Weight Loss Support - Help...I'm realizing I have to do THIS for the rest of my life

04-03-2008, 08:25 PM
Hi, I have to reach out tonight because I am having a really bad week and I'm afraid I'm going to give up.. I so desparately need an attitude adjustment ... I'm doing ok with food/exercise, I'm finding it way too hard to stay OP all day, but... I have... Throughout the day I'm always thinking that this is way too hard... I don't want to do this anymore, It's a heck of a lot easier just to eat and hide from life. But...I haven't given in... yet

On prior attempts to change my lifestyle, once I got going.. (7-10 days or so) I would coast along for months OP, without all this turmoil... then I would hit the 'ONEderland' freak out, and eat my way back to huge.. (that's a discussion for another day) During the last few weeks everytime I found myself reaching for non-plan foods Its been because I was thinking that I have to do 'this' for the rest of my life... I can't, I just can't..

I used to be able to apply a few 12-step notions such as 'just for today', or 'one day at a time' but that's not working for me right now... I've been reading the posts for the last couple of weeks and have gained strength and inspiration, and that's not working for me right now....... I need to fight to change my train of thought because I'm afraid if I stop now, I'll never try again...

04-03-2008, 08:31 PM
OK, so stop talking about 1 day at a time, and start re-framing.

HAVE TO do this for the rest of your life? Nope!

You are CHOOSING to do this for the rest of your life. Every day, you make a CHOICE of whether or not to be on plan. You make that choice based on how important your goals are to you, compared with the importance to you of going off plan. So, for example, you choose that, for right now, losing weight and getting to your goal is more important than eating that cookie, or that maintaining weight you've lost is more important than the giant plate of pasta. And, even for successful maintainers, there are times the cookie is the choice you make, and that is OK.

You never stop having a choice. You don't HAVE to do anything. And even to meet your goals, you don't have to be perfect. You just have to be on plan more often than you aren't.

Deep breaths!

04-03-2008, 08:32 PM
*You* are worth doing this for. You deserve a long and healthy life. You deserve to be happy. Going back to your old patterns will achieve none of these things.
You may need to break it down into one meal at a time. Heck - there are times when I just try to get through one hour at a time LOL!

Make a list of all the things in your life that will change when you create new and healthy habits. Hang that list up in multiple places so you can see it. That is your new life! It is so worth it, don't ever give up!

04-03-2008, 08:37 PM
(1) how about you have the food you want and just cut back someplace else. Get it out of your system. For example.. every weekend I skip my dinner and have a hot fudge sundie. Calories about the same.

(2) stop looking at it as a chore. You want to do this. Pretend you are fasting for a blood test. Pretend you are participating in a clinical trial that requires you to eat a certain way. Feel excited about the discipline you are doing... I mean it is like you are tibetan monk -- they don't speak for weeks out of a love of discipline. Pretend you are seeing how long you can do this for some other purpose than diet.

(3) Give up for a week and no more. Promise yourself you will not binge but you will have what you want. Set a calorie count higher than you have now, but not that much, and eat whatever you want for week within that calorie range. Then go back.

(4) it is hard now because your body hasn't adjusted. But once your body adjusts it will get much easier.

(5) on the idea that you can't live like this forever... what if at 5 years old your mom taught you to eat this way. It is hard now because you have trained yourself to eat much more. You can retrain your self to eat this way and even enjoy it. Pretend you are retraining your mind. Correcting an error that was made someplace along the line.

04-03-2008, 08:38 PM
I know where you are coming from. If you look at how much weight you need to lose and how long it is going to take, it is very daunting. It's scary enough to not even start to make a change, because the task seems insurmountable.

First you need to congratulate yourself for deciding that you do want to change. Seriously hug yourself! Many people don't even get to this point.

Secondly, think of how hard you worked so far. Eating healthy is very hard. And you have been doing it!

Thirdly, try to set mini goals. If it means climbing one flight of stairs, that's what it means. Each small step adds up to a whole lot in the end. Don't beat yourself up. EVERYONE HERE HAS FAITH IN YOU! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Good luck and keep posting!

04-03-2008, 08:41 PM
Couple of things - it took me 20 years to figure out that I couldn't diet in the short term and then eat "normally." How I normally ate made me heavy. It was a huge lightbulb moment, a real head slapper.

So, I had to change normal. But I had to LIKE it. No way I could do something I hated forever. That meant no more super low calorie days, fewer "diet" frankenfoods (which I never really liked and never really satisfied me) and an elimnation of foods I hated (plain baked chicken - gone).

I had to make tough decisions that were right for me. What could I live without? Turns out I could live without fast food and sugary soda. What couldn't I live without? Turns out that I couldn't live a life without waffles, dark chocolate, red wine and peanut butter.

So, I created a plan that was for me and only me, designed to make me a happy, healthy, satisfied person. I loved pasta and sauce - so I still eat it, I just measure the pasta now and have a ton of healthy sauce with it (and I cut out the 4-5 pieces of sourdough bread I used to eat on the side). I love waffles, so now I eat the Kashi Go Lean waffles.

I'm a total foodie and love fine dining, so I treat myself to one great night in a restaurant a week where I have great wine, meal and split a dessert. I do carefully manage my portions/calories during the week to have this treat, but it's worth it TO ME. I would much rather split a fabulous molten lava cake once a week than eat ho hos 5 days a week.

Changing your life doesn't have to be scary. You aren't locked into any decisions, you can tweak and adjust until you get it just the way you want. One important thing to remember - you don't have to have perfection (it's unattainable, really), just consistency. If you eat offplan, the most important thing is to get right back on plan.

04-03-2008, 08:47 PM
Yeah, the fear that "I'll HAVE to do this FOREVER!" can be really bad! But as mandalinn82 says, you don't HAVE to do anything.

I'd like to make one suggestion, though. You haven't mentioned what sort of plan you are following. It could be that what you're trying is too restrictive. I was on a quote weight-loss-plan unquote for a time where I was having to eat egg white omelets and turkey breast pretty much every day... And indeed, it was not something I would ever choose to do for the rest of my life! I hate egg whites! (And now I'm not crazy about turkey anymore! :lol:)

So, my suggestion is, make sure that you like the foods you are eating. :yes: I don't mean go and scarf down a quart of ice cream, for heavens sake... But eat foods that are tasty, nourishing, and that you like! And, that fit in your program, whatever that might be. Hate rice crackers? Don't eat them! Can't stand brussels sprouts? Forget them! Find better substitutes... Get creative... Plan plan plan! You may find that you actually like eating this way... really!

Don't give up! :cheer2:


04-03-2008, 10:13 PM
To follow on what Jay was saying... if you don't like what you're eating then you WON'T be able to do it forever. So, make sure you find foods you love.

And second, I think we ALL struggle with that notion from time to time. Don't expect you are going to be perfectly on plan every day of your life, but that, in general, you are going to make much healthier choices than you used to!

And finally, compare what you eat now to what you used to. That can be a real eye opener. Even on my worst days now I make better choices than I ever did on my BEST days before!

04-03-2008, 10:24 PM
:angel:I'm so glad I asked for help... Thank you so much for all the advice, I'm already feeling better... It's interesting to me that although all of the threads/posts I read here are inspirational and supportive.. it is very different when the messages are just for me. I'm telling you this site is a life-saver... I love it and love you guys.....:angel:

04-03-2008, 11:15 PM
its just a lifestyle change that will allow you to live longer and healthier! You can do it!!!!!!!

04-03-2008, 11:40 PM
Hang in there! :)

04-04-2008, 01:14 AM
I would also like to jump on the if you don't love what you're eating, you'll never stick with it band wagon.

Without a doubt that is what has been vital to me. Finding foods that I love. Yes, I knew in order to be the healthy and slim person I so wanted to be there were going to have to be some changes and yup, some things I was going to have to do without. So though I elminated a lot of foods, I ADDED in lots and lots of very delicious foods. Foods that I throroughly enjoy and look forward to. I experimented with different cooking methods, new spices and veggies, different food combinations and the such.

I also changed the idea of what a "treat" is. I was always a big nosher, snacking being very important to me. I still snack frequently, something I was NOT willing to give up totally. I just make sure that it's healthym satisfying and low cal. Snacking in fact helps me to stay on plan by avoiding that hungry feeling that I so hate. I can make myself a big veggie platter full of sliced cucumbers, raw string beans, carrot chips and grape tomatoes. Add a couple of tablespoons of salsa for dipping and I am totally satisfied. Or I can make myself a wonderful and decadent tasting smoothie made from no fat/no sugar yogurt, fresh fruit that I've frozen and some skim milk. DELICIOUS!!! Then there's baked acorn squash filled with apples, cinnamon, raisins and walnuts - PHENOMENAL!!! Delicious salads, made from European greens, roasted asparagus, red onions, portobello mushrooms, oranges with a honey mustard dressing. And lots more. With some experimentation, some tweaking and searching you CAN find foods that you enjoy. When you find foods that you love it's a pleasure to stay on plan. No reason to go off plan when on plan is so good.

So yes, don't give up. Change it up. Find foods that you can enjoy and make you say, "I CAN eat like this - forever".

04-04-2008, 01:33 AM
:goodvibes caroline,

so glad to see you back here, getting some productive advice. i hope it helps!


:cp: :bravo: :cp:

04-04-2008, 10:14 AM
I don't have a ton of helpful advice to add, everyone has pretty much covered it. I'm still really new at this and I just wanted to let you know that I've been feeling the exact same way. I'm really excited that I'm in Onederland, but at the same time I'm a little freaked out. And the realization that this is the way I'll be eating (healthfully) for the rest of my life (combined with working out) when you're coming from a place of eating anything that comes to mind and never never ever moving your body is kind of daunting and exciting at the same time...just like anything new and permanent would be. :hug: Now I'm on the lookout for self sabotaging behaviors etc.

And like everyone said, this really is a choice. You could always make it to goal weight and then decide that you want to gain it all back if you really want, but at least give yourself the chance. That's what I'm telling myself anyway.

Beach Patrol
04-04-2008, 10:33 AM
Dear sweetcaroline...


I feel your pain! - as an A+ yo-yo dieter, I too am daunted with the fact that "I have to do this forever!"... forgo the Hershey Kisses, the Cheetos, the pepperoni pizza. No more 2nd helpings of fried chicken... no more fried chicken- better to bake/grill it!!! SURE I can have that *ice cream treat*... but I MUST stick to the ACTUAL SERVING SIZE which is barely worth the scooping effort!!! And what if I decide to have that ice cream treat!?!?!?!? - what if that ONE TREAT sends me spiraling into weight-gain from **** again???

But you know what? I have FINALLY, after losing/gaining/losing/gaining/ yo-yoing my butt on & off for 20+ years... I have finally come to the conclusion that IT'S BETTER TO DO THIS FOREVER THAN TO HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN!!!!

So you hang in there! The end results are worth it!!! :yes: :goodscale:

04-04-2008, 10:40 AM
My personal attitude is that most foods are ok, and it is ok to allow myself some less-healthy choices but only in moderation. The reason why I never dieted was because I knew I would never ever be able to live like that for the rest of my life.
What I am following now is I guess a sort of a diet, but it is no-name diet, just a plan that I put together for myself. Lots of fruits and veggies, if carbs than from fruit and whole-wheat products, less red meat and more fish, etc. But, the sky want fall down if I have a schnitzel once in a while. I even had pizza the other day (but I ate a lot less than what I would normally have). And, if I feel like I ate something I should not have, my strategy is to burn some more calories (through exercise) that day and forget about it.
Heck, I am sure one day I will have a McMeal again (although right now, I am not tempted) - life goes on.
Don't despair - we all have good and not so good days, just focus on the positive changes that you have made so far.


04-04-2008, 10:03 PM
Caroline, how are you doing today? :hug: I am also struggling. But doesn't it help to have all these fantastic people who are doing it, succeeding, reaching out to give us encouragement.

04-04-2008, 10:47 PM
I knew I could never give up chocolate or cheese when i started dieting, so I work that in EVERY day. Just an ounce or so each of the really good stuff and I make sure to stop and savor it completely =)

Just knowing that it's waiting for me at dinner keeps me (most of the time ;) in check during the day because I don't feel deprived.

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better!

04-05-2008, 01:03 PM

Wow Beach.......... thank you that is very powerful... I love it...Thank you

04-05-2008, 01:12 PM
Thanks for reminding me this change is a choice. I am choosing to make my life a healthier one. I don't HAVE to.-- that does feel so oppressive. I'm glad to have the reminder. Sometimes it is easy to forget.

thx 3fc members!

04-05-2008, 02:21 PM
Caroline, how are you doing today? I am also struggling. But doesn't it help to have all these fantastic people who are doing it, succeeding, reaching out to give us encouragement

Vermont, you are absolutely correct about this site... I remain on OP and despite some really bad days, never really went off... I'm doing much better...I have proven to myself that if I come in here daily to read and post, It will definitely be easier to keep going...
As suggested by 'seasoned' chics, I have changed my food options. I'm was sick of chicken and always wanted something else... so this week I bought lean pork chops,some fish and a lean steak... I thought it was a pain to prepare fresh veggies, I will do frozen for awhile, budget-wise it will even itself out... And instead of 'fighting' with myself over whether to eat a 'bad' food, instead of saying NO.. NO...NO you CAN'T... I said to myself OK, go ahead you can have it in a few minutes, twas very weird, but giving myself permission to have it without a fuss diffused the craving for the moment... every time I thought of eating it, I said OK a little later, I distracted myself and 'later' just never came.
I'm playing all kinds of mind games until this rough patch is over. I don't care what it takes.......I know I'll face temptation every day but I'm hoping I only have to 'fight' this hard every once in awhile. I know now that I can practically tip the wagon over and still hang on... Thank you 3FC's :angel:

04-05-2008, 07:06 PM
I know that the 12 step sayings were mentioned, but that is what I need. I'm only doing this for today. I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Not only am I a recovering alcoholic, I'm also a compulsive overeater (some binge/purge past behavior). I've been sober for 15 1/2 yrs and I don't want to drink, but it is still a scary thought of never drinking again, so I stay in today.

Food is more difficult for me now. Lots of times of I feel satisfied and happy I'm on this road. But other times I feel like "Oh my God! How am I going to do this?" I haven't even started an exercise routine yet, which is a definite goal.

Good topic.