Weight Watchers - When are you due?? *bawls*

Ok so yesterday after church a lady that I talk to sometimes in passing came up and said hi - then points to my stomach and says "so when are you due". :sorry:

Holding back the tears I said "I'm not pregnant" and she continues to say she was soo sorry and how she must have had it mixed up with someone else..blah blah some bs excuse and really at that point I was soo numb it didn't really matter what she said.

I wished her a good week and walked away. I managed to keep myself together until we got home and then I lost it. I cried pretty much all day yesterday.

I just don't understand why people think it is ok to ask this question. If the person has not told you they are pregnant - what makes you think you have the right to ask when they are due???

I'm hurt - I'm angry - I'm sad - I'm ashamed - I'm overloaded with emotions.

Aww, I'm so sorry for what happened! I wonder if you had on one of the new empire waisted tops out there that make everyone over 90 pounds look preggers? Like you, I wonder why people feel like it's ok to ask this! :dizzy: One thing to remember is, the Weight Watcher founder, Jean Nidetch founded WW because someone asked her the very same thing at the grocery store. Her answer was "September", lol, although she wasn't pregnant at all. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise and will help motivate you to stay on track. In the meantime, though, I know it hurt you, and I'm truly sorry that happened! :hug:

((((hugs))))) I've been there too!

That question was one of the biggest reasons I decided it was time to change my lifestyle and lose some weight. It was at my college graduation party and my uncle comes up to me and said "so, are you expecting, or are your genes catching up to you?" (My whole dad's side of the family is overweight). So he basically was saying either your pregnant or your fat. Totally ruined my mood for the rest of the day, and I had to deal with family and a full house for the next several hours.

I think it is rude for people to just assume that you are pregnant. If your family, I would have told you! If not, it really isn't any of your business!

no empire waist shirt - the 1 and only time I wore one at my cousins wedding - a lady twice my size asked me when i was due. *sighs*

I try to be nice as I can when people say these things - even though what I really want to say is "I don't know, hopefully if we don't have any fertility problems along the way and if everything goes as planned .... maybe in a year and a half I'll be due?"

I know it's wrong but every part of me wants to say something bad to silence them and make them feel as horrible as possible because that is the way they just made me feel.

First of all you give them the power to make you feel bad. Secondly I think women who are pregnant glow and have a self confidence/happy look all the time (yes I know they don't but I see a difference in how they carry themselves). I would take it as that and move on.

BTW it is possible someone said so and so was pregnant and she did mistake you.....she didn't say it to be mean.

BTDT hugs to you.

I heard that same question even before I was at my highest weight. I never ask a woman if she is pregnant even if she looks like she is about to deliver.

when i was about 13 i was at horse show and went into the registration booth to register my horse, i saw a women i hadn't seen in quite a while and proceeded to say (th is is lovely really) ........ "Oh wow i didnt' know you where pregnant, when are you do?" now mind you this is a tiny room and it was packed! she shot me a glare that would knock over goliath and said "i'm not!" well needless to say i didnt do well in the ring that day, i felt so horrible! those words have never passed my lips since! the reason why i'm telling you this is because it was an honest mistake, i would never hurt anyone itentionally. and i'm betting she felt just as bad for saying that as you did for hearing it.

btw i myself look like i'm carrying twins! even after weight loss lol.
there will be better days! :hug:

That idiodic question was the reason I started on WW. I moved out of state and just moved back and everybody and their brother was asking me that. Granted, I looked enormously large, but I think I just looked fat, not pregnant. Anyway, it served as a great motivator. Ironically, the other day at the grocery store, the cashier asked me when I was due. Now, after losing 25 lbs, some idiot still asked me. Again, I look full-figured not pregnant. I think we all can learn the lesson that you should NEVER ask anyone unless you have confirmed it with their mother first. Lol.

That's the worst...I've had it happen before. My dad was in the hospital and I was on my way up in an elevator when a lady asked me when I was due. It caught me offguard and I told her I had just had the baby! *lol* My youngest was 2 at the time and thank God neither of my kids was in there with me or they would have busted me out! I don't ask anyone that ever just to be sure because it really is hurtful.

At least it's good to know (good? lol) that this has happened to a lot more people than just me. Happened to me years and years ago. I was just out of high school, and really wasn't that big at the time so I'm not sure where that one came from...so people are just oblivious I think.

I think they're trying to be friendly and nice - they just aren't very good at it.

We're all doing something about it though! And even if someone goofy says it to us again, the important thing is that we're all healthier than the day we started this. There will always be annoying, rude people...but we'll be happy and healthy. That makes up for anything anyone can say. :hug:

That sucks :hug: As you can see from the above posts, these things happen, and you aren't alone.

Been there done that .....TWICE in my lifetime,first I was about 17,then after my little girl turned 2,I was 25, it makes you want to pinch the person's head off doesn't it? The sad thing about it is when I actually was prego with my little boy, nobody ever asked me once when I was due!!LOL.................

I haven't been asked that but it would really upset me if I as asked that - I've had 3 miscarriages in as many years.

Some people are just so rude!

Thanks ladies ....

It's not the first time but it definately doesn't make it any less painful.

I just think that it's absolutely rude - not only because I wasn't pregnant, just fat instead.....but...

what if I was trying and was having fertility problems, or what if I had just miscarried, or what if I had just had a child and they didn't survive.

I know that's a lot of what if's and how is a person suppose to know what we are going through - and I guess sometimes "we give them the power" to make us feel so bad.....the point is regardless of any of that - it's just not ok to ask any random person this question.

Thanks for the support all you ladies...I appreciate it!

I wanted to add too that depending on the shirt those things are tricky, even at my lowest weight of 145 my boyfriend said I looked pregnant in the one shirt. If they flow away and are billowy they can make you look that way. I'm sorry that they said that to you, I know it must've hurt. ::hugs:: I hope the rest of your week is tons better

Aww sweety,don't let it get you down.Sometimes people blurt out things that are better chewed on.I have been there many times,and I am one of those who have had fertiity problems(never was blessed).I keep my head up and smile and thank them for their concern but I am not pregnant.For the most part,it is an honest mistake.:hug:

I've been there several times before - I know what emotional turmoil it causes. I'm still hurt by it and they happened YEARS ago!

But... I also try to keep in mind the feelings of the person who asked and how embarrassed THEY feel when corrected. That's definitely easier said than done, but still... I try. lol

Thanks ladies ....

It's not the first time but it definately doesn't make it any less painful.

I just think that it's absolutely rude - not only because I wasn't pregnant, just fat instead.....but...

what if I was trying and was having fertility problems, or what if I had just miscarried, or what if I had just had a child and they didn't survive.

I know that's a lot of what if's and how is a person suppose to know what we are going through - and I guess sometimes "we give them the power" to make us feel so bad.....the point is regardless of any of that - it's just not ok to ask any random person this question.

Thanks for the support all you ladies...I appreciate it!

ITA It is completely rude. It is one thing if you are a 13 year old kid & say it, you're still learning tact in that point of your life, but for a grown person to say that, I think it is horrid. Like you said, they don't know any of the if's...so why would you chance hurting someones's feelings.

Big (((HUGS))) to you. Just try to take solice that they are an idiot & that many of us have been there (me too, just a month ago!)

!HUGS! I had an experience like that before. My boyfriend introduced me to Indian food ( very yummy but VERY high in points) there was this hostess that was always there. She left for a couple months to go back to India to be with her family. When she came back and saw both of us she said " wow both of you look bigger" As in both of you gained alot of weight! My boyfriend and I did not know what to say. But then we started thinking over in India they tell how happy some is by how big they are. I was happy but I didn't want to show it like that. :(

What the **** are people thinking? That happens to me every month or so. Last week a student (I teach HS) came up and whispered, "Are you having another baby?" I said nope and blew her off (screaming/crying hysterically on the inside). Does she let it go? No, she leans in and says, "Come on. I'm not gonna tell anybody...I know you are..." I said, nope. And then SHE gets mad and says, "Well that's what it looks like!!!"

Another time someone asked me I said, "Oh no! I already had her..." The lady said "How old is she?" I lied and said 8 weeks when really she was 8 months!

Anyway, I'm with Bargoo--I NEVER ask.

You are not alone. These people are missing tact and common sense!

I've been asked that too, when I was a plump 20 or so, when I was working summers in a convenience store... by a complete stranger, think they were a woman.

After a moment of shock, I smiled and said "Oh no, I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat!" ;)

They looked mortified, heehee!

Sorry your feelings were hurt! Keep on plugging away! Don't let that get you down :hug:

Now, 15 years later, I don't get asked that because I'm OBVIOUSLY fat overall ;) One plus! Ha!

Sorry, I know how you feel. I've been asked that several times. The first time I was about 12 years old and someone asked me (!!). I hadn't even held hands with a boy at that point so I was doubly embarrassed. Two other times were little old ladies in church - what is it that makes people open their big mouths there? They were very embarrassed when I told them No I wasn't pregnant. Quite a lull in the conversation, and I refused to feel embarrassed at that point. It was their gaffe, not mine. I will never ever ever ask someone that, they will have to mention pregnancy to me first. And I will admit that it may seem odd to them if they are standing there 9 months pregnant and I haven't seen them in the last 9 months, and I ask what's new (ignoring the belly), but I will never assume that someone may be pregnant.

Hugs to you for their tactlessness and thoughtlessness.

This is kind of a similar situation, but in the reverse! I have two friends that were pregnant at the same time. They are about the same height, but Lisa has always been overweight and Rosie is thin as a rail. When they would be together, people would come up and ask Rosie when she was due all the time, but not pay any attention to Lisa. Since most of the people knew both of them before they were pregnant, they didn't want to ask Lisa because of course, she might have just gained more weight...while Rosie definitely looked pregnant. Lisa was hurt by that also, probably just as much as if they'd asked and she wasn't pregnant, even though everyone was trying to be nice and not mention it in case she *wasn't* pregnant.

It is insensitive, but it happens all the time. Years ago, I was out on the town w/my GFs - my bachelorette party, no less. One of the bartenders who had been serving me suddenly stopped, saying, "Pregnant women shouldn't drink!" That was just wrong on so many levels. I just stared at him, then took my group to another bar. He lost quite a bit on tips that night!

I too have been asked "When are you due?" by complete strangers. I'll never forget the first time: I was looking for a movie to rent...older lady ws a complete stranger to me. The saddest part is that I am not able to become pregnant or carry a baby due to multiple kidney/bladder surgeries as a child.:( Each time I've been asked this, I have always laughed (nervous laughter?...I don't know) and responded with, "No, I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat!":moo: I love the look of mortification on the face of the person asking the question!!:o They start to stammer and back-step saying things like, "OMG, I'm so sorry!". I always end up comforting them:hug: saying things like, "It's ok, you didn't know; please don't feel bad about it; I suppose I really need to get back on that diet...";) I feel that underneath it all I do have some sadness but I've pretty much let that go. I figure there is no sense in me letting them bring me down. After all, I have plenty of other things that can bring me down worse!

From all the responses to your post it looks like this happens to many of us a lot. In my case, I believe that the person is coming from a place of kindness as they actually believe I'm pregnant & want to celebrate with me. I've never had anyone be mean making underhanded comments like some of the posters have mentioned. If they did that to me I'd probably take them down!!:frypan::boxing::rollpin:

I've had it happen a couple of times.

The first time was when my middle sister was getting married in November '99. I was a bridesmaid in the wedding, and we had chosen Empire-waisted dresses (and I was actually smaller than I am now). They were pretty, in the color she wanted, and very inexpensive. We all liked them...or I did until after the wedding. Some time after the wedding, I talked on the phone to an old acquaintance from college, who is friends with my sister-in-law. *It's kind of complicated...DH & I met in college, then he had two more sisters come in the next two years after me, and I had one sister who came two years after me...all of us but one finished up there...the one who didn't had transferred. It's a small school, so we knew a lot of the same people.* SOOO... As I said, some time after my sister's wedding, a shared friend/aquaintance was on the phone with dh's sister when we were there for a visit. I got on to talk to him, and he said, "so I hear you're expecting again!" Congrats!!" I said, "um...no, we're not pregnant again yet. Still trying, but we're not there." He apologized and said someone had told him I was. I have a guess as to who it was...one of the guests at the wedding who was another shared friend/acquaintance between all of us. She was friends with my sister, and we got along, but she was just the loudmouthed type to gossip about someone before checking facts. THAT ticked me off, because I didn't even have the chance to tell HER that we weren't pregnant. AND she's a big girl herself, so why would she do that without knowing?

The second time was probably 6 years ago when we were still trying to conceive #2, who is now 4 (so I was one of those mentioned who has gone through fertility issues). It was a cashier at the local grocery store who asked me "you're pregnant again?!" as if I had already had 10 kids. I was so embarassed and my retort was: "No. Just FAT." I am sure she felt bad because she said sorry then got very quiet and kind of brusque with her behavior as I finished checking out. But MAN...

Both times I bawled, because we've been open to children our whole marriage, but have had a hard time conceiving...at least after our #1. He was almost 8 when our dd (#2) was finally born, we lost #3 when #2 was two, and we haven't succeeded in getting pregnant again (and she is now four). The frustration of even secondary infertility is only compounded when people are asking you if you're pregnant or are congratulating you on the impending arrival of your (nonexistant) little one, when you are yearning for that!!

I never ask if anyone is pregnant, even if I suspect it. There is a gal at our church who is a little bigger a lady, but I noticed in about November '06 that her tummy was rounding out more. I suspected it, but never said a THING. I told my dh that I thought she was pg, but wasn't going to say squat until I saw her holding the baby. So when we saw her in church after the baby was born, THEN I congratulated her.

There is a young couple there whom I am sure are expecting. They got married in about October '07. She's an itty-bitty-skinny thing, but a number of months back I noticed she started looking preggers. Now I KNOW she is pregnant, and probably very close to her due date. We don't know them well, so I wouldn't say anything anyway. But I'd STILL not have said anything to her when she first started looking pregnant. She might be an itty-bitty-skinny thing, but sometimes newlyweds gain weight, too.

It's just not a question I ask people. I've been on the receiving end of it and it is not fun at all. I'd never want to do that to anyone else.