Weight Loss Support - Hubby not helping




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danemom
04-09-2008, 01:46 AM
My hubby is on his way to being waaaayyy overweight. All he wants to eat is junk. I found out from co workers he lives on cokes, cheese and crackers and chips from the machine. Any snack I buy for the kids he devours. He will choose to not eat what is made for dinner in lieu of fast food.

I thought maybe by changing my eating habits and excersizing would motivate him but it hasn't. In the past month I have quit buying junk, and started dropping fruit by his office (same employer, different offices). He says he appreciates it, but has put on another 10 pounds, his idea of exercise is getting out of bed and popping on the sofa.

I could care less about his size, love him no matter what, but I am very concerned about his health. I'm afraid that if he doesn't change I'll e a widow before I'm 50.

It's getting difficult for me to watch him eat a double cheesburger and fries and stick to grilled chicken and veggies.

Any ideas?


Jacquie


motivated120
04-09-2008, 02:08 AM
I am going through this with my boyfriend. He has a skinnier frame. He is 6'4" and carry a lot of weight, but has an irregular heart beat and if he doesn't change his fast food diet then he will be going down a very bad path. I need to lose weight for myself and I know that. I don't have to see him everyday, but it still can be discouraging to your own diet.

However, tonight I was telling my bf all the cool features on a website I found for me. It calculates you BMI, overweight/obese categories and what your ideal weight should be according to regular people and doctors. I asked him if he wanted me to calculate his data, just for fun and he said sure. I did and it stated that he was obese as well. People do not like to hear that and now he signed up for the website as well and we are dieting together. He even suggested that we go on a walk tomorrow for our date night. I hope this helps a little.

Lovely
04-09-2008, 07:08 AM
Jacquie - I'm wondering why he's wasting money buying fast food and junk when there's already perfectly good food to be had at home. I guess you can't really help what he does at work, but at home, you might mention that it's nice to have the family eat at the same time, and eat the same things. Or, bring it up as a budget concern. You're already spending good amounts of money on food for everyone.


JayEll
04-09-2008, 07:10 AM
It's not that hubby isn't helping, it's that he isn't interested... :chin:

I can see why you're concerned! But, if I were in your position, I'd concentrate on my own weight loss. The only intake you can really control is your own! Sure, you can keep pointing out that what he's doing isn't healthy for him, and try to provide some alternatives and information--but if he's one of those "spoiled kid" type people, he'll eat exactly what he wants behind your back--until he's ready to change that. In the meantime, stay with your own plan! :cheer2: :cheer2:

Jay

LittleMoonRabbit
04-09-2008, 08:59 AM
I agree with Jay. This is a lifestyle change that requires a total change of mindset. It's a transformation of sorts, and no one can "make" someone be ready for something like that... they need to do it on their own. I would be extremely frustrated, but at the same time, I am not sure what you will be able to do or say to change his mind. I think you should at least tell him how much you love him and how important his health is to you, and how you want to be with him for as long as possible. However, I will say... as your weightloss starts to really show, just seeing you change might be enough to inspire him. Just keep working on your own diet, and just hope that he comes around.

LittleMoonRabbit
04-09-2008, 09:02 AM
By the way, I can understand your frustration. My hubby, while not at all overweight, still has high cholesterol and blood sugar. He was ordered to go on a diet for 6 weeks, and was doing really well. I was very proud of him. Well, he just got his blood test done again, doesn't even have the results yet, but because the test has now been done, he ate Taco Bell yesterday, will have Pizza Hut today and chinese food tomorrow. He's like "Well, it's my reward for being good for 6 weeks" and I am thinking, "yeah, only now you've just polluted your bloodstream with the same stuff that got you on your diet in the first place." High cholesterol and diebetes run in his family, so I am always nervous about what could happen in the future.

BoiseShan
04-09-2008, 10:48 AM
Same boat. Mine's fully supportive, just not interested in taking part in changing his lifestyle for one that's more healthy.

He's barely 40 and has been on cholesteral and blood pressure medication for years. He's perfectly happy relying on these meds rather than getting healthier and controlling these issues naturally. Very frustrating.

BlzMaxGnrCCJkMly
04-09-2008, 11:13 AM
sorry! wish I had the answer! i know what you are going through though. My husband is also overweight, at home he is soooo supportive and wants to eat right and exercise, but I know when I am at work and not around him its a different story, he also tries to convince me on the weekends that its "ok" to eat off plan, i worked hard i deserve it kinda thing! very frustrating!

Scarlett
04-09-2008, 12:45 PM
whatever you do don't nag him about it...theres no better way for him to not hear a word you say when you seriously bring it up. If he wants to eat a cheeseburger let him eat a cheeseburger and let him enjoy it without nagging him. Tell him that your seriously trying to change your eating habits and that you don't want that kind of food in the house to tempt you and that you don't want him to eat in frount of you. ie if he wants to eat junk he has to go out to eat it.

Most guys don't like being told what to do...in most cases the more you nag and pester him about it the more he probably wont want to change. Just set the best example you can and if he doesn't follow there is nothing you can do about it.

you really can't change a guy, either accept him the way he is or get a divorce. Constantly trying to change him when he doesn't want to wont accomplish anything, but raise tension levels in the house.

JayEll
04-09-2008, 12:48 PM
Frankly, nobody likes being told what to do! :lol: In my case, it was "You can have my [fast food] cheeseburger when you can pry it out of my cold, dead fingers." :rofl:

Luckily I pried it out of my own fingers... Now if I want a cheeseburger, it's gonna be a good one, made at home, and counted in my plan.

Jay

Beach Patrol
04-09-2008, 12:59 PM
This really is a tough-e. My husband is also overweight. Not horribly so... in fact, I'm convinced that if he just changed ONE eating habit, he'd lose 30 pounds in a few months. He loves his junk food. Has double portions of the "healthy" stuff. Won't even CONSIDER changes like skim or 2% milk instead of whole milk, wheat bread instead of white, etc.

But at least he acknowledges that he IS overweight & he doesn't like it. That's the first step to doing something about it.

So after months of begging him to "eat healthier" & "help yourself by helping me" etc., he has finally gotten to the point where he's willing to TRY. He has finally gotten it thru his thick man-skull that he isn't 18 anymore (he'll be 37 this weekend!) and he can't just cut back a few days & lose 10 pounds, like he did when he was on the wrestling team in high school.

But I guess after watching me & knowing the health problems I've been thru lately, etc, he is starting to change his ways. One little step at a time. He has stopped keeping change in his pockets at work, so ... no more vending machine crap. He is trying to drink more water & less soda. He is watching his portion size (sometimes...) and he's eating more veggies & lean meats & less fats & junk food.

While I agree with Jay that you should concentrate on your own weight loss (because we can only be TRULY responsible for ourselves!) I do believe that if you keep talking to him, keep the junk food out of the house, etc., you CAN MAKE a difference. You can't MAKE your husband do anything... but the more he sees YOU doing it... maybe it'll start sinking in! :hug:

Erika79
04-09-2008, 01:01 PM
Unfortunately, you can't really make people change in that way. As we ALL know, people will NOT lose weight until they truly want to. It's a new lifestyle, a new mind frame, willpower, the desire, etc.. if you don't want it, it won't happen. HE has to decide on his own, when and if he's willing to change himself.

Thankfully, my husband is of "normal weight" (5'7", 150).. and he would never, ever dare to hit up fast food when I cook a meal at home. That would anger me, for sure. If you spend time and money cooking, IMO, that should be eaten.

I guess what I would do (if you haven't???) is just have a sit down with him, tell him his SIZE isn't of concern.. but his health is. Tell him you think it would be really supportive and fun if you two could "change" together. Then it's up to him. If he doesn't choose to, there's not much you can do.

Definitely plug on by yourself, you deserve that. You change yourself and better YOU.. maybe he'll see the changes, and follow in your footsteps eventually.

MindiV
04-09-2008, 01:09 PM
Same problem here. My husband is 6 feet, 2 inches tall and weighs 285 pounds. Not as much as some, but still too much. He's got big, broad shoulders, and his legs are seriously all muscle. All the fat he's carrying is from his chest to above his hips, which is a horrible place to have it. He's such a broad chested guy I wouldn't want him to lose more than 40-50 pounds, to take him to 245 or 250...I think he'd look great, and normal without being too skinny.

His biggest thing is that he needs exercise. Only he's got serious anxiety issues, and panic attacks on occasion, so he's always embarrassed by things like going to work out, or doing things in front of people where they may see him and think he's "weird." We're working on the anxiety, so maybe those issues will be resolved once he's got a handle on it.

As far as food goes, he's made an effort to make changes. After we got married he started taking a lunch with him to work every day, instead of eating a big meal at a fast food place THEN coming home to dinner. So instead of a Big Mac and large fries he has two light bologna and cheese sandwiches with light mayo, and a small, 140-160 calorie bag of chips. He's cut the sodas to one a day, or less. It's all mental for him...he can be not hungry at all but feel a need to clean a full plate because he "should."

But he's very supportive of my efforts...

dgramie
04-09-2008, 01:24 PM
I can so relate to this issue. My hubby is 6'1" and is now about 250. He has been alot higher 294. He lost weight as the drs have changed his mental meds. He has high cholestrol and blood sugar and is on meds for both. He walks with me and is even lifting weight with me. HE eats healthy meals that i cook but he snacks for hours in the evening. It makes it hard for me to diet at times when he is over on the other end of the couch snacking on chips and candybars. He thinks because his glucose is controlled by meds he is ok eating junk.
MEN!!!!!!!!
debi

kaplods
04-09-2008, 02:46 PM
I've been on the other side of this as well (not in a relationship, but when I younger and living with my parents). I was put on my first diet at age 5, and through all of my childhood and adolescence, when my mom went on a diet, I was pretty much forced to as well. My dad and brother would get "real" food, and Mom and I would eat grapefruit for breakfast, for lunch a salad, and for dinner more salad and baked chicken or fish, and butterless veggies. Looking back, the "diets" were not well-balanced or healthy, especially for a growing child, but in the 70's it was how it was done.

When I was old enough and had the resources to buy my own food, I rebelled. Sometimes almost involuntarily. Nothing makes me want to eat crap like someone ragging on me about how I should eat.

Your husband's recent gain may actually be a good sign. Many times the first stage of change is trying to prove to yourself that you DON'T have a problem. That is, behavior sometimes gets worse before it gets better.

It's hard as a spouse, because you feel the need to educate and mold the other person "for their own good." And this isn't just a "female" thing, my husband is always giving me "advice" (that I generally bristle at and mostly ignore).

My husband has always supported my weight loss, but was pretty uninterested for himself. I asked my husband to join TOPS with me several months ago, and he agreed, but only to support me, but made it clear that he wasn't willing to put much effort in to it. I can't tell you when he started to turn around, but he's done really well. Although I think part of it has been due to the fact that we mostly only "noodge" each other about about eating habits and weight loss on Mondays (the day of our TOPS meeting).

Don't know if any of this would work for you, but regardless it's too distracting (whether you're doing it alone, or even together) to worry about another person's behavior while you're trying to change your own. Finding opportunities to work together (like going for a walk, or preparing a healthy meal) is great, but the challenge is doing it even when the other person isn't interested (whether that's a temporary or permanent condition).

Mrs Snark
04-09-2008, 03:32 PM
I definitely wouldn't nag him about it. I know that if my husband had started nagging me about my weight and what I eat I would have been seriously hurt and it would have damaged both me and our relationship. Weight loss is a pretty personal journey and until someone really wants to make a change and consciously chooses it for themselves, nagging just won't work and could backfire.

Hopefully he'll eventually be inspired by your success and your happiness in making healthy choices. I know I was inspired by my mother (who NEVER, EVER nagged me or said an unkind thing about my weight) when she made lifestyle changes and lost 30 pounds...

twentysixpoint2
04-09-2008, 04:36 PM
I can't relate in the sense of worrying about the SO's health and weight, because my bf is an ectomorph, through and through! I won't say he eats horrible, but probably about twice as much as I do. He gets to indulge in bad treats whenever he feels like it, too.

I wish I had an answer. It's hard to watch someone eat a juicy cheeseburger while you munch on lettuce. It's even more frustrating being the fat one! My best suggestion is to ask that he not do it in front of you. I agree with the others that nagging is going to exacerbate the problem.

danemom
04-11-2008, 03:09 AM
Thanks everyone. I talked to him and told him I wouldn't support his habit :) I wouldn't comment on it. I told him I would love for him to join me at the gym, and offered to pack him healthy snacks for work. I'm just going to wait and see, and take care of me right now!

Jacquie