Support Groups - My DBF Might Join the Army- NEED ADVICE!

03-31-2008, 01:46 PM
I tried posting in the military thread but I don't think it's been active for a while...

I'm not new to 3FC but am very new to the whole military experience. It looks like my DBF will be joining, starting out as an officer. It's something that's been in the back of his mind for years, and now he can't find a professional job and needs the benefits, plus with his family's military background it's something he values. But I am so nervous.

Can you guys tell me what to expect???!!!! Like, how long are your men gone in another state, or even overseas? He wants to propose within the next year when he gets the money and gets settled in the Army, so when we move in together I guess we'll be living at or by his base, and then how long is he at that base or having to go somewhere else? I just have no idea how this works. I am a professional in medical publishing and am pretty marketable so I'm not worried about getting a job in a different state, but I'm just so nervous about what life will be like. I already don't like the idea of missing him even for a month or so... or being several states away.


03-31-2008, 02:14 PM
PS- he's joining as an officer so he won't go to bootcamp or anything, and he'll probably apply for a job as an Art Director/Designer or something... so I mean, he won't be in combat... but I don't know what any of this means.

03-31-2008, 02:57 PM
Hi Michelle,
I'm more familiar with the Air Force, but there are some similarities. First of all, your dbf won't have to go to boot camp, but he will probably have to go to OTS (Officer Training School). I don't know how long it would last for the Army, but I imagine at least 3-4 months.

Also, you don't usually get to apply for certain jobs. The military puts you where they need you. If a recruiter is telling him he'll be able to get a particular job, that recruiter is probably lying.

As far as where he'll be stationed and for how long is completely up to where the Army needs him and how long they'll need him there.

I think the military is getting better about keeping troops at the same base for longer periods of time. I think (and don't quote me) the Army used to move soldiers every year or two, but I think assignments are longer now. But again, it'll depend where he's needed.

You should probably be able to google some of this stuff and get some answers or even be able to find a message board for military spouses.

Good luck. Being part of the military can be very exciting and sometimes heartbreaking. As a spouse, keep an open mind and try to have a good attitude. It's definitely not easy, but it can be the best experience of your life.

03-31-2008, 03:01 PM
Thanks for you advice! I'll Google a little more. I appreciate your support!

04-09-2008, 06:15 PM
First army installations are called POSTS... Navy and Marines are on BASES ^_~
Actually in the Army He will be able to Choose What MOS he wants. I know that the Airforce sticks you wherever they need you. My hubby has been in the Army for over 5 years. I have not known a single person who enlisted and did not get the MOS they chose...unless he fails out.. thats a different story.

As for army sticking on the same post longer.. it really depends.. they now have it so you will be on a post for a min. of 3 years...though my hubby knows people who have stayed in the same area for 10 years. It really depends on the MOS and where they will need him most.

ANd he will be in Combat.. he WILL DEPLOY. they can not tell you just because of his job that he will be sitting safe on a FOB somewhere.. He might get deployed and they will stick him in an entirely different Job.. They did this to my Hubby who WAS in supply and WAS supposed to stay safe on the FOB.. but he ended up being a gunner on a Humvee and was out on missions every day...(this is why he changed his MOS he is a cav scout now.. liked going on missions) he even did some security at the Gates..

Deployments are 15 months now.. though I believe they are reducing them back to 12 months.he could deploy as soon as he gets out of school.

Also there are Training time he will be away for..My hub came home June from deployment.. and will be leaving again this June..Want to know how much time I have had with him minus all the training?? 7 months...

A friend of my hubby is retiring soon.. his wife recorded all the times he was away either deployed or training out of 20 years... he was away a total of 13 years.. I know people who have been married for 16.. and there hubbys being away for 9 of those years.. So being away from him is something you will have to get used to..

Just make sure you BF knows that the recruiter will do EVERYTHING he can to get him to enlist.. and if he has conditions.. make sure they are IN THE CONTRACT.. Make sure he reads everything before signing.. cant tell you how many horror stories I have heard about that..

Are you 2 going to be getting married?? I do not know about officers but enlisted do not get houses on post unless they are married or have children.. Housing is tight as it can not live with him as you are NOT a dependent.You will be consided a GUEST.. and only have a allotted amount of time to stay.He will not be able to get a housing allowance either (that is if it is like enlisted you really need to find out

) BUt You will NOT be able to shop on post... get on and off of post WITHOUT HIM...You wont be able to drive on post without him... You need a military ID for everything..

Also Jobs around Military posts are hard to get.. and they have a preferance for military wives first.. My sister stayed with me for a year when my hubby was deployed (we lived off post) and could NOT find a JOB at all.. even at a blockbuster....
You will not get any benefits you will not get any help when he is deployed.. They will not contact you for anything.. a gf and a fiancee is nothing according to the Army.. believe me my sister is going through that right now..

SO I suggest you get some info before he decides to do this and take you on for the rideThe Army web site does have a chat room and you can find out some answers there.

Good LUck!

04-10-2008, 12:11 AM
Okay just talked to my hubby about this... this is what he says

If he went to normal college (non military college)

He WILL go to basic training as an Enlisted Specialist. (10 - 12 weeks) But if he did ROTC he wont have to go.
Then OCS Officer Canidate School (12 weeks)
Offiicer Basic COurse (length depends on his field)

He will get to choose the top 3 out of 16 fields and then the Army will assign him one based on what the army needs, his request and how he does in OCS

ANYTHING else you need to know PM me and I will ask My hubby. He with either know it or find it for yah..

ANyway good luck again :)

04-10-2008, 09:58 AM
Hi, my dh was Navy and spent 20 years in the service and some on recruiting duty. First off, make sure your bf doesn't get bamboozled by the recruiter promising things he can't make happen. The recruiters, especially in this day and age, are under huge amounts of pressure to produce and they sometimes cut corners so make sure he has everything in WRITING or it doesn't count. Make sure you tell him this, it is important.

As a spouse who spent 20 years traveling around the country I can tell you it can be a difficult life. It is tough being alone in a strange place without family. Once he is assigned a post, check out what is available to you with regard to support. The Navy have Ombudsman and I believe the Army does too (we were in El Paso during the recruiter period and had Army friends from Fort Bliss) An Ombudsman is a woman whose husband is attached to in the Navy it would be a squadron and she is the go to gal. She can help you greatly with problems, spouse groups to get involved in, where to go for help in an emergency, ie in the case of the Navy, it is Navy Relief, don't know what the Army uses. If you find yourself in a jam, Red Cross can help sometimes too. What I am saying is don't just sit and be scared!! Go out and find your post rec center and what they have to offer, find the Ombudsman or the equivalent for your bf's whatever it is called (in the Navy it would be a squadron so I don't know what they call the troop groups in the army. Use the resources the post offers. As someone who is not a spouse, you cannot have the benefits a spouse has so until you are married if he joins before you are married, you will not be able to even get on most bases/posts with the high security. We live close to a small Naval base that only houses basically pay records and such, but to get on the base you have to not only have a base sticker on your car, but show your ID too. I went shopping a few weeks ago and the cashier forgot to give it back to me. I went out there the next day to pick it up and had a devil of a time convincing the guard to let me onto the base to go get it. Security is tight and sometimes REALLY tight.

I know you said something about living on base, but if you don't be prepared to pay outrageous prices for rental property near any posts or bases. They take advantage of the military which is sad. You can have a really enjoyable time in the military or a really lousy one. Just don't be afraid to ask for information from anyone who might be able to help you out! Good Luck to you and your bf!!!!

04-10-2008, 10:48 AM
My DH was in the marines for almost 8 years. I have been married to him for 4 out the 8. I loved being a military spouse. Yes, I agree with what everyone has said in the above posts. Make sure the recruiter isn't lieing because it does happen. If he has certain health problems like asthma or heart problems, they aren't supposed to let him sign up. Some recruiters will tell them to just not say anything and that everything will be ok. He has to read everything in the contract.

Are you getting married to him? Like said above, you won't get any type of help and it will be even harder on you. You will feel even more lost than anything else. The both of you won't get any help.

He will deploy. Now days, it doesn't matter. My husband was in supply and signed up to be non-deployable and guess what happened, he ended up going to Iraq when his MOS says that he is non-deployable. He can put in a request for 3 MOS's but he has to qualify for them. My DH was color bling and not a US citizen at the time so he was limited as to what he could do.

My hubby got out of the military 3 years ago and totally regrets it. I miss it like crazy. That was the best times of our marriage. We grew so strong because we didn't have the influences of family to interfere with us. All we had was each other. IF you do decide to get married, just stay out of the military wife "drama" that does go on. I stayed away and we did just fine. Alot of military wives do like to wear their husbands rank. That's fine, just don't let it get to your head. I say that if you do marry him and follow him wherever he goes, you won't regret it. Everywhere you go will be a new experience and you will get to see the world. I miss it so much.

He will be away from you for awhile and you will have to get used to be alone but just remember you aren't the only one that has or had to go through it.

DH was always stationed at a base for a year until we got married, then it changed to 3 years. His contracts were 3 years long then he had the choice of re-enlisting or getting out. The last 3 years he went into Active Reservist and that was the best time he has ever had in his military career.

Good luck to you and keep us posted as to what is going on. PM me if you have any questions.