I bought Bob Harperís new book ďAre You Ready?Ē and he gives a list of questions in the first chapter I assume to see if you really are ready to lose the weight: Do you trust the process? Do you trust yourself? Can you suspend disbelief and trust in a Higher Power, God, yourself, or the Universe to help you through this period of change?
I donít. I canít.
His questions helped me realize what Iím missing. I have a plan, written down in detail. I have a daily checklist. If I do these things, I will lose weight. But I just donít believe itís possible.
But I canít seem to get up the ďmentalityĒ, the belief that I can do this again, that I can succeed and wind up in a place, a body that I want (still have the ďloose skinĒ nightmares). So each morning, I talk myself out of my workout and by each evening, Iím off my diet plan. I am walking more, but I know that if I donít stick with my eating plan, all my exercise only helps me maintain, which is something. But it seems useless if I canít get to the body Iím dreaming of.
So far, Iím venting. I appreciate you listening. I donít know where to go with this. I donít know how you learn to believe again.
04-15-2008, 11:44 AM
Barb, I don't really have any wise words. But I do want to send some :hug: :hug: :hug: your way.
04-15-2008, 12:01 PM
Barb, I don't know if this will help, but I didn't believe that I could do it either when I started on the last diet. I had failed hundreds of times and in my heart of hearts, I didn't believe I ever could lose more than 100 pounds, let alone keep it off.
But I knew that I had only failed if I stopped trying, so I vowed to try one more time. What was the alternative? To accept that I would be morbidly obese for the rest of my life? I wasn't ready to say that.
So I took it day by day, just focusing on getting good days under my belt (like Lyn and her green Xs :D ). I can remember my astonishment when I went to bed the first night and realized that I had stayed under 1600 calories for the day. I didn't even believe that I could do that for one day!
But each good day is a brick in a wall. As you add the days and cement the bricks into place, the wall gets stronger and stronger. Eventually you build a wall that nothing, not even a hurricane, can knock down.
I never looked at the big picture and never asked myself if I believed that I could do it. I just took it five pounds at a time, one day at a time, and much to my complete and utter amazement, I managed to reach my goal.
Barb, instead of focusing on whether you believe you can reach your goal or what your life and body will be like when you get there, could you just concentrate on today? Can you follow your plan and your checklist for one day? Because, in the end, that's all you have to do. One day at a time. :)
04-15-2008, 02:08 PM
I just wanted to send some encouragement your way! I also love Meg's "One day at a time" idea. It makes the whole process so much less overwhelming for me and hopefully it will for you as well!
04-15-2008, 03:26 PM
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" - Confucius
Alright, I don't know anything about your background, age, weight, marital status, and I don't know any of your personal beliefs. I do know that if you don't believe in yourself, no one else is going to believe in you. Are you losing weight for the right reasons? are you losing the weight for yourself or for someone else? If you're eating until you're full, and you don't think you could possibly eat any less, exercise more. If you burn more calories than you consume, you'll lose weight. None of this low carb, low fat, low sodium, no taste stuff matters. Exercise, exercise, exercise. I don't know your beliefs, but try looking up to a higher power for belief. God, Deus, Allah, Ishvara, Yahweh. when you're at your most vulnerable, physically and mentally, and you don't think you'll ever be able to believe anymore, they'll be there, cheering for you till the end.
If you're not a spiritual person, maybe reading inspirational, self-engaging books will allow you to open up to yourself and teach you to believe. I'm currently reading 'Eat, Pray, Love' and it's absolutely fantastic. I recently read 'Tuesdays with Morrie', and it was life changing. There are lots of great books, and if you don't want to buy them, you can borrow them from the library, or from friends. When I'm feeling unmotivated, I'll read stories of people who've met their goal, and look at all their pictures, and it shows me that if they can do it, I can do it.
If you don't think you'll be able to do it, find a buddy either a friend, or someone on this website, and that way you can get some credibility. If you've done something good or you've done something bad, you can share with them. Find someone in your age and weight range, so you'll have plenty to talk about, and add a little competition to it. That way you'll be motivated to keep on track because now you've got someone cheering you on, and you don't want to let them down.
These are just a few ideas, and I hope they help:) good luck! WE believe in you, now YOU just have to believe in you.
04-15-2008, 03:54 PM
Barb, I would also go along with Meg. Take one day at a time. Perhaps instead of thinking of it as a "diet plan" turn it around to be changing your eating habits and creating a healthier lifestyle. Everytime someone says anyting about me being on a diet I tell them I'm not on a diet, I just choose to better for my health. When you feel discouraged post, when you accomplish a goal post. We are all here to support one another whether it be a happy post or not so happy post.
04-15-2008, 03:57 PM
Sometimes this journey is such a headtrip. When I start feeling overwhelmed by the big picture, by the open-endedness of this process, by the fact that I need to change my relationship with food, movement, and my body for the rest of my life.....I start to get a little anxious and I feel the doubt. The doubt is human. You are human.
But you know, I'm not sure you have to believe all the time. That is a mental exercise. You don't have to believe, you just have to DO. Does that make sense? Sometimes I need to push aside all the head games and just make my next food on plan. Do my exercise for the day. Just focus on the next piece. That is the only piece you can really control anyway. One piece, one step, one behavior at a time, and physics says the rest will fall into place.
04-15-2008, 04:23 PM
I don't have much for words of wisdom. Wanted to offer you some support. I love the one day at a time idea. It isn't what works for me, because if I keep saying if I just get through today, then that means that tomarrow I might not even consider eating right or exercising.
I never thought much about believing that I could do it or not. I just knew that I was at a point where I have no more options. I don't have an option to not exercise, I don't have an option to eat more than my 1600 calories a day. I don't want to be fat for the rest of my life, so I have to change myself and I have to do it now, not tomarrow. I have given myself 6 months, with no options of falling off the wagon. If at 6 months I have failed, then I am going for Lapband.. which is not something I want to do! The thought of it scares the crap out of me, so I promised myself that I would make it that 6 months, and I would come out way on top! I haven't been off plan one single day since I started. The thoughts in my head are so different this time. For the first time ever I didn't start this with my only goal being skinny, it is more about learning to eat proper portions, and cut back on the unhealthy snacks.
04-15-2008, 06:33 PM
Meg gave you such great advice. I just wanted to let you know you can do this. Tell yourself you're going to focus on one thing today and do that one thing. That way you'll start believing in yourself that you can do something you set your mind to do. :)
04-15-2008, 06:43 PM
Honestly? Most of the time, I don't believe I can do this either. So, I just keep faking it and I refuse to quit. I've managed to lose over 30 pounds and have kept it off, so faking it seems to work okay. It's kinda funny...I believe I can lose 10 more pounds, but 80 more seems impossible. So, I keep trying for another 10....then another...then another.