I get hit on" or "when a guy hits on me" or whatever...you should all take the compliments. I have NEVER been hit on in person in my entire life. Never. How's THAT for making someone feel unattractive? Thank god for the internet or I never would have gotten a boyfriend. Guys are much more willing to talk to me sight unseen.
*sigh* The grass is always greener...
04-18-2008, 04:05 PM
I know you you guys feel, I've been there. I felt like that when I was thin though. I'm a very shy person, was always the nerd in school...I remember in high school someone put a note in my locker...it didn't even register first of all that it was meant for me, so I stuck it in my backpack with the intention to see who it was meant for later...anyway, fast forward a week or two, I finally saw it in the bottom of my bag and opened it up, it was a 'secret admirer' type note....and I then assumed it WAS meant for me, but as a cruel joke. Of course as the note wanted me to meet the 'admirer' long before I ever read it, I never really had the chance to see if it was actually real or not, though I'm not really sure what I would have done if I had the opportunity to try and meet the 'admirer'. In college I shed the nerd reputation and lost some of my shyness and did actually manage to date guys and not assume any attention was a joke. Wish I could really tell you how that all came about, I don't really remember as there was just so much change in my life at the time. Maybe not being known as the shy nerdy girl was enough to make me feel comfortable living as if the label didn't apply to me. I don't know. Even at my heaviest (I started gaining weight after college) I generally took compliments at face value. I guess I was just less insecure than I was in high school for whatever reason, although even now I wouldn't say I'm a terribly confident person. Basically, I don't even understand myself and theres not really a moral to the story here. lol.
04-18-2008, 04:08 PM
Hahaha. The only times I've been hit on are under completely bizarre circumstances.
My favorite one is when the cashier at the grocery store asked me if my little brother was my son. (There's more to it, but that's the funny bit)
I just try to keep polite conversation and ignore being hit on. I'm not going to get their hopes up (:p) but I'm not going to be rude, either.
04-18-2008, 04:38 PM
I can say I've felt the same way. At time it feels like my attitude more than my size is holding me back from dating.
I can usually act flirty and confient for the first 10 min or so but once it moves from casual to a semi-serious conversation or he offers to buy me a drink I compleatly cramp up and act anxious. I can't make it to that second step without shooting myself in the foot. I hate to say it but I act like a fat girl (after the first 10 min) will hang on the guy, be TOO flirty and in some odd way try to overcompensate for the extra 50 pounds I'm carrying around. It's something I've been trying to work on, because I want to get better at dating.
04-18-2008, 04:49 PM
I blush and giggle. Yeah, I'm a tard.
04-18-2008, 05:47 PM
It depends on who's doing the flirting. For me, it seems that the majority of guys who flirt with me are low life's or are drunk. It's hard to take either seriously.
If a hot guy is flirting with me, but is drunk, I just chalk it up to "beer goggles" and I tend to get annoyed with him. I think to myself "Oh, I'm only good looking when you're DRUNK??"
If a sober good-looking guy flirts with me....well, then I just get flustered and shy, and have no idea what to do. So, I am a tard, too.
It's no wonder I'm single. ;)
04-18-2008, 06:04 PM
Wow.. I thought I was the only one out there who didn't know how to take compliments! This may sound bad but I'm "glad" that I'm not the only one. As long as I can remember, I had problem taking compliments well. I just don't know what to say or what to do or how to respond..The article raiatheplaya posted does give me some idea... I always thought guys are either making fun of me, being sarcastic, or something like that. Never really thought I looked good or pretty or anything...Probably because I was always big through my whole life... Now that I'm trying to change my life style, I guess I have to practice that, too...along with being more confident with myself... =)
04-18-2008, 06:06 PM
I've only been actually hit on once that I can remember...
And it was by the guy working at the Burger King drive thru....
First of all... fat girl hit on at the fast food drive thru = hilarious. Second of all, I was SO confused. I didn't know what to think. I honestly looked at my passenger seat, before I realized I was the only person in the car... gee that screams confidence doesn't it! :lol:
Maybe he was just trying to make sure I kept coming back as a repeat customer! ;)
just keep swimming
04-18-2008, 07:58 PM
One time a couple of years ago, this kid who was probably around my age hit on my mom while I was with her. Great. :lol:
04-18-2008, 08:07 PM
I smile and blush too I also loose all brain cells I ever had.
When I first started talking to my fiance over the phone he had me giggling and blushing and then we started to talk about Europe (He was in England at the time) and I wanted to impress him. So I said (and I quote)
"I can tell you all the continents in Europe!"
Needless to say he stick around...no idea why, though. :rofl:
04-18-2008, 08:10 PM
I'm flattered but I just flash them the wedding ring and say "sorry, I'm taken" :smug:
04-18-2008, 08:26 PM
Ok this is kindof a funny conversation. I never got hit on until I lost a bunch of weight so it was very much a new territory to me. So much so that I normally don't realize that I am getting hit on most of the time. I will go to the bar and my sisters will say the next day yeah so and so was really into you then I would be like oh I guess that was happening.
Hmmm I guess this is why I am not dating anyone because I never realize anyone is into me.
And on a side note my clients at my intership (who are like 50 year old plus vets) have taken to hitting on me wihch is really creappy beause they are older then my parents and second I am acting as their legal advisor. I guess such is life, I just smile and continue on.
04-18-2008, 09:07 PM
I can tell almost to the pound the dividing line of having guys hit on me vs. not hitting on me. At 5'2" and a curvy shape even at my leanest, I get compliments up to about 150 lbs. Any more, and I notice they dramatically drop off. LOTS more attention when I am a toned 135...which is why I am back here after a stressful 2 yrs.! LOL
04-19-2008, 01:09 AM
I'm in the same sinking boat. I can't take a compliment for nothing. It doesn't help that the majority of guys that hit on me are creepy, old, and/or (not to sound shallow) ugly. It's usually a combo of all three. It's like 'Dude, I'm 21! You probably have great grand kids older than me! Perv.' And like most of you, if a good looking guy hits on me, I tend to think it's a joke because most of the time, it is. My confidence and self esteem are just rock bottom, I'm not in denial about it, I really don't see anything attractive about me. I'm trying to work on that though. I just became comfortable with the fact that maybe I do have a gorgeous smile. :^:
04-19-2008, 10:06 PM
It's funny, I work at a bank during the summer and my first year there this one guy who was actually quite good looking asked me out. I had just turned 19 at the time and he didn't realize how young I was...:P
Now I do get the occasional guy hitting on me at a bar or club...and usually I'm reasonably drunk so I don't do too badly in responding.
The guy at the Subway I go to tries to flirt with me...hahahaha. He has my sub order memorized - I'm not sure who that says more about :o
04-19-2008, 10:14 PM
when a guy hits on me, my first thought is "huh, me?" --but then after i am a fliriting machine!
04-20-2008, 12:00 AM
Last summer I worked in a customer service center for a cell phone company. Yes, I am from Tennessee and have a slight southern accent , its not heavy, but its there. I noticed anytime a guy commented on my accent, he was going to hit on me. Since I don't often get hit on by random guys I do not know, it was flattering and creepy at the same time. One guy even tried to get my private phone number when I was through helping with his cell phone problem. Ummm NO.
just keep swimming
04-20-2008, 01:40 AM
I can tell almost to the pound the dividing line of having guys hit on me vs. not hitting on me.
I thought it was just me, Gypsy! :lol: I have noticed the same thing. I think my cutoff's around 155... Not too far off, I suppose.
04-21-2008, 10:33 AM
You hear one thing for over 20 years and then all of sudden you hear another, it's just kinda weird. Don't get me wrong, I'm confident in myself as a person and it's nice to hear that people are noticing all the hard work...but it's still something that's going to take a little bit of getting used to. I'm sure you're vey beautiful though Michelina, and I'm sure you deserve whatever compliments you receive!
You're right. I was so used to hearing things in high school, when I finally got older I started hearing how fine I was according to some. And I just looked at them like they were on crack. I don't feel like I'm ugly. I have a nice face, but I wish my body was better and I'm working on it. When I get these compliments I just can't tell if its a joke or if they really think I'm sexy. And if it's that they think I'm sexy...as I said I wonder if they are high. :dizzy: