I have been reading posts on 3 fat chicks for years, and I have never actually posted myself. I know that I am ready to join this community, however, and I have finally accepted that I can't make life changes on my own. In addition, I have had many (not so great!) experiences that I think could benefit others.
My story is probably a lot like many of your stories. Ever since I was a little girl, I always loved to eat. I just enjoyed food; I remember eating whole bowls of peanut butter mixed with chocolate chips and having boxes of twinkies in my room. I was always tall for my age and never had a significant weight problem. However, when I was 12 I went to camp and an overweight girl in the cabin identified me as the "other fat girl." At the time, I was 5'6" and 143 (not to mention, only 12, which is not a good age to be overly concerned about weight, IMO). I immediately began counting calories and lost twenty pounds. My mother was concerned and had me see a therapist. I gradually stopped obsessing, although food concerns were always in the back of my mind.
In high school, I swam and was tall and very normal weight; about 5'10 and around 150 pounds. I felt good about myself. I still did strange things, like eat all of my daily 2000 calories (or whatever) at once, etc., but for the most part, I didn't have any serious issues about food. My junior year of high school, I was an exchange student to France for 11 1/2 months. They joke with exchange students that "all exchange students gain weight," and I became obsessed with not allowing this to happen to me. Over the course of the year, I lost 40 pounds, and came home around 115 (WAY too thin for my frame.) My parents, who where experiencing marital issues at the time, both freaked out when I returned home emaciated but did not address the problem effectively (and I was not exactly easy to deal with) and I lost 10 more pounds. I stayed anorexic through my first year of college. Then I became bulimic, non-purging. I briefly tried using ipecac to throw up but it scared me and made me sick. Instead I would fast for days on end. I took a semester off of school to address my food issues, and saw a therapist, doctor, and dietician. I improved somewhat but then the fall semester I was to return my mother committed suicide. I took another year off, then transferred colleges. During that year off I gained all my weight back (got into the 160's). I would say that I have struggled with binge eating disorder since then. I have had so many "last binges" that I can't even count. I'm 24 now, and this is ruining my life. I have spent literally thousands of dollars on diet related products, even in the last year- at least $5000, I would say. I want to lose weight to feel good about myself, but also learn to be healthy. I have always been a loner. I live with my boyfriend, but he really doesn't understand. I've spent years in therapy, and I feel like I have many insights into why I do what I do, my triggers, etc... and yet the habit is so ingrained I'm having a really hard time stopping. I feel like sharing my experience with others and reaching out for help (while also offering my self for help) might be the best thing I can do. I have purchased enough Medifast product to last for months (I have a tendency to hoard....don't ask
) and I really want to succeed at this. Yet, I have not been able to make it past the first couple of days without "blowing" my diet, going crazy, and gaining more weight. Does anyone else on this thread identify with my experinces? Any questions? words of wisdom? I really respect all of you and look forward to being part of this community.
Hello and Introduction
