My ''friends'', brother and parents keep on commenting on how fat and ugly I am.
Even though they know how much it affects me, and the worst part is that they do it to hurt my feelings, specially my brother.
I've been trying to lose weight since early 2007, I've struggled with anorexia and bulimia, etc..
and I have not been able to loose more that 5 lbs, even though I really try...
I just feel hopeless..
EDIT: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE HUGS, COMMENTS, AND ADVICE! YOU REALLY MADE ME FEEL BETTER.
But, today, my father told me that I never excercise (which is NOT true, I excercise 4 times a week, sometimes more). I started to cry (actually i'm still crying). He didn't even care...
My mom asked what was wrong and I told her the truth, that I feel that they don't love me because I am fat and ugly and I am not good at things, etc. She got mad and started telling awful things to me, even though she saw the tears coming down my face..
04-02-2008, 12:09 AM
what bullies!! on the plus side, it must be nice for you to be surrounded by people who are so perfect that they can just pick on you.
please try not to listen to them. I can't imagine how hard that might be, but look at what they are doing to you! No one deserves that. keep posting here -- we will offer only love and support!! :hug:
04-02-2008, 12:17 AM
Well, ok, there are several issues at work here.
First - your weight is what it is. There are things you can do that, over time, will change it...and you're doing them, just by being here at 3FC, participating, and sticking to your plan. There are also unhealthy things to change it, but you've been down that road and you don't want to go there again. So right now, they're making fun of you for something that, ultimately, you can't change anymore than you are right now. Is that fair?
Second - You are a lot more than your weight. Allowing that one characteristic to define you is cutting yourself WAY short on all of the other things that you are. And if you're more than your weight, people making fun of that one aspect..well, it sucks, but you've got a lot more going for you than that one thing anyway, so why be bothered worrying about those people and what they say about that one thing?
Third - If you're strong enough to do it, you might consider speaking up against the people making comments. You don't have to be mean or aggressive, but a simple "I am working toward being healthier, but really, do you think those sort of comments help me with that?" can do wonders in stopping people from saying things they shouldn't. A lot of times, at least in my experience, people don't even realize how hurtful something is until it is pointed out to them. And if, by chance, you're interpreting things differently than they are being meant, that'll come out then too...win-win for everyone.
:hug: hang in there.
04-02-2008, 01:31 AM
I can't give better advice then what they've already said, I just wanted to send you a cyber (((HUG))). What a bunch of meanies...I'm sorry you have to deal with people like that in your life!
04-02-2008, 03:08 AM
Thanks alot to the three of you, I really appreciate it! I feel much better now :)
Madalinn82 - ''you might consider speaking up against the people making comments.''.
I always do! Today I told my brother that at least I was trying, and that I would be thin one day. And he told me that I would never be thin, because I am so overweight that I don't even have the time in my life to lose it.. but oh, well.. (what makes me happy is that I've been noticing that he is gaining weight muajaja, he will soon know how i felt.)
04-02-2008, 04:07 AM
Here is big hug....
Ignore... and laugh, just tell him in a very calm, ignorance way.. at least I'm doing something about it.
And trust me, one day you will laugh and remind him of what he did, becuase I beleive he will gain wieght much more than what you are now...
I've experianced it before... who ever laughed at me, ended up fat or with a fat wife, or Child....
04-02-2008, 04:20 AM
Today I told my brother that at least I was trying, and that I would be thin one day. And he told me that I would never be thin, because I am so overweight that I don't even have the time in my life to lose it.. but oh, well.. (what makes me happy is that I've been noticing that he is gaining weight muajaja, he will soon know how i felt.)
I've been through a similar experience with my brother, which went like this: My brother was a skinny twigpole all his life, and didn't put on weight no matter WHAT he ate. (Which is constant junk food, in obscene amounts). I, unfortunately, seemed to put on 5 lbs by looking at a piece of bread.
My brother used this against me. Whenever in a fight (there were a lot of them) he called me horrible, disgusting names all to do with me being so repulsively fat.. and even though I acted like they didn't affect me, it killed me inside. I hated myself! Suddenly, I started viewing myself the way he did. Every time I looked in the mirror..
To cut a long story short, one day I decided to finally lose the weight. I began working on that, and over time.. it showed. It still is showing, and the scale seems to keep going down and down. On the other hand, my brother had very noticeably been putting on weight.
Anyway, the most amazing thing happened the other day... he asked me for weight loss advice. Wow! What a flip of situations :devil:
So, my point in telling you all of this.. You can do it, and prove your bully of a brother wrong! Let that be part of your motivation, and when you succeed, it will be sort of like a slap in the face to him. Be the better person, and don't flaunt it, but trust me.. you'll get a lot of personal satisfaction from it. :hug:
04-02-2008, 04:20 AM
Whoops, double post. Computer's being funky. :b
04-02-2008, 04:27 AM
Sweetie, you are NO WHERE near fat! Me and you are the same height and you are currently near my GOAL weight! I'm not as calm and collected as Mandalinn so I won't give you any advice on how to handle these.....jerks (I seriously don't want you to end up in jail) but you should speak up for yourself and try not to let them see you react to their taunts. Horrible people like that love to see sadness and tears. Believe me, it WILL come back to bite them in the ***! Karma is a *****!
04-02-2008, 05:18 AM
And this is why I love this forum, it truly is about support.
LondonAngel I can't imagine having people I care about saying that sort of thing to me so huge hugs coming to ya from me. Please try not to put any stock in what they say, while hearing those things from a loved one is awful, I think the things we tell ourselves are often so much worse! Do you have to have a lot to do with them? Can you reduce the amount of time you're around them and give a bit of space?
And when you're saying no more than 5lbs, remember that is 5lbs more than before! Any loss is good in the end. Be proud of that.
04-02-2008, 05:30 AM
Since when is a size 10 fat?
04-02-2008, 07:22 AM
Sorry ... knit kpickin Susan needs more information ... How old is your brother and where do all these people live?
Don't worry honey's, my aswer will be legal ;)
04-02-2008, 08:37 AM
Some great advice already. Truly.
When immature people (and it sounds like your brother, especially, is being immature) say mean things, what they want is to get a reaction. And oh how it's hard not to give them one.
My absolute favorite thing to do when confronted by those who would make fun of me (and I'm feeling vicious) is to say "Oh. That's nice." And give a sweet, but supremely condescending smile. Something one might give a child. Oh how many nasty looks do I get from doing that. :lol: Mwa ha ha ha.
Ahem. But if you'd rather the mature route. Say "And? And who cares? And so what? And, what's your point?" Because really... who does care? ... so what?... and what is his point?
04-02-2008, 08:57 AM
Everyone has said all the right things, but I thought that I would send you a big psychic hug :hug:
If you've told them that you find their comments hurtful and unhelpful and they haven't stopped, they are bullies. If you haven't already told them this(in a calm way) you could try doing that. It might make them think twice. They may not realise that their behaviour really counts as bullying or emotional abuse. If that doesn't help, I would try to limit your time with them to avoid their negative influence. While you are somewhat stuck with family, but friends who continue to treat you that way should be replaced with kind and supportive friends. You deserve better.
You've done well to lose what you have already - particularly considering your battles with eating disorders. Keep at it, for your own sake and no-one elses. Also learn to love yourself now :val1:
04-02-2008, 09:51 AM
People can be so mean! I have an aunt that has always been healthy. Now she thinks she is fat is she weighs in at 100 pounds. Truefully, she is so skinny that she looks sick! She has made comments to me about slim fast being on sale so that I would go out and buy it and use it. I am just glad that my fiance likes me the way that I am and is supportive in the choices that I make!
04-02-2008, 10:02 AM
I hear what you are saying. I have struggled with binging and purging over the years.
My brother is a complete a**. I'll walk into a room where he's at, and he'll say "nice tent", referring to my shirt, no matter who else is in the room. And he's a big man, has admitted to binging and purging himself in the past. Of course, he'll talk about his own weight just as disrespectfully. He doesn't get it. (He did have a traumatic brain injury when he was 17--it's hard to separate that damage from his difficult personality).
But I sure do get angry and embarassed.
04-02-2008, 10:06 AM
I am sorry you are faced with such comments. You shouldn't let other people make you feel bad about yourself. You know that there are many people here who understand this feeling. Years ago, when a friend of mine was feeling very insecure about herself (a lot was going on in her life) she called me out in the middle of my class, and said "You are so hairy, fat and ugly- do you think anyone would want you?" Other people in the room laughed... it hurt really bad. I know how much these things can damage ones' self esteem. But, like yourself, I am making positive changes in my life that will make my body and my mind healthier- and I am doing it for me, not for them. And, seriously, your weight right now really isn't high at all- you are starting where I did, but you are 2 inches taller than me! You probably look awesome and they are just jealous :P Ignore the people who don't appreciate you.... and yes, as someone else said, Karma is a B**** so it WILL come back.
04-02-2008, 10:09 AM
And he told me that I would never be thin, because I am so overweight that I don't even have the time in my life to lose it..
Know why brothers say things like this? Because they knows it bugs you. I have two brothers and have lived through this type of scenario . . . many times. Many times I've wanted to :frypan: my brothers for stupid things they say. The best thing to do when he or others make these type of comments? Aboslutely ignore them. Literally pretend you don't hear them and after they make their stupid comment, ask them something like 'hey, do you know what time it is?' or something similarly obsure. Act as if they haven't even spoken any time they make a comment about your wt. Yup, it takes nerves of steel to do this but if you do it and stick with it, they will eventually stop . . .because they will see that it no longer bugs you and is therefore no longer effective. (Of course, being a brother he may just come up w/new ways to torture you! ;))
Good luck w/your wt loss journey. Losing wt and being healthy is a great way to 'show 'em'!
04-02-2008, 12:41 PM
I can relate. My brother always said mean things like that to me too when we were growing up. One time when I was trying to lose weight, he pinned me down and stuffed brownie in my mouth. Looking back, I don't know why my parents didn't intervene more. We are adults now and he still says little, niggling things to put me down. Now I see that his criticism says more about him than it does me. He's very insecure, and it's really very sad. Maybe you could try looking at where your brother's comments are coming from, and see them for the desperate attempt they are to make him feel better about himself. People who have a healthy sense of self-esteem don't put others down, they build others help and support them. I also think you should distance yourself from people who are mean to you and spend time with people (or pets!) who make you feel good about yourself.