Nothing much on the agenda for the day, it's supposed to be raining, but I don't know because it's still too dark out to see. :) Maggie's class is putting on a little skit at assembly this morning, so I want to make out there in time for that, and we're going to the library after school. I was stuck inside from 9 until 2 yesterday because Cindy was getting FIOS, and someone had to be in the house while they were there. I did get a lot of little things done, though, which Cindy really appreciated. I can't say the same about the girls, though. I went through their rooms and playroom and threw out tons of stuff. :devil:
Nessa, hooray for getting your boot off! Just take it easy on that foot, though, so you don't re-injure it!
Schmoodle, I hope your ankle is better today. I can sympathize with you, I've broken the same ankle 4 times now, and it constantly gives me grief. Take care!
To everyone else, :grouphug: all around! Let's make it a good day. :)
04-11-2008, 07:37 AM
good morning cottage-woohoo I'm #2 to post this morning. Hope all is well around the world today.
04-11-2008, 07:48 AM
Good morning, Cottage and TK. Linda, I do hope Cindy gets over her FIOS quickly! What the heck is it anyhow?
Looks like a dull and maybe snowy/rainy day today - just right for driving to Ottawa - not! It's 34ºF and ice pellets at the moment but will probably get better later. Hershey tells me that the earth in the garden is thawed - she was able to bury her bone out there this morning and has a clay smeared nose to prove it.
We're hoping to be on the road by ten so have a great weekend.
04-11-2008, 08:15 AM
Ruth, Have a safe drive to Ottawa this morning! FIOS is a type of fiber-optic service for super-fast internet, phone and TV, not a disease! :lol:
tk, whatcha doin' up so early today? I hope you get everything all straightened out with your DS, what a stressful situation! :hug:
I went out to water some potted plants and just couldn't resist the temptation to take my breakfast and coffee out there and enjoy it on the patio. :) It's overcast, but it felt so good! I noticed my lily-of-the-valley coming up, and just about everything else has little buds on them. Ahhh, Spring!
04-11-2008, 08:17 AM
Good morning chicks!
I had FIOS once and it took forever to get rid of it.
It is nice here right now, although a little gray, but still warm enough to have the windows open. Which is why I'm up early, since my neighbor decided to run his compressor at 6:50. But it's Friday, so it's all good!
I didn't do my WATP yesterday and my ankle isn't aching right now.
Ruth, have a good trip? Sounds like you are going somewhere...
cottage, want to come do my kids' rooms? That's on my weekend plan, I can hardly walk in there anymore.
Good Friday morning to you tk!
Okay, time to get DD up and in the shower.
04-11-2008, 08:29 AM
Schmoodle, just going to Ottawa but it'll be my longest drive since the operation so it's a bit of a big deal. I'm hoping my leg works when it's time to get out of the car. :lol: It'll be a nice relaxed weekend with my friend, her daughter and some other old girlfriends - and I do mean old! How the heck did that happen?
By the way, I adore your cat avatar. Took me a while to catch on because I sometimes whiz through. :lol:
Thanks for the explanation, Cottage. I must check for my lily-of-the-valley on Monday when I hope snow mountain will be gone. My day lilies are showing and I have rhubarb nipples out there plus chives and Welsh onions!
Come on, Spring, and don't give me that crud about snow or freezing rain!
04-11-2008, 08:29 AM
Good morning... we almost once made the FIOS mistake... i love comcast... but i'm weird.
ruth have a safe trip...
this morning I go to court with DH for his accident.
04-11-2008, 08:42 AM
cottage-every other week i'm up at 430 am to get DH lunch ready and send him off to work. Dh has been waking up DS just as early since this has happened so I can't go back to sleep because can't trust him. Now I've got to get DS2 up and get him ready and off to school. I am just so tired. I also have a cake to do today and a wedding cake to do for tomorrow. Oh, I'm just exhausted. I think I'm falling into a depression. Tried talking to DH last night about it but all he can say is that DS is just stupid and that's that. He doesn't listen to what I say so I went to sleep really depressed and it's just carrying on. I'm so frustrated and depressed.
04-11-2008, 08:44 AM
Nessa, I hope you and DH have a good outcome from his accident!
We don't have FIOS, but I'm eager to see how Cindy's works out. Why didn't you like it, Schmoodle and Nessa? Jake really wants to get it, but I know the price will come down if we just wait.
Rhubarb!!!!!!! I adore rhubarb, and just about any way you can make it. My mother makes the best rhubarb custard pie in the world, and I will gladly go off-plan to enjoy a piece. :T It's a taste of spring!
04-11-2008, 08:52 AM
Quick hey this morning. A bit of a "headache" going on this morning. Went to have "A drink" with a friend yesterday afternoon and it ended up being quite a few more than that. 3 Mango Marguiritas at one place and then 2 sex on the beach at another place with 2 extra shots of malibu rum in each. Couldn't help myself...the weather was gorgeous and we sat out on the patios at both places. My chest is sunburned and it was all worth it. Guess I've done my drinking for the next 6 months or so. Come on tylenol.
04-11-2008, 08:58 AM
Okay, I stopped reading at the mango margaritas and went to my happy place ;) There is a place in town that makes pomegranate margaritas and you can sit on an open roof overlooking the river. Of course you wouldn't want to do that yet!
All's well here and it's another Friday off. I will miss these when I run out of days off, unless the board adds a week to our total. Then I'll never run out :carrot:
The sun is peaking through and making us think it will be nice out but I know the rain is nearby. We are going to run out and do a little birding before the downpours so I'll be back later for personals.
04-11-2008, 08:59 AM
femme-my hubby says the best thing for a "handover" is either motrin or ibuprofin. We have 800 mg of it so it works. I don't drink but the way I'm feeling today, I think it would help.
04-11-2008, 09:17 AM
TGIF, indeed!! :dizzy:
Cottage: I have to say I've never heard of FIOS - and would have thought she was sick if somebody hadn't asked before me! :rofl: Enjoy your day with the girls - I bet they were shocked to come home and find Nanny Linda had thrown out all their precious things! ;)
tk: I hope that today is a better day than it has been for you! :hug:
Ruth: Be careful on your drive, I hope that it's warmed up a bit. Enjoy your weekend with the girls!! :D
Schmoodle: Well, looks like we're both abandoning our night-owl-dom for the week. Sorry you were woken up so rudely. Hope you're able to have a nice, ankle-pain-free day!
Nessa: I hope that everything goes well for DH and court today! Enjoy walking around with your boot-less self!!
Cat: It sounds like you had A LOT of fun with your friend yesterday! At least it's Friday. Hope you don't have too many clients to work for this weekend. I'm passing you a bottle of water and some tylenol! Hope it helps! :lol:
Cyndi: Enjoy your birding and your day! Hope it's pleasant! Pomegranate margaritas sound YUMMY!!
Me: DH and I are in shock as it's the second day in a row I've woken up before 6 am to get in a nice workout AND eat breakfast before even thinking about showering for work. I hope it sticks. It sure is nice to get home from work and go straight to making dinner or cleaning rather than trying to do it after a 45 minute workout.
Not much going on here. Work, get home and clean the house, leftover Meatball Casserole, roasted zucchini and salad for dinner, and then Star Wars: A New Hope is from 7 - 10 pm. We will be lazy couch potatoes for that. At least I'll be able to work on my grandma's lapghan. I want it and one for my grandpa to be ready for them when I go visit on July 4th and I'm WELL ahead of schedule. Thank goodness.
Well, off to do the dishes and then jump in the shower! Hope everyone to come has a great day!
04-11-2008, 09:38 AM
TK - this is only my two cents, so take it for what it's worth. Counseling without your husband will not be nearly as effective as if you are all there. However, maybe you could try this: talk to your DH and say that you understand that he is opposed to going to a psychologist with your son, but see if he'll let YOU go to get some ideas for behavior management. BehMan is simply strategies to parent a difficult child. Your son will not be labeled, and he doesn't necessarily have to have a "problem" for its techniques to work. Potty training a child is simply behavior management. You have an issue you want changed, and you effectively convince the kid it's better to do what you want. Punishments are a behavior management as well. You just want to go to a psychologist who can tell you based on all kinds of experience the exact kind of behavior management you need for your son. Kids are definitely NOT stupid. They are manipulating you to get what you want, and often they don't even realize they are doing it.
It is sort of like us and food. At some point, we've turned to food for distraction/comfort and it hit the spot. At another later point, even though we know we shouldn't be doing it, we still continue to overeat and eat junk, even though we know better. We need to modify our behavior to fix that.
Ask your husband if it would be OK if YOU take your son for a few weeks just to get some ideas. No meds involved. However (THIS IS A KEY POINT) even though he doesn't want to go to the psychologist, ask if he will be a cooperative partner in the behavioral management. Ask if he is WILLING to fully put forth the effort to do the techniques, even if he doesn't think they will work. Tell him he can consider it a three month experiment, but he has to be just as dedicated to doing the techniques as you are. That is a key point, because your son will start playing you guys off of each other if your husband isn't on board.
That is not to say that behavioral management can't work without your husband's cooperation. In my experience, I found that my husband was not fully cooperative and would resort to yelling and punishing. I stuck to the methods, though - and my husband saw that there were better results with the new methods and eventually used them completely.
I was totally against counseling as well, which is why it took me five years to do it. However, the problem was that I did not understand in the least what it was all about. The doctor in no way labeled my son. In fact, he never even used the official name of what he had, he just used the adjectives "oppositional" and "defiant" and I did a search on it to find that it really did describe him.
I urge you to make some calls and find a psychologist who specialized in behavioral management of difficult children. It may be that your husband's PTSD has played a role in your son's behavior, but no child is defined by one set of circumstances. There are many other things that have happened in your lives that have affected him as well, and those things you can change. If you change those things and your husband still suffers from PTSD, your son can still improve.
As the psychologist said to me "Your son's behavior will not change unless you make it change". If you do not find a way to change him, he will be an adult acting exactly the same way. This isn't something your son is going to reason himself out of. It's about as thoughtful as saying your husband should just decide to NOT have PTSD and it should be gone.
OK, I"m stepping off of my soapbox now. Good luck.
04-11-2008, 09:50 AM
:carrot: It's Friday! The start of the weekend is just a few hours away.
Cottage I hope you enjoy Maggies skit. Breakfast on the patio how nice
Ruth enjoy your drive & be safe
Schmoodle glad to hear the ankle pain has eased
Nessa good luck in court
Cat sounds like you had a great time with your friend
Kim those early morning workouts give a great energy boost for the day. Since you can't eat a potato might as well be one ;) - enjoy your couch time
:wave: TK & Cyndi
Well I am a bit upset :( this morning as the scale was not what I thought it would be. I was so good with my eating and exercising. Even though the scale sucked I was able to wear a pair of pants today that I haven't been able to wear for a few years so thats a +
04-11-2008, 10:10 AM
fluffy-thanks for the advice. I didn't think of just me and my son going. I was purely just thinking of us as parents and him going but now that I think about it, maybe I can go and see what he has to say and maybe he'll say something that'll "tick" into my hubby's brain and make sense of it all. I'll try talking to him. He didn't wanna listen to me last night when I was almost in tears about how I'm feeling, I just wonder if he'll listen to this. He's a very stubborn man and I guess that's what really get me frustrated. He doesn't wanna listen to me when it comes to things like this and all he says is that my son doesn't need counseling, he's just stupid. Counseling isnt' gonna do anything for him. I get so frustrated. Maybe I should tell him that when he goes to the couselor he feels better and does alittle better each time, it might be like that with my son. If he goes, his behavior might be better because he'll feel better. He doesn't have friends and he doesn't feel accepted anywhere and maybe talking to someone besides me and my hubby he'll feel better and start behaving better. What do we have to lose? I tried telling DH that maybe he feels unaccepted here at home that's why he feels he needs to be accepted by the bad peers at school, that's why he does what he does and my husbands comment back was that DS is just stupid, it has nothing to do with being accepted. I'm just in tears about it all.
04-11-2008, 10:24 AM
What I found with the counseling with my son was that it was LESS about my son's frame of mind and "talking" than it was more of how we interacted with him and how we parent him. It wasn't that the psychologist was trying to mine my son's brain and get him to change. It was more of giving us ideas how to change his behavior, how it worked, what to modify. There wasn't any trauma that our son had to be talked through, it was just how we as parents were letting him run our lives and how we could gain control in a positive way. I think that's where your husband might have an issue - and I would,too. It's not that your son is going to go there and talk to the doctor and it will all work itself out in your son's head. It is about helping YOU to be a better parent. Your son is there to be observed to see what his behaviors actually are. Does that make sense?
04-11-2008, 10:29 AM
yeah, it does. I think like you said, it is an issue with DH on how to control in a positive way. He feels that a child needs hard discipline, not a simple "don't do that again" type of discipline. That's where I am frustrated.
04-11-2008, 10:30 AM
He feels that controling in a positive way is too simple and it's not gonna work, well, obviously yelling and hard discipline isn't working for him, right?!
04-11-2008, 11:01 AM
sorry, no personals. haven't got it in me;(
feelin like a bad news bear..after more pelvic pain/symptoms despite antibiotics back to ob-gyn who now thinks it's an ovary infection. feverish and icky. at least i've got insurance but i am not reassured by the quality of my docs.
04-11-2008, 11:07 AM
jandaman: :hug: Hope they get everything taken care of. I'm sorry about the doctor situation - I've been through similar situations before and it really stinks. Get some rest!!
Gonna: Thank you, I will enjoy couch time tonight! I even did some straightening up before work so that all I really need to do is sweep, dust, clean the kitchen counters and mop. Wahoo! Congrats on getting into those pants! You're doing great - maybe you're adding on some muscle, but still shrinking and that's the reason for the scale going up.
Hello, Krystal! Have a great day! :wave:
04-11-2008, 11:10 AM
Janda hope all works out for you :hug:
Thanks Kim I sure hope your right
04-11-2008, 11:44 AM
No time for personals, ladies. I have everything packed, I hope. And am just waiting for the dryer to finish before I leave. Camp is about two hours away from here - out in the boonies where my cell phone doesn't work.
I need to stop by the fire station and see if I can get some stuff signed for Twilight Camp and then I'll head out.
Roundtable worked out well last night. Brian didn't get home from his field trip until 8:30 since the mom who was driving had to wait for other other parent to show up. He did great. Heated up a piece of pizza in the microwave, got himself some milk and later some ice cream. He had fun at the Beta Club convention yesterday. Today is a half day at the convention. Hopefully everything will go well with his Dad dropping him off for his campout but I know I have done everything possible to arrange things.
Have a great weekend! I'll be back sometime on Sunday but I'm sure I'll be busy trying to get grocery shopping done and picking up Brian from his campout so I'm not sure if I can check in until Monday.
04-11-2008, 12:05 PM
TK - It's not necessarily "nicer" discipline, it's just quieter.
Let me give you an example. My son was very slow in the mornings. He would go into his room, sit on his floor and basically DO NOTHING instead of getting dressed for school. You would think a 10 YO should get himself dressed, but he would not. It was a quiet defiant act of his, though he gave you more the impression he had forgotten what he had to do. Before, I would get really angry at him, yell and threaten, and the situation would dissolve into him yelling back, me angrier each time, and still he wasn't dressed!
In the "new" scheme of things, the doctor said that if he is acting like a 3YO, then to treat him like a 3YO and dress him. NOT yell at him, but to really and truly remember how I dressed him as a 3YO. "OK, honey... let's get these jammies off and into clean clothes for the day. Arms up! Over your head... OK, here's your shirt, do you want to put it on, or do you need some help?"... that kind of thing. NOT mocking, and not sing-song.
All the while, DS is protesting he CAN DO IT HIMSELF, to which the answer was "You haven't done it yourself, so I'm helping you like I would any young child who couldn't dress himself." (All in a very calm, non-mocking voice.)
Can I tell you that it took ONE TIME for this method to work? After that, if I sensed he wasn't dressing, I would simply (calmly and not mocking) ask him from down the hall "Do you need some help getting dressed today?" Zoom! The kid was dressed.
It's not that you are meaner or stricter, you are just smarter. It took ONE time for that method to work. For YEARS I spent my mornings yelling for him to GET A MOVE ON, and HURRY UP... IF YOU DON'T GET DRESSED, I'll.....
I like the new mornings much better.
04-11-2008, 12:19 PM
Good morning ladies,
I'm new around these parts, but i've been reading your chat and wanted to say hi!
TK - I'm compelled to share my 2 cents about your son, coming from a Special education background and dealing primarily with behavior modification, but I won't unless you'd like me too. However, I think you're getting good advice from FluffyK.
My day will begin shortly when the students arive @8:30. Tonight my dh and I are going over to friends for wine and poker. I'm going to do my best to stay away from the chips and snackies. I plan on bringing a good supply of veggies and cheese to snack on. The wine.......I really hope to keep it to 3 glasses. Our friends are all in the food and entertainment industry so their taste in wine is impecable. Really hard to pass up a glass of wine that's fantastic.
I was supposed to walk with a co-worker this morning, but she lost her keys and is in a panic to find them. Hopefully I'll find some time today to get in a short walk.
Tomorrow I'll be up and early in order to get to the USO to volunteer. I'm going to need a lot of willpower. There's SO MUCH FOOD there. My plan is to be sure to have gum at my disposal. If I have gum in my mouth I'll be much less tempted to put a cookie or a pastry in my mouth.
Anyhow, I hope everyone has a good weekend.
04-11-2008, 12:20 PM
We have Fios and like it. I don't see much difference in it and Comcast. When we move the end of May, we are going to see who has the better deal to offer us and go with them. Fios likes a 2 year contract to get their special prices and I think Comcast only asked for a 1 year deal.
04-11-2008, 12:23 PM
Good Morning, ladies!
TK, from my experience (and mind you it's secondhand experience for now) I've seen that an "asswhoopin" in times like this could be more detrimental than anything. If your son is having problems with feeling like he is accepted, he could be doing what he is doing as a way of reaching out -- if your husband rejects that reach, it could lead to severe resentment in future years and even more rebellion. Tread lightly with this one. I think it is your husband's job to make sure that the family is sound, especially emotionally, and it seems pretty obvious that your son isn't emotionally sound right now. If your husband isn't doing his job...it falls on you, which I know isn't fair. My thoughts are if you think your son needs some therapy, take him. Do what you think is best for your family. It will help in the long run.
My thoughts are with you during this time. I just can't even describe how hard this must be.
Barb, have a great time!
It's about to start raining here :( I was thinking about going thrifting this afternoon (I <3 thrift shop shopping), but I'm not sure if I want to be out in this weather. My husband should be done with work around 2, and then we're headed to our friend's home for this little cooking get together.
We talked to some friends of ours about going camping within the next few weeks. Not too far from here, but in a state park with a lake and whatnot. I don't really want to camp next to RV's, so it looks like we might have to rent the "primitive" camping site....which scares me! I don't want to have to walk 10 miles to pee in the morning! Oh well, it's cheap. $1 per day per person. Can't beat that. :)
I'm taking more steps to living a greener life. I'm changing all our bulbs over to CFL bulbs. I put all the major appliances (tv's, computers) on surge strips to turn off at night so they won't leach power. Unplugged all the smaller appliances when not in use (toaster, coffee maker, kitchenaid mixer). I've also been moving my errands to one day, so I don't drive as much. We bought bikes to make quick trips to the store (less than 2 miles away). My father is going to be installing a rain collection system for us within the month (which will be great for the summer). I've been trying to buy secondhand whenever possible (you would be amazed at what I've found at consignment and thrift shops -- and for cheap! Ebay and Craigslist have been great too) Calvin switched over to re-usable diapers about a month ago, and it's actually worked out quite well! We check out from the library instead of buying DVDs, audio books and regular books. We only buy books if it is something we cannot live without.
I know being Green is the hip thing right now, but I really think it's a good thing to be hip about, plus it saves a ton of money! We calculated how much we spent on diapers before Calvin moved to reusable diapers and it was something like $2000. Sure, it takes an initial investment and water to wash them....but I save them until I have a pretty full load and I line dry them when the weather is nice. Plus, his booty looks really cute in them.
My mantra when I was younger was "Materialism is the barrier to being content"....it worked for my husband and I, but then my son was born and he had to have this and that and this and that again! Now that he's older, we really think about what we're buying him and wonder if he'll just play with it for a minute and then throw it away. He is happy to have anything, homemade toys are his favorite. He loves his set of old keys on a carabeener that he slips on his belt loop, and his different shakers! Best of all, they re-used something that would have just gone to the dump, and they were free as toys!
Most green ways of living require an initial investment...but in the long run, the savings (to your pocketbook and the environment) is worth it.
Have a great day, ladies :)
04-11-2008, 12:44 PM
TK - I am PMing you. Started a post and realized it's a book. ;)
04-11-2008, 01:39 PM
Tk I agree with all the others about the whole getting behavioral counsel. You guys seem to have run out of ways to discipline him that work. So go and learn some new ways. Right now is the time to mold him, if you can't mold him someone else will and it won't be good. This is YOUR time, teach him, learn how to handle him.
[B]Jandaman[B] My advice: get a new OBGYN and whatever other dr's that don't work for you. This is your health and you need to take care of your body. If a Dr isn't meeting your needs, find someone else. Talk to friends, co-workers, family ask them who they see. You may be able to find someone better. And you need some rest, but call around and find someone now.
Me: well, the DH and I had a lovely fight last night, but we talked everything through. We went to bed happy...but we didn't get to bed until about 2 230...and this morning was very nice...
I made breakfast, snack and threw some laundry in the washing machine. I'm going to take a quick nap and then start gettin' my grove on in this place. I'm tired of the mess!!!
And if I have some time I'll try to go on at least a short bike ride or maybe some dancing.. We'll see. Anyhow, I'll be around through out the day... Toodles!! :carrot: :woohoo: :carrot:
04-11-2008, 01:48 PM
Thank you everyone for your help and encouragement. And all of your support. I totally appreciate it. Gotta go and finish my cake and pick up meds and run some errands. Thanks again you guys.
04-11-2008, 02:18 PM
PrincessWhy is it that fights always last until the wee hours of the morning. It seems like my husband and I always have arguments late at night.
probably because we try not to fight in front of our son :(
Glad you guys worked everything out though :)
TKGood luck on the cake, and be sure to post pictures when you finish!
Schmoodle, just wanted to let you know that I tried brining my chicken breasts before we grilled them last night. I always brine whole chickens before baking, but I hadn't even thought about it for grilling! It was exceptional. What a great tip! Thank you!
04-11-2008, 03:22 PM
Hi all! Quick check in. Just finished cleaning house and it looks spectacular, if I do say so myself. Off to saladify myself. :T
04-11-2008, 03:37 PM
[B]Zeff[B] You're sooo right LOL. We were both tired and I don't think that helped... :)
anyhow, my grandmas been in the hospital for a couple months now..on a nursing home floor. She has pneumonia now. And I just got a call from my mom, she's in the ER... So I'll be running. I don't know whats quite wrong, she has a DNR/DNI signed... We'll see.... :(
04-11-2008, 03:45 PM
Princess, My grandmother just went through the same thing. My hearts with you. *hugs*
Also, I'm sure being tired and crabby has something to do with it :)
04-11-2008, 05:02 PM
UPDATE on Brian:
he's going in facing $130 fine, court costs and POINTS
we get there
go in to the court room
the docket is full about 30 names for a 2 hour session.
Brian plead guilty with an explanation when he sent the ticket in so his name was CALLED FIRST. (good sign #1)
The judge looked like someone's grandpa... (good sign #2)
brian goes up there...and the judge asks him:
sir you plead guilty with an explanation did you MEAN to do that? (good sign #3)
brian said: yes sir I did.
Judge: can you tell me what happened
brian explains the accident (i was driving, I looked in my mirror to change lanes, when i looked back a truck was there and I hit it.)
judge: how's your driving record?
brian: pretty good as far as I know sir
judge: (looks up the record and looks at brian and says: you drive for a living?
brian yes sir I do
judge: I am THROWING OUT the guilty verdict. You are being given Probation before Judgement. The fine is reduced to $50.00 and $25.00 court costs. Since your not guilty you have no right of appeal and NO POINTS
<deep sigh> he's feeling so much better....
and i walked in to a ton of stuff at work... i'll try to read everyone later
04-11-2008, 05:36 PM
Good news to hear, Nessa!
04-11-2008, 06:20 PM
Oh, yay, Nessa!
04-11-2008, 06:20 PM
Great news, Nessa! Hopefully now you can both put all of this behind you!
04-12-2008, 12:53 AM
so the Dr.'s give my granma a couple days at the most. Her body is shutting down... I just got home and am going to try to sleep..