Weight Loss Support - Here come the ifs




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vintageivy
04-08-2008, 09:00 PM
Hi everyone,
Have you ever felt that your weight holds you back from doing things to get healthy? It is almost like carrying extra chub makes me feel like I cannot and shouldn't do things. I constantly feel as though I am being judged by others. Excersising is difficult for me because I want to excersise but I don't want people to see me doing it. I keep thinking they are looking at me like a spectacle. (look at the fat person sweat! haha) So in some ways I feel too fat to enjoy an active lifestyle because I don't want people judge me.
All of the ifs in my life are getting to me
If I was skinny I could:
Wear a bathing suit
Wear clothes (yes, sometimes I even feel too fat for clothes)
Socialize more
Get more guys attention
Enjoy a meal in public without self consiousness
Excersise without critisism
....blah blah and the list goes on
How do you guys deal with thses thoughts? They are not healthy. Am I just stressing too much?:?:


FreeSpirit
04-08-2008, 09:12 PM
Do you look at other people exercise? Where you're at the beach do you pay attention to what other people are doing or are you busy spending time with your family and friends?

I know it's tough, I deal with the same emotions. But it's just one of those things where you need to, for lack of better terms, suck it up and just do it.

Lunula
04-08-2008, 09:25 PM
Ya know, my brother, who can be kind of a jerk sometimes (LOL) actually one time told me that he respects the "overweight" people he sees at the gym (he is 6'4 and weighs about 195 or so) because he knows it's 10x harder for them to be there. It actually kind of floored me when he said it cause I wasn't expecting it from him.

So yea, people might be looking at you, but there are some who are saying to themselves, "You GO, girl!"


ShannanA
04-08-2008, 09:27 PM
It's kind of hard to just do stuff when people are yelling "fat hog" out their car windows just because you are walking down the road.

When I was bigger I would not wear shorts or tank tops, I would not eat in public, would not eat in my car, would not post pictures other than face pics, would not go anywhere like bars/clubs etc. Working out at the gym was me doing water aerobics with all the other fat people. No way would you catch me in spin class with all the thin college girls.

FreeSpirit
04-08-2008, 09:35 PM
I feel bad about my previous post, it sounds kind of harsh.

I guess what I mean by it is... you can wait until you lose weight to do all of those things, but time sure isn't going to wait. So while you're being afraid, life is going on. I hate to sound all philosophical, but no one knows when life is going to end. No one knows when something terrible is going to happen. Why spend your life being afraid of people who don't even know you? Why let others control your life like that? This is YOUR life, not theirs. Live it to it's fullest and don't let your fears stop you.

Beach Patrol
04-08-2008, 09:51 PM
You're confusing BODY IMAGE with SELF IMAGE.

I love my avatar pic. I was slim, felt great, & was healthy. Didn't mind show'n it off, either, apparently! ;)

But NOW? Would I post a pic of me NOW? Yeah, for you guys. Except I don't HAVE ONE. Why? I figure seeing me how I used to be... how I WANT to be again... inspires me more.

But no way in **** will I let my fat & flubber keep me from donning a swim suit & going to the beach! I may not be wearing a bikini this summer, but there are plenty of tankinis out there & I already own three. I REFUSE to let my unhealthy body take control of my life. Life is TOO SHORT to worry about what other people may think or say about me. Especially strangers. :dizzy:

So I may not be all that cute on the beach this summer, but by golly I shall still frolick!!!! :swim: :beach: :woohoo:

Beach Patrol
04-08-2008, 09:56 PM
Me now ... all 180 pounds of me.

http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/348/myhaircutmarch08hu8.jpg

Me LAST summer - 20 pounds LESS than I am now.... 20 pounds MORE than in my avatar...

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/9281/dsc00506ch5.jpg

kisskiss
04-08-2008, 09:58 PM
i totally understand where you're coming from. Weight can effect our self confidence--It's effected mine sometimes. but we do have to learn to deal with it. I never wanted to go to the gym bc i thought ppl would be laughing at me on the inside. But that's really not the case. PPl don't care about that stuff. In fact, people in the gym are just there to get there own workout done, and get out of there. Try not to let your weight affect what you do in life! ;-)

kisskiss
04-08-2008, 09:59 PM
BEach patrol:
You are so pretty!

Beach Patrol
04-08-2008, 10:05 PM
BEach patrol:
You are so pretty!

Thank you - you're very sweet. I just wanted to make the point that even tho I'm not all 135 pounds in my purple bikini right now, I'm STILL going to the beach!! I'm gonna enjoy the sand, surf & sun!! I want vintageivy & others to understand that LIFE is what you make it! Regardless of whether or not we "weigh the right number on the scale" or have the "right job" or live in the "right house" with the "right spouse" & blahblahblah :blah: Life is SOOOO much more than what we weigh.

OUR WEIGHT DOES NOT DEFINE US. That should be a 3FC motto! :D

3Beans
04-08-2008, 10:05 PM
BEach patrol:
You are so pretty!

Yeah, I was gonna say! Last year, this year, whatever - gorgeous!

ShannanA
04-08-2008, 10:06 PM
Me now ... all 180 pounds of me.

http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/348/myhaircutmarch08hu8.jpg

Me LAST summer - 20 pounds LESS than I am now.... 20 pounds MORE than in my avatar...

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/9281/dsc00506ch5.jpg

Cute! You look a lot like Leisha Hailey

3Beans
04-08-2008, 10:09 PM
I agree with Beach Patrol - life is short. Whatever your weight, your health and mobility are luxuries you should enjoy!

Beach Patrol
04-08-2008, 10:10 PM
Ok.... who is Leisha Hailey?

Someone recently said to me: "Wow! if you had BLONDE hair you'd look JUST LIKE Anna Nicole Smith!" to which I replied simply by looking down at my chest & going "HUH?" ;) :D :rofl:

ShannanA
04-08-2008, 10:11 PM
http://www.leishahailey.org/pictures/Leisha%20Hailey%209.jpg

Beach Patrol
04-08-2008, 10:13 PM
Wow.... Yeah, if I look like her, I AM CUTE! :cb:

kisskiss
04-08-2008, 10:14 PM
I totally see the Leisha thing, but not the ana nicole remark

Beach Patrol
04-08-2008, 10:15 PM
I totally see the Leisha thing, but not the ana nicole remark

Heh! Me neither! Specially in the boobage area!!! :dizzy:

vixjean
04-08-2008, 10:26 PM
Yes you do look like her!

JayEll
04-09-2008, 06:52 AM
Hey! :wave:

Yes, it's really hard to get started at a gym or something like that, but you can always begin exercise with DVDs at home. And, in my experience, if you join a YMCA or other community oriented gym, many of the people you'll see there are overweight, and many of the people who don't look overweight--were! If you saw me at the gym, you might think I had no idea what obese is like, but in fact, I do!

Don't let your "ifs" leave you sitting at home. As everyone else has said, life is too short and can end at any time! Get started... things will change... :cheer2:

Jay

aphil
04-09-2008, 07:46 AM
I agree that you should go ahead and go to the gym if you would like. The Athletic Club where I go and teach classes, has a ladies area, if you are uncomfortable exercising in front of men. There are also classes that are separate from the regular cardio machines/weights areas...so the only people who will see you exercising are the people in the class-not the whole gym. Usually they are so busy doing what the instructor tells them, that they aren't paying attention to the others in the class.

In my classes, I have young 16 year old thin girls...and heavy grandmothers. I have every shape and size in between as well.

griffogrubb
04-09-2008, 08:17 AM
One of the things that I learned about the gym and super fit people is that they have the same struggles that overweight people have. Sometimes they don't want to work out, sometimes they struggle with their diet. Just because they look amazing doesn't mean they can't understand where you're at and what you're going through. I've actually met some really great people and really started enjoying going to the gym once I knew I had some friends there. And, yes, beach patrol you are beautiful ;)

Hat Trick
04-09-2008, 09:59 AM
[FONT="Book Antiqua"]
If I was skinny I could:
Wear a bathing suit

No, if you were skinnier you would feel better wearing a bathing suit but there is NO REASON you shouldn't just march your self to the store and buy one right now! I don't like the water much but we joined a pool ($200 for the summer -- good deal!) that is like 10 mins from us. My two youngest kids (14 and 11) love the water; they really, really like the water if I go in and play w/them. They actually stop fighting! So, had to give in a buy a suit. Tankini w/a longer top and the bottom is skirted to hide the um, terrain of my hips/thighs. Am I self-concious at the pool? Yup, but I don't act it at all (no one can read your mind!) and I don't let it stop me from walking over to the pool (gut sucked in lol) and having fun. If I don't let the pool/water part stop me (really, I'm just not a fan of swimming and pools) then I'm sure the heck not going to let wearing a bathing suit stop me!
Wear clothes (yes, sometimes I even feel too fat for clothes)

Yup, I feel this way too sometimes. These are the days when I put on something extra pretty - maybe a new perfume or jewelry - and just act as if I look fab. Yes, I fake it. You'd be surprised how this can affect your outlook -- on everything..
Socialize more /
Get more guys attention

Know what gets people's attention? Self-confidence and eye contact (a sense of humor can work wonders too! :D). If you project this (even if you are full of self doubt), you will come across to others not as the 'fat' person but as a person they'd like to get to know.
Enjoy a meal in public without self consiousness

The older I get the more I find that most people simply don't pay attention to the 'other guy'. Most people aren't wondering why a 'fat' person is eating out, they're too wrapped up in their self-involved-on-the-cell-phone-oblivious-to-others world. I don't think anyone pays that much attention (this is kind of how I feel when you lose wt. and no one says anything. People just don't pay attention). What do you think when you see a 'fat' person eating out?
Excersise without critisism

Hey, there is always an alternative to joining a gym. DVDs, treadmills, home gyms, free wts, walking the neighborhood, etc. But again, I don't think most people are looking at the 'fat' person thinking 'gee, why are they even bothering?' If they're paying attention to anyone else at all they're probably thinking 'kudos to you for working out -- good for you!!'. YOU probably give them inspiration!

Mrs Snark
04-09-2008, 10:17 AM
As everyone has said, don't let the "ifs" define your life because they don't define YOU.

BoiseShan
04-09-2008, 10:19 AM
I've never let the "ifs" stop me from anything. I know that everyone around me has their own life that they're living so I assume that they're not too concerned with mine. :)

It's hard somethimes, though. Here's a for instance: I was recently talked into playing indoor soccer. Now, I've never even seen a soccer game, and I've never met a sports bra that will let me run comfortably. Regardless, I'm playing. And having fun. Yes, I was self-conscious at my serious lack of ability at first. Then I noticed that even our best player makes bad plays and even has entire games that she's not perfect! She just laughs and says, "Next time I'll be a little better." I think that's all any of us can hope to achieve.

Beach Patrol
04-09-2008, 12:40 PM
I really think that a good deal of this battle is looking at weight loss as a HEALTHY thing, and that "looking good" is just icing on the cake (oh lord, what a pun...) Plus, I've had so many health problems these past 2 years, & not being able to exercise, & feeling like purated crap most of the time... I'm just happy to be OFF the medicine & able to take a 20 minute walk, now! Yes, my hips are wide, but they're shake'n baby! Yes my thighs jiggle, but they are holding me up! Yes, I have "bat wings" & no, I can't fly, but I would if I could!

vintageivy... just remember... losing weight is SO MUCH MORE than how you look, what you wear, etc. Your health is at risk here... DO THIS FOR YOU.

:hug:

kaplods
04-09-2008, 03:10 PM
This is why I think that viewing fat as a moral failing and "disgusting" thing, actually works against losing weight. When being "good" or "socially acceptable" is at stake, people are tempted to take drastic measures to do so as quickly as possible (crash diets that don't work), or to isolate themselves (ironically, especially when it comes to being seen "exercising").

When you start seeing yourself as a person who deserves to participate in life, regardless of your current situation and what "some" people might think, it actually increases the odds of successful weight loss (and even when it doesn't, you're at least enjoying and living your life).

I LOVE swimming, and rarely have let my size or others reactions to it stop me. The water was the only place where I actually sometimes could feel stronger than thinner people (I once had a friend and coworker at a pool during a conference express her envy that I could tread water so effortlessly as she struggled to stay afloat). I enjoyed the awe so much, I didn't explain the physics of the matter - fat floats. She couldn't tread water easily because she was a beanpole, without an ounce of spare fat on her. In college, a swim coach remarked in awe that her thin sister couldn't keep up with my swimming routine (I didn't know whether to be flattered or offended by the automatic assumption that this shouldn't be possible).

Still, it's rarely easy. When my husband and I bought bicycles, a couple years ago, I was terrified of being seen in the neighborhood on the bike. I had to talk myself into it (and through it) many times before it became comfortable. Even when neighbors smiled and waved, I waved back and smiled, but was convinced that they were secretly laughing at me, until I finally realized so what. When you worry about what others think, you're spending alot more time thinking about it than they are.

pamatga
04-09-2008, 04:03 PM
(quote)"Hi everyone,
Have you ever felt that your weight holds you back from doing things to get healthy? It is almost like carrying extra chub makes me feel like I cannot and shouldn't do things. I constantly feel as though I am being judged by others. Excersising is difficult for me because I want to excersise but I don't want people to see me doing it. I keep thinking they are looking at me like a spectacle. (look at the fat person sweat! haha) So in some ways I feel too fat to enjoy an active lifestyle because I don't want people judge me.
All of the ifs in my life are getting to me
If I was skinny I could:
Wear a bathing suit
Wear clothes (yes, sometimes I even feel too fat for clothes)
Socialize more
Get more guys attention
Enjoy a meal in public without self consiousness
Excersise without critisism
....blah blah and the list goes on
How do you guys deal with thses thoughts? They are not healthy. Am I just stressing too much?

It is all between your two ears, vintageIvy, you are driving yourself into an early grave worrying and obsessing about what others think. Does it mean that I am not concerned about what others think? Yes, but I am not going to let it keep me from doing the things that will make my life more interesting or fun.

Once you recognize that you are making yourself feel this way, and not anyone else, you will then begin to do all of those things and more.

You can look for reasons to not do something.....now start looking for reasons to start doing something!