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04-06-2008, 12:01 PM
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#1
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Yogasaurus
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: New England Gal
Posts: 183
S/C/G: 180/120/115
Height: 5' 5"
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OT- ****, No, He Won't Go- to the Hospital
If anyone has experience with placing a physically sick family member in a hospital/ rehab center against their wishes, I would really appreciate all of the wisdom that the ladies (and gents) of 3FC can provide.
My FIL is only 67 years old, and in congestive heart failure due to damage from unchecked obesity and diabetes. He spent three weeks in the hospital's critical care ward in Feb. 08 due to a massive heart attack brought on by ketoacidosis, and was finally able to get himself "home to die", as he says. He has been evaluated by the psych teams, and diagnosed as surly and paranoid, but not depressed. He often will not take his insulin and cardiac meds, as "those doctors don't know what they are doing." He expects the medications to give him back his "old life", when he has spent decades ignoring his illnesses.
He has fallen trying to get out of bed, and my MIL is too little to get him back in. My DH has driven 5 hours to help them, but has to get back to work on Monday- they are discussing hospitalization, but FIL refuses long term care. They can't get nursing assistance or hospice, because he refuses their help, and refuses re-evaluation by a doctor, so insurance will not cover it. I just wondered if anyone has any insights. Thank you guys so much for being here- it helps to know that my online "lifeline" has such a wide and loving group of people.
-Circebee
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04-06-2008, 12:26 PM
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#2
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Wish It~Dream It~Do It
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,585
S/C/G: 230/144.2/146
Height: 5ft3
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circebee-sorry to hear about your FIL, wish I had the answer for you! But if he is refusing to go and get treatment then I am not sure there is anything you can do other than just be supportive of him and his decision! Again sorry! Wish I had the answer for you! Prayers for you and your family. God Bless!!
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04-06-2008, 03:02 PM
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#3
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Midwesterner
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Iowa
Posts: 13,284
S/C/G: 152/116/120
Height: 5' 3"
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I agree. As long as he is in charge of his own faculties, he gets the final say and can refuse care. Be supportive, especially to your husband and MIL. Don't know much else to say, but my prayers are with you. Can hospice offer any counseling to your relatives?
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04-06-2008, 03:11 PM
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#4
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Yogasaurus
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: New England Gal
Posts: 183
S/C/G: 180/120/115
Height: 5' 5"
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Thanks for the good wishes- we need them! I know that this is such a hard topic. We are not at all against him being home, if he can be kept comfortable. But, without help, I don't know how my MIL is going to keep him clean and off the floor. He is eating well, and in full control of his mental faculties, just too weak to help with the hygiene aspects of his care (bedsores and bathroom care are already a problem). We are trying to convince him that a short hospital stay to stabilize him and get him into the hospice care system is the best way to allow his wishes to be followed. So sad that active suicide is frowned upon, but this slow, painful self-denial of health care is OK (his Doctors assured him that if he wanted to, his recovery to at least basic good health was quite likely if he just worked a bit for it). Sigh...
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04-06-2008, 03:47 PM
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#5
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Midwesterner
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Iowa
Posts: 13,284
S/C/G: 152/116/120
Height: 5' 3"
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So sad....And 67 is so young.
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04-06-2008, 06:16 PM
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#6
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 616
S/C/G: 229/SeeTicker/155
Height: 5' 9"
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Circebee, as a nurse told me about a friend who drank herself to death, you cannot stop people from killing themselves if THEY just don't care. It is so painful for those who love them to stand by and watch ... I feel for you and your family. No magic words ... just to say that I hope things get better.
Last edited by babenwaiting; 04-06-2008 at 06:17 PM.
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04-06-2008, 06:24 PM
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#7
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Yogasaurus
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: New England Gal
Posts: 183
S/C/G: 180/120/115
Height: 5' 5"
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An update- this evening my FIL's leg edema was so painful and his breathing so compromised due to fluid retension that he finally agreed to a short hospital stay to allow the fluid to be diruresed from his body. Yea! Hopefully, they can get him comfortable, and my poor MIL can get some sleep! Thanks for listening and for the words of support!
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04-06-2008, 06:44 PM
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#8
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Choosing with every bite.
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,859
S/C/G: 212.5/182/155
Height: 5' 7"
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For future, you may want to see if your state has something like Florida's "Baker Act" which supports involuntary in-patient placement.
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04-06-2008, 07:01 PM
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#9
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Just Yr Everyday Chick
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 10,852
S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some
Height: 5'3"
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I sympathize with you--I've known people who refused care while obviously going downhill. I'm glad he's agreed to a short stay, but it sounds like he doesn't want to be in an institution. Perhaps some medical consultation and intervention can help him to realize he needs more help than his wife and family can provide.
The Baker Act is used with people who have a diagnosed mental illness. Simply being stubborn and not trusting doctors and hospitals doesn't constitute a mental illness.
As an older person, I hope that if the time comes when I am still mentally capable but I don't want medical intervention, that no one forces me to have it.
I wish you and him the best! Please help look after his wife...
Jay
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