Support Groups - How to have faith... (a little long)

04-04-2008, 11:09 AM
Hey guys,
I guess I am kind of having a minor mental crisis in regards to weightloss. I think I always manage to do this to myself somehow, and that's how I always meet my demise. I was hoping maybe you guys could give me some direction or ideas, so that I can learn how to get past this and just keep going.

For my whole life, I have been overweight to some degree... I was pudgy in 3rd grade, VERY overweight by 5th and 6th grade, and by 8th I had done my final growth spurt and from then until 11th grade I was my leanest. But, even at 135 (my lowest weight in my adult body) I had more grown into the weight than worked for it, so I was very "skinny fat" where I looked much heavier than I was because I hadn't toned or exercised at all. Then, as I headed into my senior year in high school, it was all uphill from then, and by the time I had started this weight loss journey of mine I had gained 32 pounds.

With eating right and going to the gym every day, I am starting to see some very promising results. My body shape is changing, I feel healthier and better about myself... all that good stuff that comes with losing weight. However, I am having a hard time believing that I can actually do this- that I can actually attain the body I have always wanted. I think there's a few different factors that contribute to this:

1. I have never been thin. I can't imagine my body not being overweight. I pull back skin and I suck in my stomach and do all sorts of crazy things to try and envision it, and all I can think to myself is: that's not me, that's someone ele's body. Mine can't look like that.

2. My family has always told me, in one form or another, that I should not be thin. My mom freaks out every time I start losing weight, because I guess when she was younger, she lost a lot of weight an made herself sick. So, she's convinced I am going to do the same thing, and tries to kind of talk me out of losing weight. My dad told me not that long ago that I am married now, so I am supposed to get fat like all the other married people. And my Uncle has almost forced food down my throat telling me "You can't be full already! Our family is not full of skinny people. That's just who we are. Eat more... here, have some potato chips..." Even my husband, who has seem me at my lowest weight of 135, told me that I shouldn't try to be lower than 135 because I'll set myself up for disappointment.

3. I'm scared of having a nice body. I know this sounds rediculous... but I have always managed to kind of blend into the background. I was never the "pretty one" or the "one with the hot body"- I was easily forgettable. Guys never liked me or hit on me, and girls were never jealous of me because I was just kind of "there". But I have seen how girls with beautiful bodies are treated and how the world perceives them... and I am not really sure how to step into a role that is so different than what I am used to. I already perceived a little jealousy from one of my best friends when I told her I wanted to lose weight... she said that in losing weight, I was trying to look like a "slut".

I know these are silly reasons to be apprehensive, but I guess I can't help it. I really want to have a body worth looking at... I want to smile when I see myself naked in the mirror, instead of cry or poke or pinch my flabby parts. I want to be healthy and happy and more active. But I have a hard time believing that I can really actually get there. Does anyone here have major mental blocks like this? How do you get past them and learn how to believe that it really is possible?

04-04-2008, 01:15 PM

Not silly reasons to be aprehensive. I think we all try to talk ourselves out of making changes - of any kind. Change is unexplored territory and can be very scary. I bet you know lots of people who complain all the time about being in a bad situation, whether it's weight loss, or a job they hate, or a bad relationship but they never DO anything about it. That's because it's easier to stay in a bad place that's familiar than to make a change and have to be all alone out there in a new place - even if it is a better place. But, I've seen your posts around 3FC and, whether you realize it or not, you are definitely daring enough to explore being healthy and fit and, yes, skinny.

Remember the real you is your mind - your thoughts, your intellegence, and your ideas. Having a different (nice) body isn't going to change that - your brain isn't going to lose any weight. Yes, people may initially perceive you differently but the real you is the real you no matter what size your jeans are. No need to step into any new roles. And it can be a really fun phenomenon to observe. Some years ago, during one of my thin phases, (strictly as a social experiment mind you :o ) I became a born again blond. It was really fascinating to sort of sit outside myself and watch how people behaved - they had a tendency to talk to me in simpler language, didn't seem to expect a whole lot from me, and if I did or said something even remotely intellegent they acted like I was Einstein or something. Quite fun actually.

I'm sorry you aren't getting all the understanding and support you need from the people you love but I think the key word there is "understanding". It's just part of being human to have difficulty truly understanding something that is outside the realm of our personal experience. Your mom made herself sick through poor nutrition - so, to her it seems that everyone who loses weight is going to get sick. And, there is that change thing again. If you change your appearance you might not be the familiar, comfy, LittleMoonRabbit they are used to - and, if they are not in the best of shape themselves, they might look at the new you and have to face the possibility that they need to make changes themselves :fr:. Even your DH is probably a little insecure about changes - what if you suddenly become attractive to other men? I know mine thinks about that - which at my age is really hilarious to me, but not to him (which is one of the reasons I love him :D )

But you know what? That's what 3FC is for. Just keep coming here and you'll get all the moral support, cheerleading, and :hug: you need. You've come too far to turn back now!

04-04-2008, 01:23 PM
Thanks so much Yoyo, I really appreciate your words of wisdom. I think you are definitely right when you say that it's easier to stay in a familiar bad situation than an unfamiliar better one. Being thin really is uncharted territory for me. But I appreciate your kind words of support. :) :hug:

04-04-2008, 01:34 PM
Rabbit - I think we might be having similar thoughts. Each time I move down into a lower "decade" of weight, I have this slight nagging feeling that this is the lowest I can go. I've never even been a healthy weight, much less a skinny weight! I mean... I doubt I'll ever be skinny or tiny, I'm 5'9" for goodness sake :) But, this whole new territory of healthy weight. Of normal weight... it's like there's this fog over my brain that won't allow me to see what I'll look like. I'm very familiar with weighing 200+, so going into Onderland is going to be a thrilling... and quite frankly ... mind-numbingly frightening thing.

Yoyo is totally right about people just not understanding. I think that's something that they will learn to understand over time... or they never will. I just know that people at 3FC understand. :grouphug:

You're doing fantastic. Just keep on going. Your brain will catch up sooner or later :hug: