Weight Loss Support - Has family or friends ever made comments to you about your weight???




sky123
03-31-2008, 08:59 PM
Has any of your family or friends made comments about your eating habits, weight, etc? I know they mean well and don't mean to be hurtful, but sometimes these comments can really painful. They are also so discouraging. For me, these comments just made me eat more, basically in defiance. For example:

One of my family members said "You really need to stop grazing." or they can be really smart about and comment on how healthy they are eating... indirectly saying "You should eat healthier."

I think it is extremely important for family and friends to realize that weight issues involve WAY MORE that weight. It is also an emotional struggle. They should be nothing but supportive and positive!

For anyone out there who knows what I'm talking about: DON'T LISTEN TO THEM! Weight issues are deeply personal and complex. Stay positive!:)


bel1a7
03-31-2008, 09:42 PM
thanks for saying that. i get it all the time "you have such a pretty face but..."

Sgirl
03-31-2008, 09:43 PM
Oy! Family comments are the worst! But the worst of the worse is those passive aggressive, "Look at my fabulous diet and I am super thin" comments you are referring to. It's like why don't you just say to me, "Hey, there fatty fat fat...look how perfect and wonderful and fabulous I am! Nananananana." It's like you wouldn't say to someone with acne, "you know, I wash my face at night and I have beautiful skin! You should try it!"


shelby897
03-31-2008, 09:51 PM
Live it!! :dizzy: My mother, who has been on a diet for at least 50 years and I swear has probably lost and regained around 1,000 pounds is constantly making "helpful" comments, like I have no idea I'm overweight and need tips of the trade to get my act together!!! My mom and sister mentioned a few months ago -- why don't you try medications/surgery to lose weight -- like "we've given up on you, you should too!!". Drives me crazy, crazy, crazy. My husband -- bless his sweet soul -- told me yesterday "I can tell you are really serious about it this time because you still exercised during that time of the month" -- because apparently all the "other times" I used that for an excuse not to --- you know most of the people who say something are probably right, but I don't remember asking for their opinions!!!

chickybird
03-31-2008, 09:57 PM
I can top this!
In the past three months, all of these things have been said/done to me by co-workers (I'm a pre-k teacher):
1) Are you pregnant or just fat?
2) Another teacher (who is wayyyy heavier than me) gave me a book called "Breaking the Weight-Loss Barrier." It now holds up my coffee table.
3) An older teacher from India (I'm describing her because I figured maybe her cultural background meant she was trying to be sweet and helpful) said to me," You used to be so pretty before you got married. What happened to you?"
I hope you all feel better about yourselves, lol! I got married less than a year ago, and apparently I've totally "let myself go!". I'm 6'0" and weighed 195 at the time. Granted, a little heavier than I should have been, but still not to bad.
AAUUGGHHH!!!

shelby897
03-31-2008, 10:00 PM
Some woman I used to live near (definitely not a friend) saw me about 9 years ago (my oldest was a baby) -- I asked her about herself, etc. and her only comment to me was "see you got fat".

Sgirl
03-31-2008, 10:03 PM
I can top this!
In the past three months, all of these things have been said/done to me by co-workers (I'm a pre-k teacher):
1) Are you pregnant or just fat?
2) Another teacher (who is wayyyy heavier than me) gave me a book called "Breaking the Weight-Loss Barrier." It now holds up my coffee table.
3) An older teacher from India (I'm describing her because I figured maybe her cultural background meant she was trying to be sweet and helpful) said to me," You used to be so pretty before you got married. What happened to you?"
I hope you all feel better about yourselves, lol! I got married less than a year ago, and apparently I've totally "let myself go!". I'm 6'0" and weighed 195 at the time. Granted, a little heavier than I should have been, but still not to bad.
AAUUGGHHH!!!

yeesh! These were co-workers? How incredibly unprofessional of them! You should start buying them books about minding their own freaking business at work.

chickybird
03-31-2008, 10:10 PM
Oddly enough, the last comment that I told you all made me laugh hysterically! When I told other teachers, and even my principal, they all guessed who it was, lol! I know she meant well. The weight loss book made me laugh too, because she gave it to 4 other teacher who are also overweight...
The "pregnant" question did make me cry a little. My best teacher friend offered to smack them for me, which did cheer me up:)

shelby897
03-31-2008, 10:21 PM
Okay, so the rude co-worker reminds me of a comment I heard my sister say to someone on a school bus who was picking on me as a kid (I know, childish, but always makes me smile :D) and I would love to use this on an adult someday -- "I can lose weight, too bad you will always be ugly!!"

redlight
03-31-2008, 10:24 PM
My aunt, who is heavier than me, made many bad comments about my weight when I was gaining. My brother's made some as well. I've been poked in the belly and all that stuff.

Altari
03-31-2008, 10:48 PM
I had a pregnancy scare about 2 months ago after I went off NuvaRing {it caused serious migraines, ouch}. When my TOM came, my mother said, "You know, you probably can't get pregnant. You've never been THIS HEAVY before."

><

On the flip side, I saw a friend I hadn't seen for a while. And while we were talking, he commented, "I know guys aren't supposed to mention this...but you've really lost a lot of weight. You look great!" Those kind of comments make me all warm and fuzzy inside.

gailr42
03-31-2008, 11:02 PM
I am really astounded that folks make those kind of comments. That seems just so incredibly rude. Once in a while, I feel duty bound to comment (unasked and should be told to myob) about someone's smoking. I always say that if I can quit they can, and how many times I failed before finally succeeding. But, it may feel to them like I am criticising, even though I mean well. I just mention this because maybe????these folks mean well, even though they are the rudest people on earth.

Shy Moment
03-31-2008, 11:10 PM
I had to go to a family members house the other day. My sister happen to be there. Now mind you I am no way near goal and even when I hit goal I am sure that goal is going to change ( maybe not ). I am not in shape yet. Exercise is the only way to get to where I want to be even after I have lost all the weight I still need to lose.

Having said all that. Any ( but 1 ) of the family members that said anything about my weight loss said I was looking like a stick and needed to get help fast because I think I still need to lose weight. I was floored. I just couldn't believe it. I heard I don't eat enough. Oh my gosh I eat from the time I get up until I go to bed to get the required amounts of the four basic food groups in. Just because I didn't fill my plate heaping full like they did ( some of them 2 and 3 times ) at dinner. Doesn't mean I don't eat enough.

My sister, bless her. Said I was looking great and she wished she had the will power and commitment to stick to eating right like I have to take off the weight.

CherryBlossom
03-31-2008, 11:15 PM
Had a friend say...

"You shouldn't bother losing weight. I mean...your body's weird. It would probably just look worse if you weren't fat."

:?:

And the worst family member comment was (this was from back in the day when I was like 9), "You know you don't really have a pretty face...you need to lose weight so you can at least have something."

I don't hate anyone but I dislike with a passion those who feels its fine to be rude to fat people.

And you know about the mean well thing...I can usually tell a difference. I've had people go "Oh this Crystal Light is so good, you should drink it instead of pop" or "Hey do you like aerobics? I have some old DVDs you might like".

It's just the rudeness and talking down to I hate.

improbable
03-31-2008, 11:34 PM
If it helps, cherryblossom, I'm in total and utter shock that anyone would say that to you, every time I see your avatar I think how pretty you are! I think it's strange that we live in a culture where you're far more likely to get told all about your faults than about your strengths.

SouthLake
04-01-2008, 02:25 AM
Yeah... the one I'll never forget... I was in 3rd/4th grade ish and my mom said to me "we need to go bra shopping for you because you're so chubby it's starting to look like you have boobs" Ouch. Still haunts me. Turns out my boobs are huge no matter what, so it wasn't chub. Take that! But still.

srmb60
04-01-2008, 06:37 AM
Oh honeys :hug:

I guess we have to remember that humans are humans ... and yup some are stupid ... and yup some talk without thinkin' ...

I don't think most folks intend to hurt. Although alot want you to know they're smart enough to notice and smarter than you cuz they've got advice.

Is it any wonder that we need pets?

gailr42
04-01-2008, 11:27 AM
I was a very small, skinny child. At some point in my adult life, a childhood friend's father told me that I really looked good now, and that I had looked like a war orphan when I was a child. I think that was the most hurtful thing anyone ever said to me about my weight. My smallness and skinnyness was frequently a topic of conversation in my family. I felt like I was bad for being small.

Smiling_Sara
04-01-2008, 11:31 AM
only immediete family when I was growing up. Looking back, I realize they said those things bc they were looking into the future at what would ( and eventually did ) happen if I didn't control myself. They never said anything hurtful though.

Now, I have gotten some, you are looking goods from difft family members, asking how much weight I had loss. I can't really tell a difference yet ( :( ) but I guess they can.

JayEll
04-01-2008, 12:05 PM
At a small family gathering of me, my siblings, and my father, my dad said, "Jay, how did you get so fat?"

:dunno:

He had always been too blunt for his own good, and he was elderly at the time. I just said, "I ate too much, dad." He was quite obese at the time himself.

So, you just never know what is going to come out of someone's mouth on such a topic. It's best treated as one would the singing of birds or blowing of wind--random, impersonal, not applicable...

Jay

Pachyderm
04-01-2008, 12:08 PM
There are so many inconsiderate people out there. My ex (I wonder why!) used to grab my rolls of fat, and despite the fact that he was way fatter than me, told me that I wasn't very attractive to him now that I had gained weight! He said that it would help our relationship if I lost some weight because he might then fancy me again!!!!

My Mum is also impossible. Always commenting on weight and weight-loss, telling me about friends who have lost weight using this or that technique, and saying that I looked better when I lost weight - like I don't know that! I also have a long thin face when I'm thinner (which I don't like much), and a fat face when I'm fat (which I also don't like), so when losing I get sarcastic jokes like "you know your face is actually quite long" from the family. Really helpful guys, well done on trying to keep me motivated!

OK rant over...

twentysixpoint2
04-01-2008, 01:29 PM
A few months ago, my (overweight) mother suggested I go on HerbaLife. I was torqued. I work out more in one week than she has in her life.

Fast forward to last week, and my dad tells me I'm "skinny." I am nowhere close to "skinny" but being the least overweight in the family must be the reasoning.

After I'd lost quite a bit last year, my boyfriend commented on my ribs appearing. That is the only comment he's ever made on my body. :( I believe he secretly wishes I was thinner.

Pachyderm
04-01-2008, 03:20 PM
A few months ago, my (overweight) mother suggested I go on HerbaLife. I was torqued. I work out more in one week than she has in her life.

Fast forward to last week, and my dad tells me I'm "skinny." I am nowhere close to "skinny" but being the least overweight in the family must be the reasoning.

After I'd lost quite a bit last year, my boyfriend commented on my ribs appearing. That is the only comment he's ever made on my body. :( I believe he secretly wishes I was thinner.

But you are perfect! You are pretty and your BMI is well within the normal range. You'd probably be about a size 8 in the UK which is the smallest size you can get in most stores (sometimes you can get a 6 in the teen or designer stores). Ignore them all!

OK Lizzy
04-01-2008, 03:29 PM
Rude comments are by no means relegated to the young! An elderly -- but definitely NOT senile -- family member said to me last year, "I've never seen anyone as large as you eat so little". (I'm a closet binger, but do you think I was going to confess to HIM??)

twentysixpoint2
04-01-2008, 03:55 PM
But you are perfect! You are pretty and your BMI is well within the normal range. You'd probably be about a size 8 in the UK which is the smallest size you can get in most stores (sometimes you can get a 6 in the teen or designer stores). Ignore them all!

Oh that's so sweet of you, thank you!! I wasn't fishing, I promise. This thread just really caught my attention because I get my feelings hurt with weight comments a lot!

tsdamron
04-01-2008, 04:02 PM
I had one of my supervisors a few years ago make a rude remark. I was going down the stairs. The top step had ice on it and I fell and slid down about eight steps. He asked me if I was OK then he said I had enough fat to cushion my bones so I wouldn't get any serious injuries. How uncaring.

He was no small man himself. A few months later, he sat down in a rolling chair and just caught the edge of it. As he tried to move around, he slid out of the chair into the floor. When he got up and I saw he was OK, it was his turn to hear that remark. I had to say it even if he did fire me. He laugher about it.

fiberlover
04-01-2008, 04:50 PM
When I was 18 I was talking with my grandfather about my height. I said I was done growing and wouldn't get any taller. He said - "I hope you aren't done, you still need to grow into your belly".

Funny that I remember that crystal clear 20 years later.

SkinnyGina
04-01-2008, 05:01 PM
My family has been pretty ok with my weight. They would prefer me to be healthy but never had made a comment. But I did have a friend who has made comments...especially when she started losing weight. After she lost weight it has been nothign but "you should lose weight to Gina, then we both can be good looking!" Great huh lol.

Cherryblossom, that is a strange comment, sounds like your friend is insecure.

Justwant2Bhealthy
04-01-2008, 05:08 PM
:hug: TO ALL OF YOU!!! :hug: I have been called some nasty names too, but the most hurtful thing my family ever said was that I should be the fat lady in the circus becuz I would make lots of money! Not one of their greatest moments!

SUSANB ~ I chose to forgive them all; but maybe it would have been better if they had kept their 'thoughts to themselves'. I don't see how that comment has one redeeming quality in it ...

And I so agree with you ~ after GOD and JESUS, my pets have loved me better than anyone else I know on this earth; but then, DH reminds me that he loves me too!!! PS ~ oh, and my grammies loved me too!

CHERRYBLOSSOM ~ YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! I also think that every time I see your avatar; that person was blind and ignorant ...

TWENTYSIXPOINT2 ~ at your height and weight, YOU ARE NOT OVERWEIGHT! You are very normal and yes, pretty too!

YES, it's a shame that we live in a society that refuses to focus on our best qualities; what a wonderful world it would be, if we did ... kinda like heaven!

:hug:ROSEBUD:hug:

KateB
04-01-2008, 05:08 PM
The most hurtful comment came from my father when I was 21 years old. I hadn't seen him for almost a year and went to visit him. I had lost 89 pounds, and weighed 123 pounds. I know he was trying to compliment me...but it actually hurt me then...and it hurt me even more when i gained the weight back.

He said, "Look at you!!! WOW!!! You look fantastic!!! Ya know it is a good thing you decided to lose some weight cuz you were getting so fat it was getting embarassing to be seen with you."

...and I wonder why I have self image problems???

LittleMoonRabbit
04-01-2008, 10:04 PM
I know I have shared these before, but these are my three favorites:

"Um I hope you don't plan on losing much weight before your wedding. Do you WANT to look like a slut?"

To my husband from his Dad: "Is Emily depressed??? She's gained a lot of weight really fast" (I wasn't depressed- just over indulging in my mom's food before going off to college)

and

"You need to eat more. Don't try to be skinny... this family is not filled with skinny people. Just accept that and eat!" - My Uncle

JuliaDH
04-01-2008, 10:33 PM
I started to gain weight at puberty. I guess by the time I turned 16 my Dad was tired of seeing the big me and tried to brib me with a car. When that didn't work it was increments of $200 per 10lbs. I was about 160 lbs then. When I went off to college he gave up the bribs.

sky123
04-01-2008, 10:53 PM
Seriously... what motivates these people to say such aweful things?!
I have absolutely no idea!

pipernoswiper
04-01-2008, 11:59 PM
everytime i would visit my great grandmother, she would call me over to her chair, twist her finger round and round and say rolly polly........stick a fat pig! that started when i was 5, and lasted till i was about 11 when she passed.

then when i was in junior high, i went to catholic school, a nun there said i might go to **** for being fat as gluttoney (spell?) is one of the 7 deadly sins.

i could right a book on the crap that has happened to me. no wonder my head is sooooo screwed up!

PaulaM
04-02-2008, 01:13 AM
Last year we went out of state to my MIL's funeral. While visiting my FIL and his new wife I got to hear at least five times a day from new wife "what happened, you used to be such a sweet tiny little thing". She repeated it in front of everybody over and over and over. I hadn't seen her in 20 years and yes I was very small when we first knew each other. She was very old so I cut her some slack, but my God, wasn't saying it once enough?

Glory87
04-02-2008, 02:57 AM
I'm really torn on this subject - of course, I didn't want friends/family/perfect strangers to make negative comments about my weight. On the flip side, nobody meaningful in my entire life said a THING as my weight slowly climbed to 200 lbs. The only person who ever did say something was my gynecologist who commented during my yearly check up that I had gained a lot of weight that year and I should try to work on it. It made me mad, made my face hot, but it did make me think and I kept that comment close to me - it eventually was a minor factor in my weight loss motivation (there were a lot bigger things, but I always remembered her saying that).

I don't know if it can be done lovingly or tactfully - maybe not. Sometimes, I kind of wish someone had intervened and opened my eyes to what I was doing. I'm not sure if I would have been receptive, maybe I just had to be ready on my own, but it is surprising to me that not single friend or loved one EVER mentioned my weight.

HarpoChicoGroucho
04-02-2008, 03:52 AM
I'm one of the fortunate ones like Glory. No one close to me ever said anything insensitive. Not even in high school (I got a little bit teasing in elementary school, but it was very minimal). I don't know if my family is just awesome, or we're all super sensitive about weight issues (obesity/eating disorders/abnormal food relationships for generations). I think everyone understood the weight issues, so no one even brought it up. Nearly every person (except my mom) was obese sometime in their life, and most of us were morbidly obese. I never had many friends, but like me, they were always bigger girls, so they never said anything mean.

I can't believe the comments you girls get when you're not that overweight (or overweight at all!). It's not acceptable in any situation, but that's ludicrous! People really need to get over themselves! And the fat people who have the GALL to make comments about somebody else's weight?! I can't stand that!

Justwant2Bhealthy
04-02-2008, 06:05 PM
I just wanted to add something about what GLORY AND HARPO said that I think is really important, and is the real reason why I answered this thread. I love my family, and I do not dwell on the nasty things people have said to me about my weight; but I think it is important to note how hurtful these kind of remarks are, and that THEY DO NOT MOTIVATE ME TO LOSE WEIGHT!

I know people that think this way: "If I say something nasty, they will wake up and go on a diet." More often, it had the opposite effect; becuz I was so hurt, I would eat more and go out less, becuz I felt so bad about myself. Those extremely negative comments just reinforced my insecurities about my weight. So, I have had to learn to ignore them, as the saying goes ...

It would have been more helpful if they had kindly said something like, "Is their anything that I can do to help you with that problem? Only doctors ever took that approach and I did not get mad at them; I was glad that they cared enuff to bring it up, and in a non-threatening way. Two of them said something like, "My records show that you have a gained some weight over the last while, can I help you with that? OR would you like to talk about it."

I agree with GLORY about that issue the most; that someone would care enuff to ask if they could help me in any way, or even just talk about it. Even just have someone to lend a CARING EAR would have been better than insulting us ... we need support and encouragement; we need our self-esteems boosted up; we need help to feel better about ourselves. It's nice to feel accepted and invited to functions; we need to feel wanted; and we need to be loved, just the way we are!!!

That will give us the strength we need to make better choices and to make the changes we need to get healthier, and that includes to work towards a healthier weight and lifestyle. I think that's what we all need and want! And KINDNESS is the easiest way to give someone LOVE ...

:hug:ROSEBUD:hug:

FreeSpirit
04-02-2008, 07:05 PM
My family are some of the most supportive people in my life, they've NEVER said anything to me or made any comments about my weight when I was bigger.

I think my biggest problem, now that I've lost most of my weight, is people making comments about how much I USED to weight. It's like... saying that I used to be fat, is just as bad as calling me fat. It still hurts.

JulieJ08
06-27-2008, 01:15 PM
Okay, so the rude co-worker reminds me of a comment I heard my sister say to someone on a school bus who was picking on me as a kid (I know, childish, but always makes me smile :D) and I would love to use this on an adult someday -- "I can lose weight, too bad you will always be ugly!!"

Sorry I'm late to this, but this reminded me so much of last week. My 3 year old grandnephew said, "You have a big belly." And here I'd been feeling great about losing just over 20 pounds and over 3 inches off my waist! Really, he didn't make me feel bad, and he is just too stinkin' cute. But I told him, "But you know what the difference is between you and me? Mine is getting smaller, but yours is only going to get bigger and bigger!" He laughed and then wanted back up in my arms :hug:

carolineintx
06-27-2008, 01:48 PM
My aunt's first words to me when I saw her last were "boy, you've gotten big, just like Sarah (my cousin who apparently had also gained some pounds)". Shes always been super small, never been on a diet in her life...I think people sometimes just have no clue how much it hurts. Its not just that you're big, its everything that goes along with it that they aren't aware of that hurts. Its that you feel unattractive, feel like people think less of you, feel like less of a person yourself and a failure, all these things, and comments just can hurt so much because it is just like throwing the weight and everything attached to it in your face...my aunt is not a cruel person, I think she honestly had no idea that a factual offhand remark about my appearance could stab me right where it hurt the most. To her, it was just 'you look different since I saw you' as if I'd grown taller or changed my hair, it didn't make any difference to her what size I was. But it mattered so much to me. I remind myself of this from time to time, to try to remember that it doesn't matter what other people are thinking or saying about me, the part that affects me is what I think of me, and I do my best to make sure I feel good about myself. Anyway, I wanted to say theres been lots of good advice and comments in this thread already, and I can't believe the really terrible things have been said to some of you! I don't think I could have handled some of them, ouch!

ninepaw
06-27-2008, 02:11 PM
Ugh... family comments are insanely irritating.
My mom has made a lot of comments and such lately it seems, before I started dieting again. It really drove me crazy because she had weight loss surgery back in March. In my head I think, "You gave up on normal dieting, don't lecture me on how I should eat!"
I feel terrible for thinking that, but... It really drives me nuts!

At least she's really supportive now that I've started again.

Heffalump
06-27-2008, 02:14 PM
Reading Caroline's post made me remember what my dear old auntie (or not so dear, actually) used to do whenever she saw me. When I was young my family seemed to consist mainly of tiny elderly ladies, very old school, very outspoken, full of entitlement, so I was used to their frank comments about my appearance from a very young age. This auntie, however, used to grab my fat rolls every time she saw me - and then commented on how biiiig I'd gotten since last time she saw me.

(And FWIW, I was never an overweight child, only tall and large-framed with lots of muscles (that fact only occurred to me quite recently when I was looking at old pics with my MIL)).

Anyway, grabby auntie kept this spiel up until I was about 13 or 14 (and a good head taller than her), when in a bout of righteous pubescent rage I slapped her fingers away - not hard, mind you, but that scared her off for good.

Apart from her and her crusty cronies, all long gone now, the rest of my family (all of them on the heftier side) have never been anything but supportive, which is a huge blessing I realize reading all of your stories...

thesusanone
06-27-2008, 02:20 PM
My mom always was ragging on me about my weight and making comments. She has never been thin, and I can only remember one time when she went on a diet when I was about 8 or 9 years old. It didn't last for very long. She got smaller but her shape stayed the same because she didn't exercise. Anyhow, she had a hysterectomy a couple years ago and went on artificial estrogen. She slimmed down quite a bit, but she still has that same shape. But I have to admit that she looks better than she has in her life. To me, this indicates how powerful hormones are. Because she still eats total garbage. There are cakes, coffee cakes, candy, and ice cream all over the house (well, the ice cream is packing out 2 freezers!!!)

She behaves this way, and yet she nags me about my weight and makes hurtful comments. And now that I am eating really healthy and losing weight, I have been surprised to see that #1- She still keeps all the junk food in plain sight when I visit her, and #2- When I tell her how great I feel and ask if she might be interested in trying my eating plan, she acts really weird and you can tell she is not interested at all. My dad wants to lose weight but he would need a lot of help and my mom is not willing to make the change. So I leave them alone about it. And I try to reinforce in their minds that I am not going to fail this time, despite their lack of support. I bring my own food when I visit them. In fact, today I am going over there and I am going to buy some fresh chicken and make Lemon-Roasted Chicken. I'm also going to bring fruit and ff/sf pudding. I'm going to do what I need to do to love and care for myself, and I just hope that someday they will realize they have been wrong to speak negatively to me and to tempt me with sweets all the time. (Ok, maybe I'm feeling a little high and mighty! But it is how I am feeling these days!)

UrsusMaritimus
06-27-2008, 02:21 PM
When I was 14 (and 135 lbs.), my dad, who is generally a very kind and sensitive man, looked at my sister across the dinner table and said, "You really shouldn't be eating junk food after school. Just ask your sister."

Three week ago, when I went home for my grandpa's funeral, I was having lunch with my grandma, and she said, "When you were younger, I used to look at those long, thin legs and think, wow, your sister is going to be so jealous of you when you guys grow up. Guess I got it backwards, huh?"

This thread just makes me think of Phillip Larkin's "This Be the Verse."

Beach Patrol
06-27-2008, 02:31 PM
ACK. My daddy is coming for a week long visit for the 4th of July. He ALWAYS comments about my weight. Usually something along the lines of "You sure are looking good honey" if I'm down in poundage.... but if I'm UP? Like now????..... more along the lines of "Good God honey! - don't just let yourself go like that! Maybe you shouldn't eat so much!" :rolleyes: :(

The b****h of it is, I know he MEANS well, and he doesn't make me feel like my weight makes or breaks me as a person... but he's ... you know... *just a man* like that.

Is it Friday yet? :^:

Heffalump
06-27-2008, 02:32 PM
This thread just makes me think of Phillip Larkin's "This Be the Verse."

:goodvibes Oh Ursus, that's one of my all-time favorite poems!

traceylenore
06-27-2008, 02:39 PM
My family hasn't been so bad, but I have had those friends who make those wonderful comments. I have one who was always so skinny, like rib showing thin, she would gloat about it. "oh, you used to be so pretty, but now you're fat.'

But now, she's rather large. So I am going to take it as karma finally catching up with her :)

LandonsBaby
06-27-2008, 03:45 PM
When I was thin I got a lot of comments...so I gained weight (no, I didn't really gain for everyone else, I'm just kidding). And then, people made comments about me being fat! Some of the things have been hurtful but for the most part its something like "why don't you go on the diet i'm doing" or "why don't you try....." when I didn't really ask for their opinon. And all the suggestions I get are to go on a 900 calorie, carb free diet. Yeah, right.

UrsusMaritimus
06-27-2008, 07:00 PM
Originally Posted by UrsusMaritimus
This thread just makes me think of Phillip Larkin's "This Be the Verse."

Oh Ursus, that's one of my all-time favorite poems!


I love it too. What does that say about us? That we're terrible cynics? ;) It's just so spot-on.

Heffalump
06-27-2008, 07:17 PM
I love it too. What does that say about us? That we're terrible cynics? ;)

Aw, I don't think so ;). The poem may sound a bit bitter at first, but I think there's an underlying kindness and forgiveness and gentle irony that I (want to?) detect in Larkin in general. Like they said about Vonnegut: he hands out poison-coated sugar pills... :)

[Sorry for the extended Off Topic - can't restrain myself if it's about poetry...:^:]

onesullengurl
06-27-2008, 07:42 PM
I was a very small, skinny child. At some point in my adult life, a childhood friend's father told me that I really looked good now, and that I had looked like a war orphan when I was a child. I think that was the most hurtful thing anyone ever said to me about my weight. My smallness and skinnyness was frequently a topic of conversation in my family. I felt like I was bad for being small.


Yeah I got all those all the way through highschool... the only time it REALLY bothered me was when my boyfriend at the time made a comment about how he wished I wasn't so boney ...


I was called

anorexic, skeleton, ethiopian,( sp ) ... sick , boney, stick, there is prob more :lol:

not to mention all the other times when people would tell me I coundn't do something and I wasn't strong enough cuz I was to small or to skinny... I still always did that stuff though ... so shows how much they knew :p


everytime I was bloated around TOM my mom would say " you arn't pregnant are you??!!" I wasn't even sexually active!!! ... I think that makes me even more mad looking back on it then when it happened LOL

owell people can be rude ... maybe not intentionally .. maybe so ... some ppl are just dumb, some jealous some think it will help ... no matter what though ... they are just empty words to me .. I don't listen to people anymore when they say hurtful things to me .. life is to short ....

sometimes it still hurts at first . but eventually it just becomes history :)


should ahve heard the comments I got when I really WAS pregnant .. ( I doubled my weight ) they are really lucky I was to big and slow and unbalanced to hurt them :devil:

GradPhase
06-27-2008, 07:49 PM
You know what I hate even more than people pointing out that I've gained weight? The eye rolling and scoffing and sarcasm from the people bigger than me when I tell them I'm trying to lose weight. I've lost SO much respect from the people in my family or my friends who do it.

I try not to get all high and mighty about it - but I'm 60% sure it's because they're jealous, and me pointing out my flaws makes them look at their own. And I get that. But do not be a b*tch to me just because I'm trying to improve myself and you're too lazy to.


I know I'll edit this and tone it down when I'm less angry - but right now I'm still pretty livid about it! UGH!

Lori Bell
06-27-2008, 08:10 PM
I've had a life time of nasty comments and enough tears from them to fill an ocean. My father was down right cruel, my bother and sister were brutal as children, but as obese adults, they have been my biggest supporters. They now know what I went through my entire life. I feel bad for them really.

Way back when, my Aunt had gone to Egypt for a long visit. While she was gone, my sister gave me a perm that turned out just adorable, (I thought). We joked that I looked like Cleopatra. At a welcome home family party for my aunt and her family, my sister said to her, "Don't you think Lori looks like an Egyptian?" She just practically screams, "There are NO FAT EGYPTIANS!" I was so mortified, and embarrassed. I had adored this Aunt until then.

My husband has a friend who is also a big jerk. He says things all the time like..."Oh LORI, don't take this the wrong way, but oh man, you should have seen the big cow we saw today at the Chinese restaurant." Or "Nothing personal, LORI, but have you seen how much weight so and so has gained, she is almost as big as you...!" My husband just sits there. Never defends me, never tells him to shut his trap. Anyway, he hasn't once...and you can really tell now...said anything about me loosing weight. I thought at age 42 people would grow up...but not in hicksville Nebraska.

Oh one more good one I heard the other day before I stop b*tching. A local resturant owner in the nearest tiny town asked me the other day if I had lost some weight. I smiled politely and told her yes I had. She says, "Oh, your looking Goo...um, er well, looking better I should say." I just rolled my eyes and laughed at her out loud. Though this woman has ALWAYS found the flaws in me and my kids, I guess I should have taken it as a complement. :)

OKAY...rant over

snowgator
06-27-2008, 08:30 PM
I"m glad to see others ranting about this too. My ex-H used to make some terrible comments about how I wasn't skinny like his 1st wife, blah, blah. I hated it. He's out of my life now, but somehow the memory of the comments remain. My Dad passed away over a year ago, but plenty of my memories of him have to do with some pretty insensitive comments, too. And from a guy who looked like a bowling pin for most of his life. People just don't realize sometimes how much their comments can hurt others.
Or how much they can help. Thanks everyone here for your honesty.

Insatiable
06-28-2008, 01:12 AM
Oh my goodness, it is so nice to see that you all go through this too. I mean it is horriable, but nice to know I am not alone. About 2 months ago I received a horrible email from my dad about how fat I was and that I need to lose weight. Our relationship has never been a good one, but now it is almost nonexsitant after a long argument following the email. My heart is broken.

Thank you all for help me realize I am not the only one with a mean family. That I can be happy within my self and my world with out taking on their mean words. I support you all.

BMWGirl
06-28-2008, 01:27 AM
I have a few... :dizzy:

...One time I was going to a restaurant with friends and my "best friend" (who was the same size as me) asked why I ordered a water. I said, "Because I wanted a water." She was like, "Ugh. You're actually trying to be all healthy?" ...Totally embaressed me!

Then, last week, I went to meet up with my older brother. I haven't seen him in like a year because he is a traveling biz man and so he is like never in town. So, he had bought a new house and I went over and walked in the door and his eyes got huge. I was like, "What, I know. I'm fat now." and he was like, "Yeah, really fat. You were kinda fat before but now you are fat." and then he started laughing... We would always joke about being fat before but he doesn't realize when I am laughing with him it is really breaking my heart inside. :(

...Then, when my mom came to visit me about 7 months ago around Christmas (she lives in colombia) she kept saying how she "felt so sorry for me" for being so big.. and started crying saying how hard it must be for me. ...It's like a big social unacceptance thing for her I guess. :^:

...Then there is this lady I work with who is a size 14 now but ALWAYS talks about how she used to be a 22... and always says how she knows the way I am b/c she was that way.. It's like okay I am not a carbon copy of you, I have my own thoughts/personality and freaking habits that make me this way. She made the comment that she wants her daughter to lose weight but she kind of likes it that her daughter (Who looks just like me, we are the same age and weight) is so overweight because it "makes her look better" and she doesn't want to be the biggest one in her family. How freaked up is that? :mad:

To be honest with you, I never got teased or called fat in school. Most of the crap I got about being fat was from my family or friends once I was out of school. School was so innocent compared to this. :?:

Anyway-- people can be cruel but I am realizing to look past all those peoples' comments and just think of them as brick walls that you have to get over to get to your ultimate goal. Their words mean nothing unless they are positive.

sh3l5
06-28-2008, 03:48 AM
my uncle is always doing it....
always saying things like thunder thighs....
and that makes ur arse look fat....
and u shud have bought a size smaller and worked at getting into them....
it infuriates me to the point i walk away....

Spoz
06-28-2008, 04:13 AM
I remember when I first start trying to lose weight I was cutting portions and making healthier choices but overdoing calories because I hadn't figured that one out yet. Anyway I was doing an hour or high intensity workouts every day but I could only lose a lb or two. Anyway my brother is one of these people who lives off coffee and smokes, and his one good meal a week is some horrible fast food kind of take away. I remember him saying to my mum 'Shes obviously not trying at all, she hasn't lost anything' and that really hurt my feeling because I was working REALLY hard! Clearly my idiotic brother has never tried to lose weight, and even back then when I was heavier I was still healthier than him.

snapless
06-28-2008, 04:40 AM
Actually, my sister saying something meant to be nasty to me was one of the proverbial straws for me about my weight.

She hadn't seen me in several years when I went back for a visit, and the first thing out of her mouth was, "You're putting on some pounds there, pretty soon you are going to be as fat as me."

I guess misery loves company.

Pandora123a
06-28-2008, 08:33 AM
My family is great, only my mother ever comments about weight, and she tries to do so in a supportive way. I once told her that she only complimented me in relation to weight (for instance, "that dress is very slimming" rather than "you look great in that dress") and she heard it and changed.

The funny thing is that I notice they tease each other about weight (my brothers are constantly gaining or losing about 15 pounds.) They joke that the other has "dunlops" disease (your stomach dun lop over your belt). The fact that I am fat means that I am excluded from the teasing. I don't mind missing the teasing (they find plenty else) but in some ways it makes me feel excluded and accentuates my "difference" in my own eyes.

I've also noticed that while we are obviously very sensitive about weight and eating comments, the same folks who make them are equal opportunity insulters. They tell tall women that it is unfortunate that no man will ever find them attractive, they comment on baldness, they comment on looks and brains and everything else. (Oprah once said that when she lost all her weight someone stopped her and said, good, now you should do something about your face)

Negative, nasty people are just that. Losing weight won't change them, it will just change the focus of their comments.

Ija
06-28-2008, 09:37 AM
my uncle is always doing it....
always saying things like thunder thighs....
and that makes ur arse look fat....
and u shud have bought a size smaller and worked at getting into them....
it infuriates me to the point i walk away....

That sounds a lot like my dad. I wonder why some people just don't understand why things like that are hurtful.

2fat2jump
06-28-2008, 12:46 PM
If it helps, cherryblossom, I'm in total and utter shock that anyone would say that to you, every time I see your avatar I think how pretty you are!

I was thinking the same exact thing when I saw your avatar, cherryblossom. You're absolutely beautiful!

UrsusMaritimus
06-28-2008, 03:18 PM
The poem may sound a bit bitter at first, but I think there's an underlying kindness and forgiveness and gentle irony that I (want to?) detect in Larkin in general.

I'm inclined to agree with what you said, but I also sense a kind of sad resolve in those lines - that this is human nature, what can you do?

"Man hands on misery to man/It deepens like a coastal shelf..."

That's just my reading of it though. :) And I'm certainly no expert.

jimaterry
06-28-2008, 03:26 PM
Im an american living in england with my hubby.. anyhow, last year i flew home to visit my family and this happened lol
my grandmother ( who is 87 and has dementia) was sitting across from me and kept staring at me.. i have gained loads since she saw me last .. anyhow, out of the blue she says ' i only weigh 130lbs'... rotflmao... bless her heart.. she wasnt tryin to be mean i dont think.. but in her demented mind she knew i had gotten bigger and wasnt sure what or how to say anything.... i just said ' good for you grandma, you look great' ... i think that was the Nicest 'mean' comment ever received lol...

MrsLovett
06-28-2008, 04:11 PM
People I *thought* were my friends asked if I was pregnant. Obviously they were not my friends...:(

MrsLovett
06-28-2008, 04:12 PM
oh yeah and my mom said to "stop eating". It's been done before

JulieJ08
06-29-2008, 02:22 PM
I see my mom sometimes every week, sometimes once or twice a month. The last three times I've seen her she's told me how much my hard work is showing. I really like the way she puts it. She makes it about what I'm doing, not about the fat. And she doesn't make a big deal about it in front of people (which I wouldn't mind a *little* bit of ;)), she just makes sure I know she notices. It really encourages me.

KateRN
06-29-2008, 06:39 PM
every now and then people will say things, but never singled me out because my entire family is over 200lbs, some over 300lbs.
they say things when i lose weight, positive things.
the only weird thing i got once was my grandmother, when she learned about me going into treatment for my eating disorder was to suggest i not get it treated and saying, well, if she is losing weight on it...

grneyedmustang
06-29-2008, 08:13 PM
I once had a male friend tell me that the reason why some of the guys I date treat me like crap is because I'm overweight and they feel like they can get away with it. Sometimes I wonder if that's the case...but other times I realize that some guys are just jerks no matter who they're dating...and whatever "issues" they have may not have ANYTHING to do with me...

And my favorite: I love when people tell you to "just do sit ups" to get rid of your belly. Yeaaaaah.

brownsugah
06-29-2008, 11:42 PM
My mother. I don't even know where to begin about her. She drinks heavily and allows her loosened tongue to make extremely hurtful remarks about anything about me she can think of, and if she's lazy she'll pull out her standby terms such as "fat *** b***h" etc. It's pretty unreal when it happens- I just end up feeling crappy and shocked and unable to say anything hurtful in return because she's so blazed that it'll never sink in. The worst part is that the next day, after she's slept it off, she'll forget about everything she said the night before. I just graduated from school, and I was so close to disinviting her and then I just ended up on the phone with her a few days before graduation and she told me if i didn't lose my weight and look better, I'm out of her will. I don't know how much of it is hot air but with her i wouldnt be surprised if she really did take me out of it. I am trying to use it as positive fuel because my family does indeed have an extensive history of diabetes, hypertension and other obesity-related disease. I mean, I do need to lose weight ( I am at around 250 right now) and I've yoyoed my entire life. I want to do this so badly, but for the right reasons; not because my mom or anyone else wants me to. So yeah, this time around I am trying to put blinders on and just do it for me :)

bettyred
06-30-2008, 01:53 AM
My wonderful lovely aunt :) Bless her heart lol

'Rachel, you are gorgeous... I never noticed just how beautiful you are... I can't help but thinking about how pretty you really are.... and you should know this, I don't know how you dont know this... if you just lost weight, you'd be so happy, I think you've forgotten how to be happy. I mean really, you are beautiful... if you could just start eating right and exercising.. you'd see it too."

And yes.. that was all in one rant :)

My favorite was this... my dad... good old dad :)

'It looks like you're losing some @ss... that's great... see if you were thin- you could have any guy you wanted and wouldn't have to worry about finishing school, or taking care of your son- they'd all be willing to take you."
I mean WTF!!!!!!!!!! lol Gotta love'm... lol And he's FAT lol

theRage
06-30-2008, 02:04 AM
haha.. yes, I know how that goes! My dad used to say stuff like that to me a lot! Except it sometimes felt like he was pressuring me. Saying "So, have you been eating healthy? have you been working out lately?" and he would just make the whole conversation awkward and I felt like I must be getting fatter by the minute cuz he kept saying that to me!

Annita
06-30-2008, 06:21 AM
luckily, i have an amazing mother and a very sweet boyfriend that they would never say a word about my weight, unless i ask for their opinions.

But, my youngest aunt (from my mom's side) - was, is , and will always be the only one in the family say ANYTHING about my weight. EVERY week i have to meet her once, and EVERYTIME, she'll say "oh, are you gaining weight? you're fat enough!!" (???) since when i was 10, and till now.

oh, and my cousin's wife too. She won't say i'm fat, but she'll say "you'll never be able to slim down after you have children. You're pear shape and it's just the way it is. And besides, you're big enough so be careful when eating" (???).

yeah, i really have to put ??? because I dont even know what they want me to be. I can't shorten my height and become a petite with like, 1m55 and 45 kg like my aunt's daughter. And They said like, everyone from 50+ kg is fat !!! I just can't believe them. At least, after 20 years of thinking that idea, now I finally can see the truth :(

thesusanone
06-30-2008, 01:44 PM
I mean, I do need to lose weight ( I am at around 250 right now) and I've yoyoed my entire life. I want to do this so badly, but for the right reasons; not because my mom or anyone else wants me to. So yeah, this time around I am trying to put blinders on and just do it for me :)

{{{brownsugah}}} I'm so sorry for the family situation you described. Sometimes family members are too sick to help us, but we can find ways to move on and heal and be healthy. Don't hesitate to find people who can help you too. There are some great support groups and things out there.

TamTam
06-30-2008, 06:39 PM
Was real small, my aunt made comments about my weight, got real big she made comments about that, got real small again, had to hear comments about that, sometimes there is just no way you are going to win with people, that's when you have to realize how YOU feel about yourself is what is important and that you do NOT answer to them for your weight or anything else for that matter.

luckymommy
06-30-2008, 06:56 PM
I had one of my supervisors a few years ago make a rude remark. I was going down the stairs. The top step had ice on it and I fell and slid down about eight steps. He asked me if I was OK then he said I had enough fat to cushion my bones so I wouldn't get any serious injuries. How uncaring.

He was no small man himself. A few months later, he sat down in a rolling chair and just caught the edge of it. As he tried to move around, he slid out of the chair into the floor. When he got up and I saw he was OK, it was his turn to hear that remark. I had to say it even if he did fire me. He laugher about it.

What a great comeback! LOVE IT!

thesusanone
06-30-2008, 07:11 PM
Was real small, my aunt made comments about my weight, got real big she made comments about that, got real small again, had to hear comments about that, sometimes there is just no way you are going to win with people, that's when you have to realize how YOU feel about yourself is what is important and that you do NOT answer to them for your weight or anything else for that matter.

This is so true. Just had to say that.

And I also wanted to report that I did get a compliment recently. My mom said, "You're looking great", and I answered back really quick, "Yeah, I know." She laughed. It was kinda funny. I didn't mean it like that. I just was acknowledging what she said, and was in agreement!

redlight
06-30-2008, 08:03 PM
My aunt who used to make comments about my weight now uses me as an example to her daughter (who is a little overweight). She keeps pointing out to my cousin how I lost weight. It's not fun hearing those comments either.

yoyomadness
06-30-2008, 09:06 PM
I got a compliment from a relative today:

"Your clothes aren't straining at the seams anymore."

Gee, thanks!

joyinSF
06-29-2009, 06:02 PM
my aunts and uncles would tell me all the time "dont eat too much. youre gonna get fatter." that made me angry, but i use it as a motivator when im at the gym.
some people arent considerate or nice.
owell , forget them.

LitMiss
06-29-2009, 08:04 PM
My Mom can be pretty brutal. We once got into an argument where she called me a fat pig and she was embarassed to be seen with me.
I cried for months after that comment every time I thought about my own Mom saying something like that to me. Even if I say it out loud now it will bring tears to my eyes.

I guess you just have to try not to take to heart what other people say.
It's just mean spirited and an adult should know better.

I have mentioned several times in my posts I teach preschool. I have been teaching for going on 3 years and I have had only two kids say something about my weight. Even coming from a child it hurts!

GlamourGirl827
06-29-2009, 10:13 PM
My neighbor, who's kind of rude anyway. Saw a picture of me from my early 20's when hubby and I were dating. I was much thinner, as time and a baby have put on the pounds. Well, she saw it and exclaimed "You were so thin, how does your husband even love you now?"

She was serious, but I guess that's normal for her, seeing as her husband comments on how "fat" she is (Size 8) and how she has "cankles" and a whole bunch of cruel comments about her weight. Even though she is not over weight...but she's not model thin, the way he wants her. :mad:

thisisnotatest
06-30-2009, 08:20 AM
I was recently watching a friends 4 year old child.
He wanted a toy in a high cabinet, I went to get a ladder and then was sort of stuggling to reach the toy. The child said to me "I know why you can't get the toy, its 'cause you're fat."I just sort of look at him and the he proceeded to say "I know it was wrong to say that, that's why I said it low"

Nice kid.

chickiegirl
06-30-2009, 09:14 AM
I got married less than a year ago, and apparently I've totally "let myself go!". I'm 6'0" and weighed 195 at the time. Granted, a little heavier than I should have been, but still not to bad.
AAUUGGHHH!!!

Oh, give me a break. What I wouldn't give to be 195 -- on a six-foot frame! What are they talking about?!?!? I'm an inch and a bit shorter and I know I look pretty darned good at 200 so you must've been just fine.

nooch
07-01-2009, 05:09 PM
My grandma spent my entire life telling me that I was wasting my beauty being fat.

Now that I'm married, she stopped. I guess maybe she's afraid that if she says it in front of my husband, he might hear it and figure it out or something. You know, because he didn't figure it out in the five years before we got married.

ninepaw
07-01-2009, 05:22 PM
Ugh, family comments can be the WORST. My mom, who I love dearly, is always prepared to comment on my weight in some way. My favorite is when I'll say something about my weight and she starts to say something, then stops herself and says, "I'm just not gonna ssay anything, because you're just going to get mad at me."

Uh, thanks mom. I totally couldn't tell where THAT would've headed!

It's esecially hard for me to take comments from her because she had Gastric Bypass in May of 2008, so she's lost a ton of weight. Yeah, my mom is hotter than me. It's hard on my fragile 18 year old self esteeem. LOL, maybe I'm being a little over dramatic. But seriously. I know that from her surgery she still plays the pivotal role in her weight loss, since only she can make her decisions on what to eat, but I still feel like she cheated in a way, you know what I mean? I feel like she shouldn't get to make all her comments about me, because she gave up on normal diet and excercise and went with a different route.

Ugh. I'm an 18 year old who's jealous of her hot mom. WHY!? LOL

dcapulet
07-02-2009, 07:52 PM
My brother (who has always been skinny) always makes comments about "fatties" when I am around, and asks me if I check out the local gyms. My mom tells my kids how fat I've gotten; meanwhile she is overweight herself.

But what really bothers me are my in-laws. They ask when I am going to lose weight, because me gaining has encouraged my husband to gain weight too. Then I get all the health stories about how it's so bad for me. Meanwhile, my husband's mother is quite heavy herself and in complete denial, even about her serious medical issues. They aren't even related to me, and I am the one they pick on.

stargzr
07-02-2009, 11:48 PM
Unfortunately, I can say that the way I perceive my body is all thanks to my sister while we were in high school. She was the preppy, make-upped, cute clothes wearing chick who had all the friends. I was the independent, don't care what you think of me, everyone knows me chick. She was born with a very petite frame, so she's about 5'4" and at that time she weighed about 105lbs. She was nice enough to call me FAT every day throughout my high school career. Mind you, I was 5'8", larger frame, about 175lbs wearing a size 7 in juniors. I see now that I was not fat by any means, but her own weight insecurities had me feeling like I was a cow. I can look back on photos of me in high school now and see how thin I really was... but it's taken me actually getting heavy to see that it was her problem, not mine. Not to mention I also found out a couple years ago that she was anorexic for much of high school and continues to abstain from food these days when she's feeling a little too heavy at 120lbs. Goodness me! One thing I've learned from her is how I don't want to turn out!

Kitsey
07-03-2009, 11:17 PM
I stayed up late last night just so I could read this entire thread. Some of the comments left me with my jaw hanging open! I was thinking all day about it. When I was 14-15 my guardian did respite care for disabled adults on the weekends. We had one pair of elderly gentleman that came every couple of weeks, who took great pleasure in addressing me as "fatty." The more I read this thread the more the memories came back-I want to include that these guys disabilities were physical, not mental-so there was no excuse. Fatty this, fatty that-whevever they wanted something. And I was expected to do it. One day in particular I just got so angry and said "I have a NAME!" But I just got in trouble with my guardian. What was even worse, was these guys kept on doing it even when I had friends over-all of whom were thin. Thinking about it now 12 or 13 years later, I think this is the time that I started sneaking food and eating alone. I'm almost in tears now thinking that at the time I was in a size 16.

HungryHungryHippo
07-04-2009, 03:31 AM
God, I just want to punch them for you!
(And yeah, I got my own share of grief growing up.)

Annita
07-04-2009, 04:41 AM
before, yes, all the time. My aunts always make comment "i think you gain some weights", "you need to lose some weights", etc....

After doing this journey, the comments have become more pleasant, such as "you're getting thinner and thinner", and yesterday, one of my bf's friend said "you keep getting hotter".

So yah, at least I know that this journey pays off well ^^

amy180
07-04-2009, 03:53 PM
My mom tells me constantly "you need to start exercising or something!" even though I exercise daily and am, in fact, losing weight. But NO, you can't point out the positives! Not to family members! [/sarcasm]

Also overheard recently: my dad referring to me as his "fat daughter."

I think they believe they are being helpful and this will encourage me to lose weight. I think they're going about it wrong, if that is their intent. Both are overweight, BTW.

This has gone on forever though. When I was in high school and weighed no more than 135, no belly to speak of, I thought I looked pretty good, my mom would look at my clothes and tell me my legs were too fat to wear dresses, or my ankles looked swollen, could I be pregnant? That sort of thing.

Tracy
07-04-2009, 04:46 PM
Oh the comments:mad:
1.A teacher called on me in 7th grade,I didn't know the answer,so he said that is why you are fat. You don't think you just keep eating,when you are not hungry.
2. You will always be fat,because you don't want to lose weight.{mother}
3.Don't you have any willpower,what is wrong w/you?{aunt}
4.Had a priest laugh at me,when someone made a comment about my weight.
Those are the top 4. Not to mention all the humiliation in front of people.{by family}

TaraLee
07-04-2009, 05:07 PM
I've had all kinds of comments from all sorts of people:
#1: My most well remembered: I was at a picnic with a friend. It was his family hosting it. A friend of theirs, who happened to be a ministers wife, was sitting next to me. We were talking about pregnancies. Her daughter had just had her first baby. At some point she turned to me and said "No one would ever know if you got pregnant, your so fat!" Yeah... and get this... her daughter... was 15. CONGRATS Grandma, you must be soooo proud.

#2: My husband has been a constant source of irratation. Even before I gained all the weight he called me "Chubby." When I explained why this irratated me, his response was that he thought it was a compliment, "You know, like a cherub." Now its things like "Makes you easier to catch," "Hard to miss," ECT. Guess what... hes extremely overweight and was just diagnosed as diabetic too. Least now I can say I'm trying and that "Death to us part" will no longer be ME having a heart attack, so bite me!

#3: Family- my family has right out told me I'm fat and have no qualms about hurting my feelings so I've been the butt of their joke many times, even as a small child. And I wonder why I became an emotional eater? Yeah, I try not to talk those people anymore.

I added my two cents at the end of the each one because it makes me remember, these people are not perfect and have NO room to judge others, even though they do so anyways! I'm learning to ignore the negativeness of everyone else. I know me better than anyone else and I know I can do this!

Michelle1210
07-04-2009, 05:22 PM
My mother, she always comments about weight, no one is safe, she had made comments about my nieces and when we go out she always says you know you should do like I do and only eat half, after of course you ate the whole thing.

CurvyBlond19
07-04-2009, 05:37 PM
my mother and grandmother are the worst. just wait untill im a size 10/12 again...i cant wait to see their faces, grrrrr lol. x

nooch
07-04-2009, 10:52 PM
My mother in law said something so heinous to me today that I am struggling to not go on a killing spree.

She has gotten real nasty since I started working out more/eating differently because she has been a proud anorexic who thought the most important thing in her life was her 23 inch waist which has now gone to **** because she eats pounds of cookie dough in the middle of the night.

Today I mentioned that I skipped the gym because I was so exhausted (this is the first day I have missed in a long time) and she said "I don't know why you go, you could just purge and get the same result".

Boy, was I mad. I'm still mad. This is the latest in a series of nasty comments ("I don't know why you're bothering, you aren't going to be able to see any progress", "I'd kill myself if I looked like that", and so on) and I'm just so irate.

I know I should be understanding because she used to be super thin and now she's got a huge gut but isn't fat anywhere else, but I'm not understanding. I'm offended at how she treats me and I can't find it in me to be understanding.

DCHound
07-05-2009, 12:36 AM
I wish I could come to each of your houses and give you a big hug because NONE of you deserve to hear ANYTHING like this from ANYONE! How ridiculous!! And these are supposed to be from people who LOVE you?? Don't listen!! Those people are totally stupid. Seriously, love yourself, believe in yourself, lose weight for yourself, your health and your happiness, and just tune this rude crap out. Seriously!

Onederchic
07-05-2009, 01:07 AM
One incident stands out in my mind for me -

One of my sisters and I went to a bank and we had to talk to the bank manager. My sister does look somewhat like Reba McEntire and the bank manager always laughed and called her Reba. So this day when we go in, my sister says "Hey, it's Reba and I brought my sister Roseanne." In reference to Roseanne Barr-Arnold. I wanted the floor to swallow me up but of course it didn't.

dietnlose?
07-05-2009, 02:34 AM
The other day while I was snacking on cucumbers and hummus my sister-in law asked me why I wasn't having any crackers. I told her I'm on low-carb and I've been avoding high carb food. She said I was sick in the head and I had problems.
I don't know why people can't mind their own business. If I choose not to eat carbs (I only get my carbs from fruits&veggies) it's my problem.
ugghh im angry..

marzipanmonkey
07-05-2009, 07:55 PM
-eyeroll-

All the time, from family. Never realy from friends. My family would do the "you would be s0o pretty if you just lost x-amount of weight".

Kind of strips you down, you know?

Steelslady
07-06-2009, 12:37 AM
My family would do the "you would be s0o pretty if you just lost x-amount of weight".

Kind of strips you down, you know?

I got this ALL the time from family. My sister used to say "when you lost that weight, you were breathtakingly beautiful, I was sssssooooo jealous of you!" and other lovely comments about when I was thin, which was for 3 years out of my 45 years of life on this planet.

I always got as a child "someday, you'll be beautiful if you could JUST get the weight off!", "exercise some more, you're too beautiful too hide behind all that fat!", "how did you end up with such a weight problem with skinny parents and family?", "you'll be beautiful someday when you lose that baby fat!". Oh, there were numerous comments.

Nice ones in front of the families friends, such as "I don't know where she got her weight problems, but I was NEVER that big as a child!" and "she don't take after our side of the family for her weight problem, as we're all thin on my side!" and so on.

I ate too much, didn't exercise too much (as opposed to family members who sat in front of the boob tube eating fattening foods all day while not gaining a pound thanks to great metabolisms) even though I was outside all day, everyday, rain, sleet, hot weather, running around and playing hard. I was lazy, I didn't care about myself, I was an excuse maker.

Oy, these are the kinder comments. Thin cousins, mostly boys, had some really mean comments to say to me during family reunions. That's probably why I don't have much to do with them anymore.

I also got to hear about a cousin of mine and how beautiful she is- her and I are close in age. Yeah, she's a drug addict, alcoholic, abandoned her two older kids, had another one with a guy who has nothing to do with her or her daughter, abandoned her own mother when she needed her the most. Yeah, she may be beautiful, but if all I had to do was party and play all day and shun my responsibilities while family, friends, and boyfriends paid my way, I'd be a beautiful toothpick, too.

This kind of felt good to get this off of my chest, I must say. Especially since I declined going to a family reunion due to the fact that the 40 pounds I lost I gained back thanks to Grave's disease. While I am slowly losing some of it now, I am very disheartened that all of my hard work went down the sewer because of illness, and now my family just has that fat eyesore to look at once again stuffing her face across the room..........nah, I'll skip this reunion, thanks very much.

s rosa
07-06-2009, 01:08 AM
When I was a teenager, my dad would sometimes comment on what I was eating, i.e. "you're really going to eat that much [insert junk food]?" just little comments like that. It always hurt, but you know what, it didn't stop me from eating the junk. I just wanted more. Then from about 18-21 when I was home from college, whenever I'd mention I was thinking about going to work out or go for a walk or something, he would act shocked/in disbelief that I, the lazy one, would even think about working out. He never believed I would do it, or stick with it. and I never did, because heck if my own dad doesn't believe I can do it, I probably can't.

It sucked, and thinking about those little comments still hurts, but I think dad was just trying to get me to stop eating junk and work out more, albeit in a messed up sort of way. He was probably afraid I would gain a load of weight and get diabetes, which happened to my mom. I don't know what I would have said if I were in his position, because really anything he would have said to me when I was a teenager would have hurt my feelings, but at the same time he probably didn't want to say *nothing*.

So, at any rate, I've gained a load of weight, and I want to lose it before I develop diabetes as well. I just won't tell anybody but internet strangers and DH I'm doing it, because I don't want to hear the slew of hurtful comments.

helloimchristie
07-06-2009, 08:44 PM
Yes, my dad and my grandmother mainly. It really bothers me. I know they just want me to be healthy, but in reality it makes the situation worse and makes me feel even worse about everything. My mom does too, but it doesn't usually bother me when she does.

Featherfire
07-12-2009, 02:53 AM
Definitely can relate on this one! My mother's home based business for the past 30 years now has been her own weight loss program. She sees me not seeing results in my workouts and is always pestering me to eat different things, talk about how many calories are in each part of the meal if I'm at my parents' home for one, and is always on my *** about making sure I get my gym time or dvd time in. What she thinks to be encouraging me feels like over the top nagging. Any time I have a physical issue, such as being totally uncomfortable in heels more than 2" or extreme stiffness and pain in my right ankle (break around 10 years old that was never treated) or any other issue of the sort, she says "If you just lose the weight, you wont have these problems".
It's not just in the house either. I've actually developed almost a phobia of actually going out in public. I worry about what people that either I knew before the weight gain, or just people in general are saying or thinking about how I look. It's not as simple of just being unhappy with how I look either. I do have days where I feel great and confident and love how I look, but the fear and self-induced shame definitely win the battle. I have been turned down for jobs that I wanted badly many times and started asking myself why bother, just because of my weight. I'm a certified bartender and cannot seem to get hired anywhere, no matter how skilled or people friendly I am, simply because I "don't have the look they're looking for". One of my two younger sisters on several occasions walked into a place to inquire about a job and was hired on the spot for her looks alone, the employers didn't even care that she had no experience or training. I could walk into the same place with experience and certifications and great skill, but would come out empty handed. Unfortunately, I picked an industry where looks are apparently what matters more than a good martini or quality of service.
I found myself confining myself to the house more than is probably healthy just because of insecurity. I've even been too ashamed of my body to go to my family's summer home on Cape Cod because a neighbor stopped by last summer while I was there and made a comment on my weight. "Weren't you skinny last time I saw you? You really let yourself go, what happened?" I actually sucked it up until the guest left and burst into tears.
I look forward to the day where I can finally be happy with my looks and show off what I accomplished. "How do you like me now!?"

StellaJ
07-12-2009, 03:21 AM
My "best friend" gave me a workout DVD for my birthday one year. She's quite thin and is the homecoming queen type.

Also, a co-worker asked me if I was was ready. I asked, "Ready for what?" He replied, totally serious, "Ready to have the baby?" Mind you, we had been working together an entire year.

RubyGuggenheim
07-12-2009, 09:21 AM
A couple years ago when I was probably around 186 lbs, and gaining weight rapidly due to medications I was on for bi-polar disorder, my father said to me, out of nowhere while watching a movie, "So how much weight have you gained?" It wasn't so much what he said but how he said it. I shrugged, left the room, and cried. It's the only things anyone in my immediate family has said to me about my weight that hurt me. My dad usually just doesn't comment on anything related to appearance.

However, he's since made up for it. As noted, he doesn't talk to his children about their appearances (like, seriously, he did not comment or even seem to notice when I had pink hair, or when I pierced my nose), but when my mom told him last week that I wanted to get below 154.5 so I'd be in the "normal" BMI range, he said BMI was clearly flawed because I looked fantastic and didn't need to lose anymore to be "normal." He also tells me sometimes and he admires my persistence when it comes to jogging (I jog 5-6 days a week).

He's kind of weird.

JoJoP
07-13-2009, 12:36 AM
They didn't when I was 150. But now that I'm 120 it's "OMG UR TOO SKINNY!!!"

Um, I'm extremely pear shaped, with a long torso and short legs to boot. I've ALWAYS been small on top, and unfortunately at a more ideal BMI, I look very (though not anorexic-level) thin on top, even if I look "vaguely chubby" from below the waist.

It irritates me.

Synesthetes
07-13-2009, 04:06 AM
Yeah, I get those comments all the time...
But in a way, I'm glad I do because I think they gave me the final extra boot to try harder and prove them wrong. I love proving people wrong! :carrot:

Elladorine
07-13-2009, 04:35 AM
I'm not sure how old I was one of the few times my dad got after me, maybe 13 or so. I was reaching into a bag of snacks, probably cookies or donuts, when he yelled at me to start watching what I ate because I was getting way too fat. That was around the time I'd become asthmatic and was just starting to get chunky. I'm sure he meant well but jeez, did that hurt. It still sticks with me.

I was working really hard to lose weight as a late teen, dropping from a size 22 to a size 14. My mom was telling my dad about how proud she was of me, yet he loudly replied that I didn't look any smaller. The weight crept back on me the following year.

RickyjayB
07-13-2009, 04:49 AM
Hi,

I think the people in this forum are so brave. To go through what most of us go through pyshically and emotionally, and still march on takes alot of courage.
I think it's important to take a step back once in a while and reflect on life, and be grateful that we have a body, focus on the good things we did for that day rather than the bad. :hug:

merose
07-13-2009, 04:57 AM
I was out shopping with my mum when I was about 18, after being out of home for a year and piling on a heap of weight. I was really upset because I could only fit into the 16s (I think 12/14 US), and she said to me - you might as well get used to it, you'll never be able to wear really cute or fashionable clothes.

I wasn't that big! I'm sure she was trying to say - just be happy with yourself, no matter how you look - but it didn't come out that way. So I rebelled, not by losing weight, but by becoming obsessed with clothes.

My grandma says, everytime she sees me - "you're a big girl, aren't you Megan!" Like she's taken by surprise every time.

rrrrrrrrr

RickyjayB
07-13-2009, 05:40 AM
My heart goes out to all who have posted in this thread... I feel chocked up...most of the comments were so cruel... I take my hat off to you all, and know that you guys will acieve your weight loss goals as will I mine, god bless :hug:

RickyjayB
07-13-2009, 05:53 AM
I wonder if these rude people actually realize the affect their cruels words have on us?... perhaps our reaction to the comments makes them think we are o.k with them? or maybe they just don't think :devil:

Tracy
07-13-2009, 10:12 AM
New Comment
Now my mother knows I am trying to eat healthy&exercising. I still have alot to go I know. So when I saw her yesterday, she said you are still watching. When I said yes. She said you look like you lost a alb or two. But your stomach is still hanging out!:(I had on jeans& a long top.It wasn't like I had a tank top on.I decided i will never tell her anything about my diet again.

JulieJ08
07-13-2009, 10:13 AM
I wonder if these rude people actually realize the affect their cruels words have on us?... perhaps our reaction to the comments makes them think we are o.k with them? or maybe they just don't think :devil:

I think sometimes we do lead people to think we don't care.

And sometimes people have never been taught manners and kindness and it hasn't occurred to them they shouldn't talk like that.

And I think usually, it's just that people's need to bolster themselves up somehow by talking like that, outweighs their ability to be kind and respectful.

paradoxx
07-13-2009, 11:45 AM
New Comment
Now my mother knows I am trying to eat healthy&exercising. I still have alot to go I know. So when I saw her yesterday, she said you are still watching. When I said yes. She said you look like you lost a alb or two. But your stomach is still hanging out!:(I had on jeans& a long top.It wasn't like I had a tank top on.I decided i will never tell her anything about my diet again.

Okay. That is the point at which I would never speak to my mother again.:mad: I am so sorry that this was said to you!

dietcokehead98
07-13-2009, 11:53 AM
My dad has on several occassions, but the most hurtful thing was this:
Last year, they had this "create your own Simpsons" character application online. You choose everything from facial features to body type, to outfit, etc.
My half brother, who I do not have a relationship with because he's a jerk, made a collage of "Simpsons" characters that represented our family. Everyone had a cute little character but me. My character was fat.
My dad had printed the collage and put it on his refrigerator, along with all of the family pics he has. I went to visit him and saw it, and asked why I was the fat Simpson. He said that i wasn't. Oh, I so was. I asked him why my half brother had to make me the only fat one, and he kept saying that my brother didn't make it, he did (trying to protect my half brother) and that if the shoe fits.......but he didn't see the character as "fat". I'm 35 years old, and that conversation STILL bothers me.