[mxgirl737]

Oh My Gosh I'm freaking Out!!!

I don't know if this is the right place to put this...and it's probably going to be long...but UGHHHHH!!!! Please help me feel better! lol ...I don't know...I guess I just need someone to tell me like it is, you know? I don't have any friends down here really....they all live in Duluth or Minneapolis, MN... and so it really sucks.

anyway...

here's a little background info... been dieting/working out for about 8 weeks now... lost approx. 35lbs... then saturday I went in with a tummy ache and got out of the hospital on Tuesday night minus my appendix. I also have a giant kidney stone. ...gained 15lbs of fluid from the surgery (my bladder is very shy...so I couldn't get any of it out at the hospital. I even had to learn to cath myself. As soon as I got home...no problem. ...weird, I know). So now I feel like the fluid is going away and the swelling/bloating is starting to slowly go away too... but I like, can't stop eating!!! And I haven't made super great choices. In the hospital, I went all day Sat and Sun with NOTHING to eat. Monday was very light, and tuesday I finally started eating again. ...Do you think my body telling me it's so hungry is trying to make up for the days I ate 0-500 cals? I didn't even count my calories today...but I know that they were definitely about 2100. I still sort of mentally kept track, i guess. I just feel gross.


THEN...and I think this is what is really bothering me. Before I started seriously losing weight, I was dating this guy for a little over 2 months. Then one day he just disappeared. I'm not desperate (I hope!) or anything...so I called him once....and that was it. Didn't message him, call him or anything since. Then tonight... I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself (I mean, they won't let me work out for 6 weeks doing weights!!!, 3 weeks on the elliptical!!!...it's hard when it's become such a habit)...and he messages me. WTF?!

Guys make me so angry. It's like I wasn't good enough for him to REALLY date...instead he goes on to tell me that he dated this girl for the past 2 months (the amount of time that has passed since I last talked to him) I'm just going to post some of the conversation...because it'll make me feel better... and I just really want to hear that I deserve better than this guy. Ugh, now i'm starting to like tear up over this douchebag.

--------------------------------------

matt: hey.. long time.. how u been?
Shar b: fine. u?
matt: good..busy non stop.
Shar b: i bet
matt: well i was seeing this girl for about 1 month.. and a half... so that full up the time..
Shar b: nice ...sounds busy. Very time consuming.
matt : u?
Shar b: i've just been working, going to the gym almost daily (lost 35 lbs since i last saw you) ...and had surgery on sunday to get my appendix out. Pretty exciting, really.
Shar b: ...and why didn't you just tell me you were seeing someone, instead of being a jerk and just not talking to me? I feel totally disrespected.
matt: wow Great job!!
matt: idk.. my bad i guess..
Shar b: ya
matt: it was pretty crazy.. it went so fast..
Shar b: end fast too? haha...cheap shot, I'm sorry.
matt: i fell fast.. she did too.. but she was with a guy already.. it was weird......
matt: i was in the wrong..
Shar b: cheated or something equally unsurprising, i'd imagine?
matt: well she had a guy and ... two kids.. but she 23 him 30.. kids 1.5 year 3.5 years.. boy girl.. he worked in texas sent money but never came home.. it was weird... she wanted him with the kids ... thats when i came in .. i was there snow plowing .. cause he called me to go there .. the next thing i know i am gettin head.. it went from there..
Shar b: yea... well any girl that will cheat on her guy ...the father of her kids...just because he's working and trying to support them is probably a real winner. I'm sure she's everything anyone could ever want.
matt : yea.. it all comes down to he's my old neighbor.. when i grew up... ya i had to call it off..
Shar b : yeah. you must be a pretty ****ty neighbor, huh?
matt: yea crazy... but i think it was fun... living on the line.. lol
Shar b: i'm sure he thought it was real fun too.
Shar b: and i'm sure the kids loved that some other guy was coming around that wasn't their dad.
matt: but now i feel bad for the kids... cause i played with them every day... they asked where i was ... when i was coming back to be there..
Shar b: if their mom didn't think about that, why would you?
matt: O she thought about it alittle...
Shar b: yea. i'm sorry, i'm sure she was a great person with excellent morals and a real bright future ahead of her.


______________________________

the convo goes on a little longer about how she talked about money and stuff with him 2 days after meeting him (he owns his own successful business)... I don't get why he would tell me all this stuff... when he didn't even have the decency to tell me it was over or whatever, you know?

...AND ... this makes me feel like crap. I am a great person. I have pretty high confidence and abnormally large amounts of self esteem---except things like this really start to make me second guess all that. ...I feel like I'm defective in some sort of way that makes guys just not like me. I don't get it. I'm very smart...I'm funny...I have a pretty good job making pretty good money...my own vehicle...I have goals and aspirations...and I'm creative, kind, and caring. The only thing I really think I have holding me back is that I'm fat. And...he didn't seem to mind that at all. So what the heck!?! All I want to do is go to the gym and work these frustrations out...but I can't even do that! :ma d:

[JasonsLea]

He's an ***. Don't waste one more breathe on him. You seriously deserve better.

[HarpoChicoGroucho]

He sounds like an idiot. Don't waste any more of your time with this guy.

Don't feel so bad about your surgery -- my surgery recovery time is for 6 months. No working out period and then I have to "take it easy" for the rest of the whole year. I was very ill in the hospital and barely ate anything, but my appetite came back about a week after I was released, and I ate like a mad woman, and then it stabilized back to normal after I gained the weight back I lost in the hospital.

[wanderingfatgirl]

Your conversation sounds so much like what my friend Jenny went through last year. The bottom line was... it didn't work out. Everyone told her not to get involved...she did... and now she's really unhappy. He's dumped her for someone else. I knew it was going to happen. I feel so sorry for her.

You sound very young. I take it he's a little older than you. He sounds like a creep. If he's happy to cheat on an old friend of his, with his friend's children in the house... what does that tell you?

Don't set yourself up for heartache. Concentrate on recuperating from your op... and get back on track with your weight loss. You've lost 35 lbs... that's great! Just think... by the summer you'll be a little fitter, a little trimmer... all the guys will be checking out the new Shar B..!

There's someone out there a lot nicer than "Matt." You know it too!

[Lovely]

He sounds like an unintelligent <insert the longest string of insults you can imagine> in goose feathers & tights. Drop him fast! Avoid contact completely. He's not even worth your conversation time. And then he goes on to tell you about an affair he's having with this woman? Not exactly a winner. You deserve ridiculously so much better. Don't respond if he messages you again.

PS - It sounds like he's just looking for attention. Lots of people are stupid like that, and think others are interested in their dumb mistakes like it makes them cool or something.

I'm so sorry you were in the hospital with those problems!!! Don't give the extra eating a second thought. Your body was sick & now you're getting back to normal. HarpoChico is right. Give it some time before allowing it to get back to your normal appetite.

[JoyfulVegGirl]

He sounds like he's very self-centered. Even in that snippet of conversation, where he kind of brushes off your mention of feeling disrespected with an "idk, my bad". MAJOR props to you for confronting him on it. I probably would have just ignored him, but you gave him a chance to explain and he brings it back to himself again. And then he goes on and on about the boring details of his 6 week fling... yuck. What a jerk.

Girl, you can do SO much better. You sound intelligent and strong, and your life seems like it's full of potential. Don't let some dull guy drag you down. You deserve someone who will be there for you, and care about what is happening in your life. I know it's got to be hard for you going through all of these health issues lately, and I can really sympathize with you not being able to work out. That would drive me nuts too! But your body needs this time to recuperate, so be as kind as possible to it (and this INCLUDES healthy eating) and it will be better able to handle the transition when you're ready to start working out again.

Use this time for something positive, keep yourself occupied in other healthy ways, and hang in there

[bargoo]

Well, this guy is no good. He will probably end up a lonely old man, if he is not shot by a jealous husband first.
Sorry to hear about your surgery, but you will bounce back.Try to concentrate on eating healthy food . You have done great on with your loss so far. You are probably bored since you can't go back to work yet. Read a good book, rent a movie, make a quilt , do something to keep from thinking about food. Boredom does that as does worthless old boyfriends.

[mezmerize]

Originally Posted by Faerie

He sounds like an unintelligent <insert the longest string of insults you can imagine> in goose feathers & tights.

You hit the nail on the head!!! I just love reading your post they are swell witten and so darn funny. I almost spit out my coffee!!
The guy doesn't have any morels! Don't lose another second thinking about him.

[mxgirl737]

Thank you all so much... I just needed to hear that. You know, sometimes you already deep down understand that you deserve better, but just need the extra someone to solidify what you already know.

Since moving...I don't know if any of you are familiar with Rochester, MN...but it's boring! I just feel like i'm never going to meet anyone with any sort of substance.

I woke up feeling better today too...so that makes everything a little easier. I just reread the convo I had with Matt last night and can't really believe I even humored him for as long as I did. When I met him I guess I was lonely. Anyone probably would have worked in his place, you know? He's disposable...but it still hurts to know someone like that can think someone like me isn't "good" enough to date or whatever.

My eating is still a little ravenous. I am hoping that it'll cool off ...and I'm going to start recording everything again tomorrow. I think that will really help me.

Thanks everyone

[LaurieDawn]

New Ulm plays Rochester in some sports, so I imagine you're not too far away from me!

As for the guy - he's interested in getting what he can get. His dissing you is no reflection on you. If you believe the rumors, Jennifer Aniston was cheated on and dumped, Reese Witherspoon was cheated on, etc. Being an amazingly beautiful, smart, talented woman does not guarentee that some loser will not use you and then dump you. It's about how you handle it. I think you handled it admirably. That poor ex-neighbor, though. Hopefully, he'll discover what you've discovered.

[cephalopod gal]

Awwhaughahg. That guy is a total sleaze-y beezy. Sickkkkkkkkk.

I find that great guys come around right when you stop looking.

[mxgirl737]

yea...i don't think new ulm is too far away. haha I've heard of it anyway! ...so it's got to be somewhat close. Is it near the cities?

[tormentated]

OMG! I Swear to god that sounds like a Matt that I was dating. Did the same thing to me too!

I know that I shouldn't be gaining amusement from your pain/struggle but OMG that made me laugh out loud! I LOVE how brutal you were! And he seems to be just ignoring that you're calling him a total jerk and his girl a total sl*t every other line! I never have the guts to be anything but super nice, so that really made my day!

I applaud you!

That being said, you sure are having a crappy time right now, I'm sorry!

This will get better, but you know this. I'd certainly need to vent were I in your shoes! You're doing awesome with your weightloss, don't let this get you down. If you do I'll personally come up there and stomp on him and smack you!

Sending happy vibes your way.

A suggestion about your eating... Your body is crying out for something. Find it! I'd suggest diving into tons of fresh fruits and vegetables. I'm sure it can find what it's looking for in there. Otherwise, Multivitamin? And I don't mean the kind you get from Walgreens. Go to a healthfood store and get a gelcap type one.

I get absolutely ravenous when I'm low on Iron. I either eat my way to a steak (I don't typically recognize it at first), or if I realize what's going on I just take an iron pill. (I DO NOT RECOMMEND TAKING AN IRON PILL UNLESS YOU KNOW YOU ARE LOW ON IRON... TOO DANGEROUS)

Point is it might be looking for something. Potassium?